Day 167: Be Brutally Honest With Me - Part 2

Here continuing with Self-Correction and Self-Commitment from Day 166: Be Brutally Honest With Me - Part 1.

SELF-CORRECTION AND SELF-COMMITMENT STATEMENTS

When and as I see that I am about to enter into an agreement to be brutally honest with another, I stop and breathe. I realize that honesty does not equal stability nor does it assist and support others with awareness, understanding, and working on solutions – especially when approaching the ‘honest information’ from a point of reaction. So, how I share honesty with others when working through a problem is no different from how I would approach honesty with myself when working on a problem where I clear myself of reactions so that I can look at the problem realistically and construct practical, trustworthy solutions.

I commit myself to stopping automatically responding to others requests for brutal honesty by breathing, slowing myself down, and allowing myself to take a moment to look at the known and/or potential outcomes to see if it’s best for myself and others for me to respond or if it’s best for me assist and direct the situation to understanding, awareness, clarity, and stability.

When and as I see that I am quickly going into an assumption about how an event is going to play out positively if/when/as I am honest, I stop and breathe. I realize that I have not allowed myself to slow down and look at events/scenarios/situations – I go right into my mind and speed ahead to the part where everything almost always works out for the best. 

I commit myself to put a guard on my mouth, to stop going over the information within/as situations, scenarios, and events quickly and to take the time to sort through what’s going on with breathing, slowing myself down, looking at events/situations/scenarios practically, asking questions, and sharing perspectives on what’s going on as well as potential solutions that I see.

When and as I see that I am experiencing shock because something happening in the external world is not working and/or not in alignment with my beliefs that I have stored within and as me as information, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am showing myself that my belief is not real. Instead of going into my mind to distract myself with figuring out what went wrong, I direct myself to the physical act of writing out the beliefs, the consequences of my beliefs, self-forgiveness for my beliefs, and self-correction so that I do not continue with the pattern. 

I commit myself to stopping myself from going into a shocked experience by STOPPING, breathing, stopping myself from going into my mind to figure out what happened, and directing myself to the physical act of writing it out, applying self-forgiveness, and self-correcting myself. I commit myself to embrace these moments of my beliefs getting blown apart, face myself, and then realign myself with what is best.

When and as I see that I am attempting to go into my positive beliefs about Honesty as indicated by me looking to get a positive energetic experience of Hope, I stop and breathe. I realize that my beliefs about honesty are lies – they are bullshit stories and phrases that I have told myself in an attempt to get out of facing the physical consequences of things I’ve done and/or participated in that I’m having a negative emotional reaction to. I realize that I’ve automated this at this point – that I will have the negative experience and then immediately seek out the positive – and it’s easier – it’s quicker and easier to forget than actually taking the time to balance self-honesty with self-responsibility and being an active participant in my self-change.

I commit myself to stop going into my positive beliefs about Honesty and within this stop going for the positive energetic Hope experience as a way to feel better about my negative emotional reaction to something I have done and/or participated in. Instead of going into the belief, I breathe, slow myself down and back myself to my negative emotional experience and investigate why I went into it in the first place – I ask myself questions: Why am I trying to forget about this? Why am I trying to take the easy way out of this? What can I do to actually change this so that I can live in a self-honest, responsible way and not keep creating this sort of consequence for myself? Here, also, I commit myself to writing these points out on paper/screen so I have them in front of me and can work with them in physical reality rather than in my mind where things get foggy or are easily forgotten with distraction.

When and as I see that I am about to automatically go into my mind-purge ‘honesty’ that I have justified and excused with my belief system about honesty, I stop and breathe. I do not go there. I realize that no good will come of this and that the clean-up will be extensive and that some of the damage may be irreparable. This is not something that I want for myself and others.

I commit myself to STOP automatically going into a mind-purge when and as I am asked for honesty. I put a guard over mouth, I breathe, and make certain that I am clear before I speak. When and as I am clear, I direct the question/request of Honesty to a solution focused discussion where I ask questions, investigate what’s going on, share perspectives and suggest solutions.

Here continuing with Self-Correction and Self-Commitment from writing and Self-Forgiveness on - See more at: http://self-commitment-of-carrie.blogspot.com/#sthash.pkfLxejh.dpufH

Day 161: No, Sir, It Is Not Better To Burn Out

Part One of self-correction and self-commitment for Day 157: The Rock Star

“It's better to burn out than to fade away.” - Neil Young

When and as I am seeing that I am integrating a personality/character into/as myself because I experience an ease of my fear of loss, control of my external environment, and/or positive feedback that supports my Ego, I stop.  I see, realize, and understand that when I become these characters and personalities that I am doing so from the starting point of satiating my mind self-interest and that there is very little about these characters and personalities that I are practical in my everyday actual living.  So, looking at the Rock Star and the physical requirements it takes to live-up to this image/imagination, I see that it mostly benefits myself as an individual and regardless of me telling myself in my mind that me being a Rock Star benefits all, I see in real, physical reality examples of rock stars getting burnt out, not having a life or dying young, and not being there for their families.

I commit myself to stop integrating characters and personalities into and as me, such as the Rock Star personality and character, that do not support me as Life or any others that require me to be here and functioning within and as my best physical capacity.  When and as I am presented with or given the opportunity to adopt a character/personality as my own, I do not readily accept/become/integrate the character/personality from a point of self-interest - no, I STOP the process, slow myself with breath, and investigate how the character/personality actually functions here in physical reality instead of the imaginations that I've attached to it in my mind.  Within this, I commit myself to removing the thought, imaginations, and reactions that I have personally attached to the personalities and characters that come up with writing and self-forgiveness as to be certain that I am clear and am standing.

When and as I see that I am driving myself from a point of fear of loss, I stop, I breath, and I bring myself back to physical reality.  Instead of allowing myself to move and function on automation and instead of assessing my environment or my situation within my mind, I allow myself to look through my physical eyes for solutions that I have not considered.  I allow myself to observe others being effective and to ask questions.

I commit myself to stopping myself motivating myself from fear of loss by allowing myself to step out of my mind and into physical reality by participating as a physical being - here, I practice observation, looking for solutions that I hadn't considered, and asking questions.  When and as I see that I am going into my imagination which is indicated by my 'thoughts wandering off', I stop, I breath, and I bring myself back.  I commit myself to practicing not allowing myself to go automatically into my thoughts and imagination in my mind and perfecting it.

Day 156: Unwinding

"I fractured my left ankle.  Up until the moment that I broke the bone, there as a timeline of physical warnings that I ignored.  For about 6 weeks prior to my injury, I consistently would twist my ankles as I rushed around from one task to another.  I was aware that I needed to slow down but I reasoned this was impossible for me to do and instead of practicing slowing myself and practicing moving/walking in breath, I changed my shoes.  I continued to twist my ankles and continued to ignore it until I finally took a short step that needed to be a long step and my bone gave out."- Care's Journey To Life, Day 154: I'm Broken

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore my physical warnings that showed clearly that I was required to slow down.  I did not want to slow down because I get a positive energetic charge out of moving fast and showing others how effective I am.  Instead of taking the opportunity to practice self-discipline and respect for my self as flesh, I gave into my desire to experience respect from my external world as it assist me as my Ego to feel good.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to deny that I may have a physical limitation when and as I continually twisted and turned my ankles.  I have not wanted to see and be honest with myself that: because of my years of participating with and as my mind, I have in-fact aged.  This, combined with the years of hard physical labor have compromised the structure of my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to understand, realize, and see that I am NOT invincible and that I am aging - just like everyone else.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to beLIEve that it was impossible for me to slow down.  This was a lie that I told mysef to justify my desire to hold on to my individuality.  It has become quite clear that it is possible for me to slow down because since my injury, I have been required to move extremely slow - where, if I do not move slow there is a consequence of pain and/or permanent damage to the structure of my leg.

Here is where I began to see why I ignored my physical signs because I was caught up in this idea of myself as having to preserve my individuality as a Rock Star.  Where, in my professional world, this label was given to me, I liked it, and I desired to preserve this because of the doors it opened for me and within this the experience of accomplishment and confirmation of my ability.

Day 151: Fear Is Useless

While communicating with another, I saw that a fear of not being good enough emerged as a thought where I told myself that I am not educated to the level required to be equal to another.  What I was doing here is comparing myself to another and then judging myself as less than because there was a point that I simply was not familiar with.  This shows me that my starting point was dishonest because I did not approach the communication as a discussion but rather from a point of competition and proving that I am right - so, when I saw that I may not be right, this created instability within and as me where I go through the information and knowledge that I have stored as evidence that I can present to prove my position so that I do not have to face the fact that I do not have all of the understanding required, that I was missing parts that needed to be researched, and that I would actually have to put in the effort to do the research in order for the communication to continue moving.

Instead of seeing the simplicity in the experience as, "here is what I must research next", I went into my mind and made this much more difficult than is necessary where I make all sorts of assumptions, justifications, arguments, plans for ways in which I do not have to change, and all sorts of distracting inner-dialogue.

More and more I see how absolutely useless fear is other than showing me what I have accepted and allowed.  Allowing myself to exist in fear and get caught up in it with the consequences of this allowance is one of the worst uses of my time that I can see.  At the end of the day, it changes nothing - I am still here, I am still breathing, and I still have this point to direct.  Just because I found every reason I could possibly come up with for myself to not have to face the fear does not mean that the fear magically disappears!  No, it is still here and if I do not sort it out, it will continue to accumulate and influence me.

Additionally, I see that I can later use this fear as a reason to self-sabotage and back out of my objective to be a part of creating a world where every child born has a life worth living - which will most likely set me back and set me up to become angry at myself for not acting when I had the opportunity to do so.

As I have written this, it is interesting to see how I have completely inflated something simple with fear, competition, comparison, judgment, reactions, justifications, projection, assumptions, and resistance to change.  It is clear how important the process of writing is where I take something from the instability of my mind and bring it here to the physical world of stability where I can actually direct something and change it.




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• Why does No one seem to Understand me?
  
• Death Research – Burning Alive - Part 1
• Relationship Success Support – Love
  
• Drowning - Death Research - Part 1
• Heart Attack Death Research - Part 1
  
• Parenting - Perfecting the Human Race - Part 5
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• 2013 - The Future of Consciousness - Seeing Dark Shapes/Figures
• Relationship Success Support - Intimacy Personality - Part 3
  
• Kryon - My Existential History - Part 5+6
• Demons in the Afterlife - Part 1
  
• Psychic Animals - The Sheep - Part 1
• The Quantum Mechanics of Paranormal Events - Part 5
  
• The Crucifixion of Jesus - Part 1
• Relationship Success Support – Introduction
  
• What is Sex? Overview
• My Life as a Peace Activist
  
• The Spirituality of the Snail
• Spirituality Under the Microscope – Volume 2
  
• How I was able to Hear the Desteni Message
• What the FAQ in an Equal Money System – Volume 2
  
• What makes me Starve in a World of Plenty
• Quantum Mind Self AwarenessStep 1 and Step 2
  
• 2013 – The Future of Consciousness – Introduction
• Relationship Success Support – Introduction
  
• Quantum Systemization – Preview
• Life Review - The Buddha Experience
  
• Spirituality and Rebirth
• Self Awareness steps for the Elite - Introduction
  
• Life Review - My life of Co-Dependency
• Atlanteans - The Beginning - Part 1
  
• The Secret History of the Universe - The Creation of Energy - Part 4
• Life Review – My Life of Sin
  
• Life Review - Educated into a Sex-Slave
• Shocking Secrets of Masturbation - Programming Relationships through
  
• How I Was Able to Hear the Desteni Message
• Reptilians - Am I God - Part 3
  

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Day 150: Fine-Tune Instead of Tuning-Out

Part Four of Self-Correction and Self-Commitment Statements for Self-Forgiveness on Day 145: Hearing What I Want to Hear.  Part Three is here, Part Two is here and Part One is here.



When and as I see that I have stopped hearing when and as I am in a situation, event, or change that I experience as uncomfortable, not understanding, nor having confidence in my ability to take responsibility for, I stop and I breath myself back to hear.  I see, realize, and understand that when I stop hearing, I have gone into my thoughts, reactions, fears, Ego and imagination rather than taking the opportunity to take a self-inventory of myself during this moment where a self-dishonesty emerged.  Instead of escaping into my mind where I cannot hear, I allow myself to breath and investigate myself.  In relation to this point of practically supporting myself to live my commitments and responsibilities self-honestly, I direct myself to write out what it is that is that I would like to do, the possible ways that it can be done, and the pros and cons as this will assist and support me in making a decision that is practical, considerate of the consequences, and best for all.

I commit myself to improve my hearing by assisting and supporting myself to work out problems in a practical, common sense way rather than immediately reacting with fear, escaping into my thoughts and imaginations, and making decisions for and as my Ego.  In relation to situations, events, or changes, I commit myself to utilize the writing process for integrating commitments and responsibilities that are important to me and/or assist and support myself with being self-honest and cool with myself. 

When and as I see that I am allowing myself to change, interact, have an experience, or learn from the world because of my immediate reactions of fear, I stop, breath, and slow down my processing.  I see, realize, and understand that these specific social fears that I have are created by memories of not being liked, being left out, or not being a part of the group.  As with my other childhood memories, this is the past that I am accepting and allowing myself to live in and not here.  Additionally, I see, realize and understand that having these fears aren't necessary for me to participate with a group and that in-fact, group participation is MUCH more easier and enjoyable when and as I let my fears and memories go.  I continue to remind myself that my memories are not Who I Am and I assist and support myself to self-forgive myself for accepting and allowing these memories to change anything about Who I Am, how I relate to others, my stability, my common sense, and my perspectives.

I commit myself to stop allowing fear-based memories to define and/or change Who I Am, how I interact, what I experience, and what I learn from others, the environment that I am in, and the world by reminding myself that my memories are the past and it is not necessary that I live in the past nor use them to define my future - Who I Am is here, in this moment of breath.  As an additional level of self assistance and support, I utilize the tools of writing, self-forgiveness, and self-correction for the points of fear-based memories that I am not effectively directing so that I can research the parts of myself that require removal, re-alignment, re-definition, and/or re-direction.

Day 118: How Do I Change The Way I Direct Stressful Events?

 Traumatic Events and Stresses

In the is blog series, I will be writing about Traumatic Events and Stress, how I reacted to these events, what my energy experience was, how I made myself feel in my Mind, how I changed as a result, and how I can change now to no longer accept and allow the past to determine who I am.

Additional Content:
Day 115: How Am I Currently Living With and Directing Stress? 
Day 116: How Do I React To Stressful Events?
Day 117: How Has Stress Changed Me?

 

When and as I see that I am reacting in panic or dread as a response to an event, experience, or problem that I did not anticipate and/or am required to change directions to address, I breath and stabilize myself until I am clear.  I see, realize, and understand that I am reacting to my fear of failing and/or making the wrong decision. I also understand that there are times when I may not be be able to direct an event, experience, and/or problem in a moment - in such cases, instead of reacting, I redirect myself to investigate the event, experience, and/problem, look at how others have approached similar, and get feedback from others as to the best way to proceed.




When and as I see that I am valuing my own experiences, memories, and/or perspectives above an others and within this, immediately dismissing feedback and suggestions that I did not consider, I stop.  I see, realize, and understand that to get this point of devaluing another that I have already put them through the process of my reactions, backchat, and judgements that is aligned to my Mind pattern.  Thus, instead of dismissing others feedback and suggestions, I breath, hear, discuss and try out the practical, common-sense solutions that emerge from this type of communication.


When and as I see that I am in-conflict with myself as indicated by me clenching my teeth and moving between two polarity points within my mind, I stop, breath, and slow myself until I am back here and aware of my physical body - when I am stable, I investigate my polarity points and conflict with writing and self-forgiveness.

When and as I see that I have caught myself in a 'picking a personality' polarity trap as indicated by myself moving between opposing personalities as a means to pick a personality that best suits me/from a point of self-interest/gets me the outcome that I want, I stop my participating in my polarity mind trap, breath until I am back to here and remind myself that I must choose/decide/direct myself, my mind, and my physical actions within and as the 1+1 equation of what will be the best outcome for all.

When and as I see that I am physically moving myself quickly from one task to another and not allowing myself to relax and enjoy moments in life, I STOP. I slow myself down and take a moment to 'sit it out'.  I see, realize, and understand that I am fleeing from a fear and a reaction that I had to that fear that made me physically uncomfortable and that I did not want to face. Additionally, I see that I am attempting to ignore the physical discomforts of my accumulated stress that I have not given myself time to sort out. So, instead of using the excuses of 'toughing it out', 'there's too much to do', and/or 'there's not enough time', I redirect myself to assist and support myself with breathing, investigating myself in times of mental stress and physical strain, writing myself out, and using the tool of self-forgiveness to sort out and understand myself.



When and as I see that I am giving up and surrendering myself to the thought/belief/idea that I there is nothing I can do to change my situation, I STOP.  I see, realize, and understand that change is made with the decisions I make in every moment that I am presented and opportunity to make a decision to change.  Within this, I see that 'surrendering' and 'giving up' is myself saying, "I don't want to change."


When and as I see that I am disregarding, 'brushing-off', and/or attempting to ignore the feedback/reflections/mirroring-back that I'm getting from my world as indicated by myself saying, "No one knows me, my life, and my body but me," - I stop because within this separation I see, realize, and understand that this is me as my Ego defending my self-definitions. Instead of separating myself from that which I have defined as 'Not Me', I observe my surroundings and the others in my surroundings and working bringing all the points that I'm seeing back to myself - and at this stage of my process, I give specific attention to those points that are triggering my, 'NOT ME!' response.

Day 117: How Has Stress Changed Me?

Traumatic Events and Stresses

 In the is blog series, I will be writing about Traumatic Events and Stress, how I reacted to these events, what my energy experience was, how I made myself feel in my Mind, how I changed as a result, and how I can change now to no longer accept and allow the past to determine who I am.

Additional Content:
Day 115: How Am I Currently Living With and Directing Stress? 
Day 116: How Do I React To Stressful Events?

How has stress changed me? 
How have I changed as a result of my reactions to my experiences?

I exist in constant and continuous dread of events, experiences, or problems that I cannot control because I fear the consequences if I were to fail and/or make the wrong decision. 

I do not trust others perspectives as being equally as applicable as my own and that in the event that I am given suggestions, I must be convinced that it there is potential for these suggestions to work.


I have polarized myself within and as two conflicting personalities: Weak and Strong - the consequence of this is that I am tense because of the conflict within myself.  In my mind, I see this experience of myself as being in the middle of a tug-of-war rope and being pulled in opposite directions while I strain, clench my teeth, and redistribute my weight to not get over-taken to either direction.

Within this picture representation I have within myself as the victim of polarity, I see that this is dishonest because I often choose to be either the Weak or Strong characters/personalities depending on what gets me what I want in that moment.

I realize that Life, as it has existed for me, did not come with an Instruction Manual as to how to become the Best Human Being For All and that because of this, I have created myself from what I've witnessed has worked for others and what was gained for themselves.  Many of the characters/personalities that I have stored within and as me are in-conflict.  And because I have been scared to say or do the 'wrong thing', I never trusted myself to be myself - and the personalities are so extensive at this point, that it's difficult to remember who/what that self is.  What I -do- remember is not being liked by many others prior to me changing myself as I see their faces and actions of disapproving, experience frustration, and/or not understanding my expressions.  I also continue to haunt myself with cruel spoken words.

I must keep myself physically moving and do not allow myself to relax and enjoy moments in life because I flee from guilt, worry, fear, and not wanting to face the uncomfortableness that I experience within my physical body.  Within this, when I am busy moving and in my mind, I do not experience the constant tingling-twitching-vibrating-pulsating sensation in my skin and I'm able to tune out the ringing in my ears.

I have surrendered to the thought, belief, and idea that there is nothing I can do to change my situation.

I ignore, disregard, or 'brush-off' the reflections of me that are seen in my world because I have already defined myself/my Ego identity.  I tell myself that no one knows me, my life, and my body but me - and this is interesting as it makes me wonder where/why I learned this scripted line as I'm seeing it is quite far from the truth.

Day 77: I Have Everything - Part 7

In this blog I am writing out, self-forgiving, self-correcting, and making self-commitments for my Ego within the point, "I Have Everything".  For previous work within this point, see:

Day 70: I Have Everything - Fears
Day 72: I Have Everything - Part 2 - Thoughts
Day 73: I Have Everything - Part 3 - Imagination
Day 74: I Have Everything - Part 4 - Backchat
Day 75: I Have Everything - Part 5 - Reactions
Day 76: I Have Everything - Part 6 - Physical Dimension



When I was in my early 20's, I spent a lot of time with a person who taught me Positive Thinking and the Law of Attraction (before it was The Secret).  This person taught me Positive Affirmations, would share inspirational stories and books, introduced me to a Psychic that taught me Psychometry, and was a living example of what 'Having Everything' looked like.  I can still see this person's euphoric expression within my mind every time I look at what I have and/or don't have with worry and hear her affirmation, "I Have Everything That I Need ..."

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I would not have everything that I need and/or want and from this fear, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a 'Positive Thinker' in Hopes that it would keep me from ever going without and to calm myself when I worry about the lack of stuff/over-abudance of stuff that I have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that if I 'just think positively' and do not allow negative thoughts within myself, my environment and my world, then everything will be 'just fine'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine within my mind that 'everything I need and want' will come to me if I close my eyes, smile, breath, and imagine everything/something that I want/need coming to me and the exact details of how it will arrive to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back-chat, "That person thinks SO negative - eww - I can't stand to be around them and I don't want their negativity to influence my positivity..." to exist within and as me.  And thus, I forgive myself that I have not see, realized, nor understood that I am in-fact communicating to myself within my back-chat, telling myself, "I am so negative ...  Why can't I make this stop ... I hate being around myself and I'm not worthy of those positive people that can make this 'Positive Thought'-thing work - I don't want to taint their goodness and success with my failure."

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react positively when I 'get' what I wanted/needed and react negatively when I did not 'get' what I wanted/needed with my Positive Thinking Affirmations.  When I get what I wanted/needed, I experience a euphoria, a confirmation of myself as being recognized by 'The Universe' as deserving/good, being Superior over others, and taking pleasure in the fact that I have something that others do not.  When I do not get what I wanted/needed, I experience anger with myself, disappointment with myself, depressed that I 'must not be good enough or I did not do it right', being Inferior to others, and jealous and/or spiteful that others have something that I wanted/needed.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to physically express myself within myself being a 'Positive Thinker' character as a smiling, good-natured person that is blessed - when I see myself this way within my mind, my eyes are closed and the Light and Love of the Universe illuminates my face.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that the consequences of myself participating in this 'I Have Everything I Need' Character is that I created self-doubt within myself, I have created competition for money/energy between myself and others, dishonesty within/as myself that anything 'Positive' exists, a physical expression of myself as a 'Blessed Being' as a cover-up so that I do not have look at what's really going on with me which is Anger, Disappointment, Depression, Not Being 'Good Enough', 'Wrong', Inferiority, Jealousy, and Spitefulness.

When and as I see that I am shifting into my 'I Have Everything' Character as indicated by my telling myself that 'I have everything I need ...' as an affirmation, I stop.  I breath myself back to my physical reality where I see, realize, and understand that the consequences of myself participating in this character's affirmations is that I'm self-sabotaging myself and my process of realizing myself when I accept and allow myself to be dishonest with myself - and within this dishonesty, I will get 'caught up' in reactions.

I commit myself to no longer allow the 'I Have Everything I Need' Character by stopping myself from participating with the affirmations that I have programmed into myself.

I commit myself to no longer allow myself to physically express myself as a 'Blessed Being' of 'Light and Universal Love' by not allowing myself to direct my physical body based on a memory of another's expression.  Additionally, when other points come up within this 'Blessed Being' of 'Light and Universal Love'-ness, I commit myself to assist and support myself with self-forgiving myself for accepting and allowing these memories and/or visions to exist within and as me.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to see, realize, and understand WHY I am so miserable with being here that I must look outside of myself for rewards and positive experiences in order to 'feel better' - I will do this by investigating myself and writing out points that come up in my day-to-day living when and as I am experiencing myself as either High or Low.

I commit myself to stop projecting my 'negativity' on to others while seeing myself as as the 'positive' one by bring the points of negativity back to myself and self-honestly seeing how this negativity is in-fact me - from here, I will assist and support myself to write out and self-forgive myself for the negative, the bad, the ugly, and the out-right evil that I have accepted and allowed to exist within and as me.

I commit myself to no longer direct/be directed by imagination within my own self-interest but to instead use my imagination to assist and support myself and others in bringing to reality a solution that is in the best interest of all.

I commit myself to stop telling myself that 'everything is going to be fine' as I see, realize, and understand that this is not true when I see my life and my world as it exists currently.  I will do this by stating to myself 'STOP' when and as I am attempting to calm, relieve, ignore and/or give myself a back-door out of an emotion, reaction, situation, and/or event within myself or my world.

I commit myself to no longer allow myself to fear that I will 'go without' as fearing 'going without' hasn't changed a thing - I have gone without and I have gone with.  Further, fear is not real - fear is either a memory of the past or an imagination for/in the future - neither of which exist here in the moment breathing.

Day 62: Dear God, Thank You For Making Me Amazing :)

I will get back to this point.

Day 58: Nothing I Do Is Wrong - Self-Forgiveness, Continued

 

This blog is a continuation of:
Day 57: Nothing I Do Is Wrong
Day 56: I Am More Than You - Self-Correction, Continued
Day 55: I Am More - More Than You - Self-Correction for
Day 54: I Am More - More Than You - Continued  
Day 53: I Am More - More Than You
Day 52: I Am Above This - Continued - Self-Correction,
Day 51: I Am Above This - Continued
Day 50: I Am Above This 
Day 49: I Am Perfect, and
Day 48: I Am The Bigger Person

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within my back-chat blame others for me not assisting and supporting myself where I tell myself within myself, "I can't work on this point because -you- do not understand, -you- do not take an interest in my blogs, -you- are pushing my buttons, and -you- won't give me the space to work on this and figure this out." I have not wanted to see: That I am expecting others to do for me what I am not doing for myself and thus, I am abdicating myself. And, that I have been equally not supportive of others in my world by not making an effort to understand, not taking an interest in others work/blogs/activities, pushing others buttons, and not giving others space to work on figuring themselves out/developing themselves.  Instead of taking responsibility for this and directing this within my reality, I transformed it into blame in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others in my world for something that I was, in-fact, doing myself instead of taking responsibility for not supporting myself and others and thus, within doing this, asking others in my world to equally support me so we all have the opportunity to become equal and one in taking responsibility for the support of ourselves and each other instead of me accepting and allowing the blame inside myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create inner-conflict in my mind toward others in my world through accepting and allowing myself to blame others in my back-chat instead of communicating with myself and others about not being supportive and within this, coming to a practical solution instead of accepting and allowing myself to generate more and more and more conflict within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resort to blame within myself as my mind-back-chat instead of investigating my reactions towards others in my world within myself and then taking responsibility for what I'm experiencing, accepting and allowing within myself - but instead I've been taking it out on everyone else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create unnecessary conflict within my mind and because of this, I have been sabotaging my relationship with myself and my relationships with others in my world through not establishing communication with myself in investigating my own accepted and allowed mind-reactions of back-chat and thus not establishing effective communication with others in my world, where the relationship within me then became that of blame instead of equal and one consideration.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak to others within my mind as back-chat within blame instead of initiating actual direct and clear communication.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the back-chat, "I cannot work on this point because -you- do not support me, -you- do not understand, -you- do not take an interest in my blogs, -you- are pushing my buttons, and -you- won't give me the space to work on this and figure this out," to come up and exist within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that the back-chat, "I cannot work on this point because -you- do not support me, -you- do not understand, -you- do not take an interest in my blogs, -you- are pushing my buttons, and -you- won't give me the space to work on this and figure this out," was, in-fact, me speaking to myself, but I accepted and allowed myself to project it in blame towards others in my world and to not see, realize, and understand that I am doing the exact same thing in my world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the back-chat, "I cannot work on this point because -you- do not support me, -you- do not understand, -you- do not take interest in my blogs, -you- are pushing my buttons, and -you- won't give me the space to work on this and figure this out," to blame others in my world instead of taking responsibility for me in myself in my world, but instead accepted and allowed myself to resort to blame instead of me taking responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my own tendency of not being supportive onto/towards others in my world where I create conflict with others in my world and not seeing, realizing, nor understanding that all along, I have been showing myself through others in my world that I have the exact same tendency of not being supportive - I didn't see, realize, nor understand this because I accepted and allowed myself to be possessed with blame.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that when and as I am not taking responsibility for my not being supportive, that I am suppressing it, denying it, ignoring it with me and instead I am taking it on others in my world and projecting myself as a person who is not supportive onto/towards others only as it's more convenient to blame others rather than to take responsibility for myself and my world.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to give into the convenience of blame in my mind through back-chat instead of taking responsibility for me and my world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage my communication with myself and others within my world through accepting and allowing myself to participate within back-chat of blame for something I did not take responsibility for and then trying to project my own responsibility onto/towards others in my world only and thus making everyone else the cause/source/origin of the problem, not seeing, realizing, nor understanding that the blame that I am blaming others in my world for is in-fact what I have not taken responsibility for in my world, within myself.

The next blog: Self-Correction for 'Nothing I Do Is Wrong'.

Day 57: Nothing I Do Is Wrong

This blog entry is continued writing, self-forgiveness, and self-correction from Day 56: I Am More Than You - Self-Correction, Continued,  Day 55: I Am More - More Than You - Self-Correction for Day 54: I Am More - More Than You - Continued,  Day 53: I Am More - More Than You , Day 52: I Am Above This - Continued - Self-Correction,  Day 51: I Am Above This - Continued, Day 50: I Am Above This, Day 49: I Am Perfect, and Day 48: I Am The Bigger Person



"Nothing I do is wrong."

Lol.

So, as I have been working on changing myself and my living with self-forgiveness and self-correction, I was given and opportunity to test my application and it did not work as when someone in my immediate world said, again, "Yeah, we ALL know that you're more than this, that you're better than this and that all the decisions that you make are right ..." and I reacted - I got real angry because I had told this person that I was working on this point of seeing myself as more, better, and right and instead of allowing me the space to figure it out and trust that I was working on it, they PUSHED.  I got pissed off, spouted off several 'F-Bombs' and walked away with an expression of, "Get the fuck away from me."

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience a moment of insanity when I bring the comment, "Nothing you do is wrong ..." back to myself.  I laugh, I rub my face, my eyes, and I push on my fore-head.  Within my mind, I say, "What the fuck -- Nothing I do is RIGHT ... what the hell is wrong with these people ..."

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience uncomfortableness when someone outside of myself tells me, with a tiny bit of sarcasm, "Nothing YOU do is WRONG," - when I hear this, anger rises up from within me and I clench my teeth to suppress myself from exploding while the back-chat builds and builds and builds: "Jesus fucking christ, I'm walking this fucking point - cut me some slack here.  I'm writing it out, I'm doing the work - ARE YOU" -- and instead of breathing, I allow the back-chat and eventually release my back-chat on my accuser within complete energy possession.

Breeeeeeeeath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the expectation of others in my immediate world to support me within my writing, self-forgiveness, and self-correction by reading my blogs, being gentle with me as I work on points, and being careful to not 'trigger' points that I am working on self-correcting.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the expectation of others to support me to exist within me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to in my mind see that others in my immediate world will support me by taking an interest in my writing, respect my honesty and my decision to take on the points that are coming up, and be gentle with me as I 'figure it out'.  In the picture in my mind I see others giving me a supportive hug, a thumbs up, a caring smile, and a quietness about them as they give me the required space to work myself out.

It Seems So Easy in my Mind - By Andrew Gable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the expectation of others in my world always supporting me to take over in my mind and thus allow myself to become energy possessed - where if I do not get the support that I expect from others in my immediate world, then I immediately go into back-chat towards myself as, "I do nothing right ..." and others as, "-I- am doing the work -- and -you're- not," because I believe that the others in my immediate world that I support should support me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that by allowing myself to expect for others in my immediate world to support me that I am accepting and allowing myself to self-sabotage my self-relationship and others relationships with themselves and expanding themselves to begin writing, self-forgiving, and self-correcting - instead, I tell myself that MY chosen way is the RIGHT way and in telling myself this, I demonstrate via my words, communications and physical expressions that any other way is wrong. Thus, instead of allowing others to develop a self-relationship, I am expecting that others, first and foremost, revolve and change around me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself and my relationship with others in my immediate world through not giving others my support when and as I see that they are not doing what I see as right by writing, self-forgiving, self-correcting, and reading Journey To Life blogs and in this, I have isolated myself from the people in my world because I see them as doing 'it all wrong' and thus expect that all must do it my way, the right way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the back-chat, "I do nothing 'right' -- but atleast -I- am doing the work and -you're- not," to exist within and as me when others in my immediate world do not support me by being gentle, being respectful, allowing me the space to 'figure it out', and being aware that my triggers/'buttons' may be sensitive.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to ask the others in my world to support me by being gentle, being respectful, and allowing me space to 'figure it out' before testing out my triggers/buttons but instead I reacted in back-chat of, "I do nothing 'right' -- but atleast -I- am doing the work and -you're- not."

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to immediately react in back-chat to others in my immediate world where in my mind I make assumptions instead of asking them for their support.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to listen to and react to my back-chat rather than establishing and developing real communication.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create mind-back-chat towards others within hearing, "We all know that you are more than this, that you are better than this, and that all the decisions you make are right ..." instead of physically communicating with them.

Self-Forgiveness continued in next blog.

Day 56: I Am More - Self-Correction, Continued

ART By MarlenVargas Del Razo

This blog entry is continued Self-Correction from Day 55: I Am More - More Than You - Self-Correction for Day 54: I Am More - More Than You - Continued,  Day 53: I Am More - More Than You writings and Self-Forgiveness.  For additional context, refer to: Day 52: I Am Above This - Continued - Self-Correction,  Day 51: I Am Above This - Continued, Day 50: I Am Above This, Day 49: I Am Perfect, and Day 48: I Am The Bigger Person

When and as I see myself separating myself from others from fear that others will bother me, bully me, challenge me, harass me, embarrass me, and/or talk shit about me, I stop. I clearly see, realize, and understand that I am fearing myself as I have 'bothered', bullied, challenged, harassed, embarrassed, and talked shit about others - and within this, I now see realize and understand that I have 'bothered', bullied, challenged, harassed, embarrassed, and talked shit about others to get attention from others within my world and that by separating myself from others that demonstrate these same behaviors, that I am separating myself from myself.  I commit myself to stop distancing myself from others within and as my mind by becoming equal-to what I am seeing in others that I am uncomfortable with via observing myself, writing, self-forgiveness, and self-correction.  Additionally, I commit myself to no longer bully, harass, intentionally embarrass, or talk shit about others by slowing myself with breath and not allowing myself to act/speak out/as the narrator within me - instead, I commit myself to writing out my narrator, self-forgiving my narrator,  and self-correcting myself to act/speak out/as a being that values, cares, and considers life.

When and as I see that I am considering manipulating others for attention as indicated by myself feeling insecure, 'less-than', small, being 'little', 'curling into' myself, hearing my tone of voice change to a higher-pitch within me, and seeing myself within my mind as physically going to someone bigger than me for comfort, I stop - I commit myself to not act on my desire to comfort my insecurities by 'going-to' and/or manipulating another for attention, but to instead slow myself with breathing and go back within myself to the point/trigger in which I told and/or showed myself something that I experienced insecurity from and from here, write out my investigation of myself, self-forgive myself, self-correct myself and make a practical agreement with myself for a solution where I am giving myself what I am seeking in others.

Additionally within this, when I see myself going to the opposite polarity of 'being little' to 'being big', being strong, setting my jaw, becoming firm, flexing my muscles, and 'puffing' myself 'up', I stop, I breath, I relax.  I see, realize, and understand that this is myself changing my character to manipulate depending on the environment and the beings within the environment so that I can get attention - I see, realize, and understand that any of these attention-getting behaviors as characters have been created by myself from a foundation of my fear of loss which I show to myself by not seeing myself as 'good enough', as 'missing out'/'missing something', and experiencing myself as insecure within this.  I commit myself to stop myself from acting out my attention-seeking-chameleon characters by NOT expressing/being what myself as my mind is telling/showing me to do in a moment to get attention, instead, I breath, I relax, and I bring myself here, and give myself and opportunity to BE here, as myself, in moments with others.

When and as I see myself working on a personality/character/plan that would place me in a position of importance/power/being THE ONE/being the savior, I stop. I now see, realize, and understand that my leadership role in my world is and had begun from a platform of fear of loss - where if I have had importance, respect, power, helped/protected others, and been the ONLY ONE that could do this for others, that I would secure my position in the world/in the group/on the team and thus be irreplaceable - I am starting to see the not cool consequences of this and thus, for the moment, I commit myself to stop myself from working on securing my place/my status/my position in my world and the others in my life by NOT ACTING on my programming that I created from fear - I commit myself to, instead, for the moment, develop and establish a trusting relationship with myself by showing myself that I can SUPPORT MYSELF with daily writing in my Journey To Life blog, catching up on and submitting assignments on-time, attending and participating in scheduled chats, stabilizing myself/my family/my animals/other life that I have taken responsibility for at home and effectively completing tasks within my survival system - EQUALLY.
 

Day 55: I Am More - More Than You - Self-Correction

ART by Gian Robberts

This blog entry is the Self-Correction for: Day 54: I Am More - More Than You - Continued,  Day 53: I Am More - More Than You writings and Self-Forgiveness.  For additional context, refer to: Day 52: I Am Above This - Continued - Self-Correction,  Day 51: I Am Above This - Continued, Day 50: I Am Above This, Day 49: I Am Perfect, and Day 48: I Am The Bigger Person

When and as I see that I am experiencing myself within/as being and/or telling myself that I am MORE than others, I stop.  I bring myself back to here within breath as I see, realize, and understand that for me to justify myself as being more that I would have had a thought about myself as less that I did not see because I was not present.  I commit myself to stop myself from not being here, present, and observing myself as my thoughts - and within this, I commit myself to when I see myself as justifying/showing/telling myself that I am more, to stopping, breathing, and going back-ward through my thought process to pin-point where I had seen myself as less, why, and/or what the trigger point was.  From here, I commit myself to assisting and supporting myself to remove the 'I Am Less Than' points to, in turn, remove the 'I Am More Than' points with writing, self-forgiveness, and self-correction.

When and as I see myself within and/or as the experience of ups-downs-medians/highs-lows-middles via thought and/or behavior cycles/patterns, I stop.  I breath and bring myself back to here.  I see, realize, and understand that I am showing myself my patterns and/or polarity cycles and so - I commit myself to stopping/removing from/as myself my polarity cycles by writing out my polarity cycles, self-forgiving my polarity cycles, and then establishing and developing practical agreements with myself for how I can break out of these polarity cycles with self-corrective statements and self-commitments so that I can in-fact, be free.

When and as I see myself considering/wanting/desiring to purchase product because I tell myself that myself or someone I care for needs it/may need it, I stop.  I breath.  I see, realize, and understand that for me to purchase this product on impulse that, within the current system, that it will be required for me to work more and/or make up for 'the loss' somewhere within my weekly allowances - I am essentially selling moments of my life and my enjoyment of my life for a product that will end up in a pile somewhere, in storage, being given away, having to be lugged around from room to room within my commitment/partner-agreement to organize, and/or thrown in the trash.  I commit myself to stop purchasing/accepting products/items within a moment of impulse, desire, want, and narration within me saying 'this is on sale ... you might need this later'.  Within this, I commit myself to thoroughly research myself, the product/item, and myself within the pros and cons of taking on the responsibility of the product/item.

Additionally, within seeing, realizing and understanding that when I am taking/purchasing objects/items/products of physical substance, that I am required to give back of equal-to substance, I commit myself to researching ways, as a part of my pre-purchasing process of acceptance/responsibility of a product, to give back into my world substance equal-to what I am considering purchasing/accepting/taking responsibility for.

When and as I see myself wanting and desiring to become a chameleon and blend into my world because I have allowed myself to fear resistance, change, being alone, others reactions, and/or embarrassment, I stop and breath through the fear and bring myself back here within seeing, realizing, and understanding that fear is stupid, fear is not real, and what I am in-fact fearing is myself.  Within my commitment to develop and establish a relationship of trust with myself, I commit myself to stop myself from going into a fear reaction when faced with points that could assist and support me with changing my programming/myself by breathing through my fears, laughing because of my fears, writing out my fears, self-forgiving myself for my fears, and then developing self-corrective applications for the points that trigger my fears.  From here, I commit myself to support and stand for that which I have researched as being The Best Way.

When and as I see that I am projecting on to others and thus separating from myself my thoughts and seeing myself as 'less' as indicated by my mind-backchat-projections onto others as 'less than me', I stop.  I see, realize, and understand that I am communicating to myself about how I see myself within that moment and the reasons that I think/see/show myself to myself as this way.  I commit myself to assisting and supporting myself to be equal-to my backchat communication with/to/about myself by writing and self-forgiveness.  Additionally, I see, realize, and understand that I am fearing being discarded, replaced, and/or rejection which, to me, is equal-to death and thus the fear of death and being alone with myself - within seeing this, I commit myself to assist and support myself to walk myself through/with my fear of death and/or being alone with myself via writing, self-forgiveness, and self-correction because there's no practical, realistic reason to be holding on to these fears - lol.

When and as I see myself activating my 'snob', 'brat', 'spoiled', 'baby' and/or 'princess' characters, as indicated by myself turning my physical expression upward and making my mind go fuzzy so that I do not have to take any responsibility within the event/environment/situation, I stop.  I see, realize, and understand that by 'turning myself up', I am in fact, 'turning myself down' as turning down an opportunity to see myself, my fears and my reactions as thoughts, emotions, feelings, and physical behaviors within events/environments/situations that I am uncomfortable.  I commit myself to stop separating myself from others, my world, and myself as myself, others, and my world by  breathing and remaining here hearing and seeing my trigger reactions and then assisting and supporting myself to free myself from these trigger reactions with writing, self-forgiveness, and self-correction.

Additionally, because I see myself over-compensating and/or swinging to the opposite polarity of 'Capable Greatness' as I remove and free myself from the 'More Than You' and 'Less Than You' characters, I see, realize, and understand that I'm required to establish, develop, and integrate humbleness within and as me - I commit myself to stop myself from allowing myself as my Ego to step in and re-start the cycle of more-or-less by investigating, defining, walking, and self-correcting myself to become humble.

Self-Correction continued in next post.

Day 53: I Am More - More Than You

The Religion of $elf By Andrew Gable

This blog entry is a continuation of Day 52: I Am Above This - Continued - Self-Correction,  Day 51: I Am Above This - Continued, Day 50: I Am Above This, Day 49: I Am Perfect, and Day 48: I Am The Bigger Person

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as more than others - more important, more worthy, more able, more responsible, more knowledgeable, more insightful, more in-control, more of a person ... and the list goes on and on...  I have not seen, realized, nor understood that the MORE-NESS I experience is actually a compensation for the LESS-NESS that I accept and allow to exist within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach a positive meaning and feeling experience to the word 'MORE' and a negative meaning and emotional experience to the word 'LESS'.  Additionally, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach a neutral meaning to the words 'More-Or-Less' as a means to balance myself out from the negative to positive, to not commit myself to any one answer, to take the 'middle road', and to abdicate myself.   Instead of seeing myself within this polarity cycle and thus assisting and supporting myself to free myself from this cycle, I chose to not see it because the rewards I get from being/having MORE, feeds my Ego, confirms myself as being 'better' within my mind, allows me to experience myself with pride for accomplishing something, and gives me another dit-mark on my competition score board.  I have not seen, realized, nor understood that to experience 'MORE' and the rewards promised by having more, that I first have to experience myself as and/or having less. I have locked myself in a continuous cycles of ups/downs and highs/lows with my neutral balancing experiences of Faith and Hope that I will once again experience MORE-NESS.

I forgive myself that my acceptance and allowance of wanting/being/becoming/doing/see myself as/others seeing me as more has made me into the PERFECT CONSUMER and thus the PERFECT SLAVE.  Because I have agreed and bought into the wanting, desiring, and needing for more, I have LESS - less time with my family, less time to realize myself, less money, less rest, less time to consider the needs of others in my world, and less time to consider a solution for any of these - I have not seen this because I have been consumed with getting more to compensate for the moments of less - where in order to have 'more', I must work 'more' and so work becomes more and life becomes less.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see how this more and less relationship functions within and as my physical world - where the more we take from our world, the less we have, and thus the more we need it.  I have not seen, realized, nor understood that because I accept and allow a more and/or less experience to exist within and as me, it will exist within and as my world - and if I do not see it in myself then I will not see it in my world.  So when we are taking more substance from our physical world, we are diminishing this substance to less and because we are consumed with getting more, and more, and MORE ... and because each do not consider giving back what we've been given, we are not able to stabilize and/or equalize our physical world substance nor ourselves.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that at a very early age I allowed myself to be programmed to become the perfect consumer and the perfect slave - I did not see, realize, understand nor for one moment question this because this is the world that I was raised in - I watched others within my immediate world, others outside, and the continual flow from media that showed me that this is what existence is:  We work, we eat, we have fun on the weekends, we have sex, we go to the bathroom, and some of us may be more lucky than others to have a family - I accepted this as Living and thus allowed myself to make this my Life as it was easier to follow my pre-programming rather than to stand by myself within and as myself, frustrated/angry/shocked, shaking my head and saying, 'There must be a better way ..."

 Continued in next entry.