Friday, October 26, 2012

Day 49: I Am Perfect

This blog is a continuation of Day 48: I Am The Bigger Person

Photo: by Marlen Vargas Del Razo
194. Let the Mask Fall! « MarlenLife's Blog
ART by Marlen Vargas Del Razo

"You're perfect."

I forgive myself for accepted and allowing myself to react to hearing, "You're perfect ..." from another outside of myself by shaking my head, pushing my eyebrows together with concern and saying, "No! No, that's not cool.  That's not true at all.  I am NOT perfect." and then within myself as back-chat, I tell myself that I've messed up and look for a quick way out within the information and knowledge that I've accumulated to come up with an answer that's going to 'fix it'.  I have not allowed myself to see this is me judging myself and then defending myself with information and knowledge. Additionally, from and as a point of defense, I will become the Calm-Wise-Stable-Guru Character that smiles and speaks slowly and softly to gently guide whom I am communicating with toward the point by speaking accumulated information and knowledge because I have not stood equal and one with the point.

I commit myself to breathing and hearing when I am in communication with another about a point that I have not investigated within/as myself as I see, realize, and understand that it is not required for me to defend myself but rather that I require of myself to understand myself and others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the back-chat of 'I messed up' to exist within and as me.  When I say, "I messed up," I am actually saying, "I failed," and thus not taking responsibility for my mistake because when I say 'I messed up'/'I failed', I stop investigating myself and do not work out a solution for myself for when and as the same point comes up for myself in the future.  I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and be honest with myself that when, instead, I say, "I made a mistake ..." that I will immediately go into a problem-solving process to assist myself from making the same mistake in the future.

I commit myself to removing my relationship that I've created within and as myself as 'A Mess-Up' where I no longer accept nor allow myself to use the excuse 'I Messed Up' and instead see, realize, and understand that I have simply made 'A Mistake' and mistakes can be corrected with practical, common-sense solutions.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to go back into my memory and see where my reaction and conflict with hearing, "You're perfect," originated from.  Because between 6 and 12 years old, I would have wanted to hear that I am perfect as hearing it from outside of myself would have given me sooooooo much comfort as I learned, prior to these ages, how imperfect I was from my world and this shocked me as I saw myself as perfect.  I was AWESOME. However, when the world told me, over-and-over again how imperfect I was, I changed myself to prove that this wasn't true about me and thus, I looked outside of myself for confirmation that I made the correct changes and that I could/would now be seen as perfect.  What I did not/have not allow myself to see is that after the age of 12, I accepted and allowed the nasty spoken back-chat from others that said, "Oh. Look at her.  She thinks she's SOOOOOOO perfect ..." and within accepting and allowing that, adopted it within/as myself as a jealousy relationship and thus attached a negative meaning to the word, 'Perfect'.

Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach a positivity as: I AM AWESOME, a negativity as SPITE and JEALOUSY, and a neutrality as WAITING FOR CONFIRMATION to the word, 'PERFECT'.

I commit myself to simply being who I am and within that, keeping what's best for myself as/for all as Life and removing what's NOT best for myself as/for all as Life so that I can be someone that -I- accept and enjoy being with.

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