The acts of procrastination and laziness are behaviors that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as for as long as I can remember. When moments come up within my day that I can do chores, take care of a responsibility, work on an assignment, work on a project, and/or do something that requires actual physical application, I say, “I'll do it later”, “I will get to that at a better time”, “I have plenty of time to get this done” or “This can wait, I'd rather be doing something else right now”. Instead of getting done what I can get done in the moment, I decide to lounge on the furniture, play simple games, or pace around the house in waiting and wanting for something interesting to happen. The result of this procrastination and laziness is that my chores, my responsibilities, my assignments, and my projects accumulate and as they accumulate more-and-more-and-more, I experience being overwhelmed, tell myself that what's accumulated is 'too much', it is 'too late', and I give up on some things - especially the projects and tasks that will now take a lot of time and physical labor to get done. When it gets to this point of where it's 'too much' or 'too late' and become overwhelmed, I will go into a depression because I see that there is no hope, no point, and that nothing I can do will make any difference. I would like to be a person that gets things done, that is self-disciplined, and self-willed - which causes conflict within me because who I am and how I am accepting and allowing myself to live are not at all aligned with a self-motivated person that actually lives a life here - to the contrary, I have trapped myself with complacency, lethargy, and waiting around for something more which is not living here but instead in my mind with the past moments that I told myself I'd do later and imagined future-projections where I see myself in my mind with everything done and comfortable with myself and my external environment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as the acts of procrastination and laziness for as long as I can remember - I have seen in my external world many examples of those that are self-disciplined, self-willed, self-motivated and get things done and in my imagination I see how it is possible for me to be this way and yet, I have not physically moved myself to create and be this for myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to say, “I'll do it later,” “I will get to this at a better time,” “I have plenty of time to get this done,” or “This can wait ... I'd rather be doing something else right now,” when and as moments come up within my day that I can do chores, take care of responsibilities, work on an assignment and/or do something that requires actual physical application and movement. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lounge on the furniture, play games, and/or pace around the house instead of physically moving myself to get things done - I wait around for these things to get done or for a later date when I could get help from a source outside of myself and while I'm waiting, I entertain myself because I am bored while waiting. This makes no sense! Why do I deliberately place myself into situation where I will become bored - Especially when there are so many opportunities to NOT be bored, be productive, and be a contributing member to my family, to those that I work with, and society.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my chores, my responsibilities, my assignments, and my projects to accumulate. And within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and thus experience that the accumulation is 'too much' or 'too late' and then allow myself to give up only because what now needs to be done will require more physical movement than if I had moved myself in the moment to work on and/or get these things done. Here, instead of seeing that this too-muchness and too-lateness is a reaction to a mind-projection where in my mind I take a small point and blow it up into something HUGE - I do not see it for what it is and push myself to move and no longer be mind-controlled, I believe what I am seeing and telling myself within and as my mind. In that moment where I could move myself, I make it quite easy for myself to move away, ignore, and hide from what is required to get done - I mean, if the thought comes up that I 'don't have to do it right now', it makes it REAL right? Obviously NOT given the state of the accumulation that I'm looking at and sorting through. It is interesting how I have never questioned my mind and will believe my mind over and above what I am seeing in actual physical reality - and if I am in agreement with my mind because I am showing myself, as my mind, what I would like to see - what does that tell me about who/what I am?
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into a mind and physical state of depression after I have told myself time-and-time-again 'it's too much' or 'too late' and have allowed myself to become overwhelmed by accumulation for an extended period of time. And within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for, access, pull-up, and have an inner-dialogue with myself of, “There is no hope, no point, and there's nothing I can do that will make a difference ...” as an excuse/reason/response that explains to myself why I am not moving myself.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to apply myself - in any way - to become the self-disciplined and self-willed person that I would like to be. Instead, I allowed myself to go into complacency, lethargy, and waiting around for something more - for something to happen in some sort of future-self-projection that would change me to want to and/or suddenly become self-willed and self-disciplined.