The acts of procrastination and
laziness are behaviors that I have accepted and allowed myself to
exist within and as for as long as I can remember. When moments come
up within my day that I can do chores, take care of a responsibility,
work on an assignment, work on a project, and/or do something that
requires actual physical application, I say, “I'll do it later”,
“I will get to that at a better time”, “I have plenty of time
to get this done” or “This can wait, I'd rather be doing
something else right now”. Instead of getting done what I can get
done in the moment, I decide to lounge on the furniture, play simple
games, or pace around the house in waiting and wanting for something
interesting to happen. The result of this procrastination and
laziness is that my chores, my responsibilities, my assignments, and
my projects accumulate and as they accumulate more-and-more-and-more,
I experience being overwhelmed, tell myself that what's accumulated
is 'too much', it is 'too late', and I give up on some things -
especially the projects and tasks that will now take a lot of time
and physical labor to get done. When it gets to this point of where
it's 'too much' or 'too late' and become overwhelmed, I will go into
a depression because I see that there is no hope, no point, and that
nothing I can do will make any difference. I would like to be a
person that gets things done, that is self-disciplined, and
self-willed - which causes conflict within me because who I am and
how I am accepting and allowing myself to live are not at all aligned
with a self-motivated person that actually lives a life here - to the
contrary, I have trapped myself with complacency, lethargy, and
waiting around for something more which is not living here but
instead in my mind with the past moments that I told myself I'd do
later and imagined future-projections where I see myself in my mind
with everything done and comfortable with myself and my external
environment.
SELF-FORGIVENESS
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to exist within and as the acts of procrastination
and laziness for as long as I can remember - I have seen in my
external world many examples of those that are self-disciplined,
self-willed, self-motivated and get things done and in my imagination
I see how it is possible for me to be this way and yet, I have not
physically moved myself to create and be this for myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to say, “I'll do it later,” “I will get to
this at a better time,” “I have plenty of time to get this done,”
or “This can wait ... I'd rather be doing something else right
now,” when and as moments come up within my day that I can do
chores, take care of responsibilities, work on an assignment and/or
do something that requires actual physical application and movement.
Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself
to lounge on the furniture, play games, and/or pace around the house
instead of physically moving myself to get things done - I wait
around for these things to get done or for a later date when I could
get help from a source outside of myself and while I'm waiting, I
entertain myself because I am bored while waiting. This makes no
sense! Why do I deliberately place myself into situation where I
will become bored - Especially when there are so many opportunities
to NOT be bored, be productive, and be a contributing member to my
family, to those that I work with, and society.
I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed my chores, my responsibilities, my assignments, and my
projects to accumulate. And within this, I forgive myself that I
have accepted and allowed myself to believe and thus experience that
the accumulation is 'too much' or 'too late' and then allow myself to
give up only because what now needs to be done will require more
physical movement than if I had moved myself in the moment to work on
and/or get these things done. Here, instead of seeing that this
too-muchness and too-lateness is a reaction to a mind-projection
where in my mind I take a small point and blow it up into something
HUGE - I do not see it for what it is and push myself to move and no longer be
mind-controlled, I believe what I am seeing and telling myself within
and as my mind. In that moment where I could move myself, I make it
quite easy for myself to move away, ignore, and hide from what is
required to get done - I mean, if the thought comes up that I 'don't
have to do it right now', it makes it REAL right? Obviously NOT given
the state of the accumulation that I'm looking at and sorting
through. It is interesting how I have never questioned my mind and
will believe my mind over and above what I am seeing in actual
physical reality - and if I am in agreement with my mind because I am
showing myself, as my mind, what I would like to see - what does that
tell me about who/what I am?
I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to go into a mind and physical state of depression
after I have told myself time-and-time-again 'it's too much' or 'too
late' and have allowed myself to become overwhelmed by accumulation
for an extended period of time. And within this, I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for, access, pull-up,
and have an inner-dialogue with myself of, “There is no hope, no
point, and there's nothing I can do that will make a difference ...”
as an excuse/reason/response that explains to myself why I am not
moving myself.
I forgive myself that I have not
accepted and allowed myself to apply myself - in any way - to become
the self-disciplined and self-willed person that I would like to be.
Instead, I allowed myself to go into complacency, lethargy, and
waiting around for something more - for something to happen in some
sort of future-self-projection that would change me to want to and/or
suddenly become self-willed and self-disciplined.
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