Day 170: Appearance Is Everything

I see physical Beauty as something that is required for myself to possess so that I can have an easier existence and get what I want from others. I have come to believe that if I am beautiful as per my mind's definition of physical beauty that my life will be easier because I will no longer worry about being judged by others, about others speaking negatively about my physical appearance, that there will be more opportunities for me in this world, that I will fit in better, and that I will not have to work as hard to make friends with others. During my time here on earth, I have seen and experienced the difference between being seen as 'ugly' and being seen as 'beautiful' where being seen as 'ugly', I have been disregarded, ignored, loathed, bullied and being a 'cast-out' - and on the opposite polarity, when I am seen as beautiful, I receive attention, admiration, acceptance, respect, and Love - all of the things that I want from others because I have not given these things to myself. In addition, I see that I have also connected Beauty to Survival where the more beautiful I can project myself as being, the more money I can make and/or get from others. Within this, it is interesting that I have not questioned why I chose an industry to work in where 'appearance is everything' and how my income is dependent on others impressions of me and whether or not I provided a positive experience within my ability to assess and/or anticipate an individuals wants, needs, and desires.

SELF-FORGIVENESS

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see physical beauty as something that is required for myself to possess because I believe that if I am seen as beautiful and/or physically attractive that my existence here will be easier and I think that I will get 'what I want' from others. Within this, I have NOT seen how in my desire to possess physical beauty that I have allowed myself to become obsessed and possessed-by beauty and the desire to be beautiful/attractive - in-fact, I think about it constantly and continuously. Further, when and as I do not experience an 'easier' life and/or I do not get what I want from others, I blame it on my physical appearance as: I am not pretty/sexy/beautiful/attractive enough. I do not consider the things that I can actually change about myself to assist with my life to be easier - like skills, education, and self-awareness. And I do not ask myself why I want to control others and manipulate as to 'get what I want' from them - and why I have come to accept the belief that being beautiful/physically-attractive assists with controlling and manipulating others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I am beautiful, as per my mind's definition of physical beauty, that my life will be easier because I will no longer have to worry about others judging me or saying about me in a negative way. I tell myself that there will be more opportunities for me in this world if others see me positively, that I will 'fit in' better and that I will not have to work as hard to make friends with others. Here, I have completely disregarded my self-communication - it is actually me that is submitting to my own mind definition/picture/idea of physical beauty: It is me judging myself. It is me speaking about myself in a negative way. It is me limiting myself and not allowing myself to explore opportunities for myself within the world. It is me enforcing myself as my mind onto my body in an attempt to make my physical body 'fit in' to my definition/picture/idea of beauty. And it's me not wanting to actually get to know myself nor anyone else in the external world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect positive and negative energetic experiences in the past to Ugly and Beauty. I have connected being disregarded, ignored, loathed, bullied, and being an out-cast to 'Ugly' with a negative energetic charge and I have connected attention, admiration, acceptance, respect and Love to 'Beauty' as a positive energetic charge. Because I have not given myself attention, admiration, acceptance, respect, and love, I look to others to give this to me - it is a weakness that I use against myself as to ensure that I will not stand and that I will keep myself locked into a pattern of fleeing from a negative energetic experience and seeking out a positive energetic experience. If I were to develop and stand within/as/for points of self-attention, self-admiration, self-acceptance, self-respect, and self-love, I would not flee away from nor seek out these points because I would be equal and one with them.