Monday, September 10, 2012

Day 42: I Can't Watch This - Part 6

Here I am writing Self-Correction and Self-Commitment Statements for:

Day 37: I Can't Watch This
Day 38: I Can't Watch This - Part 2
Day 39: I Can't Watch This - Part 3
Day 40: I Can't Watch This - Part 4
Day 41: I Can't Watch This - Part 5
For additional context, see the documentary Earthlings.

ART By Anna Brix Thomsen

When and as I see that I am taking myself within and as my mind back to a memory of myself of when I was a very young child so that I will experience myself as a human being that does not care and thus tell myself that this is who I am, I stop.  I breath.  I see, realize, and understand that this is myself as my minds way to control me with guilt, remorse, blame, justification, and other negative emotions so that I do not remain here, in breath and thus never realize who I am as life.  Additionally, I now see, realize, and understand that the moment that I had with the cat where I killed the cat was a moment where any variable/instance/event could have happened.

I commit myself to being here in breath with the animals and thus sharing moments with animals.   Within this, I commit myself to stopping the fear that I've attached to the memories of my experiences with animals.  Additionally, I commit myself to stopping the fear that I've attached to the memories of OTHERS, the media, films, books, stories, fictions, etc. as imagined experiences with animals.

I see, realize, and understand that being/becoming equal to and one with life that is here within this physical world requires for me to be present and aware of my reactions and that within my awareness I have moment-by-moment decisions where I can breath through my fear and not allow my fear to direct me within an action/re-action in a moment where anything can happen. 

When and as I see and/or hear myself telling myself 'this is who/what I am' as 'only human', I stop.  I see, realize, and understand that 'who I am', 'what I am', and 'only human' is an expression of the knowledge, information, stories, imaginings, and memories that I have stored within myself as pictures in/as/of/from my mind that I have attached to the words 'who/what I am' and 'human'.

Within this, When and as I see/tell myself that 'I am human', I do so within awareness that 'human' is a physical body controlled by a mind - where every word, action, reaction, personality, Character, thought, emotion, and feeling is pre-determined, pre-scripted, pre-programmed, and pre-narraratored by the mind. 

I commit myself to no longer accept nor allow the excuse of 'I am only human' - within this, I commit myself to no longer accept nor allow myself to use the excuse/justification of 'I am only <anything>' as I see, realize and understand that my allowance of myself being 'only anything' is me allowing and thus accepting myself to be/become diminished, separated, categorized, characterized, and irresponsible.

I commit myself to no longer see myself as a Species separate from other Earthlings and within this, I commit myself to understanding exactly how we are the same as we are all born of/from the Earth and thus are of/from the same substance.  Within this, I commit myself to understanding and establishing a relationship with/as my design and the designs of other Earthlings.

When and as I see myself blaming myself with thoughts of what a 'bad human' I am or blaming my Race as the Human Race/Species, I stop.  I see, realize, and understand that BLAME gets me no where and so I breath, equalize myself, and self-forgive my blames that come up in that moment. From here, I re-direct myself by re-minding myself that my design and the design of my fellow human beings as Mind Consciousness Systems is from/of/as a point of dominance and control - and in accepting and allowing myself as this design, I am responsible for all that I have established dominance and control over and I am responsible for all life that I have not seen or heard - specifically those that I have not accepted nor allowed as having/to have a voice/the ability to communicate.

I commit myself to no longer allow myself to no longer get caught up in the Blame Game as I see that it is yet another cycle of entrapment.  Within this, I commit myself to focus on supporting, standing for and manifesting a SOLUTION that will put a PERMANENT end to abuse and exploitation.

Additionally, I commit myself to BECOMING THE SOLUTION.  I commit myself to becoming the solution here in THIS PHYSICAL REALITY where we are all given an opportunity in THIS ONE LIFE to reform ourselves and that we can be trusted with Life and thus be FREE.

When and as I continue walking the Earthlings Documentary and I experience any reactions of thoughts, emotions, feelings, memories or the 'I Can't Watch This' Character, I stop.  I breath. I see, realize and understand that this is me within and as my mind where I do not have control over nor an established relationship of responsibility with what I am seeing and so I want what I'm seeing to 'go away'.  Within this seeing, realizing, and understanding that my reactions are an experience that I am having within and as my mind, I direct myself to self-forgive any thoughts, emotions, feelings, memories, and/or physical adrenaline reactions that surface as continue to watch Earthlings and thus give myself the opportunity to align/re-align and equalize myself with what has been accepted and allowed for/as animal abuse.

I commit myself to understanding and becoming equal to what has been/to what I have accepted and allowed for/of/as animal abuse - and within this commitment, I commit myself to watch the Earthlings documentary from start to end and as I do this, I commit myself to self-forgiving and self-correcting any memories, thoughts, and reactions that surface during this process.

When and as I see myself 'feeling sorry' for myself or any other outside of myself, I stop.  I see, realize, and understand that 'feeling sorry' is not real - in fact, it is a lie as I have proven to myself that I have programmed the word 'Sorry' into and as my physical living as a way to not accept nor allow myself to be/become responsible for the consequences of my choices and decisions.  Additionally, I see, realize, and understand that by accepting and allowing the word 'Sorry' to exist within and as my physical living/expression, that I am accepting and allowing 'Right/Wrong', blame, judgement, excuses justification, guilt, and escapism to exist and thus I am accepting and allowing the manifested consequences as the World Systems that serve individual self-interest and control without consideration for LIFE.

I commit myself to removing, stopping, and/or re-directing 'Sorry' from my programming and replacing each instance of 'Sorry-ness' with Self-Forgiveness and Self-Correction.

When and as I see myself, as a parent, participating in thoughts, memories, programming/pre-programming, imaginings, judgements, and/or fears that could potentially lead to my reacting - I STOP.  I BREATH.  I do not react.  I see, realize, and understand that I NO LONGER have to/need to follow the direction of the narrator within and as my mind that tells me what to do, how to do it, and why to do it from a point of fear that I am 'not raising my kid right' or that 'my kid will not be accepted and/or survive in this world'.  I trust myself to make decisions for/direct myself and my children within the principle of equality and what's best for us as living, breathing, and responsible beings.

I commit myself to stopping my reactions to others and PERFECTING this as I see, realize, and understand that this is absolutely required if I am to actually FOR REAL to assist and support myself and others in being/becoming one/equal-to our physical bodies and our physical world.

I commit myself to SHARE the education of myself within and as my Journey To Life with my children - specifically with my pre-school/kindergarten-aged child who is still home with me, I commit myself to exploring, understanding, and sharing our physical world together as an equal part of his homeschool education. 

I commit myself to remove myself from the HUMAN RACE - where I take myself out of the RACE as I am in NO HURRY to get to the FINISH LINE.  I see, realize, and understand that competing is pointless and that DEMONstrating how special/more deserving/how -amazing- /how right I am changes nothing as when and as I reach the finish line/the end, all that I used as knowledge, information, Characters and personalities to give me a 'winning edge' will die when my mind dies and my body will return to the Earth along with all of my other fellow dead Earthlings.

Within this, I commit myself to changing/re-directing/becoming Being Human where Human is my design and Being is to Be Living here equal to/as myself within and as my design and with all Beings/Earthlings that are here within and as their individual designs.

I commit myself to re-mind myself that FEAR IS LAME.  I see, realize, and understand that fear and all of the processes that go into storing and maintaining that fear are actually diminishing my physical substance and in-fact, are making me lame.

I commit myself to no longer trust my fears by telling myself that 'my fears will keep me safe' as this is simply not true.  I see, realize, and understand that my fears keep myself as a Mind Consciousness System safe - where myself as a physical body is in a safe, under-lock-and-key, and within control of the authority of my Mind that is required to MINE from my physicality/substance to survive.

Within this, I commit myself to trust myself to make cautious, common sense decisions within awareness/understanding of the environment/situation/event that I am in at any given moment.

I commit myself to self-forgive myself for any negative/positive/neutral relationships that I have created with myself and other beings and within this, I commit myself to walk the self-correction for no longer accepting and allowing these mind relationships as well as walk my self-commitments to establish real, physical relationships with myself and other beings.

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Day 41: I Can't Watch This - Part 5

Here I am continuing with my process of understanding Animal Abuse.  For context, see:
Day 37: I Can't Watch This
Day 38: I Can't Watch This - Part 2
Day 39: I Can't Watch This - Part 3
Day 40: I Can't Watch This - Part 4
And the documentary Earthlings

ART By Silvia Simone Gerssen

I am questioning my definition of Abuse because:
  • I see abuse everywhere, in every 'thing' on this planet.
  • When I am NOT being self-honest, I do not see myself as an abuser - I see everyone/thing else OUTSIDE of myself as The Abuser.
  • I react to others stories, memories, and experiences of abuse/being abused as, "What the HECK? That is SO wrong." I experience a sorriness with the individual sharing their experience.  I want to hug, hold, and comfort the victim and I want to do everything within my power to separate the victim from their abuser.  I become angry with Earthlings hurting other Earthlings - I become angry, frustrated, and disappointed with Earthlings who ignore the Earthlings that are being hurt by other Earthlings.  I want the abuser, in any form that they have taken on this earth - animal, plant, insect, human, element - all that is HERE to STOP.  Even if it means removal. Just stop.  WHY does it have to be this way?

Now, when and as I ask others in my immediate environment the question of 'WHY does it have to be this way?', I hear, "It is what it is ...", "It's God's Will ...", "That's life ...", "Survival of the fittest ...", "There's nothing any that I or any of us can do about it ...", "Yep.  We're all evil. Get used to it ..." or, "Not my concern, not my problem ..."

Honestly, I am equal to each and every one of these answers as the truth is, before participating with a group if beings that are working on standing up and taking responsibility for the abuse, my answer to the question of 'WHY does it have to be this way?' was any of the above responses depending on what character I was acting, studying, or practicing at the time.  The fact that I have a 'new perspective' as 'NO MORE ABUSE PERIOD' changes nothing in my pattern of character creation - specifically, since I realize that as long as I am reacting to what myself or others see or share as 'abuse', that I have no clue what I'm standing for - how can I possibly give myself an opportunity to understand when I'm completely DISTRACTED by my reaction? I'm just another picketer, waiving a well-written sign in the air, while I use every possible character in my arsenal to get passerby's to not cross-the-line, to join us, or get out of the way.

Here is where I see myself - standing on the grass with my eye-catching sign of all the ugliness that is here.  From time to time, I get the attention from a curious, lonely, or guilty walker-by that wants to learn more but in the end I hear and see, "No thanks. Good luck, though.  I might check on you later to see how you're doing ..."  I see others as not 'getting it' - which is interesting because I GOT IT - loud and clear. Sure, there was a moment when I said, 'This person is INSANE ... I'm out of here ...' but I came right back for more in a matter of days.  Why?  Because all of my questions were answered honestly.  These people spoke to my common sense.  And they gave, and gave, and gave, and gave...

So. Honestly, truthfully, practically, and realistically, how am I allowing myself to define Abuse?  Because I can 'take others words for it' or allow my imagination to show me what abuse is, who the abusers are, who the victims are, etc. - over and over and over again BUT it's not getting me anywhere.

Oh, and another point:  Because we are ALL REACTING TO ABUSE, this leaves A LOT of room for deflection and deception.  I have proved this to myself recently.  Abuse is another Trump Card that I play to resist changing.  I've lived through some chaotic, confusing, emotional, unsafe and physically damaging times which I see myself as justified as using as an excuse and/or escape.  I can no longer allow myself to become this Abused Person Character nor can I accept this character of/as/from others.

Putting It Together
In relation to Animal Abuse and my reaction to the Earthlings documentary, I am reacting as my 'I'm An Abuser' and 'I Am/Was/Will Be Abused' Characters where I then justify becoming the 'I Can't' Character where I am allowing myself to resist as my mind and thus continue with my programming so that I do not allow myself the opportunity to establish an actual real relationship connection with myself via another Earthling.

In my next blog I will write my self-correction and self-commitment statements for my 'I Can't Watch This' Character. From there, I will investigate how I am living out my Abuse programming/Characters/definitions so that I can stop the reactions, GIVE myself an underSTANDING, and thus continue to establish a relationship of trust with myself.   Within this, I will continue watching Earthlings as my reaction indicates that I must walk this point with my awareness of my resistance.