Here I continue writing out my 'I Can't Watch This and I Don't Have To' Character. For context, see Day 37: I Can't Watch This, Day 38: I Can't Watch This - Part 2, and the Earthlings documentary.
So as I've been walking this point, I saw that I was reacting to something specific about seeing the dog get thrown and then given the 'go' to be crushed in the garbage truck. I began taking out the dog and inserting other variables and testing my reactions. I found that if I imagined a child or any animal being thrown around then thrown in that I had the same pissed off, frustrated, and wanting to save the child or animal response. However, when I pictured any anonymous average Joe walking down the street, my reaction wasn't as strong - not cool but neutral - I mean, I could give Joe a story of how he's got kids at home that would grow up without a daddy to get myself to react but I could reason that they still had their mom so - eh, life goes on. What was it? What was the variable that I was missing? And then I saw the eyes - it's in the animals and children's eyes as a confusion, a 'what are you doing to me? I can't help who I am', an innocence.
Innocence. In-No-Sense. In No Cents?!? What has No Cents? A crazy homeless person. I plugged that variable in and got the same animal/kid reaction.
Dictionary Definition of Innocence:
The state, quality, or virtue of being innocent, as:
a. Freedom from sin, moral wrong, or guilt through lack of knowledge of evil.
b. Guiltlessness of a specific legal crime or offense.
c. Freedom from guile, cunning, or deceit; simplicity or artlessness.
d. Lack of worldliness or sophistication; naiveté.
e. Lack of knowledge or understanding; ignorance.
f. Freedom from harmfulness; inoffensiveness.
from Latin innocentia harmlessness, from innocēns doing no harm, blameless
Looking at this dictionary definition, my reaction is validated and makes sense because if I am seeing these kids, animals, and some humans as lacking something that is required to survive on their own in this world of evil, greedy, untrustworthy, abusive exploiters and manipulators, I want to save that which I see is helpless. And further, if I have judged the kid/creature/human as innocent, I want JUSTICE goddamn it. ROAR.
I'm a curious character which is another point all together and probably one of the many reasons that I LOVE Desteni because if I ask a question, I'm going to get an answer - the easy way or the hard way - it's entirely up to me. So, I go for it: What am I not seeing here? What's the whole story? If I were standing in that Go Man's shoes, what would make me not give a care about the 'innocent' look in any being's eyes? Ahhh yes - if the being did me wrong.
And there it is. Sure, it would take me a LONG time to get to that point and no I probably wouldn't go for the Garbage Truck crusher death but I would not put it beyond me to consider it.
Enter GUILT as a response to the thoughts: Oh crap. There's some people that get upset about animals being hurt (like me in my 'I Can't Watch This' Character) are going to read this and become angry, confused, or have a WTF Moment. On the other hand, I'm being honest. Seriously, we allow this bullshit every minute of every hour of every day and not for one moment do the majority of us get off of our butts and do something about it. Like, for real, as a permanent solution.
To be continued.