Friday, October 19, 2012

Day 46: That is SO Not True About Me

Photo: By Kelly Posey
Humanity's Journey to Life: Day 120: Validation Character: Reaction Dimension (Part 4)
Art By Kelly Posey

Continued from: Day 45: Excuses, Excuses, Day 44: Task and Self-Support Management and Day 43: Starting Over

When and as I see that I am taking others words, actions, reactions, and/or feedback personal as indicated to me by me experiencing an adrenaline-fear reaction, holding my breath, clenching my teeth, putting a hand on my hip, scrunching my face, and/or allowing my mind to flood with thoughts and memories of why that other is wrong, I stop. I breath and I slow down.  I see and realize that I am reacting out of fear of being seen as incompetent and/or lazy and that I am about to react with words that PROVE that I am not less than another and that I am, in fact, better than another - and because I see the consequence of this as causing conflict, I do not move myself to prove that I am in the right/better - instead I take this as an opportunity to breath and show myself that I can trust myself to take responsibility for myself for my taking it personal reaction in that moment by continuing to breath, hearing others, and taking an inventory of what I am reacting to about myself and why so that I am able to be effective within my taking responsibility for my actions/reactions.

I commit myself to breathing when in a state of reaction and taking an inventory of what is triggering me and why.

When and as I see/hear myself expecting others to do things for me because I do things for them, I see, realize, and understand that this is me looking for appreciation. Additionally, I realize that by doing 'things' for others, that I expect others to labor for me, without question/reaction/negativity - I am making investments in others because I expect a return of servitude. So from here, I stop myself from doing things for others ONLY IF it benefits me and benefits me only and instead, re-direct myself to doing things for others from within/as compassion, caring and what is best.

I commit myself to no longer move myself within doing things for others to prove myself as a worthy, caring, hard-working individual - instead, within this, I commit myself to moving myself within supporting myself and others with tasks that show myself that I am a worthy, caring, hard-working individual within/as/from the point of what is best.

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