Day 154: I'm Broken

Two weeks ago I fractured my ankle and have been told that it will take a total 6-weeks to heal.  For the most of the these past two weeks I've been on the couch with my leg elevated and I am just now getting to the point in my recovery process of where I can start working at my desk again.  I have been writing daily in a notebook and am sharing this writing starting here:

Monday, August 26, 2013

I fractured my left ankle.  Up until the moment that I broke the bone, there as a timeline of physical warnings that I ignored.  For about 6 weeks prior to my injury, I consistently would twist my ankles as I rushed around from one task to another.  I was aware that I needed to slow down but I reasoned this was impossible for me to do and instead of practicing slowing myself and practicing moving/walking in breath, I changed my shoes.  I continued to twist my ankles and continued to ignore it until I finally took a short step that needed to be a long step and my bone gave out.

In the moment before I took that wrong step, I was reacting.  I was angry, I was disappointed, and I was backchatting.

When I heard my bone POP, I told myself that I 'really effed myself up this time' and I was aware of why: In spite of the fact that my body had given me plenty of warning and in spite of the consequences I have walked in the recent past for being too hard on my body, I made a decision to repeat a pattern.

Now I am looking at a 6-week recovery time.  And thus far, I have been able to do very little.  All that I can do is decide how to move or IF I actually can which has assisted in putting my process of slowing myself down into perspective as I now see, realize, and understand what and how it is to have a relationship in every moment of every breath with my physical body and what's in my immediate external environment where I have to be present and consider everything when and as I move.