Day 159: From Auto-Parent To Self-Parent

Self-correction and self-commitment for Day 155: Automated Parent


When and as I see that I am being unnecessarily hard on myself as a means to make a situation or event better or more acceptable, I stop, I breath, and I bring myself back here to my physical.  I see, realize, and understand that using words or thoughts to punish myself does not make my mistakes better, more acceptable, nor does it support me as a being - no, this supports me to go into my mind as I go into negatively charged emotions where I do not consider practical, livable solutions for the situation/event I've faced in which I made a mistake.

I commit myself to stopping myself from punishing myself with words and thoughts by reminding myself that punishing myself is not going to make my mistakes better and that going into my mind is not a solution.  I commit myself to, when I make mistakes, to instead breath and bring myself back to the physical where I can actually look at practical, livable solutions that will assist and support me to not repeat the mistakes.

When and as I see that I am angry or disappointed with myself because I have self-judged myself to be in the wrong and that being angry and/or disappointed is the appropriate response in such situations or events, I stop.  I see, realize, and understand that being angry and/or disappointed with/at myself is not the responsible action that I believe it to be and that in reality, it's quite the opposite in that the actual responsible action is to direct myself to solutions and prevention.

I commit myself to stopping self-anger, self-disappointment, and self-judgment by allowing myself to see solutions rather than problems only when and as I am faced with an event or experience where a mistake has been made or could potentially be made.  I allow myself to slow down and to look at the situation or event practically and realistically so that I can determine the change for myself that is best for all.

When and as I see that I have gone into being an Automated Parent where I expect to see remorse or some other emotional reaction that demonstrates shame and/or regret, I stop and I breath myself back to my physical reality.  I see, realize, and understand that I have accepted, allowed, and been participating in this behavior/character for so long that I have integrated into and as myself to such an extent that I do not question it - it is automated.  So, here, my responsibility is to question myself as a parent:  Why do I continue to inflict emotional and mental harm when I have seen time-and-time again that this does not change nor improve anything?  Why do I believe that I must see shame, remorse, or regret when/as a mistake is made in order for me to see that the situation or event has a chance to get better?

I commit myself to stopping myself as an Automated Parent by no longer accepting and allowing myself to go right into expecting to see shame, regret, or remorse and instead breathing, slowing myself down, and allowing myself question myself and what changes I could make. Rather than go on Auto-Parent,  I practice self-parenting where I go over the mistake, consider other decisions/actions that I could have made where the outcome was best, work out a plan for how I will be in the same situation in the future, and commit myself to the change.

I commit myself to stopping myself from bullying, diminishing, and belittling myself by questioning my self-judgments.  And within this, I commit myself to not use self-judgment against myself and to instead work on self-acceptance, self-respect, and problem prevention.