Day 190: Changing My Starting Point In Process - Part 2

"Over the past couple of months, I have also observed of myself reoccurring thoughts and experiences of being forced to do things.  Forced to work, forced to clean, forced to take care of my responsibilities and commitments, forced to do this, and forced to do that.  In my mind, I have seen almost everything as being forced on me and within this, I have disregarded the fact that I made the decision to do the things that I do on my own as well as the moments that I actually do enjoy what I'm doing.  I have not allowed myself to see this, though - instead I've placed blame and placed responsibility on something or someone outside of myself.  I realize that I have been doing this for most of life which makes it pretty clear why it's automatic now."  From Day 189: Changing My Starting Point In Process - Part 1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed reoccurring thoughts of 'being forced to do things' to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create experiences of 'being forced to do things' for myself from me wanting to believe that my thoughts about 'being forced to do things' is real and true.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto my belief and idea that I am 'being forced to do something' despite that I'm not seeing that the idea and belief holds up in physical reality - no one outside of me is physically forcing me to work, clean, take care of my responsibilities and commitments or forcing me to walk my process.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see that because I don't want to let go of the belief and idea that I'm 'being forced to do things' that I will actually create for myself the experience of 'being forced', force myself to do things, and then attempt to project this behavior onto something or someone in my external environment as to further solidify that my belief and ideas are are correct and that I am right.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately overlook how I actually enjoy doing what I am doing throughout my day - I enjoy myself while I am working, cleaning, and building a foundation of trust with myself within taking care of my responsibilities and walking my process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to self-sabotage myself within my process by not allowing myself to see how much I enjoy it - all because I wanted to hold onto to the desire to be right about myself having to be forced to do things.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to investigate where and why - in my history - did I create this idea and belief of myself as being forced to do things.  And further, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by the events in my past and my programming and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing how I have continued to allow my past to determine who I am now and my starting point within approaching physical commitments and process.

I forgive myself that I accepted 'being forced' into my physical fabric and I forgive myself that I have allowed this to be/become me well into a time when I actually did have a choice to change my programming.

I commit myself to no longer accept nor allow myself to believe 'being forced to do things' thoughts that come up by when and as the thoughts come up, I stop and breath.  I do not go into the thought nor allow myself to look for reasons why the 'being forced to do things' thought is true or correct.  Instead, I allow myself the opportunity to see the thought and self-forgive the memories and reactions that are coming up within me in relation to the thought.

I commit myself to seeing how my beliefs and ideas about me 'being forced' have limited me and self-sabotaged my process of growth and change throughout my history and from this seeing, I commit myself to no longer limit myself to being one that is 'being forced' and instead BEING A FORCE.

Force = Physical action or movement

I commit myself to living the word FORCE by being the physical action or movement within my process as well as my other commitments and responsibilities.

Over the past couple of months, I have also observed of myself reoccurring thoughts and experiences of being forced to do things.  Forced to work, forced to clean, forced to take care of my responsibilities and commitments, forced to do this, and forced to do that.  In my mind, I have seen almost everything as being forced on me and within this, I have disregarded the fact that I made the decision to do the things that I do on my own as well as the moments that I actually do enjoy what I'm doing.  I have not allowed myself to see this, though - instead I've placed blame and placed responsibility on something or someone outside of myself.  I realize that I have been doing this for most of life which makes it pretty clear why it's automatic now. - See more at: http://self-commitment-of-carrie.blogspot.com/#sthash.WGxqysGt.dpuf

Over the past couple of months, I have also observed of myself reoccurring thoughts and experiences of being forced to do things.  Forced to work, forced to clean, forced to take care of my responsibilities and commitments, forced to do this, and forced to do that.  In my mind, I have seen almost everything as being forced on me and within this, I have disregarded the fact that I made the decision to do the things that I do on my own as well as the moments that I actually do enjoy what I'm doing.  I have not allowed myself to see this, though - instead I've placed blame and placed responsibility on something or someone outside of myself.  I realize that I have been doing this for most of life which makes it pretty clear why it's automatic now. - See more at: http://self-commitment-of-carrie.blogspot.com/#sthash.WGxqysGt.dpuf

Over the past couple of months, I have also observed of myself reoccurring thoughts and experiences of being forced to do things.  Forced to work, forced to clean, forced to take care of my responsibilities and commitments, forced to do this, and forced to do that.  In my mind, I have seen almost everything as being forced on me and within this, I have disregarded the fact that I made the decision to do the things that I do on my own as well as the moments that I actually do enjoy what I'm doing.  I have not allowed myself to see this, though - instead I've placed blame and placed responsibility on something or someone outside of myself.  I realize that I have been doing this for most of life which makes it pretty clear why it's automatic now. - See more at: http://self-commitment-of-carrie.blogspot.com/#sthash.WGxqysGt.dpuf

Day 167: Be Brutally Honest With Me - Part 2

Here continuing with Self-Correction and Self-Commitment from Day 166: Be Brutally Honest With Me - Part 1.

SELF-CORRECTION AND SELF-COMMITMENT STATEMENTS

When and as I see that I am about to enter into an agreement to be brutally honest with another, I stop and breathe. I realize that honesty does not equal stability nor does it assist and support others with awareness, understanding, and working on solutions – especially when approaching the ‘honest information’ from a point of reaction. So, how I share honesty with others when working through a problem is no different from how I would approach honesty with myself when working on a problem where I clear myself of reactions so that I can look at the problem realistically and construct practical, trustworthy solutions.

I commit myself to stopping automatically responding to others requests for brutal honesty by breathing, slowing myself down, and allowing myself to take a moment to look at the known and/or potential outcomes to see if it’s best for myself and others for me to respond or if it’s best for me assist and direct the situation to understanding, awareness, clarity, and stability.

When and as I see that I am quickly going into an assumption about how an event is going to play out positively if/when/as I am honest, I stop and breathe. I realize that I have not allowed myself to slow down and look at events/scenarios/situations – I go right into my mind and speed ahead to the part where everything almost always works out for the best. 

I commit myself to put a guard on my mouth, to stop going over the information within/as situations, scenarios, and events quickly and to take the time to sort through what’s going on with breathing, slowing myself down, looking at events/situations/scenarios practically, asking questions, and sharing perspectives on what’s going on as well as potential solutions that I see.

When and as I see that I am experiencing shock because something happening in the external world is not working and/or not in alignment with my beliefs that I have stored within and as me as information, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am showing myself that my belief is not real. Instead of going into my mind to distract myself with figuring out what went wrong, I direct myself to the physical act of writing out the beliefs, the consequences of my beliefs, self-forgiveness for my beliefs, and self-correction so that I do not continue with the pattern. 

I commit myself to stopping myself from going into a shocked experience by STOPPING, breathing, stopping myself from going into my mind to figure out what happened, and directing myself to the physical act of writing it out, applying self-forgiveness, and self-correcting myself. I commit myself to embrace these moments of my beliefs getting blown apart, face myself, and then realign myself with what is best.

When and as I see that I am attempting to go into my positive beliefs about Honesty as indicated by me looking to get a positive energetic experience of Hope, I stop and breathe. I realize that my beliefs about honesty are lies – they are bullshit stories and phrases that I have told myself in an attempt to get out of facing the physical consequences of things I’ve done and/or participated in that I’m having a negative emotional reaction to. I realize that I’ve automated this at this point – that I will have the negative experience and then immediately seek out the positive – and it’s easier – it’s quicker and easier to forget than actually taking the time to balance self-honesty with self-responsibility and being an active participant in my self-change.

I commit myself to stop going into my positive beliefs about Honesty and within this stop going for the positive energetic Hope experience as a way to feel better about my negative emotional reaction to something I have done and/or participated in. Instead of going into the belief, I breathe, slow myself down and back myself to my negative emotional experience and investigate why I went into it in the first place – I ask myself questions: Why am I trying to forget about this? Why am I trying to take the easy way out of this? What can I do to actually change this so that I can live in a self-honest, responsible way and not keep creating this sort of consequence for myself? Here, also, I commit myself to writing these points out on paper/screen so I have them in front of me and can work with them in physical reality rather than in my mind where things get foggy or are easily forgotten with distraction.

When and as I see that I am about to automatically go into my mind-purge ‘honesty’ that I have justified and excused with my belief system about honesty, I stop and breathe. I do not go there. I realize that no good will come of this and that the clean-up will be extensive and that some of the damage may be irreparable. This is not something that I want for myself and others.

I commit myself to STOP automatically going into a mind-purge when and as I am asked for honesty. I put a guard over mouth, I breathe, and make certain that I am clear before I speak. When and as I am clear, I direct the question/request of Honesty to a solution focused discussion where I ask questions, investigate what’s going on, share perspectives and suggest solutions.

Here continuing with Self-Correction and Self-Commitment from writing and Self-Forgiveness on - See more at: http://self-commitment-of-carrie.blogspot.com/#sthash.pkfLxejh.dpufH