Day 190: Changing My Starting Point In Process - Part 2

"Over the past couple of months, I have also observed of myself reoccurring thoughts and experiences of being forced to do things.  Forced to work, forced to clean, forced to take care of my responsibilities and commitments, forced to do this, and forced to do that.  In my mind, I have seen almost everything as being forced on me and within this, I have disregarded the fact that I made the decision to do the things that I do on my own as well as the moments that I actually do enjoy what I'm doing.  I have not allowed myself to see this, though - instead I've placed blame and placed responsibility on something or someone outside of myself.  I realize that I have been doing this for most of life which makes it pretty clear why it's automatic now."  From Day 189: Changing My Starting Point In Process - Part 1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed reoccurring thoughts of 'being forced to do things' to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create experiences of 'being forced to do things' for myself from me wanting to believe that my thoughts about 'being forced to do things' is real and true.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto my belief and idea that I am 'being forced to do something' despite that I'm not seeing that the idea and belief holds up in physical reality - no one outside of me is physically forcing me to work, clean, take care of my responsibilities and commitments or forcing me to walk my process.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see that because I don't want to let go of the belief and idea that I'm 'being forced to do things' that I will actually create for myself the experience of 'being forced', force myself to do things, and then attempt to project this behavior onto something or someone in my external environment as to further solidify that my belief and ideas are are correct and that I am right.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately overlook how I actually enjoy doing what I am doing throughout my day - I enjoy myself while I am working, cleaning, and building a foundation of trust with myself within taking care of my responsibilities and walking my process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to self-sabotage myself within my process by not allowing myself to see how much I enjoy it - all because I wanted to hold onto to the desire to be right about myself having to be forced to do things.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to investigate where and why - in my history - did I create this idea and belief of myself as being forced to do things.  And further, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by the events in my past and my programming and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing how I have continued to allow my past to determine who I am now and my starting point within approaching physical commitments and process.

I forgive myself that I accepted 'being forced' into my physical fabric and I forgive myself that I have allowed this to be/become me well into a time when I actually did have a choice to change my programming.

I commit myself to no longer accept nor allow myself to believe 'being forced to do things' thoughts that come up by when and as the thoughts come up, I stop and breath.  I do not go into the thought nor allow myself to look for reasons why the 'being forced to do things' thought is true or correct.  Instead, I allow myself the opportunity to see the thought and self-forgive the memories and reactions that are coming up within me in relation to the thought.

I commit myself to seeing how my beliefs and ideas about me 'being forced' have limited me and self-sabotaged my process of growth and change throughout my history and from this seeing, I commit myself to no longer limit myself to being one that is 'being forced' and instead BEING A FORCE.

Force = Physical action or movement

I commit myself to living the word FORCE by being the physical action or movement within my process as well as my other commitments and responsibilities.

Over the past couple of months, I have also observed of myself reoccurring thoughts and experiences of being forced to do things.  Forced to work, forced to clean, forced to take care of my responsibilities and commitments, forced to do this, and forced to do that.  In my mind, I have seen almost everything as being forced on me and within this, I have disregarded the fact that I made the decision to do the things that I do on my own as well as the moments that I actually do enjoy what I'm doing.  I have not allowed myself to see this, though - instead I've placed blame and placed responsibility on something or someone outside of myself.  I realize that I have been doing this for most of life which makes it pretty clear why it's automatic now. - See more at: http://self-commitment-of-carrie.blogspot.com/#sthash.WGxqysGt.dpuf

Over the past couple of months, I have also observed of myself reoccurring thoughts and experiences of being forced to do things.  Forced to work, forced to clean, forced to take care of my responsibilities and commitments, forced to do this, and forced to do that.  In my mind, I have seen almost everything as being forced on me and within this, I have disregarded the fact that I made the decision to do the things that I do on my own as well as the moments that I actually do enjoy what I'm doing.  I have not allowed myself to see this, though - instead I've placed blame and placed responsibility on something or someone outside of myself.  I realize that I have been doing this for most of life which makes it pretty clear why it's automatic now. - See more at: http://self-commitment-of-carrie.blogspot.com/#sthash.WGxqysGt.dpuf

Over the past couple of months, I have also observed of myself reoccurring thoughts and experiences of being forced to do things.  Forced to work, forced to clean, forced to take care of my responsibilities and commitments, forced to do this, and forced to do that.  In my mind, I have seen almost everything as being forced on me and within this, I have disregarded the fact that I made the decision to do the things that I do on my own as well as the moments that I actually do enjoy what I'm doing.  I have not allowed myself to see this, though - instead I've placed blame and placed responsibility on something or someone outside of myself.  I realize that I have been doing this for most of life which makes it pretty clear why it's automatic now. - See more at: http://self-commitment-of-carrie.blogspot.com/#sthash.WGxqysGt.dpuf

Day 161: No, Sir, It Is Not Better To Burn Out

Part One of self-correction and self-commitment for Day 157: The Rock Star

“It's better to burn out than to fade away.” - Neil Young

When and as I am seeing that I am integrating a personality/character into/as myself because I experience an ease of my fear of loss, control of my external environment, and/or positive feedback that supports my Ego, I stop.  I see, realize, and understand that when I become these characters and personalities that I am doing so from the starting point of satiating my mind self-interest and that there is very little about these characters and personalities that I are practical in my everyday actual living.  So, looking at the Rock Star and the physical requirements it takes to live-up to this image/imagination, I see that it mostly benefits myself as an individual and regardless of me telling myself in my mind that me being a Rock Star benefits all, I see in real, physical reality examples of rock stars getting burnt out, not having a life or dying young, and not being there for their families.

I commit myself to stop integrating characters and personalities into and as me, such as the Rock Star personality and character, that do not support me as Life or any others that require me to be here and functioning within and as my best physical capacity.  When and as I am presented with or given the opportunity to adopt a character/personality as my own, I do not readily accept/become/integrate the character/personality from a point of self-interest - no, I STOP the process, slow myself with breath, and investigate how the character/personality actually functions here in physical reality instead of the imaginations that I've attached to it in my mind.  Within this, I commit myself to removing the thought, imaginations, and reactions that I have personally attached to the personalities and characters that come up with writing and self-forgiveness as to be certain that I am clear and am standing.

When and as I see that I am driving myself from a point of fear of loss, I stop, I breath, and I bring myself back to physical reality.  Instead of allowing myself to move and function on automation and instead of assessing my environment or my situation within my mind, I allow myself to look through my physical eyes for solutions that I have not considered.  I allow myself to observe others being effective and to ask questions.

I commit myself to stopping myself motivating myself from fear of loss by allowing myself to step out of my mind and into physical reality by participating as a physical being - here, I practice observation, looking for solutions that I hadn't considered, and asking questions.  When and as I see that I am going into my imagination which is indicated by my 'thoughts wandering off', I stop, I breath, and I bring myself back.  I commit myself to practicing not allowing myself to go automatically into my thoughts and imagination in my mind and perfecting it.

Day 160: Reality Check -> Invincibility

Self-correction and self-commitment for Day 156: Unwinding

When and as I see that ignoring my physical warnings that I need to slow down which can be clearly seen as I move fast from one task to another, do not pay attention to where my body is is physical space, and where I am energized because I am experiencing myself as effective based off of the amount of tasks I am completing and within this looking-for or getting a desired outcome of acceptance and/or respect from my external world, I stop.  I breath in and I breath out until I have slowed myself, until I am clear of immediate reactions, and present here in physical reality.  I see, realize, and understand that when I am in mind while at the same time zooming around in my physical body without awareness of my physical body, that I am creating the possibility for me to become injured - this is a pattern that I have been participating in for quite some time - so, instead of continuing doing the same thing over-and-over again, I now see that I have an opportunity to change and respect myself as flesh by practicing self-discipline and allowing myself to be aware of and direct how I move in physical reality.

I commit myself to practicing self-discipline with my physical movements where instead of going into my mind as I move my body, I allow myself to breeeeeeeeeath, be here, be aware of my physical movements, and direct myself as flesh.  I see, realize, and understand that I have been participating in this pattern of reacting, reacting, reacting for a LONG time, so within this, I commit myself to be patient with myself - here I state this is not an allowance for me to open up a backdoor out of my self-commitment to change - this is me practicing steady gentleness.

When and as I see/hear myself denying that I have physical limitations where I tell myself that I can 'do anything', that I do 'not age', or show myself in my imagination that I am invincible, I stop.  I see, realize, and understand the reality of my physicality: Because of my participation in/with/as my mind, the decisions that I have made in regards to my physical care, and years of working labor while in my mind and making decisions that are not best for my physical health, that I have compromised my physical body.  Here, again, I direct myself to my physical awareness, get to know myself, be honest with myself, and see what can actually realistically physically do without compromising myself.

When and as I see/hear myself showing/telling myself that I Am Special, different, and/or better than everyone else - specifically in relation to how I do not 'look my age' like others do, I stop.  I see, realize, and understand that this is me going into the Superiority and/or Better-Than dimension of self-judgement where I compare myself to others as a way to feel better about myself as my Ego.  This is an image of myself that I have created in my mind as an escape from the negativity that I experience from other comparisons where I see myself as Inferior and/or Less-than.  Neither polarity assists me in improving myself, changing myself, or making decisions that are best for all in my physical reality.  So, within this realization, I see that it is best if I stop my participation in this belief as to actually assist and support myself to step-out-of-the-box of my mind and explore my actual genetic potential.

I commit myself to GIVING myself the opportunity to explore myself and my potential as a living, breathing, physical human being expressing here by letting go of and releasing myself from my beliefs of myself that I have held onto for a positive energetic charge - here, to live up to my self-commitment, I assist and support myself to write-out, self-forgive, self-correct, and clear myself of my individualized self-definitions that support myself as my mind being Special, Different, Better-Than.

When and as I see that I am about to tell myself or speak out-loud that 'I cannot slow down', I stop.  I breath.  I remind myself that this is a lie that I use as justification to not change and that I have in-fact proven that I CAN slow down and that I am actually required to so. 

So, within this, I commit myself to slowing down by breathing and allowing myself to be aware of my physical speed - I remind myself that it is best for me, my family, and that which I am committed to for me to not burn myself out.  When/as/if I see that my application of slowing down is not effective, I commit myself to ask for support and/or perspectives in regards to how I can become more effective.