Day 185: Proving Myself to the World

I want to prove myself.

I want those around me to recognize my talents, skills, experience and knowledge.

I want others to recognize my 'life's work', my hard work - my labor.

In my mind, I show myself that others around me - those who I see in positions of authority over me or those that actually have the physical ability to promote me and have influence on the direction of my living, must demonstrate a recognition of my work and my potential.  Additionally, if my talent and ability isn't recognized, I experience a loss of self - like, that part of myself, my time, my labor, and my history is lost and wasted.

I fear losing that part of myself that I defined as 'someone' with 'talent in the system' because holding on to this definition of myself as a talented, skilled, experienced, and knowledgeable person, creates a positive experience for myself.  I fear losing the good about myself, what I do, and what I have done.  So, when others do not recognize my talents, my skills, my abilities, and my achievements, it's as if all that I was and all that I did is lost or never existed at all.

Within this, I become sad and go into self-pity as I tell myself that my life and my potential is lost.  In an attempt to escape the depression, I will go into my imagination where I work out how to get what I want from others whether it's telling others what I can do, showing anyone that is willing to watch what it is that I can do, acting faster, and/or competing with others as to make myself stand out, to get attention, or to 'look better' then my fellow human beings.  It is as though I am acting out the words: See me! See me!  I was here first! I am so much better than the other person.

As I've walked this point of desiring recognition from others, I've come to realize that I am communicating with myself about what I want from ME where it is time to recognize for myself what I have done and what I could do - it's time to discard the beliefs and ideas that I've created, defined, and designed for and as myself and get into the unexplored areas of myself that I have been denying myself access to because I have been limiting myself with beliefs about myself and who/what I was and what I have accomplished - as if, that is all that I am or will ever be just because I'm good at it and because being 'good at it' gives me a positive energetic experience.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want, need, desire, and within these, drive myself to receive attention, recognition, and approval from my external world.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see that me wanting to receive attention, recognition, and approval from my external world was me actually wanting to receive attention, recognition, and approval from myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to over-and-over-and-over again - constantly - depend on others to recognize me because I would not give recognition to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe - via my constant and continuous application of this belief, program it into the actual physical fabric of my beingness and my body - that attention, recognition, and approval isn't real unless it is received in constant and continuous affirmation from external sources.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am in want, need, desire to receive attention, recognition, and approval from an external source and within this, see myself driving myself to get attention, recognition and approval from an external source, I stop, breath, and remind myself to 'bring it back to self' - and within this, give myself attention, recognize myself, be aware of myself and what I am doing, and make adjustments to what I am doing that will assist and support me to work and live my utmost potential.

I commit myself to over-and-over-and-over again, bringing points that I attempt to project on others back to myself and within this constant and continuous application of 'bringing it back to self', integrate self-awareness into my nature and my physical 'fabric', as to no longer accept, allow, nor require others to stand as points of attention, recognition, and approval for me.

In the next post I will continue with my belief that my external world has authority over me.

Day 175: Is the Grass Greener?

It is fascinating to review my life thus far and see that I have always been jealous. Was I born this way? I mean, even as a baby I wanted what others had for myself because I saw that what others possessed had an effect on them - gave them an experience of themselves that I wanted for myself. What is interesting is that: when I would acquire what others possessed, I rarely experienced myself [with the possession] in the exact same way that I had perceived another as being [with the possession]. This is a pattern that I have repeated throughout my existence within objects, relationships, and my career - it has all been from seeing myself as not having, seeing others as having, desiring having what I see others having, getting what others have, and then not experiencing what I had expected with what I have acquired. As this wanting, needing, desiring, and jealous person, I am competitive - I allow no boundaries to stand in the way of me getting what I want - no person, no situation, no excuses. So, I have to ask myself: given that I have also identified a pattern of laziness and procrastination that exists within and as me, what is it about jealousy that drives me into the opposite polarity of self-will and self-determination? Why have I never harnessed these skills and applied them toward better supporting myself and others?

SELF-FORGIVENESS

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always exist with/in/as jealousy. I never question why I always want what I do not have and why I want to get what others have that I do not have - in-fact, I never slow the process down enough to the point where I can look at it and see that it is a pattern that I constantly and continuously participate in. I simply accept that jealousy, that wanting, needing, and desiring what others have is who I am - something negative about myself that I cannot change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want what others possess when and as they look to be having a better/superior experience as a result of that possession. I see what I possess as inferior and as being less-than and/or not as good as what others have for themselves. I exist in this constant and continuous state of: The Grass Is Greener On The Other Side, where when I get to where the grass is apparently 'Greener', I see that what I possessed before and how I experienced myself at that time was Better/Inferior. So, no matter which side I am on, I am never satisfied - I move back-and-forth-and-back-and-forth, trapped in this Superiority/Inferiority - Better/Worse Polarity - never making a decision nor moving in regards to what is actually supportive for myself and others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe, think, and imagine that: if someone is happy, content, and/or satisfied with something about themselves, their lives, or something they own, that I will be happy, content, and/or satisfied too with that same exact something as myself and/or something separate and outside of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be competitive in response to my jealousy. When I compete from a starting point of jealousy, I often compromise myself - I judge, I gossip, I think and speak nasty things, I am spiteful, I am arrogant, I am manipulative and I push my physical body - all to show I am the better person, the better choice, better able, and that I am superior. So, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed judgment, gossip, nasty thoughts and spoken word, spite, arrogance, manipulation, disregard for my physical body to exist within and as me - as competition.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe (and act as if) I am lazy and a procrastinator when it is quite clear that I will move and physically push myself in response to my mind desires and self-interests. I do not allow myself to see my actual physical drive-ability, embrace myself as that ability, and develop myself to my full potential - no, I being a mind and a mind only apply myself only on those things that separate myself from myself, where I am not taking responsibility, and I'm not standing - most anything that is not actually supportive for me, others, and my external world.

Day 151: Fear Is Useless

While communicating with another, I saw that a fear of not being good enough emerged as a thought where I told myself that I am not educated to the level required to be equal to another.  What I was doing here is comparing myself to another and then judging myself as less than because there was a point that I simply was not familiar with.  This shows me that my starting point was dishonest because I did not approach the communication as a discussion but rather from a point of competition and proving that I am right - so, when I saw that I may not be right, this created instability within and as me where I go through the information and knowledge that I have stored as evidence that I can present to prove my position so that I do not have to face the fact that I do not have all of the understanding required, that I was missing parts that needed to be researched, and that I would actually have to put in the effort to do the research in order for the communication to continue moving.

Instead of seeing the simplicity in the experience as, "here is what I must research next", I went into my mind and made this much more difficult than is necessary where I make all sorts of assumptions, justifications, arguments, plans for ways in which I do not have to change, and all sorts of distracting inner-dialogue.

More and more I see how absolutely useless fear is other than showing me what I have accepted and allowed.  Allowing myself to exist in fear and get caught up in it with the consequences of this allowance is one of the worst uses of my time that I can see.  At the end of the day, it changes nothing - I am still here, I am still breathing, and I still have this point to direct.  Just because I found every reason I could possibly come up with for myself to not have to face the fear does not mean that the fear magically disappears!  No, it is still here and if I do not sort it out, it will continue to accumulate and influence me.

Additionally, I see that I can later use this fear as a reason to self-sabotage and back out of my objective to be a part of creating a world where every child born has a life worth living - which will most likely set me back and set me up to become angry at myself for not acting when I had the opportunity to do so.

As I have written this, it is interesting to see how I have completely inflated something simple with fear, competition, comparison, judgment, reactions, justifications, projection, assumptions, and resistance to change.  It is clear how important the process of writing is where I take something from the instability of my mind and bring it here to the physical world of stability where I can actually direct something and change it.




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• Why does No one seem to Understand me?
  
• Death Research – Burning Alive - Part 1
• Relationship Success Support – Love
  
• Drowning - Death Research - Part 1
• Heart Attack Death Research - Part 1
  
• Parenting - Perfecting the Human Race - Part 5
• The Metaphysical Secrets of Imagination - Self Image and Imagination …
  
• 2013 - The Future of Consciousness - Seeing Dark Shapes/Figures
• Relationship Success Support - Intimacy Personality - Part 3
  
• Kryon - My Existential History - Part 5+6
• Demons in the Afterlife - Part 1
  
• Psychic Animals - The Sheep - Part 1
• The Quantum Mechanics of Paranormal Events - Part 5
  
• The Crucifixion of Jesus - Part 1
• Relationship Success Support – Introduction
  
• What is Sex? Overview
• My Life as a Peace Activist
  
• The Spirituality of the Snail
• Spirituality Under the Microscope – Volume 2
  
• How I was able to Hear the Desteni Message
• What the FAQ in an Equal Money System – Volume 2
  
• What makes me Starve in a World of Plenty
• Quantum Mind Self AwarenessStep 1 and Step 2
  
• 2013 – The Future of Consciousness – Introduction
• Relationship Success Support – Introduction
  
• Quantum Systemization – Preview
• Life Review - The Buddha Experience
  
• Spirituality and Rebirth
• Self Awareness steps for the Elite - Introduction
  
• Life Review - My life of Co-Dependency
• Atlanteans - The Beginning - Part 1
  
• The Secret History of the Universe - The Creation of Energy - Part 4
• Life Review – My Life of Sin
  
• Life Review - Educated into a Sex-Slave
• Shocking Secrets of Masturbation - Programming Relationships through
  
• How I Was Able to Hear the Desteni Message
• Reptilians - Am I God - Part 3
  

Music

• Ode to our Children
  
• I Finally Understand...
• Hell Spoof
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• Viktor Persson - Looking for More
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Day 58: Nothing I Do Is Wrong - Self-Forgiveness, Continued

 

This blog is a continuation of:
Day 57: Nothing I Do Is Wrong
Day 56: I Am More Than You - Self-Correction, Continued
Day 55: I Am More - More Than You - Self-Correction for
Day 54: I Am More - More Than You - Continued  
Day 53: I Am More - More Than You
Day 52: I Am Above This - Continued - Self-Correction,
Day 51: I Am Above This - Continued
Day 50: I Am Above This 
Day 49: I Am Perfect, and
Day 48: I Am The Bigger Person

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within my back-chat blame others for me not assisting and supporting myself where I tell myself within myself, "I can't work on this point because -you- do not understand, -you- do not take an interest in my blogs, -you- are pushing my buttons, and -you- won't give me the space to work on this and figure this out." I have not wanted to see: That I am expecting others to do for me what I am not doing for myself and thus, I am abdicating myself. And, that I have been equally not supportive of others in my world by not making an effort to understand, not taking an interest in others work/blogs/activities, pushing others buttons, and not giving others space to work on figuring themselves out/developing themselves.  Instead of taking responsibility for this and directing this within my reality, I transformed it into blame in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others in my world for something that I was, in-fact, doing myself instead of taking responsibility for not supporting myself and others and thus, within doing this, asking others in my world to equally support me so we all have the opportunity to become equal and one in taking responsibility for the support of ourselves and each other instead of me accepting and allowing the blame inside myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create inner-conflict in my mind toward others in my world through accepting and allowing myself to blame others in my back-chat instead of communicating with myself and others about not being supportive and within this, coming to a practical solution instead of accepting and allowing myself to generate more and more and more conflict within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resort to blame within myself as my mind-back-chat instead of investigating my reactions towards others in my world within myself and then taking responsibility for what I'm experiencing, accepting and allowing within myself - but instead I've been taking it out on everyone else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create unnecessary conflict within my mind and because of this, I have been sabotaging my relationship with myself and my relationships with others in my world through not establishing communication with myself in investigating my own accepted and allowed mind-reactions of back-chat and thus not establishing effective communication with others in my world, where the relationship within me then became that of blame instead of equal and one consideration.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak to others within my mind as back-chat within blame instead of initiating actual direct and clear communication.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the back-chat, "I cannot work on this point because -you- do not support me, -you- do not understand, -you- do not take an interest in my blogs, -you- are pushing my buttons, and -you- won't give me the space to work on this and figure this out," to come up and exist within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that the back-chat, "I cannot work on this point because -you- do not support me, -you- do not understand, -you- do not take an interest in my blogs, -you- are pushing my buttons, and -you- won't give me the space to work on this and figure this out," was, in-fact, me speaking to myself, but I accepted and allowed myself to project it in blame towards others in my world and to not see, realize, and understand that I am doing the exact same thing in my world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the back-chat, "I cannot work on this point because -you- do not support me, -you- do not understand, -you- do not take interest in my blogs, -you- are pushing my buttons, and -you- won't give me the space to work on this and figure this out," to blame others in my world instead of taking responsibility for me in myself in my world, but instead accepted and allowed myself to resort to blame instead of me taking responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my own tendency of not being supportive onto/towards others in my world where I create conflict with others in my world and not seeing, realizing, nor understanding that all along, I have been showing myself through others in my world that I have the exact same tendency of not being supportive - I didn't see, realize, nor understand this because I accepted and allowed myself to be possessed with blame.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that when and as I am not taking responsibility for my not being supportive, that I am suppressing it, denying it, ignoring it with me and instead I am taking it on others in my world and projecting myself as a person who is not supportive onto/towards others only as it's more convenient to blame others rather than to take responsibility for myself and my world.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to give into the convenience of blame in my mind through back-chat instead of taking responsibility for me and my world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage my communication with myself and others within my world through accepting and allowing myself to participate within back-chat of blame for something I did not take responsibility for and then trying to project my own responsibility onto/towards others in my world only and thus making everyone else the cause/source/origin of the problem, not seeing, realizing, nor understanding that the blame that I am blaming others in my world for is in-fact what I have not taken responsibility for in my world, within myself.

The next blog: Self-Correction for 'Nothing I Do Is Wrong'.

Day 57: Nothing I Do Is Wrong

This blog entry is continued writing, self-forgiveness, and self-correction from Day 56: I Am More Than You - Self-Correction, Continued,  Day 55: I Am More - More Than You - Self-Correction for Day 54: I Am More - More Than You - Continued,  Day 53: I Am More - More Than You , Day 52: I Am Above This - Continued - Self-Correction,  Day 51: I Am Above This - Continued, Day 50: I Am Above This, Day 49: I Am Perfect, and Day 48: I Am The Bigger Person



"Nothing I do is wrong."

Lol.

So, as I have been working on changing myself and my living with self-forgiveness and self-correction, I was given and opportunity to test my application and it did not work as when someone in my immediate world said, again, "Yeah, we ALL know that you're more than this, that you're better than this and that all the decisions that you make are right ..." and I reacted - I got real angry because I had told this person that I was working on this point of seeing myself as more, better, and right and instead of allowing me the space to figure it out and trust that I was working on it, they PUSHED.  I got pissed off, spouted off several 'F-Bombs' and walked away with an expression of, "Get the fuck away from me."

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience a moment of insanity when I bring the comment, "Nothing you do is wrong ..." back to myself.  I laugh, I rub my face, my eyes, and I push on my fore-head.  Within my mind, I say, "What the fuck -- Nothing I do is RIGHT ... what the hell is wrong with these people ..."

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience uncomfortableness when someone outside of myself tells me, with a tiny bit of sarcasm, "Nothing YOU do is WRONG," - when I hear this, anger rises up from within me and I clench my teeth to suppress myself from exploding while the back-chat builds and builds and builds: "Jesus fucking christ, I'm walking this fucking point - cut me some slack here.  I'm writing it out, I'm doing the work - ARE YOU" -- and instead of breathing, I allow the back-chat and eventually release my back-chat on my accuser within complete energy possession.

Breeeeeeeeath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the expectation of others in my immediate world to support me within my writing, self-forgiveness, and self-correction by reading my blogs, being gentle with me as I work on points, and being careful to not 'trigger' points that I am working on self-correcting.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the expectation of others to support me to exist within me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to in my mind see that others in my immediate world will support me by taking an interest in my writing, respect my honesty and my decision to take on the points that are coming up, and be gentle with me as I 'figure it out'.  In the picture in my mind I see others giving me a supportive hug, a thumbs up, a caring smile, and a quietness about them as they give me the required space to work myself out.

It Seems So Easy in my Mind - By Andrew Gable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the expectation of others in my world always supporting me to take over in my mind and thus allow myself to become energy possessed - where if I do not get the support that I expect from others in my immediate world, then I immediately go into back-chat towards myself as, "I do nothing right ..." and others as, "-I- am doing the work -- and -you're- not," because I believe that the others in my immediate world that I support should support me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that by allowing myself to expect for others in my immediate world to support me that I am accepting and allowing myself to self-sabotage my self-relationship and others relationships with themselves and expanding themselves to begin writing, self-forgiving, and self-correcting - instead, I tell myself that MY chosen way is the RIGHT way and in telling myself this, I demonstrate via my words, communications and physical expressions that any other way is wrong. Thus, instead of allowing others to develop a self-relationship, I am expecting that others, first and foremost, revolve and change around me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself and my relationship with others in my immediate world through not giving others my support when and as I see that they are not doing what I see as right by writing, self-forgiving, self-correcting, and reading Journey To Life blogs and in this, I have isolated myself from the people in my world because I see them as doing 'it all wrong' and thus expect that all must do it my way, the right way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the back-chat, "I do nothing 'right' -- but atleast -I- am doing the work and -you're- not," to exist within and as me when others in my immediate world do not support me by being gentle, being respectful, allowing me the space to 'figure it out', and being aware that my triggers/'buttons' may be sensitive.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to ask the others in my world to support me by being gentle, being respectful, and allowing me space to 'figure it out' before testing out my triggers/buttons but instead I reacted in back-chat of, "I do nothing 'right' -- but atleast -I- am doing the work and -you're- not."

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to immediately react in back-chat to others in my immediate world where in my mind I make assumptions instead of asking them for their support.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to listen to and react to my back-chat rather than establishing and developing real communication.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create mind-back-chat towards others within hearing, "We all know that you are more than this, that you are better than this, and that all the decisions you make are right ..." instead of physically communicating with them.

Self-Forgiveness continued in next blog.

Day 56: I Am More - Self-Correction, Continued

ART By MarlenVargas Del Razo

This blog entry is continued Self-Correction from Day 55: I Am More - More Than You - Self-Correction for Day 54: I Am More - More Than You - Continued,  Day 53: I Am More - More Than You writings and Self-Forgiveness.  For additional context, refer to: Day 52: I Am Above This - Continued - Self-Correction,  Day 51: I Am Above This - Continued, Day 50: I Am Above This, Day 49: I Am Perfect, and Day 48: I Am The Bigger Person

When and as I see myself separating myself from others from fear that others will bother me, bully me, challenge me, harass me, embarrass me, and/or talk shit about me, I stop. I clearly see, realize, and understand that I am fearing myself as I have 'bothered', bullied, challenged, harassed, embarrassed, and talked shit about others - and within this, I now see realize and understand that I have 'bothered', bullied, challenged, harassed, embarrassed, and talked shit about others to get attention from others within my world and that by separating myself from others that demonstrate these same behaviors, that I am separating myself from myself.  I commit myself to stop distancing myself from others within and as my mind by becoming equal-to what I am seeing in others that I am uncomfortable with via observing myself, writing, self-forgiveness, and self-correction.  Additionally, I commit myself to no longer bully, harass, intentionally embarrass, or talk shit about others by slowing myself with breath and not allowing myself to act/speak out/as the narrator within me - instead, I commit myself to writing out my narrator, self-forgiving my narrator,  and self-correcting myself to act/speak out/as a being that values, cares, and considers life.

When and as I see that I am considering manipulating others for attention as indicated by myself feeling insecure, 'less-than', small, being 'little', 'curling into' myself, hearing my tone of voice change to a higher-pitch within me, and seeing myself within my mind as physically going to someone bigger than me for comfort, I stop - I commit myself to not act on my desire to comfort my insecurities by 'going-to' and/or manipulating another for attention, but to instead slow myself with breathing and go back within myself to the point/trigger in which I told and/or showed myself something that I experienced insecurity from and from here, write out my investigation of myself, self-forgive myself, self-correct myself and make a practical agreement with myself for a solution where I am giving myself what I am seeking in others.

Additionally within this, when I see myself going to the opposite polarity of 'being little' to 'being big', being strong, setting my jaw, becoming firm, flexing my muscles, and 'puffing' myself 'up', I stop, I breath, I relax.  I see, realize, and understand that this is myself changing my character to manipulate depending on the environment and the beings within the environment so that I can get attention - I see, realize, and understand that any of these attention-getting behaviors as characters have been created by myself from a foundation of my fear of loss which I show to myself by not seeing myself as 'good enough', as 'missing out'/'missing something', and experiencing myself as insecure within this.  I commit myself to stop myself from acting out my attention-seeking-chameleon characters by NOT expressing/being what myself as my mind is telling/showing me to do in a moment to get attention, instead, I breath, I relax, and I bring myself here, and give myself and opportunity to BE here, as myself, in moments with others.

When and as I see myself working on a personality/character/plan that would place me in a position of importance/power/being THE ONE/being the savior, I stop. I now see, realize, and understand that my leadership role in my world is and had begun from a platform of fear of loss - where if I have had importance, respect, power, helped/protected others, and been the ONLY ONE that could do this for others, that I would secure my position in the world/in the group/on the team and thus be irreplaceable - I am starting to see the not cool consequences of this and thus, for the moment, I commit myself to stop myself from working on securing my place/my status/my position in my world and the others in my life by NOT ACTING on my programming that I created from fear - I commit myself to, instead, for the moment, develop and establish a trusting relationship with myself by showing myself that I can SUPPORT MYSELF with daily writing in my Journey To Life blog, catching up on and submitting assignments on-time, attending and participating in scheduled chats, stabilizing myself/my family/my animals/other life that I have taken responsibility for at home and effectively completing tasks within my survival system - EQUALLY.
 

Day 50: I Am Above This

ART By Jessie Arias

"You're higher than the rest of us."

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to hearing, "You're higher than the rest of us," from another outside of myself.  I am reacting to this statement because I, in fact, have placed myself as 'higher' than others from a point of survival - survival of my physical self in in the world system of money and survival of myself as a mind to maintain my 'sanity' as I have told myself that if I were to be/become the 'lesser', that others would see me as a stupid and a failure within a world where 'opportunity is everywhere and that one only needs to be smart, focused, committed, driven, and willing to do the work to get higher'.  I have told myself and shown myself that if I do not apply myself within this world system of money that I will end up as insane 'bum' on the street.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place myself as higher within myself as my mind from a point of fear - where if I do not place myself above others, that I could potentially become others - ANY others, including an 'insane bum on the street' which is real fuckin' scarey to me.  I have not been honest with myself that I fear others lives becoming my own life because I do not see myself as being able to 'manage'/control the lives of others as myself.  And thus, instead of taking responsibility for my fear that other could 'infect' me with their lives, their drama, their problems, and/or their idiocy, it was easier for me to separate myself from others and place myself as 'higher'/'above'/better/MORE than others and distract myself with my 'higher purpose' rather than allowing myself to be/as/with/equal-to and one with others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to roll my eyes/flutter my eyes in annoyance/exasperation, shake my head, and physically 'shut myself off' from others via blank-staring expressions, turning my lips downward in disappointment, and/or walking away in 'disbelief' of others.  I have not seen how this physical behavior is CLEARLY demonstrating/speaking my true nature which is essentially a person who sees themselves as 'above all of this' and 'not connected to it in anyway'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the back-chat, "Really ... I seriously cannot believe how stupid people are ..." and "if it were ME, I would have done <this> ... (insert Perfect Solution Personality)," to exist within and as me.  I have not allowed myself to slow myself to see that is me communicating to me how I would see myself in a similar situation - I would tell myself that I am stupid, that I failed, I am 'less than' others and that I can do 'better than that' and within not seeing this, I was also not allowing myself to see that this is myself not only judging myself but putting myself in direct competition/conflict with myself.

I commit myself to placing myself within and as others - and from within and as others, I commit myself to working with what I'm seeing/hearing within/from/as what is best for us all.

I commit myself to giving to others what I want for myself which is compassion, hearing, understanding, togetherness, and standing - standing for others when and as they are unable to stand for themselves and/or compromising themselves and within this, to give as I have been given.

I commit myself to stopping the separation that I've created as a barrier between others and myself for/because of/from fear - When and as I see myself separating myself from others, I stop and I breath through the fear as I see, realize, and understand that this is my mind's way of keeping me from realizing who I am as equality and oneness.  I assist and support myself with writing, self-forgiveness, self-correction and agreements with myself that I can commit to for change.

I commit myself to ending my competition-conflict relationship with myself by breathing, assisting and supporting myself with self-forgiveness, self-correction, and self-commitments as I see, realize, and understand that it is a pattern of mine that I must break-free from in order to focus on what's really here - additionally, if I am to end the abuse of myself and others within the external world system of money, I must end the abuse of myself and others within my internal system of energy creation.