Day 50: I Am Above This

ART By Jessie Arias

"You're higher than the rest of us."

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to hearing, "You're higher than the rest of us," from another outside of myself.  I am reacting to this statement because I, in fact, have placed myself as 'higher' than others from a point of survival - survival of my physical self in in the world system of money and survival of myself as a mind to maintain my 'sanity' as I have told myself that if I were to be/become the 'lesser', that others would see me as a stupid and a failure within a world where 'opportunity is everywhere and that one only needs to be smart, focused, committed, driven, and willing to do the work to get higher'.  I have told myself and shown myself that if I do not apply myself within this world system of money that I will end up as insane 'bum' on the street.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place myself as higher within myself as my mind from a point of fear - where if I do not place myself above others, that I could potentially become others - ANY others, including an 'insane bum on the street' which is real fuckin' scarey to me.  I have not been honest with myself that I fear others lives becoming my own life because I do not see myself as being able to 'manage'/control the lives of others as myself.  And thus, instead of taking responsibility for my fear that other could 'infect' me with their lives, their drama, their problems, and/or their idiocy, it was easier for me to separate myself from others and place myself as 'higher'/'above'/better/MORE than others and distract myself with my 'higher purpose' rather than allowing myself to be/as/with/equal-to and one with others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to roll my eyes/flutter my eyes in annoyance/exasperation, shake my head, and physically 'shut myself off' from others via blank-staring expressions, turning my lips downward in disappointment, and/or walking away in 'disbelief' of others.  I have not seen how this physical behavior is CLEARLY demonstrating/speaking my true nature which is essentially a person who sees themselves as 'above all of this' and 'not connected to it in anyway'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the back-chat, "Really ... I seriously cannot believe how stupid people are ..." and "if it were ME, I would have done <this> ... (insert Perfect Solution Personality)," to exist within and as me.  I have not allowed myself to slow myself to see that is me communicating to me how I would see myself in a similar situation - I would tell myself that I am stupid, that I failed, I am 'less than' others and that I can do 'better than that' and within not seeing this, I was also not allowing myself to see that this is myself not only judging myself but putting myself in direct competition/conflict with myself.

I commit myself to placing myself within and as others - and from within and as others, I commit myself to working with what I'm seeing/hearing within/from/as what is best for us all.

I commit myself to giving to others what I want for myself which is compassion, hearing, understanding, togetherness, and standing - standing for others when and as they are unable to stand for themselves and/or compromising themselves and within this, to give as I have been given.

I commit myself to stopping the separation that I've created as a barrier between others and myself for/because of/from fear - When and as I see myself separating myself from others, I stop and I breath through the fear as I see, realize, and understand that this is my mind's way of keeping me from realizing who I am as equality and oneness.  I assist and support myself with writing, self-forgiveness, self-correction and agreements with myself that I can commit to for change.

I commit myself to ending my competition-conflict relationship with myself by breathing, assisting and supporting myself with self-forgiveness, self-correction, and self-commitments as I see, realize, and understand that it is a pattern of mine that I must break-free from in order to focus on what's really here - additionally, if I am to end the abuse of myself and others within the external world system of money, I must end the abuse of myself and others within my internal system of energy creation.