Day 58: Nothing I Do Is Wrong - Self-Forgiveness, Continued

 

This blog is a continuation of:
Day 57: Nothing I Do Is Wrong
Day 56: I Am More Than You - Self-Correction, Continued
Day 55: I Am More - More Than You - Self-Correction for
Day 54: I Am More - More Than You - Continued  
Day 53: I Am More - More Than You
Day 52: I Am Above This - Continued - Self-Correction,
Day 51: I Am Above This - Continued
Day 50: I Am Above This 
Day 49: I Am Perfect, and
Day 48: I Am The Bigger Person

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within my back-chat blame others for me not assisting and supporting myself where I tell myself within myself, "I can't work on this point because -you- do not understand, -you- do not take an interest in my blogs, -you- are pushing my buttons, and -you- won't give me the space to work on this and figure this out." I have not wanted to see: That I am expecting others to do for me what I am not doing for myself and thus, I am abdicating myself. And, that I have been equally not supportive of others in my world by not making an effort to understand, not taking an interest in others work/blogs/activities, pushing others buttons, and not giving others space to work on figuring themselves out/developing themselves.  Instead of taking responsibility for this and directing this within my reality, I transformed it into blame in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others in my world for something that I was, in-fact, doing myself instead of taking responsibility for not supporting myself and others and thus, within doing this, asking others in my world to equally support me so we all have the opportunity to become equal and one in taking responsibility for the support of ourselves and each other instead of me accepting and allowing the blame inside myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create inner-conflict in my mind toward others in my world through accepting and allowing myself to blame others in my back-chat instead of communicating with myself and others about not being supportive and within this, coming to a practical solution instead of accepting and allowing myself to generate more and more and more conflict within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resort to blame within myself as my mind-back-chat instead of investigating my reactions towards others in my world within myself and then taking responsibility for what I'm experiencing, accepting and allowing within myself - but instead I've been taking it out on everyone else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create unnecessary conflict within my mind and because of this, I have been sabotaging my relationship with myself and my relationships with others in my world through not establishing communication with myself in investigating my own accepted and allowed mind-reactions of back-chat and thus not establishing effective communication with others in my world, where the relationship within me then became that of blame instead of equal and one consideration.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak to others within my mind as back-chat within blame instead of initiating actual direct and clear communication.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the back-chat, "I cannot work on this point because -you- do not support me, -you- do not understand, -you- do not take an interest in my blogs, -you- are pushing my buttons, and -you- won't give me the space to work on this and figure this out," to come up and exist within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that the back-chat, "I cannot work on this point because -you- do not support me, -you- do not understand, -you- do not take an interest in my blogs, -you- are pushing my buttons, and -you- won't give me the space to work on this and figure this out," was, in-fact, me speaking to myself, but I accepted and allowed myself to project it in blame towards others in my world and to not see, realize, and understand that I am doing the exact same thing in my world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the back-chat, "I cannot work on this point because -you- do not support me, -you- do not understand, -you- do not take interest in my blogs, -you- are pushing my buttons, and -you- won't give me the space to work on this and figure this out," to blame others in my world instead of taking responsibility for me in myself in my world, but instead accepted and allowed myself to resort to blame instead of me taking responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my own tendency of not being supportive onto/towards others in my world where I create conflict with others in my world and not seeing, realizing, nor understanding that all along, I have been showing myself through others in my world that I have the exact same tendency of not being supportive - I didn't see, realize, nor understand this because I accepted and allowed myself to be possessed with blame.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that when and as I am not taking responsibility for my not being supportive, that I am suppressing it, denying it, ignoring it with me and instead I am taking it on others in my world and projecting myself as a person who is not supportive onto/towards others only as it's more convenient to blame others rather than to take responsibility for myself and my world.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to give into the convenience of blame in my mind through back-chat instead of taking responsibility for me and my world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage my communication with myself and others within my world through accepting and allowing myself to participate within back-chat of blame for something I did not take responsibility for and then trying to project my own responsibility onto/towards others in my world only and thus making everyone else the cause/source/origin of the problem, not seeing, realizing, nor understanding that the blame that I am blaming others in my world for is in-fact what I have not taken responsibility for in my world, within myself.

The next blog: Self-Correction for 'Nothing I Do Is Wrong'.

Day 57: Nothing I Do Is Wrong

This blog entry is continued writing, self-forgiveness, and self-correction from Day 56: I Am More Than You - Self-Correction, Continued,  Day 55: I Am More - More Than You - Self-Correction for Day 54: I Am More - More Than You - Continued,  Day 53: I Am More - More Than You , Day 52: I Am Above This - Continued - Self-Correction,  Day 51: I Am Above This - Continued, Day 50: I Am Above This, Day 49: I Am Perfect, and Day 48: I Am The Bigger Person



"Nothing I do is wrong."

Lol.

So, as I have been working on changing myself and my living with self-forgiveness and self-correction, I was given and opportunity to test my application and it did not work as when someone in my immediate world said, again, "Yeah, we ALL know that you're more than this, that you're better than this and that all the decisions that you make are right ..." and I reacted - I got real angry because I had told this person that I was working on this point of seeing myself as more, better, and right and instead of allowing me the space to figure it out and trust that I was working on it, they PUSHED.  I got pissed off, spouted off several 'F-Bombs' and walked away with an expression of, "Get the fuck away from me."

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience a moment of insanity when I bring the comment, "Nothing you do is wrong ..." back to myself.  I laugh, I rub my face, my eyes, and I push on my fore-head.  Within my mind, I say, "What the fuck -- Nothing I do is RIGHT ... what the hell is wrong with these people ..."

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience uncomfortableness when someone outside of myself tells me, with a tiny bit of sarcasm, "Nothing YOU do is WRONG," - when I hear this, anger rises up from within me and I clench my teeth to suppress myself from exploding while the back-chat builds and builds and builds: "Jesus fucking christ, I'm walking this fucking point - cut me some slack here.  I'm writing it out, I'm doing the work - ARE YOU" -- and instead of breathing, I allow the back-chat and eventually release my back-chat on my accuser within complete energy possession.

Breeeeeeeeath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the expectation of others in my immediate world to support me within my writing, self-forgiveness, and self-correction by reading my blogs, being gentle with me as I work on points, and being careful to not 'trigger' points that I am working on self-correcting.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the expectation of others to support me to exist within me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to in my mind see that others in my immediate world will support me by taking an interest in my writing, respect my honesty and my decision to take on the points that are coming up, and be gentle with me as I 'figure it out'.  In the picture in my mind I see others giving me a supportive hug, a thumbs up, a caring smile, and a quietness about them as they give me the required space to work myself out.

It Seems So Easy in my Mind - By Andrew Gable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the expectation of others in my world always supporting me to take over in my mind and thus allow myself to become energy possessed - where if I do not get the support that I expect from others in my immediate world, then I immediately go into back-chat towards myself as, "I do nothing right ..." and others as, "-I- am doing the work -- and -you're- not," because I believe that the others in my immediate world that I support should support me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that by allowing myself to expect for others in my immediate world to support me that I am accepting and allowing myself to self-sabotage my self-relationship and others relationships with themselves and expanding themselves to begin writing, self-forgiving, and self-correcting - instead, I tell myself that MY chosen way is the RIGHT way and in telling myself this, I demonstrate via my words, communications and physical expressions that any other way is wrong. Thus, instead of allowing others to develop a self-relationship, I am expecting that others, first and foremost, revolve and change around me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself and my relationship with others in my immediate world through not giving others my support when and as I see that they are not doing what I see as right by writing, self-forgiving, self-correcting, and reading Journey To Life blogs and in this, I have isolated myself from the people in my world because I see them as doing 'it all wrong' and thus expect that all must do it my way, the right way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the back-chat, "I do nothing 'right' -- but atleast -I- am doing the work and -you're- not," to exist within and as me when others in my immediate world do not support me by being gentle, being respectful, allowing me the space to 'figure it out', and being aware that my triggers/'buttons' may be sensitive.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to ask the others in my world to support me by being gentle, being respectful, and allowing me space to 'figure it out' before testing out my triggers/buttons but instead I reacted in back-chat of, "I do nothing 'right' -- but atleast -I- am doing the work and -you're- not."

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to immediately react in back-chat to others in my immediate world where in my mind I make assumptions instead of asking them for their support.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to listen to and react to my back-chat rather than establishing and developing real communication.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create mind-back-chat towards others within hearing, "We all know that you are more than this, that you are better than this, and that all the decisions you make are right ..." instead of physically communicating with them.

Self-Forgiveness continued in next blog.

Day 55: I Am More - More Than You - Self-Correction

ART by Gian Robberts

This blog entry is the Self-Correction for: Day 54: I Am More - More Than You - Continued,  Day 53: I Am More - More Than You writings and Self-Forgiveness.  For additional context, refer to: Day 52: I Am Above This - Continued - Self-Correction,  Day 51: I Am Above This - Continued, Day 50: I Am Above This, Day 49: I Am Perfect, and Day 48: I Am The Bigger Person

When and as I see that I am experiencing myself within/as being and/or telling myself that I am MORE than others, I stop.  I bring myself back to here within breath as I see, realize, and understand that for me to justify myself as being more that I would have had a thought about myself as less that I did not see because I was not present.  I commit myself to stop myself from not being here, present, and observing myself as my thoughts - and within this, I commit myself to when I see myself as justifying/showing/telling myself that I am more, to stopping, breathing, and going back-ward through my thought process to pin-point where I had seen myself as less, why, and/or what the trigger point was.  From here, I commit myself to assisting and supporting myself to remove the 'I Am Less Than' points to, in turn, remove the 'I Am More Than' points with writing, self-forgiveness, and self-correction.

When and as I see myself within and/or as the experience of ups-downs-medians/highs-lows-middles via thought and/or behavior cycles/patterns, I stop.  I breath and bring myself back to here.  I see, realize, and understand that I am showing myself my patterns and/or polarity cycles and so - I commit myself to stopping/removing from/as myself my polarity cycles by writing out my polarity cycles, self-forgiving my polarity cycles, and then establishing and developing practical agreements with myself for how I can break out of these polarity cycles with self-corrective statements and self-commitments so that I can in-fact, be free.

When and as I see myself considering/wanting/desiring to purchase product because I tell myself that myself or someone I care for needs it/may need it, I stop.  I breath.  I see, realize, and understand that for me to purchase this product on impulse that, within the current system, that it will be required for me to work more and/or make up for 'the loss' somewhere within my weekly allowances - I am essentially selling moments of my life and my enjoyment of my life for a product that will end up in a pile somewhere, in storage, being given away, having to be lugged around from room to room within my commitment/partner-agreement to organize, and/or thrown in the trash.  I commit myself to stop purchasing/accepting products/items within a moment of impulse, desire, want, and narration within me saying 'this is on sale ... you might need this later'.  Within this, I commit myself to thoroughly research myself, the product/item, and myself within the pros and cons of taking on the responsibility of the product/item.

Additionally, within seeing, realizing and understanding that when I am taking/purchasing objects/items/products of physical substance, that I am required to give back of equal-to substance, I commit myself to researching ways, as a part of my pre-purchasing process of acceptance/responsibility of a product, to give back into my world substance equal-to what I am considering purchasing/accepting/taking responsibility for.

When and as I see myself wanting and desiring to become a chameleon and blend into my world because I have allowed myself to fear resistance, change, being alone, others reactions, and/or embarrassment, I stop and breath through the fear and bring myself back here within seeing, realizing, and understanding that fear is stupid, fear is not real, and what I am in-fact fearing is myself.  Within my commitment to develop and establish a relationship of trust with myself, I commit myself to stop myself from going into a fear reaction when faced with points that could assist and support me with changing my programming/myself by breathing through my fears, laughing because of my fears, writing out my fears, self-forgiving myself for my fears, and then developing self-corrective applications for the points that trigger my fears.  From here, I commit myself to support and stand for that which I have researched as being The Best Way.

When and as I see that I am projecting on to others and thus separating from myself my thoughts and seeing myself as 'less' as indicated by my mind-backchat-projections onto others as 'less than me', I stop.  I see, realize, and understand that I am communicating to myself about how I see myself within that moment and the reasons that I think/see/show myself to myself as this way.  I commit myself to assisting and supporting myself to be equal-to my backchat communication with/to/about myself by writing and self-forgiveness.  Additionally, I see, realize, and understand that I am fearing being discarded, replaced, and/or rejection which, to me, is equal-to death and thus the fear of death and being alone with myself - within seeing this, I commit myself to assist and support myself to walk myself through/with my fear of death and/or being alone with myself via writing, self-forgiveness, and self-correction because there's no practical, realistic reason to be holding on to these fears - lol.

When and as I see myself activating my 'snob', 'brat', 'spoiled', 'baby' and/or 'princess' characters, as indicated by myself turning my physical expression upward and making my mind go fuzzy so that I do not have to take any responsibility within the event/environment/situation, I stop.  I see, realize, and understand that by 'turning myself up', I am in fact, 'turning myself down' as turning down an opportunity to see myself, my fears and my reactions as thoughts, emotions, feelings, and physical behaviors within events/environments/situations that I am uncomfortable.  I commit myself to stop separating myself from others, my world, and myself as myself, others, and my world by  breathing and remaining here hearing and seeing my trigger reactions and then assisting and supporting myself to free myself from these trigger reactions with writing, self-forgiveness, and self-correction.

Additionally, because I see myself over-compensating and/or swinging to the opposite polarity of 'Capable Greatness' as I remove and free myself from the 'More Than You' and 'Less Than You' characters, I see, realize, and understand that I'm required to establish, develop, and integrate humbleness within and as me - I commit myself to stop myself from allowing myself as my Ego to step in and re-start the cycle of more-or-less by investigating, defining, walking, and self-correcting myself to become humble.

Self-Correction continued in next post.

Day 50: I Am Above This

ART By Jessie Arias

"You're higher than the rest of us."

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to hearing, "You're higher than the rest of us," from another outside of myself.  I am reacting to this statement because I, in fact, have placed myself as 'higher' than others from a point of survival - survival of my physical self in in the world system of money and survival of myself as a mind to maintain my 'sanity' as I have told myself that if I were to be/become the 'lesser', that others would see me as a stupid and a failure within a world where 'opportunity is everywhere and that one only needs to be smart, focused, committed, driven, and willing to do the work to get higher'.  I have told myself and shown myself that if I do not apply myself within this world system of money that I will end up as insane 'bum' on the street.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place myself as higher within myself as my mind from a point of fear - where if I do not place myself above others, that I could potentially become others - ANY others, including an 'insane bum on the street' which is real fuckin' scarey to me.  I have not been honest with myself that I fear others lives becoming my own life because I do not see myself as being able to 'manage'/control the lives of others as myself.  And thus, instead of taking responsibility for my fear that other could 'infect' me with their lives, their drama, their problems, and/or their idiocy, it was easier for me to separate myself from others and place myself as 'higher'/'above'/better/MORE than others and distract myself with my 'higher purpose' rather than allowing myself to be/as/with/equal-to and one with others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to roll my eyes/flutter my eyes in annoyance/exasperation, shake my head, and physically 'shut myself off' from others via blank-staring expressions, turning my lips downward in disappointment, and/or walking away in 'disbelief' of others.  I have not seen how this physical behavior is CLEARLY demonstrating/speaking my true nature which is essentially a person who sees themselves as 'above all of this' and 'not connected to it in anyway'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the back-chat, "Really ... I seriously cannot believe how stupid people are ..." and "if it were ME, I would have done <this> ... (insert Perfect Solution Personality)," to exist within and as me.  I have not allowed myself to slow myself to see that is me communicating to me how I would see myself in a similar situation - I would tell myself that I am stupid, that I failed, I am 'less than' others and that I can do 'better than that' and within not seeing this, I was also not allowing myself to see that this is myself not only judging myself but putting myself in direct competition/conflict with myself.

I commit myself to placing myself within and as others - and from within and as others, I commit myself to working with what I'm seeing/hearing within/from/as what is best for us all.

I commit myself to giving to others what I want for myself which is compassion, hearing, understanding, togetherness, and standing - standing for others when and as they are unable to stand for themselves and/or compromising themselves and within this, to give as I have been given.

I commit myself to stopping the separation that I've created as a barrier between others and myself for/because of/from fear - When and as I see myself separating myself from others, I stop and I breath through the fear as I see, realize, and understand that this is my mind's way of keeping me from realizing who I am as equality and oneness.  I assist and support myself with writing, self-forgiveness, self-correction and agreements with myself that I can commit to for change.

I commit myself to ending my competition-conflict relationship with myself by breathing, assisting and supporting myself with self-forgiveness, self-correction, and self-commitments as I see, realize, and understand that it is a pattern of mine that I must break-free from in order to focus on what's really here - additionally, if I am to end the abuse of myself and others within the external world system of money, I must end the abuse of myself and others within my internal system of energy creation.