|The Religion of $elf By Andrew Gable|
This blog entry is a continuation of Day 52: I Am Above This - Continued - Self-Correction, Day 51: I Am Above This - Continued, Day 50: I Am Above This, Day 49: I Am Perfect, and Day 48: I Am The Bigger Person
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as more than others - more important, more worthy, more able, more responsible, more knowledgeable, more insightful, more in-control, more of a person ... and the list goes on and on... I have not seen, realized, nor understood that the MORE-NESS I experience is actually a compensation for the LESS-NESS that I accept and allow to exist within me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach a positive meaning and feeling experience to the word 'MORE' and a negative meaning and emotional experience to the word 'LESS'. Additionally, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach a neutral meaning to the words 'More-Or-Less' as a means to balance myself out from the negative to positive, to not commit myself to any one answer, to take the 'middle road', and to abdicate myself. Instead of seeing myself within this polarity cycle and thus assisting and supporting myself to free myself from this cycle, I chose to not see it because the rewards I get from being/having MORE, feeds my Ego, confirms myself as being 'better' within my mind, allows me to experience myself with pride for accomplishing something, and gives me another dit-mark on my competition score board. I have not seen, realized, nor understood that to experience 'MORE' and the rewards promised by having more, that I first have to experience myself as and/or having less. I have locked myself in a continuous cycles of ups/downs and highs/lows with my neutral balancing experiences of Faith and Hope that I will once again experience MORE-NESS.
I forgive myself that my acceptance and allowance of wanting/being/becoming/doing/see myself as/others seeing me as more has made me into the PERFECT CONSUMER and thus the PERFECT SLAVE. Because I have agreed and bought into the wanting, desiring, and needing for more, I have LESS - less time with my family, less time to realize myself, less money, less rest, less time to consider the needs of others in my world, and less time to consider a solution for any of these - I have not seen this because I have been consumed with getting more to compensate for the moments of less - where in order to have 'more', I must work 'more' and so work becomes more and life becomes less.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see how this more and less relationship functions within and as my physical world - where the more we take from our world, the less we have, and thus the more we need it. I have not seen, realized, nor understood that because I accept and allow a more and/or less experience to exist within and as me, it will exist within and as my world - and if I do not see it in myself then I will not see it in my world. So when we are taking more substance from our physical world, we are diminishing this substance to less and because we are consumed with getting more, and more, and MORE ... and because each do not consider giving back what we've been given, we are not able to stabilize and/or equalize our physical world substance nor ourselves.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that at a very early age I allowed myself to be programmed to become the perfect consumer and the perfect slave - I did not see, realize, understand nor for one moment question this because this is the world that I was raised in - I watched others within my immediate world, others outside, and the continual flow from media that showed me that this is what existence is: We work, we eat, we have fun on the weekends, we have sex, we go to the bathroom, and some of us may be more lucky than others to have a family - I accepted this as Living and thus allowed myself to make this my Life as it was easier to follow my pre-programming rather than to stand by myself within and as myself, frustrated/angry/shocked, shaking my head and saying, 'There must be a better way ..."
Continued in next entry.