Day 71: Preventing Time-Related Stress

I will continue with 'I Have Everything - Part 2' in the next blog.

For the moment, I'm sharing an experience that I had this weekend.

A childhood friend of mine invited me to her parents house for some 'girls time away'.  An over-night adventure turned into over 24-hours of just 'chilling out' for me.  My friend has a little girl close to my son's age so the kids played which allowed me to move freely - it was quite awesome.  I did not watch the time - I set no limits as to where I needed to be a certain time and when I observed myself putting a rush on myself, I stopped, I breathed, and I remained where I was.  We ate when we wanted to eat, we drank when we wanted to drink, we all moved within what interested us in moments - not necessarily the same interests, but we were together.  It was very cool.  I noticed that I became clear, stable, and focused and my learning process expanded - like, there was this vast open space within me that was limitless.  I also saw that I was moving slowly and when I saw that I was speeding up, I would slow myself back down as this is how the others around me were moving.

When I came home, I was clear and I was still moving slow - so clear and so slow in-fact that there was a change - first, I noticed that I wasn't chewing on my right 'ring' fingernail nor my pinky and second, the ringing in my ears was gone.  This lasted for awhile until I began putting the pressure on myself to write/respond-to emails, get my blog entry done because I haven't shared the past couple of days, be with my partner, and communicate with another that I'm in conflict with.  At this point, the ringing in my left ear came back almost immediately.

So, I've been walking this time point for awhile and within the past 24 hours, I've come to see, realize, and understand what my life could actually be like if I remove this stressor.  Additionally, all should have the opportunity to experience themselves in this way - everyday of our life.  In one moment of all making the decision to support and implement an Equal Money System, this could be done.  Imagine the potential of the human within this - for me, it's mind-blowing.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand what life could in-fact be without the stress I put myself as my mind and body within/through via my reacting to a time clock.  I have not seen how simplified my life could be when and as I 'let go of time' because I have feared that if I 'let go of time' that I will 'lose time' or that I will lose myself within time - and this is not true.

Why, as a group, have we accepted and allowed ourselves to place ourselves within/through this stress of having to be somewhere at all times and by a specific time on a 'dead-line'?

Why have I accepted and allowed this?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by an object/number/calculation outside of myself that I have separated myself from as a Clock and Time because I have accepted and allowed the System of Time that has been passed onto me from those that I have gone before me within the belief that if I do not agree with and/or comply with this system, that I will not survive in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being a failure, being unable to provide for myself and those I care about, and being seen as 'lazy' and not a part of the group if I was to not agree with and comply to time within my definition of what is required to survive and/or be successful within the world systems of money and relationships.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that the prevention, for the moment, that I can give myself within and as my relationship to time is to stop my fear of losing time with writing and self-forgiveness; and then with re-directing myself within a commitment to breath and slow myself down as stress-prevention for myself.

When and as I see that I am rushing - that my thoughts/mind/body/movements are speeding, I stop.  I breath.  I slow myself and bring myself back to myself to where I am in a moment - I am here.  I see, realize, and understand that I am doing myself and others a great disservice by allowing myself to be distracted by time and that if I am watching a clock or thinking about where I have to be and for what reasons, that I am not here - I am instead, trying to get out of here and thus living in the future and this is not cool. 

I commit myself to the prevent myself from reacting to time by breathing and self-forgiving myself for the thoughts/reactions/back-chats/imaginings that come up within my mind and then re-direct myself to bring myself back to myself as me here and present.

I commit myself to not only gift myself with the prevention of stress in relation to time but to also show others that there is a gift that we can give each other as all which is an Equal Money System that will put an end to this rushing to meet deadlines to survive/avoid being seen as a failure.

 

Day 55: I Am More - More Than You - Self-Correction

ART by Gian Robberts

This blog entry is the Self-Correction for: Day 54: I Am More - More Than You - Continued,  Day 53: I Am More - More Than You writings and Self-Forgiveness.  For additional context, refer to: Day 52: I Am Above This - Continued - Self-Correction,  Day 51: I Am Above This - Continued, Day 50: I Am Above This, Day 49: I Am Perfect, and Day 48: I Am The Bigger Person

When and as I see that I am experiencing myself within/as being and/or telling myself that I am MORE than others, I stop.  I bring myself back to here within breath as I see, realize, and understand that for me to justify myself as being more that I would have had a thought about myself as less that I did not see because I was not present.  I commit myself to stop myself from not being here, present, and observing myself as my thoughts - and within this, I commit myself to when I see myself as justifying/showing/telling myself that I am more, to stopping, breathing, and going back-ward through my thought process to pin-point where I had seen myself as less, why, and/or what the trigger point was.  From here, I commit myself to assisting and supporting myself to remove the 'I Am Less Than' points to, in turn, remove the 'I Am More Than' points with writing, self-forgiveness, and self-correction.

When and as I see myself within and/or as the experience of ups-downs-medians/highs-lows-middles via thought and/or behavior cycles/patterns, I stop.  I breath and bring myself back to here.  I see, realize, and understand that I am showing myself my patterns and/or polarity cycles and so - I commit myself to stopping/removing from/as myself my polarity cycles by writing out my polarity cycles, self-forgiving my polarity cycles, and then establishing and developing practical agreements with myself for how I can break out of these polarity cycles with self-corrective statements and self-commitments so that I can in-fact, be free.

When and as I see myself considering/wanting/desiring to purchase product because I tell myself that myself or someone I care for needs it/may need it, I stop.  I breath.  I see, realize, and understand that for me to purchase this product on impulse that, within the current system, that it will be required for me to work more and/or make up for 'the loss' somewhere within my weekly allowances - I am essentially selling moments of my life and my enjoyment of my life for a product that will end up in a pile somewhere, in storage, being given away, having to be lugged around from room to room within my commitment/partner-agreement to organize, and/or thrown in the trash.  I commit myself to stop purchasing/accepting products/items within a moment of impulse, desire, want, and narration within me saying 'this is on sale ... you might need this later'.  Within this, I commit myself to thoroughly research myself, the product/item, and myself within the pros and cons of taking on the responsibility of the product/item.

Additionally, within seeing, realizing and understanding that when I am taking/purchasing objects/items/products of physical substance, that I am required to give back of equal-to substance, I commit myself to researching ways, as a part of my pre-purchasing process of acceptance/responsibility of a product, to give back into my world substance equal-to what I am considering purchasing/accepting/taking responsibility for.

When and as I see myself wanting and desiring to become a chameleon and blend into my world because I have allowed myself to fear resistance, change, being alone, others reactions, and/or embarrassment, I stop and breath through the fear and bring myself back here within seeing, realizing, and understanding that fear is stupid, fear is not real, and what I am in-fact fearing is myself.  Within my commitment to develop and establish a relationship of trust with myself, I commit myself to stop myself from going into a fear reaction when faced with points that could assist and support me with changing my programming/myself by breathing through my fears, laughing because of my fears, writing out my fears, self-forgiving myself for my fears, and then developing self-corrective applications for the points that trigger my fears.  From here, I commit myself to support and stand for that which I have researched as being The Best Way.

When and as I see that I am projecting on to others and thus separating from myself my thoughts and seeing myself as 'less' as indicated by my mind-backchat-projections onto others as 'less than me', I stop.  I see, realize, and understand that I am communicating to myself about how I see myself within that moment and the reasons that I think/see/show myself to myself as this way.  I commit myself to assisting and supporting myself to be equal-to my backchat communication with/to/about myself by writing and self-forgiveness.  Additionally, I see, realize, and understand that I am fearing being discarded, replaced, and/or rejection which, to me, is equal-to death and thus the fear of death and being alone with myself - within seeing this, I commit myself to assist and support myself to walk myself through/with my fear of death and/or being alone with myself via writing, self-forgiveness, and self-correction because there's no practical, realistic reason to be holding on to these fears - lol.

When and as I see myself activating my 'snob', 'brat', 'spoiled', 'baby' and/or 'princess' characters, as indicated by myself turning my physical expression upward and making my mind go fuzzy so that I do not have to take any responsibility within the event/environment/situation, I stop.  I see, realize, and understand that by 'turning myself up', I am in fact, 'turning myself down' as turning down an opportunity to see myself, my fears and my reactions as thoughts, emotions, feelings, and physical behaviors within events/environments/situations that I am uncomfortable.  I commit myself to stop separating myself from others, my world, and myself as myself, others, and my world by  breathing and remaining here hearing and seeing my trigger reactions and then assisting and supporting myself to free myself from these trigger reactions with writing, self-forgiveness, and self-correction.

Additionally, because I see myself over-compensating and/or swinging to the opposite polarity of 'Capable Greatness' as I remove and free myself from the 'More Than You' and 'Less Than You' characters, I see, realize, and understand that I'm required to establish, develop, and integrate humbleness within and as me - I commit myself to stop myself from allowing myself as my Ego to step in and re-start the cycle of more-or-less by investigating, defining, walking, and self-correcting myself to become humble.

Self-Correction continued in next post.

Day 53: I Am More - More Than You

The Religion of $elf By Andrew Gable

This blog entry is a continuation of Day 52: I Am Above This - Continued - Self-Correction,  Day 51: I Am Above This - Continued, Day 50: I Am Above This, Day 49: I Am Perfect, and Day 48: I Am The Bigger Person

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as more than others - more important, more worthy, more able, more responsible, more knowledgeable, more insightful, more in-control, more of a person ... and the list goes on and on...  I have not seen, realized, nor understood that the MORE-NESS I experience is actually a compensation for the LESS-NESS that I accept and allow to exist within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach a positive meaning and feeling experience to the word 'MORE' and a negative meaning and emotional experience to the word 'LESS'.  Additionally, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach a neutral meaning to the words 'More-Or-Less' as a means to balance myself out from the negative to positive, to not commit myself to any one answer, to take the 'middle road', and to abdicate myself.   Instead of seeing myself within this polarity cycle and thus assisting and supporting myself to free myself from this cycle, I chose to not see it because the rewards I get from being/having MORE, feeds my Ego, confirms myself as being 'better' within my mind, allows me to experience myself with pride for accomplishing something, and gives me another dit-mark on my competition score board.  I have not seen, realized, nor understood that to experience 'MORE' and the rewards promised by having more, that I first have to experience myself as and/or having less. I have locked myself in a continuous cycles of ups/downs and highs/lows with my neutral balancing experiences of Faith and Hope that I will once again experience MORE-NESS.

I forgive myself that my acceptance and allowance of wanting/being/becoming/doing/see myself as/others seeing me as more has made me into the PERFECT CONSUMER and thus the PERFECT SLAVE.  Because I have agreed and bought into the wanting, desiring, and needing for more, I have LESS - less time with my family, less time to realize myself, less money, less rest, less time to consider the needs of others in my world, and less time to consider a solution for any of these - I have not seen this because I have been consumed with getting more to compensate for the moments of less - where in order to have 'more', I must work 'more' and so work becomes more and life becomes less.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see how this more and less relationship functions within and as my physical world - where the more we take from our world, the less we have, and thus the more we need it.  I have not seen, realized, nor understood that because I accept and allow a more and/or less experience to exist within and as me, it will exist within and as my world - and if I do not see it in myself then I will not see it in my world.  So when we are taking more substance from our physical world, we are diminishing this substance to less and because we are consumed with getting more, and more, and MORE ... and because each do not consider giving back what we've been given, we are not able to stabilize and/or equalize our physical world substance nor ourselves.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that at a very early age I allowed myself to be programmed to become the perfect consumer and the perfect slave - I did not see, realize, understand nor for one moment question this because this is the world that I was raised in - I watched others within my immediate world, others outside, and the continual flow from media that showed me that this is what existence is:  We work, we eat, we have fun on the weekends, we have sex, we go to the bathroom, and some of us may be more lucky than others to have a family - I accepted this as Living and thus allowed myself to make this my Life as it was easier to follow my pre-programming rather than to stand by myself within and as myself, frustrated/angry/shocked, shaking my head and saying, 'There must be a better way ..."

 Continued in next entry.