Friday, January 1, 2021

Day 235: Confidence

 Confidence. CONfindence.

This is a word that continually comes up in my life.  This blog is about getting this out of the way.

Yes, it has a positive charge.  I mean, who doesn't want to express of Confidence?

Lemme tell you though.  It was a process to get here.

It started with a massive insecurity - I'm not good enough, I'm not pretty enough, I'm scared, that person is this and I'm this (comparison), and that constant voice in  the back of the mind that instills self-doubt.  You know the voice...

And then there's that moment of realization.  Holy fuck. This is all coming from me.  This is not external at all... and in that moment, everything changes.  You become a God.  And everything and everyone here is a part of your playground.

I Own This.

For me, specifically, comes a curiosity within in it. Because when I let go of myself, my mind, my self-doubts, I have become intensely curious about others.  Who are you? What do you do? What do you need? What do you want? How do you see things? Talk to me...

Here's the con in Confidence.

Who/what I am doesn't matter. It's gone (to a certain extent).  It's all about everything outside of myself. It's I Am Here.  How many people can you count on your hand that are here? Hearing you?

So, yah, it's a small part to stand in but it's mine.

Not giving a fuck in terms of realizing that thoughts are just thoughts but giving a fuck at the same time within realizing that every one and everything is a part of me that I want to know.

And every one person that I have come to hear and take the time to get to know is a part of me.

You want to be Confident? Don't give a fuck about yourself.  Thought are just thoughts.  Be present.  FILL YOUR BODY with you and take it all in, be curious, and give a fuck about others.  

Ask yourself questions.

Which leads me into the next.  

When you look into the mirror are you satisfied with you?

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