I will continue with 'I Have Everything - Part 2' in the next blog.
For the moment, I'm sharing an experience that I had this weekend.
A childhood friend of mine invited me to her parents house for some 'girls time away'. An over-night adventure turned into over 24-hours of just 'chilling out' for me. My friend has a little girl close to my son's age so the kids played which allowed me to move freely - it was quite awesome. I did not watch the time - I set no limits as to where I needed to be a certain time and when I observed myself putting a rush on myself, I stopped, I breathed, and I remained where I was. We ate when we wanted to eat, we drank when we wanted to drink, we all moved within what interested us in moments - not necessarily the same interests, but we were together. It was very cool. I noticed that I became clear, stable, and focused and my learning process expanded - like, there was this vast open space within me that was limitless. I also saw that I was moving slowly and when I saw that I was speeding up, I would slow myself back down as this is how the others around me were moving.
When I came home, I was clear and I was still moving slow - so clear and so slow in-fact that there was a change - first, I noticed that I wasn't chewing on my right 'ring' fingernail nor my pinky and second, the ringing in my ears was gone. This lasted for awhile until I began putting the pressure on myself to write/respond-to emails, get my blog entry done because I haven't shared the past couple of days, be with my partner, and communicate with another that I'm in conflict with. At this point, the ringing in my left ear came back almost immediately.
So, I've been walking this time point for awhile and within the past 24 hours, I've come to see, realize, and understand what my life could actually be like if I remove this stressor. Additionally, all should have the opportunity to experience themselves in this way - everyday of our life. In one moment of all making the decision to support and implement an Equal Money System, this could be done. Imagine the potential of the human within this - for me, it's mind-blowing.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand what life could in-fact be without the stress I put myself as my mind and body within/through via my reacting to a time clock. I have not seen how simplified my life could be when and as I 'let go of time' because I have feared that if I 'let go of time' that I will 'lose time' or that I will lose myself within time - and this is not true.
Why, as a group, have we accepted and allowed ourselves to place ourselves within/through this stress of having to be somewhere at all times and by a specific time on a 'dead-line'?
Why have I accepted and allowed this?
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by an object/number/calculation outside of myself that I have separated myself from as a Clock and Time because I have accepted and allowed the System of Time that has been passed onto me from those that I have gone before me within the belief that if I do not agree with and/or comply with this system, that I will not survive in this world.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being a failure, being unable to provide for myself and those I care about, and being seen as 'lazy' and not a part of the group if I was to not agree with and comply to time within my definition of what is required to survive and/or be successful within the world systems of money and relationships.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that the prevention, for the moment, that I can give myself within and as my relationship to time is to stop my fear of losing time with writing and self-forgiveness; and then with re-directing myself within a commitment to breath and slow myself down as stress-prevention for myself.
When and as I see that I am rushing - that my thoughts/mind/body/movements are speeding, I stop. I breath. I slow myself and bring myself back to myself to where I am in a moment - I am here. I see, realize, and understand that I am doing myself and others a great disservice by allowing myself to be distracted by time and that if I am watching a clock or thinking about where I have to be and for what reasons, that I am not here - I am instead, trying to get out of here and thus living in the future and this is not cool.
I commit myself to the prevent myself from reacting to time by breathing and self-forgiving myself for the thoughts/reactions/back-chats/imaginings that come up within my mind and then re-direct myself to bring myself back to myself as me here and present.
I commit myself to not only gift myself with the prevention of stress in relation to time but to also show others that there is a gift that we can give each other as all which is an Equal Money System that will put an end to this rushing to meet deadlines to survive/avoid being seen as a failure.