In this blog I am writing self-forgiveness in relation to my writings in my Honest Parent blog where I was looking at the point of Guardian Angels. Within self-forgiveness I will be take responsibility for my beliefs in Angels/Powerful and Influential Entities as well as the consequences of my acceptance and allowance of these beliefs. For context, see:
Dec 27, 2012 - On Guardian Angels and Dec 30, 2012 - Are Guardian Angels Real?
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing - losing my life, losing my health, losing my identity, losing my children, and losing that which I see myself as possessing, and with this fear of losing, I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is an entity outside of myself with Great Mystical Powers and Influence that will assist me and save me if anything were to 'go really' wrong in my life that would threaten my life, my health, my identity, my children, and anything that I see myself as possessing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that there are Angels watching over us Special Humans that have purpose, meaning, good hearts, doing 'good work', have a special place in God's Heart, and have connections in a Heaven that is waiting for us. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tell myself that I am 'invincible' and/or 'untouchable' by anything 'bad' because I am a Special Soul That Is Being Watched Over By A Guardian Angel.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine a specific Angel looking over me - in-fact, I have further created the image in a dream and thus from that image been able to transpose the image of my Guardian Angel onto my physical reality where I am the only one that can see, feel, and experience my Angel as being with me - even though no one can see her, I know she is there.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to say to myself with my mind-backchat, "If you don't have a Guardian Angel, it's your own fault because you don't believe or you're just a mean, nasty person that does not deserve an Angel." I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the back-chat, "If you don't have a Guardian Angel, it's your own fault because you don't believe or you're just a mean, nasty person that does not deserve and Angel," to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react Positively when I get into a situation that I see is threatening that turns out 'okay' because it confirms my belief that I am still Special and that I have someone Special with Special Powers and Influence watching over me and keeping me from harm - I feel 'good' about myself, my life, and my purpose in life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react Negatively when I get into a situation that I see is threatening that does not turn out in a way that I would have liked, expected, or hoped for because I tell myself that I 'probably did something wrong', that I was 'not good enough', and that My Special Entity With Special Powers and Influence is no longer watching me, looking out for me, or looking out for my best-interest. Within this, because I experience myself as lost, worried, confused, over-whelmed, and in Emotional Turmoil and I do not like this, I will then react Positively and tell myself that I can do better - that is was just a fluke or that I am being tested as to make myself feel better about myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to physically express myself as confident, blessed, and knowing of my 'specialness' within and as myself and others telling me that I have an Angel or a Special Mysterious Entity watching over me - I square my shoulders, a tip my lips up at the edges, and I make my eyes rounder and 'sparkly'.
I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand the consequences of placing the responsibility of myself, my life and my livelihood within the protection of a entity outside of myself - Instead of taking care of myself and my physical body, I told myself that an entity would make sure that I was 'okay' - so, I would put off going to the doctor. Instead of being cautious with my actions in my life, I had faith that I was protected - so I acted recklessly and once gave up everything that I had with the belief that I was blessed and would never have to worry about not having clothes, food, or shelter. Additionally, because I placed the fate of myself in the hands of another outside of myself, I never taught or got myself in the habit of directing myself and instead, mis-placed my trust which led to one disappointment after another never seeing, realizing, or understanding that I have the Power of every moment of breath to direct myself and my life.
I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that because I have accepted and allowed myself to mis-place my responsibility and trust for the care and what is best for myself and humanity into the hands of an entity outside of myself, I have in-turn accepted and allowed an existence where we place our livelihood in the hands of our Education System, our companies that provide us with employment, our system of money, the banks, our State, our Country, the politicians, our Government - all of these that we as a group of humans separate ourselves from and blame each and every day of our lives instead of saying, "Thanks for the service that you have provided when I did not see myself as able - now that I'm seeing where we are required to make changes, it is time for us to establish a new agreement."
Self-Correction and Self-Commitment to follow in my next blog.