Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Day 115: How Am I Currently Living With and Directing Stress?

I'm pausing my Journey To Life Review to have a look at Traumatic Events and Stresses.  Within this, I will be writing about Traumatic Events and Stress, how I reacted to these events, what my energy experience was, how I made myself feel in my Mind, how I changed as a result, and how I can change now to no longer accept and allow the past to determine who I am.

To begin, I will be answering the question: How am I currently living with and directing Stress?

I work in an intense, high-stress industry where there is little time for re-directing oneself to stabilize oneself during the day where a day can be anywhere between 5 and 12 hours of non-stop physical movement within an extremely unstable physical, mental, and emotional environment.  Despite this, it is absolutely required that I be positive, up-beat, energetic, fun, in-control, pleasing, flexible and able to direct in any given moment/under any circumstances because I work one-on-one with the public and I manage a team of others that are within the same stresses and environment that I must keep stable in-order to get done what we must get done and in the way that we must do it to ensure that we exceed the expectations of the public.  

To be honest, my role is something that I get a great deal of satisfaction and pleasure from because we consistently provide satisfaction and pleasure to the public and in-turn, this is reflected back to those I work with at the end of the day as 'a job well-done' as well as profit in their pocket.

Anyway, my role at work is quite simple which is to maintain the appearance that 'everything is under-control', to make certain that operations run smoothly, to fix any problems immediately, and that the workers are stable and supported.  I will take-on anything extra to make this happen as we need every one of us to make it through the day and each and every one of us is expected to 'tough it out'. 

So allowing oneself to be overcome by stress is NOT an option.  In fact, those that can't handle the stress or are consistently negative are seen as separate from the group and are removed 99% of the time.

My way of handling stress is to separate myself from it completely. I do not allow myself to consider stressful events/moments as having any consequence to me and thus I will push it outward/away from me and say to myself, "I don't have time for this," or "I am better than this. I am above this," and suppress the stress.

When I am at home, I repeat the same pattern.  I tell myself that I must be strong, that I cannot go down, and that I must project myself as calm, stable, and flexible because I believe that this is what I must be for others.  I have not allowed myself the time to look at my stress and figure out why I experience stress with just about everything in my life as well as to realize the constant state of conflict that I exist in.  In-fact, I may have not seen it at all if it weren't for the assistance and support that was given to me when I became aware of the physical consequences of my stress.

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