Traumatic Event 1 - Part 3
Day 120: How Could You Do This To Me?
Part 2 - Day 121: Self-Forgiveness
In this blog, I am walking Day 122: Self-Correction
When and as I see that I am playing-out memories of past traumatic events and experiences, I stop. I see, realize and understand that I am replaying these memories so that I can re-live myself being hurt, angry and vulnerable to show myself how/why others cannot be trusted and counted for support. Instead of projecting myself within/as/from my past onto others, I bring these points of self-communications back to myself where I take responsibility rather than saying, "How could you do this to me?" which is blame and fleeing away.
When and as I see that I'm recalling my past experiences to show myself or to prove to myself that I am a bad person, I stop. I see, realize, and understand that I cannot change my experiences in the past nor can I change who/what I was. I remind myself that the past does not define who/what I am and that who/what I am can be determined here in breath where I remove what is bad and keep what is good.
When and as I see that I am going into my history to try out different 'if-then' scenarios where I try to correct past mistakes with, "If I had done THIS, then THAT would have happened," I stop. I see, realize, and understand that when I do this I am programming myself for a future response that will be within/as my own self-interest - additionally within this, I see that this is in-part of how I create desire within and as myself where I fear that I will miss out on an opportunity for myself to live out my 'if-then' imaginations. I see that breaking myself of the 'if-then' habit will assist and support me in breaking free from my patterns, programming, and stopping myself from becoming different characters/personalities.
When and as I see that I am attempting to force others into my definitions of what they 'should be' depending on what role they have in my living, I stop. I see, realize, and understand that this not only creates unreal expectations of others but that it also creates conflict within and outside of myself.
When and as I see that I am waiting for or expecting some sort of an apology and/or sorry-ness from another outside of myself, I stop. I see, realize, and understand that this is pointless and that I can not control what others do or say. Instead of trying to control others with a single-point that I'm obsessing over, I re-direct myself to bring that point back to myself where I self-forgive and self-correct as I see, realize, and understand that the only being that I can move/direct/change is myself.
When and as I see that I am looking outside of myself for another to provide a pre-defined/imagined safety, caring, and relationship of trust, I stop. Instead of expecting, hoping, and/or desiring for another to give me safety, caring, and/or a relationship of trust, I continue to investigate ways of giving these to myself and to support a solution that will give all the opportunity to do the same.