Day 196: The Force of Good

This blog is a continuation of my process of becoming equal-to and releasing myself from my accepted and allowed polarity definitions of the Word Force.  In this blog I will be focusing on my positive energetic experiences - as how I have come to see and live the Word Force as being something good, positive, and enlightening.  For the process walked thus far, refer to Day 189: Changing My Starting Point In Process - Part 1, Day 190: Changing My Starting Point In Process - Part 2, Day 191: Measurable Force, Day 194: Force - The Good, The Bad, the Downright Ugly and Day 195: Evil Forces - Fear Vs. Caution

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a positive relationship to the Word Force in response to the negative relationships that have have created to the Word Force - where, I have not liked how I experience myself within the negative definition of Force so I have separated myself from the negative and gravitated to the positive definitions of Force.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to gravitate and/or move myself to the positive meanings of Force - such as strength, courage, and fortitude - words that have assisted me to feel better and empowered.  All the while, the negative relationships that I have connected to the negative meanings and experiences with the Word Force - and denied as existing within and as me -have continued to accumulate, simmer, and fester.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when faced with negative experiences in regards to the Word Force and thus react with fear, to suppress that fear with the thought, "I do not not fear forces -- I am a force - a strong and powerful force." I have attempted over-and-over again to change my negative thoughts to positive thoughts which hasn't worked.  Instead, this practice only has automated my response to cover-up the negative thoughts with positive thoughts - never actually removing the negative thoughts.  And in this case, it has been the same with my thoughts in-relation-to the Word Force.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself as standing strong, proud, and invincible when I cast the positive light of force upon myself.  In my mind I have seen myself as a super-hero, a force of good, what's right, and what's just with my hands on my hips, my neck stretched out, my chin pointed to the sky, and my super-hero cape bellowing behind me in the wind. And within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into happiness and hopefulness when and as I have imagined myself as this powerful person with strength and fortitude.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a power-trip when I've escaped into this fantasy of myself as being a superior, just, and righteous force of good.  In this, I have participated with all sorts of thoughts, backchat, and imaginations of how much better than I am then others, how I am best, how I am right, how I am a helper, and how I am here to save, protect, and serve everyone.  I have told myself that even though others may not like my decisions, in the end, they will be grateful for me, they will adore me, they will honor me, and they will respect me for being this force of good in their lives and in the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to program myself as my physical body to respond to the positive definitions and meanings of force - strength, courage, and fortitude - by rising up physically in response to the rising within me and pushing myself outward where as I have felt and experienced myself as solid, focused, and determined.  I have actually physically uplifted myself.

I commit myself to no longer move myself toward the positive meanings, definitions, and/or experiences in-relation-to the Word Force as a response to any reactions that I am experiencing in regards to the negative meanings, definitions, and/or experiences in-relation-to the Word Force.  When and as I see that I am reacting and/or moving when and as a meaning, definition, and/or negative experience comes up in regards to the Word Force, I stop and breath. I bring myself back to the point of Force that I have been faced with and have been reacting to and I speak self-forgiveness and apply the necessary self-correction and self-commitment.

I commit myself to no longer automatically allow myself to gravitate to thinking, imagining myself, and/or being a force of good - righteous, just, and superior - by when and as I see that I am going into thinking, imagining, and submerging myself into my ego, I stop and breath myself back to here.  I go back and investigate the fear and judgments that I am attempting to escape/hide from - the wrongness, the unjust, and the inferiority - I self-forgive the points and realign myself to self-correction and self-commitment.

Day 77: I Have Everything - Part 7

In this blog I am writing out, self-forgiving, self-correcting, and making self-commitments for my Ego within the point, "I Have Everything".  For previous work within this point, see:

Day 70: I Have Everything - Fears
Day 72: I Have Everything - Part 2 - Thoughts
Day 73: I Have Everything - Part 3 - Imagination
Day 74: I Have Everything - Part 4 - Backchat
Day 75: I Have Everything - Part 5 - Reactions
Day 76: I Have Everything - Part 6 - Physical Dimension



When I was in my early 20's, I spent a lot of time with a person who taught me Positive Thinking and the Law of Attraction (before it was The Secret).  This person taught me Positive Affirmations, would share inspirational stories and books, introduced me to a Psychic that taught me Psychometry, and was a living example of what 'Having Everything' looked like.  I can still see this person's euphoric expression within my mind every time I look at what I have and/or don't have with worry and hear her affirmation, "I Have Everything That I Need ..."

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I would not have everything that I need and/or want and from this fear, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a 'Positive Thinker' in Hopes that it would keep me from ever going without and to calm myself when I worry about the lack of stuff/over-abudance of stuff that I have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that if I 'just think positively' and do not allow negative thoughts within myself, my environment and my world, then everything will be 'just fine'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine within my mind that 'everything I need and want' will come to me if I close my eyes, smile, breath, and imagine everything/something that I want/need coming to me and the exact details of how it will arrive to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back-chat, "That person thinks SO negative - eww - I can't stand to be around them and I don't want their negativity to influence my positivity..." to exist within and as me.  And thus, I forgive myself that I have not see, realized, nor understood that I am in-fact communicating to myself within my back-chat, telling myself, "I am so negative ...  Why can't I make this stop ... I hate being around myself and I'm not worthy of those positive people that can make this 'Positive Thought'-thing work - I don't want to taint their goodness and success with my failure."

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react positively when I 'get' what I wanted/needed and react negatively when I did not 'get' what I wanted/needed with my Positive Thinking Affirmations.  When I get what I wanted/needed, I experience a euphoria, a confirmation of myself as being recognized by 'The Universe' as deserving/good, being Superior over others, and taking pleasure in the fact that I have something that others do not.  When I do not get what I wanted/needed, I experience anger with myself, disappointment with myself, depressed that I 'must not be good enough or I did not do it right', being Inferior to others, and jealous and/or spiteful that others have something that I wanted/needed.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to physically express myself within myself being a 'Positive Thinker' character as a smiling, good-natured person that is blessed - when I see myself this way within my mind, my eyes are closed and the Light and Love of the Universe illuminates my face.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that the consequences of myself participating in this 'I Have Everything I Need' Character is that I created self-doubt within myself, I have created competition for money/energy between myself and others, dishonesty within/as myself that anything 'Positive' exists, a physical expression of myself as a 'Blessed Being' as a cover-up so that I do not have look at what's really going on with me which is Anger, Disappointment, Depression, Not Being 'Good Enough', 'Wrong', Inferiority, Jealousy, and Spitefulness.

When and as I see that I am shifting into my 'I Have Everything' Character as indicated by my telling myself that 'I have everything I need ...' as an affirmation, I stop.  I breath myself back to my physical reality where I see, realize, and understand that the consequences of myself participating in this character's affirmations is that I'm self-sabotaging myself and my process of realizing myself when I accept and allow myself to be dishonest with myself - and within this dishonesty, I will get 'caught up' in reactions.

I commit myself to no longer allow the 'I Have Everything I Need' Character by stopping myself from participating with the affirmations that I have programmed into myself.

I commit myself to no longer allow myself to physically express myself as a 'Blessed Being' of 'Light and Universal Love' by not allowing myself to direct my physical body based on a memory of another's expression.  Additionally, when other points come up within this 'Blessed Being' of 'Light and Universal Love'-ness, I commit myself to assist and support myself with self-forgiving myself for accepting and allowing these memories and/or visions to exist within and as me.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to see, realize, and understand WHY I am so miserable with being here that I must look outside of myself for rewards and positive experiences in order to 'feel better' - I will do this by investigating myself and writing out points that come up in my day-to-day living when and as I am experiencing myself as either High or Low.

I commit myself to stop projecting my 'negativity' on to others while seeing myself as as the 'positive' one by bring the points of negativity back to myself and self-honestly seeing how this negativity is in-fact me - from here, I will assist and support myself to write out and self-forgive myself for the negative, the bad, the ugly, and the out-right evil that I have accepted and allowed to exist within and as me.

I commit myself to no longer direct/be directed by imagination within my own self-interest but to instead use my imagination to assist and support myself and others in bringing to reality a solution that is in the best interest of all.

I commit myself to stop telling myself that 'everything is going to be fine' as I see, realize, and understand that this is not true when I see my life and my world as it exists currently.  I will do this by stating to myself 'STOP' when and as I am attempting to calm, relieve, ignore and/or give myself a back-door out of an emotion, reaction, situation, and/or event within myself or my world.

I commit myself to no longer allow myself to fear that I will 'go without' as fearing 'going without' hasn't changed a thing - I have gone without and I have gone with.  Further, fear is not real - fear is either a memory of the past or an imagination for/in the future - neither of which exist here in the moment breathing.

Day 75: I Have Everything - Part 5

In this blog I am writing out, self-forgiving, self-correcting, and making self-commitments to change for my Reactions to the point, "I Have Everything".  For previous work within this point, see:

Day 70: I Have Everything - Fears
Day 72: I Have Everything - Part 2 - Thoughts
Day 73: I Have Everything - Part 3 - Imagination
Day 74: I Have Everything - Part 4 - Backchat


Reactions

Negative - Rushing around my home from one task to another with no clear direction - within this, sighing, rubbing my face, expressing myself as 'run-down', overwhelmed and 'running out of time'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with sighing and rubbing my face as I express myself as 'run-down', overwhelmed and 'running out of time' when I look and see all the tasks I must complete in my home before I can experience myself as 'comfortable'.  I have not seen, realized, nor understood how angry I have become that I do not allow myself to move slowly and/or rest because I tell and show myself that there's always 'something more to do' and that my house must be/look a certain way before I can truly relax.  Everyday of my life has been me racing against the clock because with each passing day, it never gets better and so I tell myself that I am simply not working hard enough or that I am not doing enough with my time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become angry with others as well as myself that I cannot relax/rest when and as others are relaxing.  I have not allowed myself to slow myself down enough to hear myself tell myself that the time spent doing things that I might enjoy or that require me to be off my feet are a waste of my time.  And thus, I have allowed myself to be/become resentful of others that are able to relax, rest, slow themselves down, and not be compelled/motivated/driven to constantly be 'on the move'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for me not being able to relax, rest, and or enjoy moments 'off my feet' because the way I'm seeing others is as lazy - and if they would take the time to assist me with what needs to be done instead of relaxing, resting, and participating in times that they enjoy, that chores/things that need to get done around my house would get done twice as fast and then we would all have the opportunity to relax.  I'm seeing myself as doing all of the work and/or the only person in my home motivated to create a comfortable, safe, relaxing, and clutter-free environment for myself and my family.

Positive - When I make progress within cleaning/clearing out areas in my home and making them organized, I experience accomplishment and happiness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react positively to being in an area of my home that I have cleaned/cleared and/or organized to my mind's standards and definitions of what 'looks' best where when I am able to make myself physically and mentally comfortable and/or stable in a space in my home, I experience a 'sense' of 'accomplishment' and 'happiness'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'like' my home only if specific tasks are completed.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that I am communicating to myself about myself when I am projecting my reactions, emotions, and feelings onto my home.  I have not allowed myself to see: that I am uncomfortable with myself unless I 'look' clean, well-organized, and 'attractive enough'; that I do not 'like' myself nor experience accomplishment and/or happiness if I do not appear to myself and others as clean, clear, and organized.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by myself as my mind's eye/view of what 'clean, cleared, and organized' looks like and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, because of this unreal expectation of myself, to never have developed self-love.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the 'sense of' 'happiness' and 'accomplishment' as positive feelings to cover up the truth of my matter which is: I don't like myself very much.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tell myself that I will 'only like me' when I do what I, as my mind, direct myself to do - and within this, allowing myself to chase after an infinite dangling carrot instead of being here in breath.  

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that the person that I see myself being/becoming in the future is not real.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that I am never going to be 'good enough' for myself if I continue to direct myself based on what I, as my mind, shows/tells me is required for me to be 'good enough'. 

When and as I see myself within a loop of returning back to something in my physical environment over and over again within my environment as an obsessive pattern of checking with my mind to see if what I've done is 'good enough'.  I stop.  I BREATH.  I see, realize, and understand that this is me from/as my mind, entrapping me into an obsessive-compulsive pattern as to make sure that my time continues to be 'tied up',  instead of giving myself time to realize myself within physical relaxation.  I commit myself to stop going back to projects and/or work that I've done within my environment to check to see if my 'mind approves' by slowing myself down so that I can see myself within this pattern and actually telling myself to STOP - and thus, I do not allow myself to be trapped.



When and as I see that I am looking toward a version of myself that is not how/what/where I am in that moment, I stop.  I bring myself back to who I am, here.  I see, realize, and understand that who/what/where I am is/has been/ever will be here in the moment in breath.  I commit myself to stop creating a version of myself as how, what, who, and where I will be in the future within the realization that this is not real - this person does not exists - and so, I stop - I breath myself back to myself in the moment.

When and as I see that I am trying to cover up the negatives that I see around me and/or within me with positives, I stop.  I back up my process of thoughts that lead to my positive thought to the original negative point.  I self-forgive myself in the moment for accepting and allowing the negative, positive, polarity, and over-compensating points to exist within and as me.  I commit myself to stopping this pattern of covering of the negative stuff with positive stuff.