In reference to an earlier post, Day 190: Changing My Starting Point In Process - Part 2, a friend suggested that I expand the definition of the word Force. Within the suggestion, she included an expanded dictionary definition, an etymological definition as well as a living definition that could be lived in a practical way without energetic charge. I have included the support here:
In relation to the word 'force' I'd suggest to expand the definition to specifically include what force is, since physical action or movement could also describe other words, whereas force also has its specific characteristics.
I looked it up and force is defined as:
This is interesting in relation to the experienced of 'being forced' - because it is like when one feels forced, it is the same as feeling moved by someone/something else and/or that one's movement is changed by something/someone - fascinating.
When looking at the etymological definition of the word the following definition steps forth:
So force comes from the word strong and it could then be redefined as 'strong physical action or movement'.
I found this support really cool because it assisted me to see a couple of points.
First, that I was rushing through redefining Force into a living word because I wanted to get on to some other points that I have been walking outside of my blog. And this is a pattern that I keep playing out - not only in my writings but also in my immediate physical environment where I can see several projects that I have started and have not finished - even though I have the all the materials and tools required to do so. Within this, I have come to see that having several things going at once is not 'bad' and it's not necessary for me to go into self-judgment on it. I have also found that I am quite cool with myself physically moving from project to project as long as I am making progress and seeing change. The key, however, is making sure that my movement is balanced where I give my personal process, my home projects, my work, and other commitments equal attention. So, if I find that I am intentionally avoiding doing something, I stop and take a look at why I am avoiding it. Which brings me to the second point:
Prior to my friend pointing out that there were other expanded meanings of the word Force, I was already aware of the other meanings and definitions. However, as I was researching definitions, I intentionally ignored and disregarded any definitions that contained words that I experienced an internal physical movement/uncomfortableness or reaction to when seeing or reading them.
For the next part of this blog, I will be directing the point of my rushing through things because of my relationship to time and my sense of urgency when it comes to my process and getting things done. And in the blog to follow, I will be opening up the point of why I intentionally avoid allowing myself to focus on the redefinition process - which actually works into some points that I'm walking outside of this blog in relation to my learning process. I will also be working with my friend's suggested living definition of the word Force as being a 'strong physical action or movement'.
So with my rushing, I have found that I have had some beliefs. One is that I have limited amount of time in which to get things done - which is true in some regards but not always the case. Another belief is that I will have a better of experience of myself once I get things done - like, the sooner I get something done the better I will feel, the more I can relax and do what I want - you know, the 'light at the end of the tunnel' sort of mindset.
A biggie for me as well is how easy I have been distracted and how I have acted impulsive while in that distraction - not considering time and responsibilities in that moment nor the consequences of not considering either. Also, while I have been in distraction, I have had the tendency to place all of my being into it where I have had the belief that if I do this - that if I give something my ALL - that I will have a certain desired outcome. Which, obviously rarely happens so, disappointed, frustrated and/or bored, I have put that task aside for 'another day' and then move on, again, to whatever distraction or task suits my desire to feel better, entertained and/or most productive in that moment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the belief that I have a limited amount of time to get things done.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will have a better experience of myself once I get thing done and within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush through things that I am working on because in my mind, I see myself as being able to to relax and do whatever I want after - which I have connected a positive energetic 'feel good' feeling to.
So, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect a positive energetic 'feel good' feeling and experience to the idea of relaxing and imaginations of doing what I want.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live within a 'light at the end of the tunnel' mindset where I believe that if I can get through the tedious, the time consuming, the labor, and/or the boring stuff that something good, gratifying, and/or fulfilling will be there for me when I 'get through it'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become distracted while working on things.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act on impulse when I become distracted and physically move myself to change what I am doing without considering time and responsibilities in that moment.
I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to consider the consequences of me going from one activity to another in any given moment - depending on what interests me most.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to channel all of my self into whatever I am doing to such an extent that I will not be aware of what's going on outside of me, time, and the other responsibilities that must be taken care of it within that day.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I 'put my ALL' into something, that I will have a positive result - which in my mind is a desired result of perfection based on something that I have already seen in my external reality that I believe must be emulated.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have become disappointed, frustrated, and/or bored with something that I'm working on if/when/as I have seen that what I am working on does not align with the idea of perfection that I have taken from somewhere in my external world and stored within me as a memory of 'the way it should be'.
And I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk away from what I am working on because I have become disappointed and/or frustrated with the work - from which, I go into my ego and tell myself I'm bored, a waste of my time, or something that I can work on later which I have accepted and allowed as a reasonable excuse or justification to walk away from what I am working on in any given moment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stop doing what I have allotted time to do because I either fear that it's not going to come out the way I would like it, because I am not being entertained, or because what I am doing requires a lot of physical application. And within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stop what I am doing and go off to do whatever interests me, entertains me, and/or suits me best as my mind in any given moment.
So, bringing the point back to Force. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be an Immeasurable Force - where the strength of my actions - what I put the strength of my mind focus, my physical time, and my inner beingness into completing - is not measurable and not countable because I am busy rushing through things and/or not seeing my work through to my utmost potential.
I commit myself to no longer allowing myself to believe that I have a limited amount of time to get things done and I commit myself to no longer allow myself to limit myself with the excuse of time by when and as I see me telling myself how my time is limited, I stop and breath. Realistically, I see that yes, I only have a certain amount of time with my days to get things done and yes, I have many responsibilities and points to direct within a day - however, I remind myself that this is not an excuse to go into giving up and distracting myself myself within whatever looks entertaining or most productive at the moment. And so, I commit myself to stay on task - or return to that task after something has come up - within the time I have allotted to that task and to not let myself be distracted because of a positive or negative experience that I may be having as I work on what's required to be done.
I commit myself to no longer allowing myself to be of the mind that there is a 'light at the end of the tunnel' by when and as I see that I am telling or showing myself that cool things that I get to do when I get my work done, I stop and breath. Firstly, I realize that there is actually rarely a light at the end of the tunnel - the path always leads back to the same place and is in-fact an illusion. Secondly, I question myself: why do I need something cool and fun to happen? Why do I need to be entertained? Why can't I simply be here with myself working on what I am working on? Why do I not like what I am doing or the way that I'm doing it? So, I commit myself to utilize the moments of working on things as a point of self-support to get to stop making the experiences into personal issues and to get to know myself.
I commit myself to unravel myself from my current relationships and experiences with Time by walking the point slowly and seeing myself through the fear, anger, irritation, and frustration with myself and then redefining my physical movement with Time.
I commit myself to STOP allowing myself to be distracted by when and as I see my attention wander away from what I have committed myself to doing to something that I'm seeing is more fun, more cool, or a better use of my time within the day, I stop and breath. I remind myself of my commitment to stay on task and if/when/as I see what is coming up as 'what I could be doing instead' and requires my attention, I write down the point for myself to direct for when I am done doing or the allotted time for the task is done. Obviously, within this, I allow myself to be aware and responsive to what's going on in my external environment and allow myself to be understanding and flexible in regards to the others around me and their physical and/or mental requirements throughout the day - I will continue to stand as a point of support.
I commit myself to stop attempting to recreate and emulate into my physical reality what I have allowed myself to see and store as a memory of 'perfection' from my mind's perspective by when and as I see myself telling or showing myself how something I'm doing 'should be' or is 'supposed to be' based on something I have seen or come to believe, I stop and breath. I do not allow myself to accept this excuse nor do I allow the experience to change me from focusing on what is required to be done nor do I allow this to limit me from doing something and within this doing something, doing it with my utmost potential. Within this, I commit myself to let go of any mind beliefs or ideas I have about what I am doing, say self-forgiveness as I work, and allow myself to express myself within and as what I am working on.
I commit myself to no longer accepting and allowing the thought, "I can do this later ..." to release me from what I am doing that is required to be done. And when and as I see that there is a task that can in-fact be done later or is best to be done later, I direct accordingly from a point of self-honesty practicality where I make a plan of when/how I will do something and commit myself to seeing that plan through.
I commit myself to always working on ways of placing my time and focus equally into the things.
And I commit myself to restructuring my time and my focus if/when/as I see myself NOT distributing my time and focus to what's required to be done.
I commit myself to stop attempting to separate myself from what I am doing.
I commit myself to being a Measurable Force where the product of my strong physical movement and action - that which I see through to an utmost potential - can be seen, counted, and measured.