Day 195: Evil Forces - Fear Vs. Caution

In this blog I'm going into how I have been living the Word Force in response to my thoughts, imaginations, reactions and fears in relation to the Word and then taking responsibility and standing equal-to what I have blindly accepted as the meanings/definitions of the Word Force with self-forgiveness as to assist and support myself to no longer be influenced by the thoughts, imaginations, reactions, and fears that come up when or as I see, here, or speak the Word Force.

In a previous blog, I researched the dictionary and etymological definitions for the Word Force and found the good, the bad, and the ugly definitions and meanings that have been connected to Force and saw how I have allowed myself to be moved and changed by the Word Force depending on the situation, event, and/or context in which the word has been used and the energetic reaction - either positive, neutral, or negative - that I have connected to the specific situation, event, and/or context via actual, observed, shared and/or imagined experiences in the past.

So here I will begin self-forgiveness, self-correction, and self-commitment for how I am currently living the word Force in a NEGATIVE way.  I will be using my writings in the previous blog, Day 194: The Force - The Good, The Bad, The Downright Ugly as reference for this process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that Force is good, that Force is bad, and that Force is downright ugly, depending on the situation in which Force is used.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to be honest with myself that, in regards to Force, and all of the definitions and meanings that are attached to it, that I haven't experienced the word negatively unless it impacts me specifically in a negative way somehow - by going against my ideas, my beliefs, and my morality.

And within this,  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when and as I have a negative experience with the word Force, to separate myself from what I'm seeing and hearing, to judge, and then to justify my negative experiences as well as the negative experiences and situations with others and the external environment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a world where myself and others can forced to do things that are not best.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a world where myself and others are forced against our will.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a world where military, police, and other groups with weapons have authority to exert force upon myself and others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a world where individuals and groups are allowed to conquer other individuals and groups with violent force.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a world where myself and others are allowed to be hurt, assaulted, molested, raped, abused, and killed by force.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear Force within the context of being forced to do things that are not best, forced to do things that are against my will and within this, being stuck. And within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into my imagination where, in my  mind I play-out memories and or scenes of myself and others being harmed and/or killed by military, police, rapists, conflict, wars, and all sorts of weapons including those of 'mass destruction'.

I forgive myself that, as a child, I had accepted and allowed Force as being forced to do things that aren't best and/or being forced to do things against my will.  I realize that as a child I did not have any say in the matter and that I actually was physically forced to do things by persons of authority.  However, when I was old enough to be on my own, I did not question this authority and did not allow myself the opportunity to set myself free from it.  Further, I see where I have perpetuated this idea of Force by forcing myself, my will, and my authority onto others.

Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live the word Force as me exerting myself onto others to get a desired result.  And further, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for how I have been living Force and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from how I am living Force instead of changing.

I commit myself to no longer accept and allow a world where myself and others can be forced to do things that aren't not best.

I commit myself to no longer accept and allow a world where myself and others are forced against our will.

And within this, I commit myself to no longer accept and allow a world where military, police, and other psychotic individuals and groups have the authority to exert force upon myself and others.  So thus I commit myself to no longer accept and allow a world where myself and others are allowed to be hurt, assaulted, molested, raped, and killed by force.

I commit myself to no longer accept and allow myself to ignore, deny or separate myself from how Force is being lived out by myself, others, and this world in an abusive way.  And I commit myself to educate myself and then to show others how force is being lived out in an unacceptable way.

I commit myself to no longer accept and allow any psychopaths - those that deliberately exert abuse onto others for power and control - to have authority by committing myself to no longer allowing myself to separate myself from these beings, to understanding them, and to standing equal-to them.  Here, I commit myself to take responsibility for the creation of these individuals and groups by seeing where and how they exist within and as me - as above, so below, as within, so without - and as I see them as me and me as them, I care for them as I would care for myself where I use the tools of self-forgiveness, self-correction, self-commitment as well as using the structure of Problem, Solution, Reward.

When and as I see that I am going into fear or have gone into fear in regards to the real physical and real scary forces that exist within this world, I stop and I breath.  I realize that when I have allowed fear of force, that this fear has moved and influenced me - and as this fear, I react and do not make decisions that are best because I am not seeing clearly.  So seeing all of this, I realize that fear of force and being cautious of force are not the same - fear moves me and being cautious is a self-directed action of common sense.  That being understood, I commit myself to longer allowing myself to go into and/or be moved by fear of force and I commit myself to be cautious with force.

When and as I see that I am considering using force in an unacceptable way by attempting to coerce, manipulate, threaten and/or exert my self/my will onto others and the external world as a means to see my desired result, I stop and I breath.  I realize that I must take responsibility for myself before I can expect that others/the world, can take responsibility - and that as I have solutions that I can share solutions.  So, I commit myself to test out ways of directing myself, others, and my external environment - from the starting point of caring and what is best - and allow myself to change my way of doing things.  And within this, I commit myself to no longer using the illusion of authority, scare tactics using my physical presence and possessions, threatening, or any other harmful or abusive form of Force.

Day 194: Force - The Good, The Bad, The Downright Ugly

Again, I am looking at the Word Force and this time adding an expanded dictionary definition as well as an etymological definition.

1. strength or energy as an attribute of physical action or movement.
   "he was thrown backward by the force of the explosion"
   

   synonyms:

   strength, power, energy, might, effort, exertion;

   antonyms:

   weakness

   • PHYSICS
     an influence tending to change the motion of a body or produce motion or stress in a stationary body. The magnitude of such an influence is often calculated by multiplying the mass of the body by its acceleration.
     
   • a person or thing regarded as exerting power or influence.
     plural noun: forces
     "he might still be a force for peace and unity"
     

     synonyms:

     agency, power, influence, instrument, vehicle, means "a force for good"

   • used with a number as a measure of wind strength on the Beaufort scale.
     "a force-nine gale"
     
2. coercion or compulsion, especially with the use or threat of violence.
   "they ruled by law and not by force"
   

   synonyms:

   coercion, compulsion, constraint, duress, oppression, harassment,intimidation, threats;

3. mental or moral strength or power.
   "the force of popular opinion"
   
   • the state of being in effect or valid.
     "the law came into force in January"
     

     synonyms:

     effective, in operation, operative, operational, in action, valid "the law is now in force"

   • the powerful effect of something.
     "the force of her writing is undiminished"
     

     synonyms:

     cogency, potency, weight, effectiveness, soundness, validity,strength, power, significance, influence, authority;

     antonyms:

     weakness

4. an organized body of military personnel or police.
   "a soldier in a UN peacekeeping force"
   

   synonyms:

   body, body of people, group, outfit, party, team;

   • troops and weaponry.
     plural noun: forces
     "concealment from enemy forces"
     
   • a group of people brought together and organized for a particular activity.
     "a sales force"
     
   • informal
     a police department.
     noun: the force
     
5. BASEBALL
   a force-out.
   
   • a situation in which a force-out is possible.
     

verb
verb: force; 3rd person present: forces; past tense: forced; past participle: forced; gerund or present participle: forcing

1. make a way through or into by physical strength; break open by force.
   "they broke into Fred's house and forced every cupboard door with ax or crowbar"
   

   synonyms:

   break open, burst open, knock down, smash down, kick in "the door had to be forced"

   • drive or push into a specified position or state using physical strength or against resistance.
     "she forced her feet into flat leather sandals"
     

     synonyms:

     propel, push, thrust, shove, drive, press, pump "water was forced through a hole"

   • achieve or bring about (something) by coercion or effort.
     "Sabine forced a smile"
     
   • push or strain (something) to the utmost.
     "she knew if she forced it she would rip it"
     
   • artificially hasten the development or maturity of (a plant).
     

     synonyms:

     extract, elicit, exact, extort, wrest, wring, drag, screw, squeeze "they forced a confession out of the kids"

2. make (someone) do something against their will.
   "she was forced into early retirement"
   

   synonyms:

   compel, coerce, make, constrain, oblige, impel, drive, pressurize,pressure, press, push, press-gang, bully, dragoon, bludgeon;

   • rape (a woman).
     
   • BASEBALL
     put out (a runner), or cause (a runner) to be put out, at the base to which they are advancing when they are forced to run on a batted ball.
     "I was forced at second base as the first half of a double play"
     
   • (in cards) make a play or bid that compels another player to make (a particular response); make a play or bid that compels (another player) to make such a response.
     "East could force declarer to ruff another spade"
     

Origin
Middle English: from Old French force (noun), forcer (verb), based on Latin fortis ‘strong.’

Etymological Dictionary Definition 

force (n.) 

c.1300, "physical strength," from Old French force (12c.) "force, strength, courage, fortitude; violence, power, compulsion," from Vulgar Latin *fortia (source also of Spanish fuerza, Italian forza), noun use of neuter plural of Latin fortis "strong" (see fort). Meaning "body of armed men, army" first recorded late 14c. (also in Old French). Physics sense is from 1660s; force field attested by 1920.

force (v.) 

c.1300, from Old French forcier "conquer by violence," from force (see force (n.)). Its earliest sense in English was "to ravish" (a woman); sense of "to compel, oblige" to do something is from c.1400. Related: Forced; forcing. 

As I wrote out in a previous blog, I have been living the Word Force as though there has been a stronger power than me, outside of me, making me do things regardless of whether I want to do them or not.  With the process of writing and self-forgiveness in regards to Force, I have realized that there is no force outside of myself that is making me do anything.  I mean, even if someone was holding a gun to my head in an attempt to force me, in the end, it would still be my decision of whether I would do something or not.  And from a physics stand-point, someone or something can physically move me depending on the mass and strength of the force.

In reality though, there is no one individual or outside force that is physically motivating me to do anything and it's clear that the Word Force is a word that I have been living out in my mind and not in real physical time. 

I am also adding that I have been seeing the Word Force as mostly as a negative word and when it comes up, I experience fear and then go right into resistance and avoidance. When looking at the definitions it is clear why because I have attached the word Force to things that I fear like: Rape, Violence, Physical Pain, Negative Military and Police Activities, Breaking, Coercion, and overall manifesting something into existence that is not best where there is no choice in matter. Another point that I would like to investigate is how, when I have said or thought about the Word Force, that I have had this strong physical presence that quickly rises within me like an in-breath where I have a body experience of becoming focused, solid, and determined in a way that pushes outward in to my external environment.  And finally, I see that there aspects of the Word Force that I like or that give me a positive experience - specifically in-relation to Force as Strength where when I see Force in the light of Strength, I experience a happiness, a hopefulness, a sort of relief or a sense of momentary freedom from all the the negativity that I have attached to the Word Force.

So in the next post I will be going into writing self-forgiveness for what's coming up for thoughts, imaginations, beliefs, reactions, fears, and behaviors in relation to the Word Force. Followed by writing out my plan for self-correction and self-commitment within no longer allowing myself to be influenced or moved by this word as something outside of me or separate from me. Then, I will share my living definition of the word which is how I will be living out the word via my physical movement and self-directed action, equal and one with the word.   

Day 191: Measurable Force

In reference to an earlier post, Day 190: Changing My Starting Point In Process - Part 2, a friend suggested that I expand the definition of the word Force. Within the suggestion, she included an expanded dictionary definition, an etymological definition as well as a living definition that could be lived in a practical way without energetic charge.  I have included the support here:

Force = Physical action or movement

In relation to the word 'force' I'd suggest to expand the definition to specifically include what force is, since physical action or movement could also describe other words, whereas force also has its specific characteristics.

I looked it up and force is defined as: 

"In physics, a force is any influence which tends to change the motion of an object. In other words, a force can cause an object with mass to change its velocity, i.e., to accelerate" (wikipedia)

This is interesting in relation to the experienced of 'being forced' - because it is like when one feels forced, it is the same as feeling moved by someone/something else and/or that one's movement is changed by something/someone - fascinating. 

When looking at the etymological definition of the word the following definition steps forth: 

force (n.) Look up force at Dictionary.com
c.1300, "physical strength," from Old French force (12c.) "force, strength, courage, fortitude; violence, power, compulsion," from Vulgar Latin *fortia (source also of Spanish fuerza, Italian forza), noun use of neuter plural of Latin fortis "strong" (see fort). Meaning "body of armed men, army" first recorded late 14c. (also in Old French). Physics sense is from 1660s; force field attested by 1920. (source:http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?term=force)

So force comes from the word strong and it could then be redefined as 'strong physical action or movement'.

I found this support really cool because it assisted me to see a couple of points.

First, that I was rushing through redefining Force into a living word because I wanted to get on to some other points that I have been walking outside of my blog.  And this is a pattern that I keep playing out - not only in my writings but also in my immediate physical environment where I can see several projects that I have started and have not finished - even though I have the all the materials and tools required to do so.  Within this, I have come to see that having several things going at once is not 'bad' and it's not necessary for me to go into self-judgment on it.  I have also found that I am quite cool with myself physically moving from project to project as long as I am making progress and seeing change.  The key, however, is making sure that my movement is balanced where I give my personal process, my home projects, my work, and other commitments equal attention.  So, if I find that I am intentionally avoiding doing something, I stop and take a look at why I am avoiding it.  Which brings me to the second point:

Prior to my friend pointing out that there were other expanded meanings of the word Force, I was already aware of the other meanings and definitions.  However, as I was researching definitions, I intentionally ignored and disregarded any definitions that contained words that I experienced an internal physical movement/uncomfortableness or reaction to when seeing or reading them.

For the next part of this blog, I will be directing the point of my rushing through things because of my relationship to time and my sense of urgency when it comes to my process and getting things done. And in the blog to follow, I will be opening up the point of why I intentionally avoid allowing myself to focus on the redefinition process - which actually works into some points that I'm walking outside of this blog in relation to my learning process.  I will also be working with my friend's suggested living definition of the word Force as being a 'strong physical action or movement'.


So with my rushing, I have found that I have had some beliefs.  One is that I have limited amount of time in which to get things done - which is true in some regards but not always the case.  Another belief is that I will have a better of experience of myself once I get things done - like, the sooner I get something done the better I will feel, the more I can relax and do what I want - you know, the 'light at the end of the tunnel' sort of mindset.

A biggie for me as well is how easy I have been distracted and how I have acted impulsive while in that distraction - not considering time and responsibilities in that moment nor the consequences of not considering either.  Also, while I have been in distraction, I have had the tendency to place all of my being into it where I have had the belief that if I do this - that if I give something my ALL - that I will have a certain desired outcome.  Which, obviously rarely happens so, disappointed, frustrated and/or bored, I have put that task aside for 'another day' and then move on, again, to whatever distraction or task suits my desire to feel better, entertained and/or most productive in that moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the belief that I have a limited amount of time to get things done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will have a better experience of myself once I get thing done and within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush through things that I am working on because in my mind, I see myself as being able to to relax and do whatever I want after - which I have connected a positive energetic 'feel good' feeling to.

So, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect a positive energetic 'feel good' feeling and experience to the idea of relaxing and imaginations of doing what I want.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live within a 'light at the end of the tunnel' mindset where I believe that if I can get through the tedious, the time consuming, the labor, and/or the boring stuff that something good, gratifying, and/or fulfilling will be there for me when I 'get through it'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become distracted while working on things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act on impulse when I become distracted and physically move myself to change what I am doing without considering time and responsibilities in that moment.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to consider the consequences of me going from one activity to another in any given moment - depending on what interests me most.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to channel all of my self into whatever I am doing to such an extent that I will not be aware of what's going on outside of me, time, and the other responsibilities that must be taken care of it within that day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I 'put my ALL' into something, that I will have a positive result - which in my mind is a desired result of perfection based on something that I have already seen in my external reality that I believe must be emulated.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have become disappointed, frustrated, and/or bored with something that I'm working on if/when/as I have seen that what I am working on does not align with the idea of perfection that I have taken from somewhere in my external world and stored within me as a memory of 'the way it should be'.

And I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk away from what I am working on because I have become disappointed and/or frustrated with the work - from which, I go into my ego and tell myself I'm bored, a waste of my time, or something that I can work on later which I have accepted and allowed as a reasonable excuse or justification to walk away from what I am working on in any given moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stop doing what I have allotted time to do because I either fear that it's not going to come out the way I would like it, because I am not being entertained, or because what I am doing requires a lot of physical application.  And within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stop what I am doing and go off to do whatever interests me, entertains me, and/or suits me best as my mind in any given moment.
 
So, bringing the point back to Force.  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be an Immeasurable Force - where the strength of my actions - what I put the strength of my mind focus, my physical time, and my inner beingness into completing - is not measurable and not countable because I am busy rushing through things and/or not seeing my work through to my utmost potential.

I commit myself to no longer allowing myself to believe that I have a limited amount of time to get things done and I commit myself to no longer allow myself to limit myself with the excuse of time by when and as I see me telling myself how my time is limited, I stop and breath.  Realistically, I see that yes, I only have a certain amount of time with my days to get things done and yes, I have many responsibilities and points to direct within a day - however, I remind myself that this is not an excuse to go into giving up and distracting myself myself within whatever looks entertaining or most productive at the moment.  And so, I commit myself to stay on task - or return to that task after something has come up - within the time I have allotted to that task and to not let myself be distracted because of a positive or negative experience that I may be having as I work on what's required to be done.

I commit myself to no longer allowing myself to be of the mind that there is a 'light at the end of the tunnel' by when and as I see that I am telling or showing myself that cool things that I get to do when I get my work done, I stop and breath.  Firstly, I realize that there is actually rarely a light at the end of the tunnel - the path always leads back to the same place and is in-fact an illusion.  Secondly, I question myself: why do I need something cool and fun to happen? Why do I need to be entertained? Why can't I simply be here with myself working on what I am working on?  Why do I not like what I am doing or the way that I'm doing it?  So, I commit myself to utilize the moments of working on things as a point of self-support to get to stop making the experiences into personal issues and to get to know myself.

I commit myself to unravel myself from my current relationships and experiences with Time by walking the point slowly and seeing myself through the fear, anger, irritation, and frustration with myself and then redefining my physical movement with Time.

I commit myself to STOP allowing myself to be distracted by when and as I see my attention wander away from what I have committed myself to doing to something that I'm seeing is more fun, more cool, or a better use of my time within the day, I stop and breath.  I remind myself of my commitment to stay on task and if/when/as I see what is coming up as 'what I could be doing instead' and requires my attention, I write down the point for myself to direct for when I am done doing or the allotted time for the task is done.  Obviously, within this, I allow myself to be aware and responsive to what's going on in my external environment and allow myself to be understanding and flexible in regards to the others around me and their physical and/or mental requirements throughout the day - I will continue to stand as a point of support.

I commit myself to stop attempting to recreate and emulate into my physical reality what I have allowed myself to see and store as a memory of 'perfection' from my mind's perspective by when and as I see myself telling or showing myself how something I'm doing 'should be' or is 'supposed to be' based on something I have seen or come to believe, I stop and breath.  I do not allow myself to accept this excuse nor do I allow the experience to change me from focusing on what is required to be done nor do I allow this to limit me from doing something and within this doing something, doing it with my utmost potential.  Within this, I commit myself to let go of any mind beliefs or ideas I have about what I am doing, say self-forgiveness as I work, and allow myself to express myself within and as what I am working on.

I commit myself to no longer accepting and allowing the thought, "I can do this later ..." to release me from what I am doing that is required to be done.  And when and as I see that there is a task that can in-fact be done later or is best to be done later, I direct accordingly from a point of self-honesty practicality where I make a plan of when/how I will do something and commit myself to seeing that plan through.

I commit myself to always working on ways of placing my time and focus equally into the things.

And I commit myself to restructuring my time and my focus if/when/as I see myself NOT distributing my time and focus to what's required to be done.

I commit myself to stop attempting to separate myself from what I am doing.

I commit myself to being a Measurable Force where the product of my strong physical movement and action - that which I see through to an utmost potential - can be seen, counted, and measured.

Interesting.