Day 196: The Force of Good

This blog is a continuation of my process of becoming equal-to and releasing myself from my accepted and allowed polarity definitions of the Word Force.  In this blog I will be focusing on my positive energetic experiences - as how I have come to see and live the Word Force as being something good, positive, and enlightening.  For the process walked thus far, refer to Day 189: Changing My Starting Point In Process - Part 1, Day 190: Changing My Starting Point In Process - Part 2, Day 191: Measurable Force, Day 194: Force - The Good, The Bad, the Downright Ugly and Day 195: Evil Forces - Fear Vs. Caution

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a positive relationship to the Word Force in response to the negative relationships that have have created to the Word Force - where, I have not liked how I experience myself within the negative definition of Force so I have separated myself from the negative and gravitated to the positive definitions of Force.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to gravitate and/or move myself to the positive meanings of Force - such as strength, courage, and fortitude - words that have assisted me to feel better and empowered.  All the while, the negative relationships that I have connected to the negative meanings and experiences with the Word Force - and denied as existing within and as me -have continued to accumulate, simmer, and fester.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when faced with negative experiences in regards to the Word Force and thus react with fear, to suppress that fear with the thought, "I do not not fear forces -- I am a force - a strong and powerful force." I have attempted over-and-over again to change my negative thoughts to positive thoughts which hasn't worked.  Instead, this practice only has automated my response to cover-up the negative thoughts with positive thoughts - never actually removing the negative thoughts.  And in this case, it has been the same with my thoughts in-relation-to the Word Force.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself as standing strong, proud, and invincible when I cast the positive light of force upon myself.  In my mind I have seen myself as a super-hero, a force of good, what's right, and what's just with my hands on my hips, my neck stretched out, my chin pointed to the sky, and my super-hero cape bellowing behind me in the wind. And within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into happiness and hopefulness when and as I have imagined myself as this powerful person with strength and fortitude.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a power-trip when I've escaped into this fantasy of myself as being a superior, just, and righteous force of good.  In this, I have participated with all sorts of thoughts, backchat, and imaginations of how much better than I am then others, how I am best, how I am right, how I am a helper, and how I am here to save, protect, and serve everyone.  I have told myself that even though others may not like my decisions, in the end, they will be grateful for me, they will adore me, they will honor me, and they will respect me for being this force of good in their lives and in the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to program myself as my physical body to respond to the positive definitions and meanings of force - strength, courage, and fortitude - by rising up physically in response to the rising within me and pushing myself outward where as I have felt and experienced myself as solid, focused, and determined.  I have actually physically uplifted myself.

I commit myself to no longer move myself toward the positive meanings, definitions, and/or experiences in-relation-to the Word Force as a response to any reactions that I am experiencing in regards to the negative meanings, definitions, and/or experiences in-relation-to the Word Force.  When and as I see that I am reacting and/or moving when and as a meaning, definition, and/or negative experience comes up in regards to the Word Force, I stop and breath. I bring myself back to the point of Force that I have been faced with and have been reacting to and I speak self-forgiveness and apply the necessary self-correction and self-commitment.

I commit myself to no longer automatically allow myself to gravitate to thinking, imagining myself, and/or being a force of good - righteous, just, and superior - by when and as I see that I am going into thinking, imagining, and submerging myself into my ego, I stop and breath myself back to here.  I go back and investigate the fear and judgments that I am attempting to escape/hide from - the wrongness, the unjust, and the inferiority - I self-forgive the points and realign myself to self-correction and self-commitment.

Day 171: Is Appearance Everything?

Here continuing with self-correction and self-commitment statements from self-forgiveness on Day 170: Appearance Is Everything.

SELF-CORRECTION AND SELF-COMMITMENT STATEMENTS

When and as I see myself becoming possessed/obsessed with/by physical beauty, as indicated by me going into the ways that I can make myself appear beautiful/pretty/attractive/sexy to others in order to have an easier life and/or get something I want from others, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am participating in this Beauty possession/obsession from a point of desiring positive experiences and controlling/manipulating others to get these experiences - and I allow this participation because in my mind as thoughts, imaginations, beliefs, and ideas, I show myself that my life will be easier and I will get the things that I want if I am beautiful/pretty/attractive/sexy - which, requires much less effort than actually applying myself to develop skills, educate myself, and expand myself so that I am able to create a life for myself and by myself that I am satisfied with.

I commit myself to stop going into thoughts, imaginations, and possessions/obsessions with beauty and physical attractiveness by when and as the thoughts and/or imaginations come up in regards to beauty/physical-attractiveness, to make the decision to not participate - and I remind myself that I have been in these thoughts over-and-over-and-over again - it always begins and ends the same with me desiring a specific outcome, me showing myself how I can get this outcome via my physical appearance, and me acting it out in physical reality with real physical consequences. Within this, I commit myself to: instead of going into the ways that I can change/improve my appearance to improve my living, I look at the ways in which I can improve upon and change myself via education, learning new skills, and self-awareness - and to stop limiting myself. I also commit myself to look deeper into why I desire to control and manipulate others by when and as the points come up in-relation to how I can get others to do 'what I want' and/or how I see and/or would like things to work out as per my mind-fantasy, I breathe, slow myself down, observe my thought-process that got me to this point.

When and as I see that I am allowing myself to go into the belief that if I am beautiful, as per my mind's definition of physical beauty, that my life will be easier, that I will not have to worry about others judging me nor speaking negatively about me, that there will be more opportunities for me, and that I will 'fit in' better, I stop and breathe. I realize that I am seeing how I am/have been allowing my programming to direct me and that I am communicating to myself about how I judge myself, limit myself, and attempt to force my physical body to align with my mind definitions/pictures/ideas/imaginations/expectations of physical beauty - and I do this from a point of fear - fear of getting to know myself and express myself.

I commit myself to stop going into my beliefs about beauty and how it will benefit me if/when/as I allow my programming to direct me to align myself to my mind definitions/pictures/ideas/imaginations/expectations of physical beauty. First, I remind myself that it's physically impossible to shape my body as per my mind's definitions/pictures/ideas/imaginations/expectations - I have tried and tried and tried and this has compromised me and my physical body. Next I use the tools of writing, self-forgiveness, and self-correction for the Fears in relation to myself that are coming up. And finally, I allow myself the opportunity to get to know me - as me - instead of me as an image that I am attempting to project.

When and as I see that I am seeking out positive energetic experience via Beauty and/or fleeing from negative energetic experiences via 'Ugly' as indicated by me going into looking at ways that I can be more physically attractive to others and attempting to hide/mask/suppress/alter what I see about myself that is/may be unattractive to others, I stop and breath. I realize that I am limiting myself when and as I participate in these behaviors, patterns and polarities. I additionally realize that I am not standing and directing myself to create an admirable life for myself by paying attention to myself, accepting myself, respecting myself, and caring for myself.

I commit myself to stop seeking out positive energetic experiences of attention, admiration, acceptance, respect, and love from others and within this, stop attempting to make myself more physically attractive to others - and I commit myself to stop fleeing from the fear of having a negative experience of disregard, being ignored, being loathed, being bullied and/or being 'cast-out' by others. Instead of entering into negative and positive polarities and allowing myself to be directed by my mind in response to my wants, desires, fears, beliefs, and ideas, I allow myself to trust myself to direct myself in an admirable way - as what is best - and within this, trust my ability to pay attention to myself, accept myself, respect myself, and care for myself.

Day 112: Journey To Life Review - Day 2 - Part 12

 How do I trap myself in my mind?


Within my Journey To Life Review - Day 2 - Not Speaking Self-Forgiveness Out-Loud, this is what I've found:

When I see something as BAD it is a trigger for myself to ignore, deny, reject, and polarize that which I am seeing as BAD.

When I participate in a behavior that I see as BAD I experience GUILT.  The experience of GUILT is physically painful so I separate myself from my GUILT - I detach myself from my physical body and go into my mind where I can be blank and numb.

Within and as this blankness is where the excuse, justification, and lie of, "I don't know," and/or "I forgot," exists because I interpret myself as 'forgetting' or 'not knowing' when I do not get information as pictures from my mind.

When and as I see blankness and tell myself that "I don't know," and/or "I forgot," I will go back through my memories in search of things that I can identify about myself and my experiences that are GOOD and I will laugh-off the BAD, the guilt, the not-knowing, and the forgetfulness and tell myself, "I'm FINE!  What was all that guilt about? Geesh."

Instead of facing the things that I see as BAD, taking responsibility for mistakes, removing the triggers, and redirecting myself within self-correction, I have allowed the pattern of guilt, escape, excuses/justifications/lies, and being positive to keep myself locked into myself as my mind.

Bringing this point back to my not Speaking Self-Forgiveness Out-Loud, what happens is that I literally self-sabotage myself because I made a self-commitment to say my self-forgiveness out-loud to assist myself in releasing myself with sound - I tell myself that NOT doing this is BAD and that it will slow down my process.  Additionally, if I do not live up to my self-commitments, this is BAD too.  So, if I tell myself that not Speaking Self-Forgiveness Out-Loud equals BAD which I will manifest as a real experience within and as me with negative emotions which then I will then enter into my pattern of self-sabotage that leads to myself not living up to my self-commitments, laughing it off, and telling myself, "I don't need to say self-forgiveness out-loud all the time!  That's just silly and impractical.  I'm fine." - I like THIS voice, much better.

And then within my I Am Curious Character that saw while working on this review, I found and an additional layer of protection to keep myself locked into place which is I have defined 'Not Knowing' as BAD where I connect Not Knowing to abusive experiences that I have stored within my memories. I become very uncomfortable with myself and so I will trigger my I Am Curious Character/personality which is fun and thus I am able to experience myself more positively.  Within this character/personality possession, I direct myself within and toward a desired outcome of finding an answer, proving to myself that I knew all along, or doing something where I will see/prove to others how the world in-fact functions.  Because the energy build-up is so massive from the conflict within myself from bad-to-good over-an-over again - I tell myself that I cannot stop myself and that I must see this through - even if/when/as I see that BAD things could result.  My heart races, my physical expression goes from 'zippy' to 'agitated' over-and-over-again, and I experience my skin as opening, breathing, standing-up, and living - I 'feel' alive.  When the dust has settled, the outcome of this personality possession typically compromises my self-development and changes nothing for the best within myself and my world - instead, I have created yet another negative experience for myself to store as BAD within and as me for future pattern triggering.



What is really interesting within my process of self-observation is the huge amount of others voices I have stored in my memories. Wow.  I can recall personalities, spoken works, actions, and judgements of every human that I have gotten to know.  And when I do something that I question myself as, "Is this BAD?", I will gang up on myself with these personalities with their judgements and show myself over-and-over again how these people will react to me making a mistake.  For those personalities that are currently in my life or somehow nearby, I will show myself how each person will reject/leave me 'for good' this time.