Thursday, February 21, 2013

Day 104: Journey To Life Review - Day 2 - Part 3

Why do bullying, gossip, and other abuses exist?

This blog is a continuation of self-forgiveness for writings and realizations from Day 103: Journey To Life Review - Day 2 - Part 2 and Day 102: Journey To Life Review - Day 2.

In addition, I have included my assessment of the Problem, the Solution to be walked, and the Reward for myself as an outcome following through with my Solution.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make excuses for the bad that I see in myself, others, and my world. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to turn-away and ignore the bad that I see in myself, others, and my world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see myself within the statement of 'as above, so below' and 'as within, so without' when considering the relationship between myself and my world.  It is easier to see what's outside of me as separate from me and easier to take responsibility for what I see as outside of me and separate from me rather than seeing myself as a mirror-image.  I have not seen, realized, nor understood that it is not only that I have been in agreement with what is here, it is also that everything that is abusive, deviant, spiteful, and directly against our agreed system of Morality exists within me and my mind.  Instead of facing the 'really bad secret stuff' and taking responsibility for it, I try to ignore it, forget it, or make it go away.

Problem: I am trying to suppress, ignore, and forget the experiences of my past which is not possible.  As much as I try, the pain from the reactions to my thoughts and memories persists.  I wish that I lived in a world where we could express our secrets openly to each other and I am greatly disappointed by the fact that we do not allow this - I found out the hard way at a very early age, when after expressing what was going on within my thoughts that was seen as 'bad', that others in my world would use physical force, bullying, threats, and gossip to be certain that I would stop.  And it continues, to this day.  So, to me, part of the problem here is that I must walk my secrets in-private, which anything walked in-private, to me, is a missed opportunity to assist and support another facing the same.

Solution: Bring my point of responsibility back to myself within my disappointment and 'wishes' with self-forgiveness. Assist and support myself with writing out each and every secret that I can remember, no matter how 'wrong' or 'bad' I have defined it to be, for myself in-private, and then use the tools of self-forgiveness and self-correction to release myself and prevent myself from these memories and experiences to have 'power' over me again.

Reward: No more suppression of myself with judgement, guilt, worry, shame, anxiety, fear, and remorse when and as I recall my past and within this, give myself the opportunity to live without the pain of these reactions.

Next: Self-Forgiveness for my disappointment in others not meeting the expectations of my 'wishes' or my picture of The Perfect World With Perfect People.

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