How do I change from being Just A Kid to a mature, stable and responsible human being?
To see how I have gotten here, read:
Day 96: Journey To Life Review – Day 1 – Part 9
Day 95: Journey To Life Review - Day 1 - Part 8
Day 94: Journey To Life Review - Day 1 - Part 7
Day 93: Journey To Life Review – Day 1 – Part 6
and Day 92: Journey To Life Review – Day 1 – Part 5
The Problem: I have made the decision to change and within this decision have made several self-commitments to myself. Some of the self-commitments may have not been practical or when I made these self-commitments I was basing them off what others saw as best for themselves without investigating the points self-honestly for myself. The greater percentage of the self-commitments that I have made ARE practical and livable, however, I have not actually committed myself to many of these decisions and spoken/written word to change within my definition of the word Commitment which is 'do what you say you're going to do'. As shown in Day 96: Journey To Life Review – Day 1 – Part 9 , the consequence of this equals to a pattern of emotional turmoil which is not best for myself or others.
The Solution: When and as I make a self-commitment to myself to change, I Do What I Say I Am Going To Do within the specificity that I have stated. If I state that I am not eating sugar for 21 days where 'eating sugar' means that I do not consume any products that have sugar listed in the ingredients, then I do not consume any food that has sugar listed in the ingredients for 21 days. Within my commitment to myself, I do not allow excuses nor argue for my limitations - I do it until it is done.
The Reward: Seeing myself, for the first time ever, as a person that I want to be which is mature, direct, stable, and responsible. And in-fact, living this as me for real - not just in some imaginary dimension in my mind.
Self-Correction and Self-Commitments for my Journey To Life Review - Day 1
When and as I see that I am connecting the words Commitment, Failure, and/or Consequence' to fear as indicated by myself having a fear reaction in my solar-plexus when as I see, speak, or hear the Words Commitment, Failure, and/or Consequence, I stop. I see, realize, and understand that this is a moment of opportunity to open a point that I may have missed or suppressed so within this, I bring myself back to here and then direct myself with a review my minds thoughts and reactions previous to my physical reaction to pin-point what triggered the fear response.
I commit myself to stopping my fears from controlling, moving, and directing me and instead control, move, and direct my fears as a method of investigating myself with the assistance of my mind and physical body to pin-point what is causing a fear reaction within and as me.
When and as I see that I am telling myself that 'I fear that I will disappoint, let myself down, or go back to the way that I was', I stop. I breath. I see, realize and understand that this statement of myself makes no sense, is not real, and is a back-door excuse for a moment that I did not want to do something - because as long as I am living my commitments then fear that I will disappoint myself, let myself down, or go back to the way that I was, does not exist.
I commit myself to stopping myself from telling myself, taking the bait, and then reacting to 'I might fail, that I might disappointment myself, that I might let myself down, and that I might go back to the way that I was' by standing within/for/as my self-commitments. Within this, I commit myself to stopping myself from allowing myself to consider these back-door-out excuses by seeing, realizing, and understanding that allowing these will only lead to the consequence of inner-conflict.
When and as I see that I am imagining that 'consequence is out to get me', I laugh. I see, realize, and understand that consequence is a product of me and my living - I created it - it is not a separate entity from me and thus I must bring it back to myself and see where my application requires support, assistance and/or fine-tuning. Instead of fleeing from the Big Scarey Consequence Monster when and as it comes, I re-direct myself to breath through my experience, stand, and assist and support myself with writing, self-forgiveness, and self-correction within the realization that moments to see myself self-honestly are gift and not a curse.
I commit myself to, when and as facing consequence, to breath, stand, and assist and support myself with the tools of writing, self-forgiveness, and self-correction so that I can flag-point and address areas of my living that I have not been effective as per my decision to change.
More to come in the next entry.
To see how I have gotten here, read:
Day 96: Journey To Life Review – Day 1 – Part 9
Day 95: Journey To Life Review - Day 1 - Part 8
Day 94: Journey To Life Review - Day 1 - Part 7
Day 93: Journey To Life Review – Day 1 – Part 6
and Day 92: Journey To Life Review – Day 1 – Part 5
 |
| Sleep of reason brings monsters (2005) by Andrew Gable |
The Solution: When and as I make a self-commitment to myself to change, I Do What I Say I Am Going To Do within the specificity that I have stated. If I state that I am not eating sugar for 21 days where 'eating sugar' means that I do not consume any products that have sugar listed in the ingredients, then I do not consume any food that has sugar listed in the ingredients for 21 days. Within my commitment to myself, I do not allow excuses nor argue for my limitations - I do it until it is done.
The Reward: Seeing myself, for the first time ever, as a person that I want to be which is mature, direct, stable, and responsible. And in-fact, living this as me for real - not just in some imaginary dimension in my mind.
Self-Correction and Self-Commitments for my Journey To Life Review - Day 1
When and as I see that I am connecting the words Commitment, Failure, and/or Consequence' to fear as indicated by myself having a fear reaction in my solar-plexus when as I see, speak, or hear the Words Commitment, Failure, and/or Consequence, I stop. I see, realize, and understand that this is a moment of opportunity to open a point that I may have missed or suppressed so within this, I bring myself back to here and then direct myself with a review my minds thoughts and reactions previous to my physical reaction to pin-point what triggered the fear response.
I commit myself to stopping my fears from controlling, moving, and directing me and instead control, move, and direct my fears as a method of investigating myself with the assistance of my mind and physical body to pin-point what is causing a fear reaction within and as me.
When and as I see that I am telling myself that 'I fear that I will disappoint, let myself down, or go back to the way that I was', I stop. I breath. I see, realize and understand that this statement of myself makes no sense, is not real, and is a back-door excuse for a moment that I did not want to do something - because as long as I am living my commitments then fear that I will disappoint myself, let myself down, or go back to the way that I was, does not exist.
I commit myself to stopping myself from telling myself, taking the bait, and then reacting to 'I might fail, that I might disappointment myself, that I might let myself down, and that I might go back to the way that I was' by standing within/for/as my self-commitments. Within this, I commit myself to stopping myself from allowing myself to consider these back-door-out excuses by seeing, realizing, and understanding that allowing these will only lead to the consequence of inner-conflict.
When and as I see that I am imagining that 'consequence is out to get me', I laugh. I see, realize, and understand that consequence is a product of me and my living - I created it - it is not a separate entity from me and thus I must bring it back to myself and see where my application requires support, assistance and/or fine-tuning. Instead of fleeing from the Big Scarey Consequence Monster when and as it comes, I re-direct myself to breath through my experience, stand, and assist and support myself with writing, self-forgiveness, and self-correction within the realization that moments to see myself self-honestly are gift and not a curse.
I commit myself to, when and as facing consequence, to breath, stand, and assist and support myself with the tools of writing, self-forgiveness, and self-correction so that I can flag-point and address areas of my living that I have not been effective as per my decision to change.
More to come in the next entry.
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