Day 89: Journey To Life Review – Day 1 – Part 2
“I have never committed myself to anything in my entire life.”
This was the first sentence that I wrote during Day 1 of my Journey To Life blog. I am still saying this. I use these words and say these words to keep myself locked into my commitments.
When I am presented with a decision to live by my commitments or to not live by my commitments, I will go back into my memories and recall pictures of myself and others within experiences where myself and others did not live up to commitments. I will show myself the sequence of events and look for the negativity as what myself and others did to each other that was ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’ because we did not live up to our commitments. When I find the negative, I experience a painful, sickening sensation in my solar plexus with which I then use my imagination to implant my assumptions into the scenario which make the situation much worse, more painful, and more dreadful. I say to myself, “How could you have done this to that person? How is it that you did not see how this could have hurt someone else? What is wrong with you?”
The pain and guilt is so intense that I create a fear and I say to myself, “I can never do this again. I must prove that I am not a bad person.”
So, when I consider not living up to my commitments, I will make myself do it with fear where I tell myself that if I do not stay committed to something that I agreed upon that ‘Bad Things’ are going to happen – people are going to get hurt, I am going to get hurt, and/or I will create another mess for myself to dig myself out of.
When I say, “I have never committed myself to anything in my entire life,” this is an expression of my fear, guilt, and self-inflicted pain.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the words, “I have never committed myself to anything in my entire life,” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak the words, “I have never committed myself to anything in my entire life,” and thus, because I speak these words that exist within me, I make these words real for myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have never committed myself to anything in my entire life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that because I create a thought that I have never committed myself to anything in my entire life that this thought is true – that this thought is who I Am.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a thought of Who I Am from my imagination within events, situations, experiences, memories, and/or scenarios.
When I was writing out the words, “How could you have done this to that person? How is it that you did not see how this could have hurt someone else? What is wrong with you?,” I saw a picture of others from my childhood past saying these words to me. And then, I hear the voice continue and it changes to one person saying, “Don’t be stupid kid. Think before you speak. Don’t you know how to use your brain?”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed others thoughts to become my thoughts.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to let go of my picture and words memories that were passed onto me by others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thoughts, “How could you have done this to that person?”, “How is it that you did not see how this could have hurt someone else?”, “What is wrong with you?”, “Don’t be stupid kid. Think before you speak. Don’t you know how to use your brain?” to exist within and as me.
This was the first sentence that I wrote during Day 1 of my Journey To Life blog. I am still saying this. I use these words and say these words to keep myself locked into my commitments.
When I am presented with a decision to live by my commitments or to not live by my commitments, I will go back into my memories and recall pictures of myself and others within experiences where myself and others did not live up to commitments. I will show myself the sequence of events and look for the negativity as what myself and others did to each other that was ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’ because we did not live up to our commitments. When I find the negative, I experience a painful, sickening sensation in my solar plexus with which I then use my imagination to implant my assumptions into the scenario which make the situation much worse, more painful, and more dreadful. I say to myself, “How could you have done this to that person? How is it that you did not see how this could have hurt someone else? What is wrong with you?”
The pain and guilt is so intense that I create a fear and I say to myself, “I can never do this again. I must prove that I am not a bad person.”
So, when I consider not living up to my commitments, I will make myself do it with fear where I tell myself that if I do not stay committed to something that I agreed upon that ‘Bad Things’ are going to happen – people are going to get hurt, I am going to get hurt, and/or I will create another mess for myself to dig myself out of.
When I say, “I have never committed myself to anything in my entire life,” this is an expression of my fear, guilt, and self-inflicted pain.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the words, “I have never committed myself to anything in my entire life,” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak the words, “I have never committed myself to anything in my entire life,” and thus, because I speak these words that exist within me, I make these words real for myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have never committed myself to anything in my entire life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that because I create a thought that I have never committed myself to anything in my entire life that this thought is true – that this thought is who I Am.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a thought of Who I Am from my imagination within events, situations, experiences, memories, and/or scenarios.
When I was writing out the words, “How could you have done this to that person? How is it that you did not see how this could have hurt someone else? What is wrong with you?,” I saw a picture of others from my childhood past saying these words to me. And then, I hear the voice continue and it changes to one person saying, “Don’t be stupid kid. Think before you speak. Don’t you know how to use your brain?”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed others thoughts to become my thoughts.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to let go of my picture and words memories that were passed onto me by others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thoughts, “How could you have done this to that person?”, “How is it that you did not see how this could have hurt someone else?”, “What is wrong with you?”, “Don’t be stupid kid. Think before you speak. Don’t you know how to use your brain?” to exist within and as me.
