Here I will be walking the Imagination of my Just A Kid Character.
For additional writings, self-forgiveness, and realizations of myself within this character, see:
Day 94: Journey To Life Review - Day 1 - Part 7
Day 93: Journey To Life Review – Day 1 – Part 6
and Day 92: Journey To Life Review – Day 1 – Part 5
Problem: In my imagination I see that see myself as very tiny - my partner and I have defined this as 'being small' where I experience myself as vulnerable, having little-to-no-voice and wanting to hide. Within my imagination of myself being this way, I require a significant amount of nurturing because as I see myself as I imagined myself as a child, as Just A Kid, I will act this out.
An additional layer of my imagination with being Just A Kid is seeing myself as carefree, being able to play when I want to play, being able to do what I want to do when I want to do it because it is fun, and having moments where I just don't worry about anything. From the memories that I created this imagination with, I will attempt to 'go back there' when I get overwhelmed.
Solution: Self-Forgiveness, self-correction, and self-commitment for my imaginations within and as my Just a Kid Character. Here I will be sharing my self-forgiveness and then self-corrections and self-commitments will be shown soon in following blogs.
Reward: Because I have become equal-to my Just A Kid imaginations with self-honest self-forgiveness, I will see my imaginations when/as I am attempting to activate my Just a Kid character, I will not react, and I will direct myself within my self-corrections and self-commitments to myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself as small, vulnerable, having no voice, and wanting to hide behind/within the comfort of another that will protect, save, soothe, and/or comfort me when and as I am faced with a situation or event in which I experience myself as afraid or overwhelmed.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to change my voice and my physical expression to that of a small child when and as I activate my Just A Kid character - my voice becomes small and whiny, I curl myself into myself, and I seek out the comfort and warmth of another that is bigger than me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed 'being small' to exist within and as me. Instead of standing up, writing out the points that I am facing in a moment, prioritizing myself to complete tasks and/or clear myself of what I am experiencing as a burden that I 'do not want to do', and pushing through until I've reached a completion that I am satisfied with, I gave my power up because I told myself that I was 'not strong enough' or that I did not have the knowledge/tools/experience within a specific point to get me through. And this is not true - this is simply me taking the bait of my thoughts and reacting because I see that it is easier in that moment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that I could go back and be who I was when I was a child - before I was required to do things 'on my own' without another to do them for me. Because I accept and allow this imagination of myself which is a positive, feel-good memory of myself as a reaction to when and as I'm experiencing myself negatively and looking for a way out - I give myself permission to be Just A Kid - the kid that I imagined myself being that 'did not have to worry about this stuff'. And as Just A Kid, I will find something fun to do and tell myself that I don't have to deal with it.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that when I accept and allow the imagination of myself as being Just A Kid with the attached positive energy that I will try to become that - because it feels good. And when I take the bait, I am both setting myself up for self-sabotage and living in the past and the future rather than here in the present.
The Consequence Dimension to follow.