Day 93: Journey To Life Review – Day 1 – Part 6
Here I am writing out my ‘Just A Kid’ Character from writings on Day 92: Journey To Life Review – Day 1 – Part 5.
When I think about what it means to be ‘Just A Kid’, I see an image of a child that is happy, carefree, and has no responsibilities, obligations, nor commitments. This is the kid that I wanted to be – which was an unrealistic expectation that I created early on in my life. As and when I was into what is considered my ‘adult years’, I was angry, bitter, and remorseful that I did not have the care and worry free childhood that I had imagined for myself and so, when I was officially ‘an adult’ and could then make my own decisions, I decided that Just A Kid was how I was going to be.
Fear Dimension
I fear being an adult. I fear losing the comfort and love from others who took care of me when I was a child because when when becomes and adult – that’s it, Game Over, you are now grown up and there will be no more childhood. I have attached fear to the Words Commitment and Responsibility because if I were to welcome Commitment and Responsibility into my life it means that my childhood would be lost forever.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach fear to being and adult.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being an adult because I tell myself that when I become an adult that I will lose comfort and love from those that take care of me, that I will lose my childhood forever, and that I am now on my own to make the important decisions in life with no one to blame but myself if I make mistakes.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach fear to the Words Responsibility and Commitment because I have aligned these Words to mean that I am out on my own, I am alone, my carefree days are lost forever, any mistakes that I make could have huge consequences, that I must work until I am old and almost dead, and that imaginary-play-and-fun-time is over.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that I have made my fears real for myself – the person that I fear becoming is precisely the person that I have become. Instead of being self-honest with myself about this, I created the ‘Just A Kid’ character for myself to play-out in an attempt to not have to face myself.
Continuing with Thought Dimension in next entry.
When I think about what it means to be ‘Just A Kid’, I see an image of a child that is happy, carefree, and has no responsibilities, obligations, nor commitments. This is the kid that I wanted to be – which was an unrealistic expectation that I created early on in my life. As and when I was into what is considered my ‘adult years’, I was angry, bitter, and remorseful that I did not have the care and worry free childhood that I had imagined for myself and so, when I was officially ‘an adult’ and could then make my own decisions, I decided that Just A Kid was how I was going to be.
Fear Dimension
I fear being an adult. I fear losing the comfort and love from others who took care of me when I was a child because when when becomes and adult – that’s it, Game Over, you are now grown up and there will be no more childhood. I have attached fear to the Words Commitment and Responsibility because if I were to welcome Commitment and Responsibility into my life it means that my childhood would be lost forever.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach fear to being and adult.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being an adult because I tell myself that when I become an adult that I will lose comfort and love from those that take care of me, that I will lose my childhood forever, and that I am now on my own to make the important decisions in life with no one to blame but myself if I make mistakes.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach fear to the Words Responsibility and Commitment because I have aligned these Words to mean that I am out on my own, I am alone, my carefree days are lost forever, any mistakes that I make could have huge consequences, that I must work until I am old and almost dead, and that imaginary-play-and-fun-time is over.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that I have made my fears real for myself – the person that I fear becoming is precisely the person that I have become. Instead of being self-honest with myself about this, I created the ‘Just A Kid’ character for myself to play-out in an attempt to not have to face myself.
Continuing with Thought Dimension in next entry.
