Sunday, February 24, 2013

Day 107: Journey To Life Review - Day 2 - Part 6

 Why Am I So Curious?

In this blog, I will be walking myself as a Curious character.  To see how I got to here, read Day 106: Journey To Life Review - Day 2 - Part 5, Day 105: Journey To Life Review - Day 2 - Part 4Day 104: Journey To Life Review - Day 2 - Part 3, Day 103: Journey To Life Review - Day 2 - Part 2 and Day 102: Journey To Life Review - Day 2.
Ooo. What does this button do???

Problem: I Am Curious.  I have been living within and as an expression of Curiosity.  The problem isn't necessarily that I'm curious, the problem is that within myself being curious, I often cause a great deal of trouble within myself and outside of myself as a result of myself not seeing or intentionally ignoring the consequences and possible negative outcomes of my being curious.  When I become curious, I remove common sense and practicality from my processing and I will ignore all warnings and will only hear what I want to hear which is, "Go ahead! Do it.  What's the worst that could happen?"  I do not consider nor care about the effect my actions and decisions have upon others, my physical body, or my environment.  When I act within my curiosity, it is often counter-productive to my self-development.  I have assigned a positive definition to curiosity and it is generally accepted as 'okay' in the world so I have not been motivated to investigate myself within this character, remove my irresponsible expression of curiosity from my living nor suppress it.

Solution: To assist and support myself to not be controlled by my mind Curiosity by walking the dimensions of this Character/Personality with self-forgiveness, self-correction, and self-commitments and thus making myself self-aware and stable within a responsible Physical living of the Word Curiosity.

Reward: Establish self-trust within myself that I will not act on impulse within and as my self-interests, wants and desires and that instead, I will direct myself to explore my physical world, myself, and the beings here with me from a point of responsibility.

Fear Dimension

When I was a child I was aware that what I accepted as information and knowledge became me and because I was not in agreement with others in my environment and did not trust them, I would not allow others, to the best of my ability and awareness, to influence or create who I Am -unless- they showed me via combined spoken words and actions that they cared for me and were looking out for what was best for me - these individuals were rare.  So, from a fear survival and fear of loss of self as I developed Who I Am during my childhood phase before I started Thinking, I interacted with and explored my world Physically as what I could prove to be true on my own was what I could trust.

Note:  I was not in agreement with others because their Words did not align with their living.  I could not make sense of this. And it's interesting to look at pictures from when I was a child at this time because the expression on my face was if I was saying, "This does not make sense."  As I got older, I assumed that it would all make sense when I 'grew up' but it never did. 

Anyway, the core-source-origin point of my Curiosity was fear of survival and loss of self and when I began Thinking, it became Mind Curiosity.

Thought Dimension

The Thought that activates my Curiosity is 'I don't know."  Where if 'I Don't Know" then I go into my Mind Curiosity which then I will test out in the Physical to find an answer as quickly as possible.

Imagination Dimension

When I am directing myself from my mind-curiosity, I imagine only good outcomes where I become a better, wiser, and more valuable person to others.  In my imagination, I am The Hero, The Comedian, The Brightly Shining Star, The Best, and The Most.  With my imagination, I suppress any fears because I Am Invincible!

Internal Conversations/Backchat/Voices in the Head

Recorded in private Backchat Diary.

Reaction Dimension

Negative: When I cannot connect to a specific experience with knowledge and information, I have a negative reaction of Anxiety because I fear being seen as dumb, stupid, naive, and lacking common sense and intelligence.

Positive: When I can connect a  specific experience with knowledge and information, I have a positive reaction of Excitement because I see myself as clever, knowledgeable, important, and bright.

Behavior Dimension

When my Curious Character activates, I lean forward and grasp my chin between my index finger and thumb of my left hand - I pull my arm and bent elbow tight into my body to lock my head in place. I may pull at my bottom lip as I'm thinking about how I'm going to 'pull something off' or a 'plan', my eyes are steady.  When I have decided on the quickest plan to find an answer or to satiate my curiosity/interest, I begin moving reeeeeeally fast from one task to another to accomplish my task as quickly as possible.  I am physically driven, steady, and robotic.

In my next entry, I will begin Self-Forgiveness starting with the Fear Dimension.

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