Day 202: Beliefs About Good and Evil and My Loss of Morality

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that the way the world functions is the opposite of how I have come to believe it functions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that positive thoughts and deeds - the good and the righteous - are rewarded in this world. And I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the negative thoughts and deeds - the bad and the evil - are punished. 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that evil attracts what I have placed a lot of positive value in - like, money, control, power, and safety.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place value in things that create the worst possible consequences and have placed less value on things that create the best possible outcomes.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to put 1 and 1 together when I have heard that 'money is evil' and that 'like attracts like'.  

On the same note, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that in homeopathic terms with 'like cures like' and how money is attracted to evil - that the initial cure for evil is money - where all must be provided with money in order to begin the healing process.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand the depth of the meaning of these Words -> this world and the systems that exist here are a direct reflection of ourselves. 

I have come to realize that this world, how it is set up, and the beliefs about what life is and what it should be are who we are. This is why we have not questioned it, why we have not taken responsibility for it, and why we have not changed it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am not evil and that I am separate from evil and those that do evil in the world.

And I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that the key to me seeing that everything is the opposite of what I have believed it to has always been right here in the very Word Evil - which is Live spelled backwards.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in polarity between myself as my mind showing me the truth of myself as Evil and my beliefs supporting the idea that I have been Good.

I forgive myself that I have fragmented my mind in my pursuit to see only the good and righteousness in myself, others, and the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a Spiritual Personality where, within and as this personality, I attempt to live out my delusions of myself being good while seeing all others as bad or at fault. All the while, I have secretly known my actual nature and how I have been the one at fault - and I have feared this being seen or exposed. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as good when I do the good things that I have learned and/or have come to believe are good.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as evil when I do things that I have learned and/or have come to believe are evil.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live out my relationship with Good and Evil that I have created in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that there may be something for myself and this world beyond the confines of good and evil. 

And I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see the potential to create and move on this because I have been entertained with this Good and Evil play-out and have found comfort in how it has gone unchanged.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that my attempts to be Good, as per my accepted and allowed pre-definition of Good, has all been in separation. Where, I have only acted on self-interest within the belief that Being Good will make a positive impression on the things and people that I have seen as more powerful and/or the authority of myself - and that this Good Impression will result in positive rewards for me. Within this, I have imagined that I am appreciated, respected, and that I will receive Good Things In Return from my others and the external world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the negative polarity of 'fuck it', going head first into my Evil nature, and wanting do everything in my power to harm or create problems for others upon the realization that my whole life and my desire to do good by others has been a lie.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for me not getting anywhere with them - for my efforts that have gone unseen, unnoticed, unappreciated and unrewarded. As if they did this to me, they are the Evil one, and they are the enemy. 

And I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this blame to fuel my already suppressed anger to the point where I am completely consumed by rage. And because I suffered from a loss of self when I lost my morality, I considered for a moment to embrace being evil and doing the things that the most evil people in this world do and benefiting from those actions - because no one cares about me so why should I care about them? 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and go into guilt and remorse after the energy had disapated and I was able to see my starting point and the decisions I had made from that starting point of fear and anger.

I forgive myself that I had not allowed myself to see that what I showed myself about myself was absolutely necessary for me to understand myself and my responsibility for why this world is in the state that it is in - and within this, what is required to be changed.

Day 104: Journey To Life Review - Day 2 - Part 3

Why do bullying, gossip, and other abuses exist?

This blog is a continuation of self-forgiveness for writings and realizations from Day 103: Journey To Life Review - Day 2 - Part 2 and Day 102: Journey To Life Review - Day 2.

In addition, I have included my assessment of the Problem, the Solution to be walked, and the Reward for myself as an outcome following through with my Solution.  



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make excuses for the bad that I see in myself, others, and my world. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to turn-away and ignore the bad that I see in myself, others, and my world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see myself within the statement of 'as above, so below' and 'as within, so without' when considering the relationship between myself and my world.  It is easier to see what's outside of me as separate from me and easier to take responsibility for what I see as outside of me and separate from me rather than seeing myself as a mirror-image.  I have not seen, realized, nor understood that it is not only that I have been in agreement with what is here, it is also that everything that is abusive, deviant, spiteful, and directly against our agreed system of Morality exists within me and my mind.  Instead of facing the 'really bad secret stuff' and taking responsibility for it, I try to ignore it, forget it, or make it go away.

Problem: I am trying to suppress, ignore, and forget the experiences of my past which is not possible.  As much as I try, the pain from the reactions to my thoughts and memories persists.  I wish that I lived in a world where we could express our secrets openly to each other and I am greatly disappointed by the fact that we do not allow this - I found out the hard way at a very early age, when after expressing what was going on within my thoughts that was seen as 'bad', that others in my world would use physical force, bullying, threats, and gossip to be certain that I would stop.  And it continues, to this day.  So, to me, part of the problem here is that I must walk my secrets in-private, which anything walked in-private, to me, is a missed opportunity to assist and support another facing the same.

Solution: Bring my point of responsibility back to myself within my disappointment and 'wishes' with self-forgiveness. Assist and support myself with writing out each and every secret that I can remember, no matter how 'wrong' or 'bad' I have defined it to be, for myself in-private, and then use the tools of self-forgiveness and self-correction to release myself and prevent myself from these memories and experiences to have 'power' over me again.

Reward: No more suppression of myself with judgement, guilt, worry, shame, anxiety, fear, and remorse when and as I recall my past and within this, give myself the opportunity to live without the pain of these reactions.

Next: Self-Forgiveness for my disappointment in others not meeting the expectations of my 'wishes' or my picture of The Perfect World With Perfect People.