Day 74: I Have Everything - Part 4

On Day 70: I Have Everything, I investigated my Fears in-relation to the point of Having Everything.  On Day 72: I Have Everything - Part 2, I continued with Thoughts and on Day 73: I Have Everything - Part 3, I looked at my Imagination.  In this blog, I'm writing out my Backchat.

Backchat

"It's -their- fault that I cannot keep my home clean and organized."
"It's -their- fault that I -have- to be clean and organized."

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the backchat of "It's -their- fault that I cannot keep my home clean and organized," to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my mind-blame-backchat on others instead of see, realizing, and understanding that I am communicating to myself about myself.  In relation to this back-chat of, "It's their fault that I cannot keep my home clean and organized." I show myself pictures of myself leaving messes all over the house - but I do not want to see myself as the 'problem' so I project it onto others and change the picture from seeing myself as the problem to seeing others as leaving messes all over the house.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect others to be clean and organized when I, am in-fact, not clean and organized.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect others to pick-up after themselves when I, am in-fact, not picking up after myself.  Additionally, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my mind-blame-projection onto others by telling myself, "Well.  Atleast -I- eventually get to my messes AND their messes and -they- do not."

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move myself in response to an experience of guilt when others 'pick-up' after me rather than moving myself in breath as 'this gets done because it has to be done'.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stand as the others that live in my home with me because if I had, I would have seen, realized, and understood that we are all equally overwhelmed with our environment and thus, it is easier to 'escape' into our mind where we can try to ignore the problem rather than fix it so that we all can enjoy our environment.  Because I did not allow myself to be equal to this point as myself and equal to this point as others, I blamed and became frustrated instead of working on a solution that we can all agree on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the backchat of, "It's -their- fault that I -have- to be clean and organized," to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tell myself that it's my world's fault for making me the way that I am - it's my worlds fault for making me a person that exists in constant anxiety, overwhelmed-ness, anger, guilt, and frustration in relation to how my home 'has to look'.  I have not seen, realized, nor understood that I have accepted and allowed every memory and reaction to exist within and without side of me.  And, instead of investigating these reactions and memories, I simply accepted the reactions and memories as 'who I am'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to my home, the others in my home, and the others outside of my home that may come into my home rather than working on a plan for prevention.  Instead of communicating with my partner and my children about what needs to be done to keep our home in cool working order and thus prevent anxiety, overwhelmed-ness, anger, guilt and frustration in the future.

I commit myself to prevent my reactions to my home by assisting and supporting myself with self-forgiveness and self-correction.  As an additional level of support for myself and the non-Destonians in my home, I further commit myself to prevent reactions to our home by working out a 'plan of movement' for how we can work as a group to get our home to where we are 'comfortable' within it and then a 'plan of prevention' to keep the messes and disorganization from piling up in the future.

When and as I see that I am becoming angry, frustrated, and/or spiteful because I am cleaning up the messes of myself and others, I stop.  I bring myself out of my mind and back to myself here where I see, realize, and understand that we must be working on our home together as a group - and that I am not allowing this because I do not want to slow down so that I can assist and support others to understand/learn/agree-upon what we can do as a group to assist and support each other as prevention for any of us experiencing anger, frustration, overwhelmed-ness, and guilt.  I commit myself to stop compromising myself by taking on the largest percentage of responsibility to maintain/take-care/work-on our home by instead, in moments where I am seeing where I am reacting and/or there is no change to STOP and write down what I am reacting to/what is not changing so that we can discuss and work on solutions/preventions equally and realistically as a group.

In the next writing, I'll be looking at my Reactions.

Day 68: I Have Lost All Respect For You - Part 6

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/search/label/bravery

My last blog was on Wednesday, November 28 and it is now Monday, December 3.  I was busy at work this past week preparing for a large event for 450 guests on Saturday where the work went into Sunday.  It is astounding to me how much time I 'lose' when I'm at work.  And time has been a point that I have been walking which I will share later.  For the moment, I'm picking up where I left off from:

Day 67: I Have Lost All Respect For You - Part 5

Which was Self-Correction from writing and Self-Forgiveness within:
Day 66: I Have Lost All Respect For You - Part 4
Day 65: I Have Lost All Respect For You - Part 3
Day 64: I Have Lost All Respect For You - Part 2
Day 63: I Have Lost All Respect For You

"I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I lose respect, that I will not be able to 'show my face' in the the town that I live in, the city that I work in, and the places in my world that I frequently go to/like to go to - I fear that others in my environments will reject me, be afraid of me, be nervous around me, be uncomfortable around me, judge me, and 'look' at me as if to communicate that they think/see me as insane."

When and as I see that I am fearing showing who I am as what I stand for and as, I stop and I breath.  I see, realize, and understand that this has nothing to do with others and has everything to do with me - I am the only one that rejects me, I am the one that fears changing, I am the one that is nervous with myself and uncomfortable with being with myself, I am the one that judges me, and I am the one that communicates to myself that I must be fucking insane.  I commit myself to stop projecting my rejection, my fear, my nervousness, my uncomfortableness, my judgement, and myself seeing myself as insane onto others and using them as a point of blame and to stand within and as this commitment, I investigate these points as they come up within me and/or as I 'interpret' that these points are coming up outside of me and/or directed at me from outside of me - I do this in breath.  And from here, I assist and support myself to become equal-to these points with writing, self-forgiveness, and self-correction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect 'physical places and the people within those physical places' to my fear of losing respect and thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear.

When and as I see that I am connecting a physical place with fear of loss, I stop.  I breath.  I see, realize, and understand that attaching a fear of loss to a place does not make a place 'mine', does not make a place 'safe', and does not keep the place from being removed or myself from being removed from a place - it changes nothing.  In-fact, I have seen, realized, and understood this via watching how the fear of loss actually works within this physical world in that - if I fear losing something, a place, a person, or whatever it is, I will eventually lose it so it makes no sense to hold onto this crap with fear.  Why do this to myself?  So, I commit myself to stop myself from making fear of loss connections with places, things, and people by first become aware of the relationship my connections with the 'things' in my life, one-by-one/moment-to-moment and then write these relationship connections out, day-to-day and a few pieces at a time - then self-forgive myself and give myself the gift of getting rid of all of this crap.

To be continued.

Day 61: Self-Commitment To Balanced Daily Living

This blog is my Self-Commitment to change my living as I have realized, via writing, self-forgiveness, and self-correction from the blog list that follows, that I will best assist and support myself by giving myself the gift of balance and structure within the hours of my days.

Here is the documentation of my process of writing, self-responsibility, self-realizations, and physical self-movement to bring about a change in my living:
Day 60: Balancing My Living
Day 59: Nothing I Do Is Wrong - Self-Realizations
Day 58: Nothing I Do Is Wrong - Self-Forgiveness, Continued
and
Day 57: Nothing I Do Is Wrong

For additional context refer to:
Day 56: I Am More Than You - Self-Correction, Continued
Day 55: I Am More - More Than You - Self-Correction for
Day 54: I Am More - More Than You - Continued   
Day 53: I Am More - More Than You
Day 52: I Am Above This - Continued - Self-Correction ,
Day 51: I Am Above This - Continued
Day 50: I Am Above This  
Day 49: I Am Perfect , and
Day 48: I Am The Bigger Person

Here is my solution where I have distributed 24 hours of time within a day to assist myself in completing tasks, responsibilities, chores, and/or commitments:



Here is my Self-Correction for my mistakes that I now see, realize, and understand followed by my Self-Commitments to a practical, livable solution:

When and as I see that I am not supporting myself as indicated by myself blaming, not wanting to do the work, not living my daily self-commitments, not completing responsibilities/tasks/agreements, pushing others 'buttons',distracting myself, participating in back-chat, and/or moving myself 'in circles', I stop.  I breath and slow myself.  I see, realize, and understand that I must move myself to effectively live-up to my commitments, responsibilities, chores, and agreements to bring about stability and balance within myself and my living - this is LIFE, this is Living.  I commit myself to support myself from living out my life in/of/as my mind and to instead live LIFE for real by physically moving myself within my days here to LIVE my responsibilities, tasks, agreements, and self-commitments by equally distributing, as much as possible, 24 hours of my day.  Within this, I commit myself to distribute my time as equally as practically is possible by following the above Daily Responsibility Check-List where I use the allotted amount of time for each task, responsibility, agreement and/or self-commitment and thus, I commit myself to physically teach myself discipline within following the structure of my Daily Responsibility Check-List.

When and as I see that I am not supporting others as indicated by myself not reading and/or sharing the Journey To Life blogs, asking others to take responsibility for my mistakes or areas that I'm not supporting myself, and/or telling others what they 'should' or 'shouldn't' do, I stop.  I see, realize, and understand that all are in process of developing and expanding ourselves - also, I see, realize, and understand that the best way to support others is to support myself and within this, I will lead by example.  I commit myself to stop myself from pointing out others ineffectiveness and/or lack of support of themselves and instead to communicate and share my own seeing, realizing, understanding, and solutions within points that are aligned to what others are facing.