Day 69: I Have Lost All Respect For You - Part 7

ART By Anna Brix Thomsen

This blog is continued Self-Correction from:
Day 68: I Have Lost All Respect For You - Part 6
Day 67: I Have Lost All Respect For You - Part 5

For context, see writing and Self-Forgiveness within:
Day 66: I Have Lost All Respect For You - Part 4
Day 65: I Have Lost All Respect For You - Part 3
Day 64: I Have Lost All Respect For You - Part 2
Day 63: I Have Lost All Respect For You

"The fear you experience is not in-fact real – if you'd remove it you wouldn't miss it – it doesn't give you food, shelter, clothes, or the ability to pursue your interests. Other people can't even see your fear as it's a completely subjective experience that exist only in you – and you make it real through basing your decisions according to the fear." - Viktor Persson

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that if I lose respect because of something that I have written or expressed, that I will lose my job which will open up an entirely 'new can of worms' as consequence including, but not limited to, having to change jobs.

When and as I attach fear of loss to my job or having to change jobs as indicated by my physical panic reaction, myself not breathing, and my mind speeding forward to the possibilities of 'what could be', I stop.  I breath. I see, realize and understand that I am creating this fear as a means to keep myself 'in-check', under-control, and on a specific path that does not give me the opportunity to realize myself - because if I am distracted by fear and motivated by fear I will not question myself, I will only react.  Additionally, I see, realize and understand that 'changing jobs' is nothing more than changing scenery where the picture is different but all within as myself are the same - all points to be walked.  Fearing changing jobs has never kept never kept me from changing jobs - so, this makes no sense for me to hold onto this point.  Further, I see, realize, and understand that what is fueling my fear of changing jobs is my fear of embarrassment, fear of lost time/personal-physical investment, my fear of failure, my fear of others seeing me as a failure, and thus, my fear of losing respect from others.  All fears - and the only person that is making these fears real is myself.

I commit myself to stopping myself from allowing myself to fear that I will lose a job or have to change jobs because of 'something I wrote' by practically seeing first, that if I need to be cautious within my system of survival that I will have indicators as I have witnessed this process; second, I trust myself to re-direct myself toward a solution that ensures that my system of survival remains stable; and third, in my world, job removal does not happen without several prior warnings and/or indicators - and again, within this, I will direct myself accordingly.

I commit myself to stop myself from fueling my fear of loss of respect with other fears by breathing, investigating myself, and becoming equal-to my fears with Self-Forgiveness.

I commit myself to slowing myself as my mind down as I have recently seen, realized, and understood that an indication of my mind racing forward is my experience of myself within a 'head blurr' and within this, I have practiced breathing to clear myself and this works - so, when I am in this blurry experience, I commit myself to not allowing myself to 'check-out', 'shut-down', and/or 'get caught within my thoughts' by breathing and thus clearing myself immediately.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear how others will react if I write and/or express something that could be seen and/or interpreted as disrespectful.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect 'how others will react to if I write and/or express something that could be seen and/or interpreted as disrespectful' to fear - thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.



When and as I see that I am fearing being seen and/or interpreted as being disrespectful as indicated by myself experiencing myself as 'sorry', remorseful, regretful and/or panicking where I try to scurry and make 'it right again', I stop, I breath.  I see, realize and understand that this is my Fear of Loss that is connected to/a product of my Fear of Embarrassment and my Fear of Change - within this, I see, realize and understand that the core and/or connecting point of all of my fears is my Fear of Not Being In-Control - not being in-control of others, not being in-control of my environment, and not being in control of my self. 

I commit myself to freeing myself from this System of Fear as I see that it 'divides' me/separates me, breaks me apart, keeps me trapped within a continuous state of conflict and overwhelmed by the extensive amount of relationship connections that I have created between fear, other beings, my environment, and my self.  To bring this commitment into being, I commit myself to explore, self-forgive, and walk the correction of every one of these fear connections - as I committed myself to in the previous blog - by writing everything in my world and my connection/relationship to these things.

Let's see where it goes from here.

Day 61: Self-Commitment To Balanced Daily Living

This blog is my Self-Commitment to change my living as I have realized, via writing, self-forgiveness, and self-correction from the blog list that follows, that I will best assist and support myself by giving myself the gift of balance and structure within the hours of my days.

Here is the documentation of my process of writing, self-responsibility, self-realizations, and physical self-movement to bring about a change in my living:
Day 60: Balancing My Living
Day 59: Nothing I Do Is Wrong - Self-Realizations
Day 58: Nothing I Do Is Wrong - Self-Forgiveness, Continued
and
Day 57: Nothing I Do Is Wrong

For additional context refer to:
Day 56: I Am More Than You - Self-Correction, Continued
Day 55: I Am More - More Than You - Self-Correction for
Day 54: I Am More - More Than You - Continued   
Day 53: I Am More - More Than You
Day 52: I Am Above This - Continued - Self-Correction ,
Day 51: I Am Above This - Continued
Day 50: I Am Above This  
Day 49: I Am Perfect , and
Day 48: I Am The Bigger Person

Here is my solution where I have distributed 24 hours of time within a day to assist myself in completing tasks, responsibilities, chores, and/or commitments:



Here is my Self-Correction for my mistakes that I now see, realize, and understand followed by my Self-Commitments to a practical, livable solution:

When and as I see that I am not supporting myself as indicated by myself blaming, not wanting to do the work, not living my daily self-commitments, not completing responsibilities/tasks/agreements, pushing others 'buttons',distracting myself, participating in back-chat, and/or moving myself 'in circles', I stop.  I breath and slow myself.  I see, realize, and understand that I must move myself to effectively live-up to my commitments, responsibilities, chores, and agreements to bring about stability and balance within myself and my living - this is LIFE, this is Living.  I commit myself to support myself from living out my life in/of/as my mind and to instead live LIFE for real by physically moving myself within my days here to LIVE my responsibilities, tasks, agreements, and self-commitments by equally distributing, as much as possible, 24 hours of my day.  Within this, I commit myself to distribute my time as equally as practically is possible by following the above Daily Responsibility Check-List where I use the allotted amount of time for each task, responsibility, agreement and/or self-commitment and thus, I commit myself to physically teach myself discipline within following the structure of my Daily Responsibility Check-List.

When and as I see that I am not supporting others as indicated by myself not reading and/or sharing the Journey To Life blogs, asking others to take responsibility for my mistakes or areas that I'm not supporting myself, and/or telling others what they 'should' or 'shouldn't' do, I stop.  I see, realize, and understand that all are in process of developing and expanding ourselves - also, I see, realize, and understand that the best way to support others is to support myself and within this, I will lead by example.  I commit myself to stop myself from pointing out others ineffectiveness and/or lack of support of themselves and instead to communicate and share my own seeing, realizing, understanding, and solutions within points that are aligned to what others are facing.