Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Day 26: Re-Defining Commitment - Part 1

Here I am sharing my process of walking the word Commitment.  I chose to investigate the word Commitment because when we began the Journey To Life blogs, I saw that I was constantly reacting when reading or writing the words, "I commit myself to ..."


I define commitment as giving up your life for someone/something else outside of oneself where within commitment, one's personal needs, wants, and desires are not a point of concern. To me, a demonstration of a commitment from the world is a marriage, a promise kept, and an action that is completed with unmovable determination. When I consider the word 'commitment', my first reaction is to show myself a picture that I have stored in my mind of Mother Theresa who I see as being a representation of a person who was able to give up their entire life for the benefit of others.

My second picture reaction is seeing a dark-haired female that's bound by a straight jacket in a white padded room. This indicates that I have created a polarity relationship with the word commitment where a committed person is either a Sinner or a Saint. From that polarity relationship, I have created a platform from which I can feel like a good person or feel like a bad person but according to myself as seeing myself as unwilling and unable to commit to anyone or anything outside of myself, I am a bad person - I am only human and I will never attain anything more than simply just being a selfish human. When I define myself as a bad person, I must find acceptance of this within myself as being selfish, a hedonist, and devilish to balance myself and so I have programmed myself to become spiteful when faced with commitments. From the confusion, frustration, guilt and anger that I experience as a reaction to myself and others because I have not been able to live up to my Saint Definition of commitment, I reject commitment because I see it as rejecting me and not being possible for me. Rejected, I experience spite within any commitments and I do not want to do anything for anyone or anything - because I do not have to if I do not want to, regardless of whether or not it's best for myself or anyone/anything outside of myself. I see myself as writing 'FUCK YOU' to commitment on the walls and sticking my middle finger out behind me in the air while I walk out the door.

When others ask for me to make a commitment to a project, a cause, a living creature, a thing, and/or another being, my immediate reaction is resistance – I will think and/or communicate the reasons that I cannot make a commitment. When others inquire about my maintaining a commitment that I have allowed myself to become distracted from, I become defensive – I harden or soften my body and my voice and I communicate my justifications and blames for not maintaining a promise that I had made with the words, “I’m TRYING”, “I am too BUSY for that”, “I have a hard enough time keeping up with what I’ve already got going on”, “Get off of my back” and/or “You’re expecting WAAAAY too much from me.” As I speak these words, I will either do so in a forceful/aggressive or in a tired/pitiful/shameful physical expression.

Dictionary Definitions of Commitment

commitment [kəˈmɪtmənt]
1. the act of committing or pledging
2. the state of being committed or pledged
3. an obligation, promise, etc. that restricts one's freedom of action
4. (Law / Parliamentary Procedure) the referral of a bill to a committee or legislature
5. (Law) Also called (esp formerly) mittimus Law a written order of a court directing that a person be imprisoned
6. the official consignment of a person to a mental hospital or prison
7. commission or perpetration, esp of a crime
8. (Economics, Accounting & Finance / Stock Exchange) a future financial obligation or contingent liability Also called (esp for senses 5, 6) committal [kəˈmɪtəl]

Within this dictionary definition I see polarity where the act of pledging is positive and obligation, promising, laws/threat of imprisonment, hospitalization, and liability are negative.

co-mit-ment || comm-it-ment || c-omit-ment || come-it-ment ||
com-mi-men (without 't') || kah-mit-ment || calm-mit-ment || calm-it-men

co-mit-ment = together; joint; jointly; mutually. To the same extent or degree.
co-mit-ment = combining form; thread; mitosis. Mit'a (Quechua) was mandatory public service in the society of the Inca Empire. Historians use the hispanicized term mita to distinguish the system as it was modified by the Spanish, under whom it became a form of legal servitude which in practice bordered on slavery.
co-mit-ment = a suffix of nouns, often concrete, denoting an action or resulting state.

co-mit-ment = The action and/or result of a combined mutual agreement to perform a service.

comm-it-ment = The 'comm' command in the Unix family of computer operating systems is a utility that is used to compare two files for common and distinct lines. (Comms) Abbreviation – communications headphones with microphones wired via a power supply and individual belt packs - Also known as cans. Communications, verbal or electronic, as in get comms with [call-sign].
comm-it-ment = Pronoun: Used to refer to a thing previously mentioned or easily identified. Referring to an animal or child of unspecified sex.

comm-it-ment = The action and/or result of separating and comparing previously mentioned, easily identifiable, or the unspecified sex of an animal or a child for the purpose of communication.

c-omit-ment = To fail to include or mention; leave out. To pass over; neglect. To desist or fail in doing; forbear. Leave undone.

c-omit-ment = See the action and/or result of neglection, failure, and non-completion.

co-omit-ment = The action and/or result of a combined mutual agreement to fail, neglect, and not complete.

come-it-ment = To advance toward the speaker or toward a specified place; approach. To advance in a specified manner. To fare. To reach a particular point in a series or as a result of orderly progression. To arrive, as in due course. To move into view; appear. To occur in time; take place. To arrive at a particular result or end. To arrive at or reach a particular state or condition. To move or be brought to a particular position. To extend; reach. To have priority; rank. To happen as a result. To fall to one. To occur in the mind. To issue forth. To be derived; originate. To be descended. To be within a given range or spectrum of reference or application. To be a native or resident. To add up to a certain amount. To become. To turn out to be. To be available or obtainable. Vulgar Slang To experience orgasm. Vulgar Slang also cum (km) Semen ejaculated during orgasm.

come-it-ment = The action and/or result of moving oneself while in separation and seeing what’s in one’s world as separate, comparable, definable, and/or knowable.

cum-it-ment = The action and/or result of having an orgasm while separate.

com-mi-men = abbr. commercial organization. A prefix meaning “with,” “together,” “in association,” and (with intensive force) “completely,” occurring in loanwords from Latin (commit):  used in the formation of compound words before b, p, m: combine; compare; commingle.

com-mi-men = abbr. Bible Micah. abb. Michigan, military intelligence (internal security), myocardial infarction (destruction of heart tissue resulting from obstruction of the blood supply to the heart muscle), mile. n. Music The third tone of the diatonic scale in solfeggio. Music (in tonic sol-fa) the third degree of any major scale; median.

com-me-men = the nominative singular pronoun, used by a speaker in referring to himself or herself. Used to denote the narrator of a literary work written in the first person singular. Metaphysics the ego. The personality of the speaker or writer or something that expresses it.

com-mi-men = plural of man. Hands, manpower, work force, workforce.

com-me/mi-men = A combined and organized force of egos that keep all quiet, secret, and internal to maintain the median, middle-ground, and/or separation so that ourselves obstruct the heart from flowing/sounding/speaking/expressing openly.

kah-mit-ment = ka: noun Egyptian Religion a spiritual entity, an aspect of the individual, believed to live within the body during life and to survive it after death.

In ancient Egyptian religion, with the ba and the akh, a principal aspect of the soul of a human being or of a god. The exact significance of the ka remains a matter of controversy, chiefly for lack of an Egyptian definition; the usual translation, "double," is incorrect. Written by a hieroglyph of uplifted arms, it seemed originally to have designated the protecting divine spirit of a person. The ka survived the death of the body and could reside in a picture or statue of a person

Kah Tif - A offensive sentence used in some Irish cities, its equal to f*ck off in English.

Khamit - Nubian Egypt was originally known as Khamit and its people were known as the Khamau(Kah-mah-oo) or Khamites. These ancient people lived in one of the most peaceful civilizations in history guided by Seven of the Principles of Maat, which focused on Truth, Righteousness, Law, Order, Balance, Harmony, and Reciprocity. The goal of the Khamau was to live in a way knowing that each day was Judgment Day and, guided by the laws of Maat. The heart could be weighed on scales and be as light as a feather. They did not separate themselves from The Creator whom they called Neter in any of their actions.


calm-mit-ment = Not showing or feeling nervousness, anger, or other emotions. The absence of violent or confrontational activity within a place or group. The absence of nervousness, agitation, or excitement in a person. Become tranquil and quiet.

calm-mit-ment = The action and result of silence within a mutual agreement to fulfill a task and/or service.

Within the sounding of the word Commitment, I see polarity here as well where togetherness, agreements, service, sex/orgasm, communication, actions, positive results, working, peacefulness, and tranquility/silence within is positive and slavery, separation, neutrality, medians, comparing, judging, neglect, failure, and non-completion are negative.

I started this assignment two months ago and I've been struggling to complete it. I've seen through this process that I have chosen a word that I react to strongly in that I want to run away from it. Also, I noticed when I was doing a vlog, when I said the word 'commitment', I had to physically swallow the word. LOL - and I'm seeing now that I'm annoyed at losing two months of DIP to Commitment as this backchat, “WHY did I choose THIS word? I hate this word. This word has totally tripped me up. WHY didn't I (almost wrote eye) pick a different, more simple word - I was already working on re-defining Leadership.  Grr. I just want to get this done.”

During this two months, I have also recently realized the extent of which I have been in my mind as my Ego and completely self-possessed. I haven't cared about anyone or anything outside of myself and I'm now looking at some pretty messed up stuff as a consequence of this. So, it makes sense that I would completely AVOID Commitment because the core meaning of this word to me IS caring for others. Still, after self-forgiveness, when I place the word Commitment before me, in me, as me, I immediately see a picture of Mother Theresa cradling a child in her arms. Can I live with this picture? Yes, as long as I release myself from judging myself and comparing myself to Mother Theresa, the Pillar of Goodness, that I have created within my mind.

Within my body, when I consider Commitment, I become and express forcefulness, driven-ness, and determination as focus, strength, with an unwillingness to 'go back' on a commitment that I have made - it is myself saying, “I AM DOING THIS.” This is something that I see as positive and easily manipulated by myself as when I don't do what I have committed myself to do, I become a failure. I am living Commitment as WINNING when I am able to live up to my words which I then feel good and LOSING when I do not live up to my words which I then emote badness as I have failed, I am not going to make process, and I am unworthy and thus this becomes my physical expression of Commitment.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that the definitions that I have assigned to words are the expressions that I will give life to as living expressions of myself.” - Earth's Journey To Life -Day 12

 In the next blog, I will be sharing my Self-Forgiveness for the word Commitment.

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