I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
become scared and confused and thus become irritated and emotional. I have not been honest with myself that I am
scared to be alone with myself. I have
not been honest with myself that I am confused within myself as to WHY I am
scared to be alone with myself and continue to seek out attention as a means of
gaining positive feelings from others outside of myself – WHY can’t I be
content, calm, and stable within myself as myself as here, as nothingness?
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
become mad at myself for not allowing myself to simply be here with myself as
my physical body where I am seeing that instead of taking moments to get to
know myself within and as myself as physically here, I give in to my urges and
desires to ‘keep on moving’ or to be doing ‘something else’. I forgive myself that I have accepted and
allowed myself to use myself as my physical body for ‘fun’, something
‘different’ from my everyday experiences, and as a means to express my appreciation/gratitude for others accepting me and/or giving me what it is that I tell
myself that I require to survive.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
want to get rid of all of myself as my mind, my body, and my personalities so
that I do not have to face myself – I just want myself to GO AWAY. Because I do not ‘just go away’ and I have to
work with myself within the agreement I have made with myself to do the work
required so that I am effective and do not have to be removed, I become
spiteful. And within that spitefulness, I
sabotage myself with words and emotions of hate and revenge as my Ego – how
dare I reject myself as my mind? How dare I deny myself fun and
good feelings?
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
not give myself the attention that I require to be stable – instead I have
given my attention to others and other things and within that, I have allowed
myself to get caught up in a positive/negative energy trap because I was bored –
bored with myself, bored with my life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
doubt myself, in any given moment, that I would fall/fail. I did not and have not realized that to fall
while I am walking would mean that I wasn’t watching where I was walking OR
that someone else wasn’t watching where they were walking and I would get angry and annoyed at them for tripping me up – since I am taking responsibility for
myself, there is no blame allowed and
all blame can be directed back to myself within self-forgiveness. Further, any moments where I wasn’t present
within my walk, I can bring back to myself in self-forgiveness, study myself,
see myself self-honestly within/as my self-forgiveness and stop. I forgive myself that I did not allow myself
to see that at ANY moment, I can stop and re-direct myself via writing and
self-forgiveness. Yes.
When
and as I see and/or begin to experience restlessness within my physical body and
imagination/scenario curiosity and wanderings as my mind as boredom, I STOP and
I BREEEEEEEEEEATHE. I slow myself
down. I ground myself to my physical
world with both feet. I bring myself back to myself, equal and one with myself
as myself, my mind, and my body. I ask
myself as my mind and my body questions: Do I have excess energy to get rid of
as my physical body? Why? Why not? If no, what is it that I am working on
distracting myself from as myself? What is the resistance here? What do I not want to see in myself that I’m
looking for outside of myself? I continue
to bring myself back to myself within/as/from questions for myself that are
answered for myself as all as equal to myself until I am clear, satisfied and
able to re-direct myself from an experience of boredom to a solution that is
best for all of myself as equal.
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