I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become scared and confused and thus become irritated and emotional. I have not been honest with myself that I am scared to be alone with myself. I have not been honest with myself that I am confused within myself as to WHY I am scared to be alone with myself and continue to seek out attention as a means of gaining positive feelings from others outside of myself – WHY can’t I be content, calm, and stable within myself as myself as here, as nothingness?
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become mad at myself for not allowing myself to simply be here with myself as my physical body where I am seeing that instead of taking moments to get to know myself within and as myself as physically here, I give in to my urges and desires to ‘keep on moving’ or to be doing ‘something else’. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use myself as my physical body for ‘fun’, something ‘different’ from my everyday experiences, and as a means to express my appreciation/gratitude for others accepting me and/or giving me what it is that I tell myself that I require to survive.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to get rid of all of myself as my mind, my body, and my personalities so that I do not have to face myself – I just want myself to GO AWAY. Because I do not ‘just go away’ and I have to work with myself within the agreement I have made with myself to do the work required so that I am effective and do not have to be removed, I become spiteful. And within that spitefulness, I sabotage myself with words and emotions of hate and revenge as my Ego – how dare I reject myself as my mind? How dare I deny myself fun and good feelings?
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself the attention that I require to be stable – instead I have given my attention to others and other things and within that, I have allowed myself to get caught up in a positive/negative energy trap because I was bored – bored with myself, bored with my life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself, in any given moment, that I would fall/fail. I did not and have not realized that to fall while I am walking would mean that I wasn’t watching where I was walking OR that someone else wasn’t watching where they were walking and I would get angry and annoyed at them for tripping me up – since I am taking responsibility for myself, there is no blame allowed and all blame can be directed back to myself within self-forgiveness. Further, any moments where I wasn’t present within my walk, I can bring back to myself in self-forgiveness, study myself, see myself self-honestly within/as my self-forgiveness and stop. I forgive myself that I did not allow myself to see that at ANY moment, I can stop and re-direct myself via writing and self-forgiveness. Yes.
When and as I see and/or begin to experience restlessness within my physical body and imagination/scenario curiosity and wanderings as my mind as boredom, I STOP and I BREEEEEEEEEEATHE. I slow myself down. I ground myself to my physical world with both feet. I bring myself back to myself, equal and one with myself as myself, my mind, and my body. I ask myself as my mind and my body questions: Do I have excess energy to get rid of as my physical body? Why? Why not? If no, what is it that I am working on distracting myself from as myself? What is the resistance here? What do I not want to see in myself that I’m looking for outside of myself? I continue to bring myself back to myself within/as/from questions for myself that are answered for myself as all as equal to myself until I am clear, satisfied and able to re-direct myself from an experience of boredom to a solution that is best for all of myself as equal.