Day 85: What If I Die In My Sleep? - Part 3

Continuing from Day 82: What If I Die In My Sleep? and Day 84: What If I Die In My Sleep? - Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having enough money.  Bringing this point back to me dying in my sleep, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not have enough money to cover the expenses of myself dying unexpectedly in my sleep – afterall, I had simply planned on going to sleep and waking up after a few hours, I did not plan on dying and so, I did not prepare for my body to be taken care of when I no longer could.  And this takes money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect ‘not having enough money’ to fear of dying in my sleep and thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear spending money.  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear spending money because if I die unexpectedly and I have spent all of my money; there will be no money to fulfill my end of the financial responsibilities – my funeral expenses, my son’s education, my home, my bills, the care of my animals, the disposal of my material possessions – all of these things will become the financial burden of another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect ‘spending money’ to fear of dying in my sleep and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my money will be stolen.  I have not seen, realized, nor understood that this fear of my money being stolen is equal-to and one with my fear of dying in my sleep in that it is an unexpected event that I cannot control that would place me in a position of having to look to another to assist with/take on the burden of my financial commitments and responsibilities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect ‘my money being stolen’ to fear and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not be able to afford to pay my bills.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not be able to afford to pay my funeral bills and/or bills that may accrue after my death that I see myself as responsible for handling.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect ‘not being able to afford my bills’ to fear and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will have to compromise myself to make money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect ‘not being able to afford my funeral/death bills’ to fear and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will have to compromise myself to make money so that I can die with a ‘clear conscious’ – because I experience guilt for not having yet placed myself in a financial position where all that I am responsible for here will be taken care of when and as I die.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect ‘self-compromise to make money’ and ‘self-compromise to make money to die’ to fear and thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing money.  Bringing the point back to dying in my sleep, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I die in my sleep unexpectedly without having a legally documented and signed plan for where my money/possessions/assets will go, that I, as my family, will lose that money that I see as their ‘right’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect ‘losing money’ to fear and thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am not able to make money.   

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am not able to make the money required to support my family in the event that I die unexpectedly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect ‘not being able to make money’ to fear and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect ‘not being able to make enough money to support my family in the event if I die unexpectedly’ to fear, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I die unexpectedly that my family will lose our home, not have enough food to eat, have no clothes, not be able to support our animals, not have enough money to keep a vehicle on the road, be forced to place Hunter into a mainstream school system, lose/be forced to sell everything that we’ve worked for and be labeled as ‘poor’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect ‘lose our home’, ‘not enough food’, ‘no clothes’, ‘lose animals’, ‘no running vehicle’, ‘Hunter in mainstream school system’, ‘lose/sell all that we have labored for’, and ‘labeled as poor’ to fear.  And thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fears.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what may happen in the future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what may happen in the future if I were to die unexpectedly – I see, realize, and understand that my fear of the future if I were to die unexpectedly is based on past experiences that I expect will occur or might occur again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what I have watched others go through during my existence when and as a family member that the other family members count on as income to survive dies unexpectedly – over and over and over again in my world I have seen this – I have seen this in families, I have seen this on TV/movies/media, and I see others outside of myself preparing themselves and their finances in anticipation of this dying unexpectedly in the future point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect my expectations of ‘the future if I were to die unexpectedly’ to fear and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that fear of the future equals fear of death and fear of self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that in the future my family will have no money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect ‘my family with have no money in the future’ to fear and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that in the future that I will get old – I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that in the future that I will get old and die in my sleep.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect ‘getting old and dying in my sleep in the future’ to fear and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I cannot change the future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect ‘cannot change the future’ to fear and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.

Day 84: What If I Die In My Sleep? - Part 2

Continuing from Day 82: What If I Die In My Sleep?

ART By Andrew Gable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT be honest with myself that a predominant reason that I do not want to die and that I do not want to leave this physical body, MY human body, is that I do not want to share with others what I have. Because I have defined everything in my world as MINE, I do not want to give it up unless it’s on MY TERMS.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be honest with myself on in regards to death and other Destonian discussion regarding the ‘here-after’ and ‘swapping’, that I fear suffering, I fear pain, I fear losing what I ‘have’, and I fear that when I die, the work is just beginning and thus, there can be no rest for me – not here, not ‘there’, not anywhere.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my son will have a ‘new mommy’ if I die.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my partner will choose a new partner that is better than I am if I die – to add to this fear, I have connected it to the fear that if I die, my partner will choose a new partner that is a better mom than I could have ever been – and within this, I show/tell myself that my partner and my son are ‘happier’ and stable without me so that I can experience sadness, sorrow, depression and self-pity as, “Everyone is better off now that I’m gone.”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my partner will choose a new partner that is WORSE than I am if I die – to add to this fear, I have connected to it the fear that if I die, my partner could choose a partner that is abusive to my son, that he may be raised Christian, and/or that he would be forced into the public school system.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the positive and negative events within my fear of death/dying in my sleep to additional layers of fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my son and/or my partner’s reaction if they were to find me just dead – whether it be in the bed ‘in my sleep’ or on the floor ‘waking up from a heart attack in my sleep’.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my son and my partner will ‘freak out’ and be lost if/when/as they were to find me unexpectedly dead.  In my mind, I see my son crying, alone with my dead body and not knowing what to do – and I see my husband trying to revive me and when he can’t:  holding me, crying, rocking me.  This is some really fucked up imagery that’s mostly been learned via the media/Hollywood and we’ve all bought into it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become anxious and nervous when and as I think about what could happen if I were to die unexpectedly in my sleep.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with anxiousness and nervousness when and as I imagine all of the events, situations, and problems that could arise if I were to unexpectedly die in my sleep – What if I shit my pants when I die and others find me in a stinky, shitty, disgusting mess?  What if my son comes in to wake me up in the morning and finds me dead – who would he call, what would he do, would he be traumatized for the rest of his life? What about all the stuff I own? What happens when people start coming into my house and finding all of this unorganized stuff that I did not get to?  What will they think of me?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience nervousness and anxiety when I think about dying or dying in my sleep because I don’t know for certain the outcome.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience nervousness and anxiety about dying and dying in my sleep because I see others as separate from me, as being better/superior to me, and/or being ‘super-human’ in that they may transcend shitting themselves when they die when I have not – I have not seen, realized, nor understood that I am communicating to myself here that I, am in-fact, in fear that my body will have the ‘last laugh’/the ‘last word’ – and I do not like this – I must be in complete control, even at the moment of death to ‘avoid embarrassment’.  I am competing with myself in separation where I, as my mind, will not give up on WINNING, even in that last moment of breath and I, as my mind, will make sure that I get what I want from my body – even if I have to abuse my physical body with shame, embarrassment, guilt, remorse, nervousness, and anxiety for every moment for the rest of my ‘life’ here on earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience nervousness and anxiety about dying and dying in my sleep because I do not trust my physical body – I have not seen, realized, nor understood that this relationship that I have created of ‘distrust’ with my physical body can be applied to other aspects of my life – to other humans, places, events, etc. – all because I cannot control any of these.  I live in constant polarity of seeing other humans, places, animals, events, nature, etc., as both greater and then, to compensate, lesser than me. Back-and-forth-and-back-and-forth.  Because I have not allowed myself to be/become equal-to/one/amalgamate with my physical body, other humans, places, animals, events, etc., everything that I have allowed to exist outside of me – because I cannot control these things – I have not allowed myself to establish a relationship of trust with any of them.  It’s the BIG FUCK-YOU – where I say, ‘Fine, if you won’t promise to do what I want and do it, fuck you - you no longer exist in my world, you’re dumb, you’re dead weight to me, we are done here.’ Separation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to separate and sever all relationships within myself and everything outside of myself in my world when I say, “I Am Done,” and then run-away from the relationships that I have created instead of taking responsibility for them. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience uncomfortableness, anxiety, and nervousness when faced with points within my relationship creations within myself and outside of myself as ‘others’ that I see myself as responsible for – instead of being self-responsible, I run away and try to ignore what I’ve created.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anxiety when I do not know how to handle the relationships that I’ve created instead of trusting myself, here as myself, in every moment of breath.  Bringing the point back to my fear of death and fear of dying in my sleep, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anxiety because I do not know how to handle/control anything that happens in the moment and after the moment of death – and because of this one point that makes no common sense, I have separated myself from my physical body rather than trusting myself here as myself in every moment of breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the future of myself dying and dying in my sleep.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect ‘the future’ to ‘fear of dying’/’fear of dying in my sleep’, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear of dying/dying in my sleep.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create expectations of how ‘things might be’ if/when/as I die and/or die in my sleep so that I feel and experience myself as having control over the future, because I fear the future.

More in the next blog.

Day 83: A Gift - PLEASE READ

Hi Everyone,

I am pausing my writing in-relation to my previous post because I have something important to share with you.

It is a gift. Here it is:

• All of your debt is removed.
• You have a quality home.
• You have the highest quality of food available to you at all times.
• You have healthcare.
• War is ended.
• All education is available to you.
• You are highly trained.
• You are employed at a job that you enjoy.
• You work 20-40 hours per week.
• At the age of 30, you may retire if you choose.
• You have true freedom of choice.
• You can actually live your life.
• You can vacation.
• You can explore.
• You have everything that makes your life comfortable, fun, and worth living.

Now, imagine: You are truly happy - for the first time ever.

Now, compare that imagination to where you are at the moment. You may have some of these things at a price - your time, your health, your life in fear that you could lose it all at any given moment, or a constant state of guilt that others do not have what you have. So, no matter how much you pay, you will NEVER have all of these things until you receive this gift.

We have had many discussions about what's been going on in this world. Together, we've opened each others eyes to many of the problems. This has been an intense process at times - what we've found is NOT cool, we have been overwhelmed, we see our situation as deeply rooted, and it just seems like there's no way we're going to get out of this mess we've allowed. And yes, we have Equal Money as a solution but we've all become way too dependent on the system of Capitalism and we have a long way to go before getting everyone into an agreement on the change.

Daily we are seeing things getting MUCH worse - and because of this, we need prevention now.

This is where Equal Money Capitalism comes in. This system will work as a bridge between from where we are at the moment as slaves to Capitalism to our destination which is free from Capitalism.

We have economists, psychologists, therapists, physicists, healthcare professionals, business owners, farmers, engineers, dieticians, educators, writers, web developers, researchers, artists, analysts, historians, activists, musicians, photographers, travelers, social workers, service professionals, software developers, students and parents working together to re-define Capitalism and create this new system. These are individuals who truly care for you, your children, your animals, your planet, your future, your children's future, your animals future, and the future of this planet. We do this because you, your children, the animals, nature, the Earth - all of these are important to us and we see that it is simple to prevent you or anything else that's important to us from ever having to suffer.

Myself specifically, for those of you that have been with me, heard me, and watched me over the past 2 years, you may see and be aware that what I am telling you is true - and I will say it again: I care. You are important to me. Here, in my life, in my work, my career directions, in my decision to change - I consider you, how these things will impact you, and how you can benefit from them. I imagine you genuinely happy, worry-free and no longer afraid that you are going to lose anything - and in moments when I doubt myself, this assists me in standing and not giving up.

The truth is, the best times of my life have been with the people in my world - my family, my friends, the people that I work with - yeah ... you're like, more than awesome and we've had a blast. I mean, really, when you look at it, WHY wouldn't I be doing the work I'm doing - why wouldn't I support Equal Money or EMC when it frees my friends up as much as it would free me up to enjoy this life together. It just makes sense.

So,

I have one more thing for you. A project.

Print out the EMC image above.

• After the EMC image has printed, cut it out and tape to a window that is facing out to the road or your driveway, parking lot, etc.

I will do the same.

This will show that you're hearing what's being communicated and when the time comes that you will support a solution that provides basic human rights as well as the prevention to make sure that these basic rights are never denied again.

When you have done this, please leave me a comment in the Comment area below to let me know when it's done.

Thanks everyone.

Take care,

Carrie

Day 82: What If I Die In My Sleep?

Here I am sharing writing and self-forgiveness for my Fear of Dying In My Sleep. For previous writings in-relation to my walking the point of death, see: Honest Parent Dec 22 2012: On Death

Recently, a family member died from a heart-attack in their sleep.  It was assumed that the family member died painlessly.  I did not buy into this because a comedian on TV described a different scenario of those that die in their sleep – that, what in fact happens is that one wakes up from sleeping, grasping at their chest and gasping for air until they die and fall right back into the place that they were sleeping prior to their heart-attack – alone, looking as though one had died ‘peacefully’ with no one wiser to their pain.  Later, a woman described to me how her husband had woken up from sleep and suffered a heart-attack – she watched him die, she said she was powerless, and that it was horrific. 

So, when I heard from my partner that my family member died of a heart-attack in their sleep and that all assumed that the person had ‘probably slept right through it’ with the reasoning that they had diabetes, I did not for one moment believe this.  Within my mind, I saw my family member waking from sleep, grasping at their chest and neck with fear while they tried to get air into their lungs until they died, falling right back into the position that they had been sleeping in.

Physically, I crossed my arms in front of me, set my jaw, and watched my partner’s features for any physical indication that he was not convinced about the ‘painless story’.  Not seeing any, I questioned myself, ‘…perhaps diabetes would numb the heart area and maybe this person didn’t feel any pain … maybe they did sleep through it …’ I communicated this to my partner and he confirmed that diabetes could have numbed the pain, which is why the family member didn’t wake up.

Either way, in the end, I had a faint graven image of my family member in my mind – curled up in the fetal position on their side in bed and gray.

They are dead. 

I have always had a fear of dying in my sleep because I have feared that if I died in my sleep that I would get lost in my dreams and that it would take me a long time to find my way back to myself or back to ‘home’.  Also, where I am now, I do not want to miss any detail of my death.  When I die, I want to be aware that I am in fact dying and not suddenly wake up in someplace where I don’t know where I am or how I got there.  Additionally, I’m always afraid that I’m going to ‘miss out on’ or lose an opportunity for an experience that others have and/or had.

·          

Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will lose myself, within this implying that I am able to ‘get lost’.  Thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is possible for me to be lost within the realization that I am here always.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ‘lose myself’ to fear and thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing myself in my sleep.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect losing myself in my sleep to fear and thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing my life while I am sleeping.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect losing my life while I am sleeping to fear and thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing the physical experience of death because I am sleeping, dreaming, and/or not aware.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect ‘losing the physical experience of death because I am sleeping, dreaming, and/or not aware’ to fear and thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing – even at death.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect ‘losing – even at death’ to fear and thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself changing at death – whether it be in my sleep or otherwise, however I get there – where because I have defined myself by my characters, the way I look, the people that I know, the ‘things that I own’, and my physical reality, I fear losing this work that I have done to create the characters, the look, the relationships with people, and the ‘things that I own’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to that which I have accepted and allowed to exist separately from me within my world and thus, within and as that separation, I believe, show, and tell myself that when I die, all of those parts that I have separated myself from will be gone from me forever.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself in placing myself in material and emotional possessions in my world, where if I were to physically die, I would be gone, I would go, I would disappear, I would forget/be forgotten – I can’t handle that; I have to control my experiences and my world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and control my experiences and my world because as long as I am able to control my experiences my world, I see that I am in control and I do not have change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use a method of control in my world where I manipulate, lie, tell part-truths, avoid, create conflict, speak knowledge and information, blame and enforce guilt to control the human beings in my world to keep them locked-in to the way that I want them to be so that I do not have to change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I might lose part of myself if I change.  And bringing this point back to my fear of death and dying in my sleep, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will lose the human beings and physical materials that I control and possess – everything that I know that I can control with my methods of control, are gone when and as I physically die and thus, lose myself and how I have come to define myself within and through that which I have separated myself from.  I see death as the ‘ultimate change’ – the BIG change, the inevitable change that can happen at any moment and the where, when and how of my death is the unknown variable that I cannot control and instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that this is myself communicating to myself about my negative fear of losing everything if I change, I tell myself that ‘to die would be a great adventure’ positively and then ‘it happens when it happens’ as means of ‘settling’ myself within a neutral standing in which I express my living as, ‘I have no power or control so I accept’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect ‘losing parts of myself when and as I change from being here physically to not when I physically die’ to fear and thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that changing from being here physically to not being here physically will be difficult, painful, hell, torture, frightening, and confusing.  I have not seen, realized, nor understood this is me communicating to myself about my perspective and living expression within and as the point of change – my ‘not wanting to’ and resistance to changing is actually myself self-sabotaging myself with fear of difficulty, pain, hell, torture, fright and confusion – and because I have accepted and allowed this fear to exist within and as me in relation to change, it has in-fact become my relationship with change.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect ‘changing being difficult, painful, hell, torture, frightening, and confusing’ to fear and thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am not able to change.  Bringing this back to death and dying in my sleep, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I die in my sleep that I will fuck up death too – that I will lose out on that moment because I was sleeping, sucked into my mind, and not aware.  Additionally, I fear that after my physical death that I will not be able to change and that I will continue to repeat the same patterns over-and-over-and-over again, not ‘get it right’, and be lost for eternity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear changes in my environment where ‘my environment’ in relation to death is:  I fear that I will catch a disease from my environment/my living/others that I cannot control that would be ‘the end of me’ and kill me. As my mind where I negatively tell/show myself that I cannot control others and the diseases that others spread so I must control myself by positively demonstrating myself as ‘above disease/others with disease’ and so neutralize my physical environment with separating myself from others when there is a ‘flu’ going around and neutralize myself and the environments that I control with chemicals that kill diseases.  I have not seen nor realized that the chemicals that I use to kill and/or neutralize disease in my environment can also kill me – and thus, fearing changes in my environment that could kill me manifests changes in my environment that can kill me.  Additionally, until now, I have not seen, realized, nor understood just how vicious, dangerous, and physically abusive neutrality is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear leaving this physical existence forever – and within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being in a non-physical existence because I have no fucking clue how the here-after functions, how it works, what the ‘rules’ are, how it ‘looks’ and how I must change myself to not be lonely for eternity.  Additionally, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear death because I fear that I will never be able to come back here within and as this physical existence – because this physical existence is ‘all that I know’ and ‘all that I have defined myself within and as’, I cannot imagine any other existence.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect ‘changes in my existence’ to fear of The Unknown and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear changing/adapting to the beings around me in the here-after – if there are any beings around me at all.  Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear any changes in the beings in the here-after – where, I become uncomfortable and insecure when I try to imagine what beings in the here-after are/will be ‘like’ because my mind cannot ‘wrap itself around’/see/make a connection and/or relationship to that which I, as a mind consciousness system have never had an experience with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect ‘changing/adapting to the beings around me in the here – after, if there are any beings around me at all’ to fear.  And thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear changing because my fear of being alone – I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will have to change my ‘role’ within existence over-and-over again.   Where I’m seeing the here-after as hard-work that one CAN NOT simply just ‘settle’ into one position, master the position, and make a choice later on of whether one stays within their position or if one moves on.  I am scared that I will have to live many ‘illusionary’ lives in the here-after to their fullest potential and once this is done, as I am about to live a life of enjoyment and fun, I will be removed/removed myself and placed/place myself within and as another.

Continuing with Self-Forgiveness in my next entry.