Showing posts with label Mind. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mind. Show all posts

Friday, March 1, 2013

Day 110: Journey To Life Review - Day 2 - Part 8

 




In this blog, I will be walking the Fear Dimension of my Curious Character.  For the other dimensions walked thus far, see: Day 108: Journey To Life - Day 2 - Part 7. And to see how I got to here, read  Day 107: Journey To Life Review - Day 2 - Part 6,  Day 106: Journey To Life Review - Day 2 - Part 5, Day 105: Journey To Life Review - Day 2 - Part 4,  Day 104: Journey To Life Review - Day 2 - Part 3, Day 103: Journey To Life Review - Day 2 - Part 2 and Day 102: Journey To Life Review - Day 2.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will be in an uncomfortable situation if I do not have the answers when and as a question is asked of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the consequences and/or potential outcomes within which I will experience myself if I do not have the answers when I am asked a question.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not survive or that I will not make through to the next moment if I do not have the answers when I am asked a question.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go on a relentless search for knowledge and information within which I have directed from a point of fear rather than from a point of real curiosity to understand and explore myself and my world.

Also, as I have walked this point I see that many times my curiosity stemmed from my fear of death and the afterlife where I became completely obsessed with and  possessed by desire, want, and need to 'know' what to expect when I die or to try to find a way for myself to be taken care of in the after-life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to direct my curiosity toward myself in the future because I fear the unknown.  I have allowed myself to become possessed by this fear and within and as this, I do not see, realize, nor understand that this is my mind fearing what cannot be controlled as well as my mind keeping me in the future so that I do not realize myself here.

Next, I will walk the Consequence Dimension.
In this blog, I will be walking the dimensions of my Curious Character.  To see how I got to here, read  Day 107: Journey To Life Review - Day 2 - Part 6,  Day 106: Journey To Life Review - Day 2 - Part 5, Day 105: Journey To Life Review - Day 2 - Part 4,  Day 104: Journey To Life Review - Day 2 - Part 3, Day 103: Journey To Life Review - Day 2 - Part 2 and Day 102: Journey To Life Review - Day 2. - See more at: http://self-commitment-of-carrie.blogspot.com/#sthash.quyBo3P4.dpuf

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Day 108: Journey To Life Review - Day 2 - Part 7

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Why Must I Know About Everything?

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In this blog, I will be walking the dimensions of my Curious Character.  To see how I got to here, read  Day 107: Journey To Life Review - Day 2 - Part 6,  Day 106: Journey To Life Review - Day 2 - Part 5, Day 105: Journey To Life Review - Day 2 - Part 4,  Day 104: Journey To Life Review - Day 2 - Part 3, Day 103: Journey To Life Review - Day 2 - Part 2 and Day 102: Journey To Life Review - Day 2.

Thought Dimension

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to activate my Mind Curiosity when and as I think and/or experience myself within the Words, "I Don't Know."

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the trigger Words, "I Don't Know," to activate my participation within and as my mind - where, if my mind does not provide me with the answers I need at that moment by presenting me with 'blankness' and/or not enough information, I will then allow myself within and as my mind to direct myself to how I can find the answer in the quickest way possible via my actions in my physical world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as my physical body to be directed by myself as my mind toward the easiest, quickest way to satiate my curiosity and/or find an answer to something that I do not have experience with.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to consider the consequences as future outcomes of myself physically following my mind curiosity.

Imagination Dimension

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider the consequences of my actions/reactions when I become Curious because I tell myself that I do not have to consider the consequences and imagine how 'Only good things will come', "I will be a better, wiser, and more valuable person to others", and no matter what, in the end, I am always 'The Star', 'The Hero', 'The Best', 'The Comedian' and 'The Most'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, within and as my imagination, show myself how amazing an experience is going to be and how I am going to be a better person because of it and so nothing bad could happen - it's all good, man!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to direct myself according to what I show myself within my imagination is going to be Good for me in the end.  Instead of considering how my decisions and directions effect others, myself, and my future self within and as my self-development, I will act on what ever I see will benefit me only as my self image.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tell myself that when I act on my imaginations without considering the consequences that I am 'Living In The Now' and 'In the Moment' - instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding that I am NOT in the Now or the Moment, I am in the future where from within my imagination, I drive myself to get to my desired imagined outcome instead of stopping myself, breathing, and considering the Pros-and-Cons/consequences of what I would like to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when and as I imagine that something 'bad' could happen as a result of my actions, I brush it off and say, "Bah!  It's gonna be fine!  I can handle any negative outflow consequences. I'm tough!"  I see myself as smiling and standing strong.  I have not allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that this is NOT true and that I require very little to make myself unstable.

Internal Conversations/Backchat/Voices in the Head

I will write self-forgiveness for my internal conversations and backchat in a private Backchat Diary.

Reaction Dimension

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to my fear of not knowing with anxiety - and because I do not like this negative emotional experience of myself, I will activate my mind curiosity with which will either present me with answer that I'm looking for or direct me to how I can find out the answer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react positively with excitement and/or elation when and as I have 'pulled-off' my plan of action from a point of curiosity and thus get to see the outcome unfold and/or I obtain the knowledge and information required to satiate my curiosity.  I have not seen, realized, nor understood my starting point within this is that I want to experience myself as smart, doing the right thing, worthy, clever, knowledgeable and bright.

Behavior Dimension

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lock myself into a Curious physical expression when and as I participate with Mind Curiosity.  When I pull myself into myself, grab my chin, and pull at my lips, I have not seen that this is not a true expression of myself that it is a learned expression that I picked up from outside of me from those that I interpreted as being 'Curious-Looking'.

In the next blog, I will be walking the Fear Dimension of this character.




Imagination Dimension
Imagination Dimensi
When I was a child I was aware that what I accepted as information and knowledge became me and because I was not in agreement with others in my environment and did not trust them, I would not allow others, to the best of my ability and awareness, to influence or create who I Am -unless- they showed me via combined spoken words and actions that they cared for me and were looking out for what was best for me - these individuals were rare.  So, from a fear survival and fear of loss of self as I developed Who I Am during my childhood phase before I started Thinking, I interacted with and explored my world Physically as what I could prove to be true on my own was what I could trust.

Note:  I was not in agreement with others because their Words did not align with their living.  I could not make sense of this. And it's interesting to look at pictures from when I was a child at this time because the expression on my face was if I was saying, "This does not make sense."  As I got older, I assumed that it would all make sense when I 'grew up' but it never did.

Anyway, the core-source-origin point of my Curiosity was fear of survival and loss of self and when I began Thinking, it became Mind Curiosity. - See more at: http://self-commitment-of-carrie.blogspot.com/#sthash.wwg2V3P1.dpuf
When I was a child I was aware that what I accepted as information and knowledge became me and because I was not in agreement with others in my environment and did not trust them, I would not allow others, to the best of my ability and awareness, to influence or create who I Am -unless- they showed me via combined spoken words and actions that they cared for me and were looking out for what was best for me - these individuals were rare.  So, from a fear survival and fear of loss of self as I developed Who I Am during my childhood phase before I started Thinking, I interacted with and explored my world Physically as what I could prove to be true on my own was what I could trust.

Note:  I was not in agreement with others because their Words did not align with their living.  I could not make sense of this. And it's interesting to look at pictures from when I was a child at this time because the expression on my face was if I was saying, "This does not make sense."  As I got older, I assumed that it would all make sense when I 'grew up' but it never did.

Anyway, the core-source-origin point of my Curiosity was fear of survival and loss of self and when I began Thinking, it became Mind Curiosity. - See more at: http://self-commitment-of-carrie.blogspot.com/#sthash.wwg2V3P1.dpuf
When I was a child I was aware that what I accepted as information and knowledge became me and because I was not in agreement with others in my environment and did not trust them, I would not allow others, to the best of my ability and awareness, to influence or create who I Am -unless- they showed me via combined spoken words and actions that they cared for me and were looking out for what was best for me - these individuals were rare.  So, from a fear survival and fear of loss of self as I developed Who I Am during my childhood phase before I started Thinking, I interacted with and explored my world Physically as what I could prove to be true on my own was what I could trust.

Note:  I was not in agreement with others because their Words did not align with their living.  I could not make sense of this. And it's interesting to look at pictures from when I was a child at this time because the expression on my face was if I was saying, "This does not make sense."  As I got older, I assumed that it would all make sense when I 'grew up' but it never did.

Anyway, the core-source-origin point of my Curiosity was fear of survival and loss of self and when I began Thinking, it became Mind Curiosity. - See more at: http://self-commitment-of-carrie.blogspot.com/#sthash.wwg2V3P1.dpuf
When I was a child I was aware that what I accepted as information and knowledge became me and because I was not in agreement with others in my environment and did not trust them, I would not allow others, to the best of my ability and awareness, to influence or create who I Am -unless- they showed me via combined spoken words and actions that they cared for me and were looking out for what was best for me - these individuals were rare.  So, from a fear survival and fear of loss of self as I developed Who I Am during my childhood phase before I started Thinking, I interacted with and explored my world Physically as what I could prove to be true on my own was what I could trust.

Note:  I was not in agreement with others because their Words did not align with their living.  I could not make sense of this. And it's interesting to look at pictures from when I was a child at this time because the expression on my face was if I was saying, "This does not make sense."  As I got older, I assumed that it would all make sense when I 'grew up' but it never did.

Anyway, the core-source-origin point of my Curiosity was fear of survival and loss of self and when I began Thinking, it became Mind Curiosity. - See more at: http://self-commitment-of-carrie.blogspot.com/#sthash.wwg2V3P1.dpuf
When I was a child I was aware that what I accepted as information and knowledge became me and because I was not in agreement with others in my environment and did not trust them, I would not allow others, to the best of my ability and awareness, to influence or create who I Am -unless- they showed me via combined spoken words and actions that they cared for me and were looking out for what was best for me - these individuals were rare.  So, from a fear survival and fear of loss of self as I developed Who I Am during my childhood phase before I started Thinking, I interacted with and explored my world Physically as what I could prove to be true on my own was what I could trust.

Note:  I was not in agreement with others because their Words did not align with their living.  I could not make sense of this. And it's interesting to look at pictures from when I was a child at this time because the expression on my face was if I was saying, "This does not make sense."  As I got older, I assumed that it would all make sense when I 'grew up' but it never did.

Anyway, the core-source-origin point of my Curiosity was fear of survival and loss of self and when I began Thinking, it became Mind Curiosity. - See more at: http://self-commitment-of-carrie.blogspot.com/#sthash.wwg2V3P1.dpuf
When I was a child I was aware that what I accepted as information and knowledge became me and because I was not in agreement with others in my environment and did not trust them, I would not allow others, to the best of my ability and awareness, to influence or create who I Am -unless- they showed me via combined spoken words and actions that they cared for me and were looking out for what was best for me - these individuals were rare.  So, from a fear survival and fear of loss of self as I developed Who I Am during my childhood phase before I started Thinking, I interacted with and explored my world Physically as what I could prove to be true on my own was what I could trust.

Note:  I was not in agreement with others because their Words did not align with their living.  I could not make sense of this. And it's interesting to look at pictures from when I was a child at this time because the expression on my face was if I was saying, "This does not make sense."  As I got older, I assumed that it would all make sense when I 'grew up' but it never did.

Anyway, the core-source-origin point of my Curiosity was fear of survival and loss of self and when I began Thinking, it became Mind Curiosity. - See more at: http://self-commitment-of-carrie.blogspot.com/#sthash.wwg2V3P1.dpuf
When I was a child I was aware that what I accepted as information and knowledge became me and because I was not in agreement with others in my environment and did not trust them, I would not allow others, to the best of my ability and awareness, to influence or create who I Am -unless- they showed me via combined spoken words and actions that they cared for me and were looking out for what was best for me - these individuals were rare.  So, from a fear survival and fear of loss of self as I developed Who I Am during my childhood phase before I started Thinking, I interacted with and explored my world Physically as what I could prove to be true on my own was what I could trust.

Note:  I was not in agreement with others because their Words did not align with their living.  I could not make sense of this. And it's interesting to look at pictures from when I was a child at this time because the expression on my face was if I was saying, "This does not make sense."  As I got older, I assumed that it would all make sense when I 'grew up' but it never did.

Anyway, the core-source-origin point of my Curiosity was fear of survival and loss of self and when I began Thinking, it became Mind Curiosity. - See more at: http://self-commitment-of-carrie.blogspot.com/#sthash.wwg2V3P1.dpuf

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Day 102: Journey To Life Review - Self-Commitment To Speaking Self-Forgiveness

In this blog I will be reviewing my Journey To Life blog entry Day 2: Self-Commitment To Speaking Self-Forgiveness Out-Loud.

By Marlen Vargas Del Razo


So when I moved on to this day for review and opened it up, I judged myself in an instant! "Good or bad progress here? BAD." Boom.  Man, it happens fast...

I had a full guilt (GUT) reaction and I immediately flooded my mind with pictures of myself and others that I had stored within me along the way from where I was at that moment of making the self-commitment to where I am now as if to show myself proof -- "See this? Guilty! See that? Guilty! See their disappointment? Guilty, guilty, guilty!"

I took a quick breath in and then have an inner dialogue with myself that's accompanied with a 'blank screen' in my mind, "Oh crap. Oops. Forgot about this one." I winced and then went BACK through my memories again to show myself where I had lived up to my self-commitment and said to myself, "I did pretty good." Then laughed to myself.

This entire process happened within like, 2 seconds.

And I see the lie - it's right freaking here!
"...Oops. Forgot about this one."  When in fact, I have remembered several details of the several times I have not said self-forgiveness out-loud and I remind myself of this fact EACH time I post a blog with self-forgiveness or when I direct myself in moments to speak self-forgiveness from withinside of me.  I am showing myself in vivid detail that I cannot change.  It's cool that I see it but if I've programmed this into me as an automated response that I haven't seen and realizing this, I question myself, "How long has this been going on for and WHY would I do this to myself?" Not so cool.

This is a problem.  The excuses and stuff for not speaking the self-forgiveness, I'm on that - in fact, I've been 'on-it' since I made the self-commitment - and I will walk this as well.  For the moment, let's look at The Big Eye-Opening ...

Problem: I am judging myself - there is no 'innocent until proven guilty' - I see that I am guilty and that I must prove my innocence.  I'm using my self-commitments to show myself that I am really a BAD person that has no potential to change and that I cannot be rehabilitated. And when I do this, I do it FAST, which means that I am not slowing myself down enough to see it coming.  My response to 'cover it up' is almost as quick but not fast enough - as though I hadn't fully automated my Ego to respond to the nastiness that I don't want to have to look at or be held responsible for.  After my Ego has soothed the pain of guilt, I can then laugh it off like it 'never happened', 'Oh silly me ... that's not so bad ... ha-ha-ha'.  I have trapped myself in this triangle and if I do not get myself out, I will never have the opportunity to realize who I am or what I could be without it. 

Solution: To investigate myself and to assist and support myself with writing and self-forgiveness so that I can give myself some clarity and within this, be able to find self-corrections and other preventions.  Work on stopping myself my automated judgement response.

Reward: I will have a better understanding of myself and why I am doing this to myself which is a real cool starting point.

So, in the next entry I will be walking the Solution of Self-Forgiveness.