Day 2: Self-Commitment To Speaking Self-Forgiveness Out-Loud

I have been resistant to saying self-forgiveness out-loud.  I see that I am writing self-forgiveness and sharing it as the written word but not sharing it with myself as spoken word.  My justifications and excuses for not saying self-forgiveness statements out-loud are:

• I do not have enough time to say my self-forgiveness out-loud.  I will write it now so that I can get it done and then later, when I have more time, I will go back to the self-forgiveness that I have written and say it out-loud.
• I cannot say my self-forgiveness out-loud because others will hear me.  I will do it later when no one is around to hear.
• I cannot say my self-forgiveness out-loud because those that I live with are sleeping - I might wake them up.  If I wake them up, they may become annoyed with me, I may be faced with questions, or I may lose my quiet time with myself.
• I cannot say my self-forgiveness out-loud because others are around and they will think I'm crazy or become exasperated with me as I participate within a process that they have no interest in participating in and/or experiencing themselves.
• I am too busy - someone outside of myself needs me or needs me to do something for them.  I will say self-forgiveness later if and/or when the others in my life give me a chance or an open window of time to do so.

I see and realize within my writing my excuses and justifications above that I am not taking on the responsibility of me saying self-forgiveness out-loud.  I see clearly within my writing that I am using my world and the others within my world as a point of blame so that I do not have to take responsibility for myself within my entire process of freeing myself from the multiple layers of personalities, memories, emotions, and feelings by writing and then saying my self-forgiveness out-loud.  Within my process thus far, I have come to see that my excuses, justifications, and abdications for and of myself, indicates that there is a fear that I do not want to face.  Further, I have shown to myself that both writing and saying self-forgiveness out-loud is effective within my self-direction and commitment to myself to change - this change I have seen as myself as I look back to where I was before writing and saying self-forgiveness and compare that self to who I am as myself in this moment.  Within proving to myself that I have changed within writing and speaking self-forgiveness, it is clear to me that when I resist doing what I know to be effective by justifications, excuses and blame from fear that I am in fact, fearing change.

Here I share my self-forgiveness for not speaking my self-forgiveness statements out-loud:

• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist speaking self-forgiveness out-loud.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to soothe myself within my resistance to speaking self-forgiveness out-loud by telling myself that I am not required to say my self-forgiveness out-loud because I have written my self-forgiveness and that writing my self-forgiveness is 'good enough'.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to tell myself that I do not need to apply myself with 100% of myself within my process of writing, self-forgiveness, and self-correction.
• I forgive myself for not accepting nor allowing myself to realize that my acceptance of myself as 'good enough' indicates my acceptance of my world, as it exists, as 'good enough'.
• I forgive myself for not accepting nor allowing myself to expect the absolute best from myself.
• I forgive myself for not accepting nor allowing myself to see and realize that by my acceptance and allowance of myself as not pushing myself within my full capacity that is my absolute best, that I do not push for a world that could exist within it's full capacity as it's absolute best.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make-up within myself as myself as my mind dialogue, justifications, excuses, and points of blame of how and why I cannot say my statements of self-forgiveness out-loud.
• I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that if I continue to make justifications, excuses, and points of blame for myself from which to hide myself from myself, that I will continue to make justifications, excuses, and points of blame for this world as it exists so that I may hide from what I'm becoming aware of existing here in this world and thus within me.  
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not re-direct myself within the thought of 'I do not have time to say my self-forgiveness out-loud' and thus accept and allow myself to validate myself within responding to the thought within a point of procrastination from which I can self-sabotage myself as I say to myself, 'I will say my self-forgiveness out-loud when I have more time'.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to tell myself within myself as my mind that I will not be able to say self-forgiveness out-loud, every day, for seven years and seeing myself within myself as a picture within my mind as tired, giving up, and seeing myself within myself and the eyes of others as a failure - I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself within myself confirming my pattern of 'giving up' to others who have witnessed me 'giving up' in the past and thus confirming, solidifying, and setting this as a future path to and for myself.
• I forgive myself for not accepting nor allowing myself to see that when I allow myself to create future versions of myself within failure and accept what I'm seeing of myself within myself as a picture of failure within myself as my mind, that I am setting a 'stage' for the possibility of failure, seeing myself as being able to live through the consequences of my accepted and allowed failure, and thus making my possible future failure 'okay with me'.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fail myself within myself as my mind.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fail myself and thus others and my world within myself as my mind.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing failure to exist as I see it within myself as the picture in my mind as tired, worn out, used up, and exhausted.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear others hearing me say self-forgiveness out-loud.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear others hearing me say self-forgiveness out-loud because I see within myself as my mind that others outside of myself may think that I am 'crazy', annoying, or exhausting.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as being crazy, annoying, and/or exhausting within saying self-forgiveness out-loud.
• I forgive myself for not accepting nor allowing myself to see and realize that my fear of saying self-forgiveness out-loud within the presence of others is, in fact, my fear of self-forgiveness.
• I forgive myself for not accepting nor allowing myself to see and realize that anything that I am in fear of or uncomfortable with is indicative that I am not standing equal to and one with that which I am fearing.
• I forgive myself for not accepting nor allowing myself to stand equal to and one with self-forgiveness.
• I forgive myself for not accepting nor allowing myself to see that I am placing the process of writing and speaking self-forgiveness as greater than myself.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear myself and who I may or may not become within my process of effective self-forgiveness and change.
• I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to anticipate myself as being greater or less than myself as I am, here, in this moment, within my process of change.
•  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place myself within points of polarity between greater or less than when self-forgiving and/or applying myself within what I see I can change as myself.
• I forgive myself for not accepting nor allowing myself to see that by allowing myself to place myself within a cycle of polarity in relation to self-forgiveness, that I am trapping myself within a pattern and/or cycle from which I can separate myself within a bubble and thus create a 'back door' out of my process of effective self-forgiveness as myself as ego.

After writing my self-forgiveness, I see my practical living self-correction as follows:

When and as I see that I am resisting saying self-forgiveness out-loud as indicated by myself as participating within excuses, justifications, blame and/or soothing words within myself as my mind, I stop.  I breath.  I realize that my resistance to effectively removing from myself what is not best for all as myself, others, and my world, is my fear of losing myself within my own self-interest and thus fearing myself changing and becoming what is best for all.  I no longer allow myself to direct myself within fear of losing myself.  I push myself within my commitment to myself to speak my written self-forgiveness out loud.

When and as I see myself as failing and/or a picture of failing within myself as my mind, I stop. I breath.  I do not allow myself see myself as a victim and/or survivor of failure.  I do not give up.  I do not give in.  I push.  I push myself within my process of effective self-forgiveness.  I do not allow myself to fail myself or see myself as failing myself within my seven year commitment to daily writing and speaking self-forgiveness out loud.  I do not give up on myself and thus I do not give up on others outside of myself nor do I give up on my world.

When and as I see myself as judging myself as 'crazy', 'annoying' and/or exhaustive within my self commitment to daily writing and speaking self-forgiveness, I stop.  I breath.  I self-forgive myself for the labels that I place upon myself within my fear as I face myself.  I direct myself to remove and/or re-define these words that I have placed upon myself within considering these words within what is best for all.

When and as I see that I am allowing myself as my ego to create a polarity point and thus a back-door from which to abdicate myself within my self-commitment to write and speak self-forgiveness daily for seven years, which is indicated by my uncomfortableness as a result of my not standing equal to and one with self-forgiveness, I stop.  I breath.  I place two feet directly in front of me on the floor and bring myself here.  I no longer allow myself to surround myself within a polarity cycle/circle/bubble from within which to separate myself from the effective process of self-forgiveness.  I direct, move, push, and place myself as equal and one to myself and all that is here - including self-forgiveness.  I see that self-forgiveness is not 'special' and stop myself from placing self-forgiveness on a God-like platform as supernatural, a secret, and as having power over myself.  Self-forgiveness is a tool that assists me with seeing myself as I exist and within that seeing,  I become responsible for what I have accepted and allowed - simple, practical.