In this entry, I'm continuing with self-correction and self-commitment statements from writing and self-forgiveness on Day 177: Addicted To Stress? Whaaat?
SELF-CORRECTION AND SELF-COMMITMENT STATEMENTS
When and as I see that I am using stress as a way to have an experience, I stop and breathe. I realize that having experiences does not necessarily mean that I'm living or having a life.
When and as I see that I am telling myself and/or allowing myself to be influenced by the belief that I must feel something in order for me to be alive, I stop and breathe. I realize, at the moment, that living for me is being here, being present, breathing, and being aware of my physical body as well as the processes/patterns that are playing out within my mind. So, instead of focusing on what 'more' I could with physical energetic experiences, I focus on what I do have - myself, breathing, my body, and my mind processes/patterns that are required to be sorted through, understood, and restructured.
I commit myself to no longer allow myself to be influenced by the belief that I must feel something - something different, something more, something exciting - in order for me to be classified as 'being alive'. And within this, I commit myself to stopping this desire to 'be alive' by allowing myself to actually, really live here, breathing, and being/becoming aware of myself as a mind and physical being. I will work with what I have rather than being on the look-out for what I must have that I apparently do not.
When and as I see that I have or that I am considering placing myself in a situation of stress or trauma, I stop, I breath, and I slow myself down. I realize that by allowing myself to go into the stress or trauma that I am choosing to follow my mind and when I do this, I am a willing participant within and as the thoughts, fears, worries, emotions, feelings and the general seeing myself as not being in-control - the ingredients that go into my recipe for stress and trauma.
I commit myself to stopping myself from deliberately placing myself in stress and/or trauma by no longer allowing myself to automatically go into my thoughts, worries, fears, emotions, feelings and the belief of having no control within and as situations - where, instead, when faced with the choice to go into my thoughts, worries, fears, emotions, feelings, and beliefs about control OR to breath, relax my body, straighten my posture, and slooooooow down, I choose to breath, relax my body, straighten my posture and sloooooow down.
When and as I see that I am experiencing an uncomfortableness when and as I am quiet with myself, I stop and breath. I realize that the uncomfortableness I am experiencing is me not wanting to face the consequences of the stress and trauma that I have accepted and allowed. The truth is that I'm never actually quiet -- aside from the the usual physical movement within and as my physical body, my ears are usually ringing and my skin feels like it's constantly and continuously 'swirling-moving-resonating-vibrating' as a result of the energy that I've allowed to accumulate within and as me. Instead of turning to stressful situations as a 'cure' and thus accumulating more energy, I support myself to sort though and diminish the energy build-up from my stress and trauma that I've already accumulated.
I commit myself to no longer allow myself to run from the uncomfortableness I experience when I am alone, breathing, and silent by pushing myself to continue to breath, allowing myself to be with myself as the consequence that I have created for myself, and within this, allowing myself to let this energy go and to diminish. I commit myself to stop agitating myself so that I can settle and be stable.
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