This blog is the second part of self-correction and self-commitment statements from self-forgiveness within Day 177: Addicted To Stress? Whaaat? Day 178: How To Stop Being A Stress Junkie is here.
When and as I see that I am going into the thought and/or belief that there's something wrong with me because I'm not experiencing a thrill, excitement, unpredictability, ups-and-downs, feelings and emotions, and other physically energetic sensations, I stop and breath. I realize that I don't require these high energy experiences to have a well-rounded, balanced, and satisfying life - the belief that I do require these - that's it's normal, that it's life - that I accepted and allowed, is/was a lie.
I commit myself to stop allowing myself to buy into the beLIEf that I must have all of these crazy rollercoaster experiences in order for me to have a normal, well-rounded, balanced, and satisfying life by reMINDING myself that before I accepted and allowed this belief system that I saw this sort of lifestyle as being unstable, untrustworthy, and insane. So, within this, I commit myself to go back to where I was before the lie - back to questioning and back to looking for solutions - and start over. Here, instead of being influenced by my external environment, I use common sense, practicality, self/interpersonal/global awareness, and decide who/what I will be.
When and as I see that I am connecting 'quietness', 'emptiness', 'blankness' and/or 'nothingness' to Depression, I stop and breath. I realize that this is one of the ways that I have accepted and allowed the system / the global mind to determine and define who/what/where I am in any given moment where this particular quietness, emptiness, blankness, and/or nothingness means that there is something wrong and/or undesirable about me as a being. I realize that I have not questioned this, questioned how this benefits me, and I have not taken responsibility for how I have imposed my definition of Depression on to others and expected that we 'come out of it' rather than getting into understanding and being equal and one with/to/as quietness, emptiness, blankness, and nothingness.
I commit myself to stop attempting to move away from / remove myself from / come out of the experience of quietness, emptiness, blankness, and nothingness - and within this, I commit myself to stop using the threat/fear of the word Depression to trigger my response to move away from / remove myself from / come out of the experience of quietness, emptiness, blankness, and nothingness. Instead of accepting, allowing, and being influenced by my pre-programmed definitions, I allow myself to explore for myself who/what/where I am as quietness, emptiness, blankness, and nothingness, and within this, stop attempting control/define others as they do this for themselves within their own processes.