Day 200: Responsibility Sets Me Free

Artwork by Andrew Gable
http://andrewgableart.com/

If there is one point that I am able to share with all of my fellow human beings, it is this:

You can take responsibility for everything.

People often come to me to express their problems.  The majority of these problems are with their relationships - how the relationships are not working, all of the things that their partner's are doing wrong, how their partner won't change, and how disappointed, frustrated, and angry they are.  Most of the time (if not always), I look for points where an individual can take responsibility for their creation of the problems and sometimes, when possible, I express these points.  In general, I have found that when an individual's responsibility for the creation of their problems is expressed to them that they have a clear understanding of what's being said - they begin to breath, their body relaxes, they often smile, and I see what I can best describe as self-awareness and self-honesty in their facial features where they are freed from themselves for a moment.

For a moment.  Until they say, "I know ... but ...", then attempt to go back into their problems again, they go back into the emotions, and they go back into imprisoning themselves in these individualized self-victimizing personality bubbles.

It's like there's this outright refusal to take responsibility and this refusal makes living impossible.

I don't know exactly why it is this way and I don't know why it seems like the universe has been set-up in such a way that that there are certain laws that we must honor in order to be okay in this existence - and, I really don't think the why here even matters at this point as much as the actual problems and solutions that can be seen right here and right now.

So here's the thing: I have come to realize that taking responsibility sets us free.  I have looked for a way around this and I am here to say that it's impossible.  You can't get out of this and to try will simply repeat the same sequence of events and patterns over-and-over-again and things will get worse and worse.  You're going to have to take responsibility for everything - yourself, your personal relationships, and everything that exists on this planet that we share.

And you know, it's all the same - every problem that you have with others are the same problems that you have with yourself and the world.  Every pattern that you repeat over-and-over again, every character that you play, and all of the beliefs that you refuse to let go of are just your way of trying to get a handle on your life and make it through this existence without ever changing any of it.

Do you want to have a cool relationship where you are free to realize your potential as individuals and together?  Do you want a world where all are free from debt and enslavement? Do you want to be free from the constant thoughts and emotions that come up within you?

Stop waiting for someone to do this all for you.  Take responsibility.  Stop attempting to shut out the truth of yourself and allow yourself to get to know who and what you really are - who and what you have accepted and allowed yourself to become.  Everything that exists here exists because it exists within and as us.

Don't believe me - test it out for yourself.  My suggestion would be to take one point that is annoying you, scaring the heck out of you, something that makes you angry, or completely frustrated, whether it's Barack Obama being a pawn of some evil cabal, the militarization of the police, an alien invasion, or your partner leaving their dirty towel on the bathroom floor.  Take that point and bring it back to yourself: When have I done a similar thing? Under what circumstances would I do the very same thing? Why do I allow this for myself and others?  Why does this exist? Where does this exact same construct exist within me? Why am I blaming something outside of myself and expecting it to change when I have not changed it myself?

It's really that simple.  It's not easy to actually do it but the process is simple.

I mean, if you understand the problem then you're going to look for solutions and when you've got a solid, practical solution that you commit yourself to and actually change yourself with, then you've taken responsibility, show others how to do the same, and stand as an example.  It takes practice to move yourself from being an individual that is consumed by problems to an individual that is directing what comes up in life - but you can do this.  Seriously, if I can do this, anyone can.

To make this process easier, I suggest starting with taking the free DIP Lite course.  And if that works out for you, get into DIP Pro.  You can also check out some cool blogs where it can be seen how others - everyday people like you and me who are taking responsibility for the creation of what exists in this world.  Here's a few (of many) links to blogs you may find interesting and supportive:

Creation's Journey To Life (suggest to start at Day 1)
Crime's Journey To Life (also start at Day 1)
Earth's Journey To Life (also cool to start at Day 1. I utilize this site when I'm looking for perspective on specific points - here's the timeline)
Activists Journey To Life

Day 199: When A Friend Bullies Another Friend

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to say nothing when and as I have seen or heard others being bullied.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'laugh it off' when and as I see or hear someone bullying, being mean, and/or being deliberately spiteful with another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that others will take responsibility for their bullying, mean, and/or deliberate spitefulness toward others - especially when I, in my mind, see the bully as respectable individual and essentially look up to them.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I attempt to 'laugh off' things that I am uncomfortable with - like bullying and deliberate being mean and spiteful - to try and make myself okay with it. And within this, make myself okay with myself for not only the times that I have been the bully but also for all of the times that I was too fearful to step up and say something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to make myself okay with myself having bullied, harassed, been mean, and/or deliberately spiteful with others. And I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the excuse, justification and reason for my words and actions of 'but I don't like them' to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see how I have connected fear to respect - where I have been living out respect as fear and within this, allowed myself and others to be compromised because I fear losing the respect of the person that I respect.

I forgive myself that I have not given myself respect and instead attempted to give it to others - I have not seen,  realized, nor understood that until I give respect to myself, that any attempt that I make to give respect to others will be charged with nervousness, fear, and anxiety because I have not been standing AS respect.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to make myself okay with the times that I have been bullied, harassed and/or been the target of someone's hatred, being spiteful and/or being mean. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tell myself and believe that when I have been the target of another's hatred, spite, and anger that it's justifiable because of something I did, said, and/or there is something wrong with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tell myself and believe that something must be wrong with an individual or that they must have done something wrong in some way to deserve being bullied - especially if the bully is someone that I like, respect and/or have a positive relationship with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand up for myself and others when and as there is bullying because I believe that there will be negative consequences or that me standing up and saying something will only make the situation worse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my past experiences with bullies and angry individuals to influence how I direct myself now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my fear of being the target of another's hatred to be the starting point of how I direct myself when faced with a situation where there is bullying and deliberate spite and meanness going on.

And I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for me not standing and saying something when I have been in a situation where someone is being a bully, being deliberately spiteful and being mean. Instead of looking for solutions to how such a situation could be handled, I have gone into self-victimization which has only perpetuated the problem and allowed for it's continued existence.

So within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continually bring up in my mind the times that I have not stood up and said something when I should have - where I have told myself that I should or could have done something but at the same time not ever actually coming to an agreement with myself about what I could do if or when it happens again.

I commit myself to no longer allowing myself to 'laugh it off' if and when someone is being bullied by when and as I experience being physical uncomfortable when seeing and/or hearing one individual being mean, nasty, and/or deliberately spiteful to another, I breath and stop myself from going into an automatic mind possession.  I remind myself of my commitment to not resist the uncomfortable moments that come up in life and direct myself to see what's coming up within me and apply self-forgiveness for what I'm seeing within/as me.  Here, I allow myself the physical time required to look at the best of assisting and supporting the bully as well as the person that is on the receiving end of their dislike, hatred, and/or anger.  Within this:

I commit myself to have an understanding and thus a standing of bullying and how to direct bullying in a way that is supportive for myself and others.

And I commit myself to be clear of reactions to dislike, hatred, anger and spitefulness so that I may effectively direct myself and others when in a bully experience.

To additionally support myself, I commit myself to establish self-respect so that I am not longer influenced by a fear of losing respect.

When and as I see that I am going into self-judgment because I see later that I could or should have done or said something that may have assisted with stopping a bully, I stop and breath.  I remind myself that change and living solutions take time, patience, and practice.  In these moments of self-judgment, instead of victimizing myself, I take note of what I may have been able to do to improve the situation and see if I can integrate what I find into my application.

Day 198: Living and Being A Part of Life

I forgive myself that have not accepted and allowed myself to see and be a part of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have in my mind created this belief, idea and fantasy that life is this wonderful, beautiful, and peaceful kind of existence that is currently separate from me and is 'somewhere out there' waiting for me to become good enough or to achieve something special in order to see and be a part of life.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that I cannot see nor can I have access to life. And within this, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that it has actually been my decision to not see, have access to, and be a part of life because I have chosen my mind life over real physical life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that life is here and that in order to see life that I must take the time to look, research, investigate, and self-educate.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be and live life because I have been physically uncomfortable with life, I have feared the unpredictability of life, I rarely find joy in life, and I generally have not liked life at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define and live life as a series of unpredictable negative, positive, and/or neutral experiences, events, and things that are coming at me from outside of me - where I have wanted no part of the things that I have seen as negative and have been mostly cool with anything positive or neutral.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only want to live life and be a part of the things in life that I have defined as positive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have tried to ignore life when and as I see or experience something in life that I have defined as negative.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have wanted to remove myself from life when I have seen or experienced life as negative.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not understand what Here is - and to not understand what directing self here in breath actually entails. And I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that being here and being an active participant with life and directing myself according to what is best for myself and others - no matter what comes up - is living. 

I commit myself to see life and participate with life.

I commit myself to always remind myself that life is not something separate from me 'somewhere out there' and I commit myself to stop seeing, living out, and having a relationship with life in my mind.

When as I see that I am believing the idea that I cannot have access to life or that I am telling myself that I cannot have access to life unless something happens or I become something else that I currently do not see that I am, I stop and I breath. I realize that I am not locked out life and that life is already here and around me. I realize that to become life, I must participate with life, learn from life, and see myself as / become equal-to life.

I commit myself to stop limiting myself with ideas and beliefs that I've manufactured in my mind about life and myself becoming life by allowing myself to let go of my preconceived ideas and beliefs about what life is and opening myself up to see life, be apart of life, and learn about life.

When and as I see that I have become physically uncomfortable with life - what's happening in my life and what's happening globally with life, I stop and I breath.  I realize that me being uncomfortable is me simply not having any previous experience with what's going on and instead of going into resistance or ignoring what I don't understand, I direct myself to investigate and understand.

I commit myself to see the gift in situations or moments where I experience being uncomfortable and utilize this as a flagpoint for something to research, investigate, and understand.  Within this, I commit myself to specifically see and understand how these points are in-fact a part of me and so bring these points back to myself.

I commit myself to no longer gravitate to the positive and ignore the negative - this includes any preconceived ideas and beliefs I have about life, what life is, and what life should be.

I commit myself to stand and be stable with and as life by understanding what I am facing and always looking for and testing out potential solutions.

When and as I see that I am wanting, desiring, thinking about, and/or wishing that I was never here and/or that I am no longer here, I stop and breath.  I remind myself that choice is an illusion which is proven by the very fact that I did not choose to be here - however, I am here and I commit myself to create the best possible life for myself and others while I am here.

I commit myself to be a part of the process of removing the old - the world that no one should be born into - and being a part of realizing and making real a world where any one would want to be.

Day 197: My Way

A point that has repeatedly resurfaced for me throughout time has been me seeing that things must be done 'my way'.  I have seen myself going into this mindset with my children, my other family members, my partnership with my husband, my friends, my career, how I have lived leadership roles, how I work in the system, my education process, and day-to-day living like paying bills and how the house is cleaned.   In my mind, in order for things to be perfect, these things must be done 'just so'.

Image source: rewondered.com

When I have seen reality - when I have seen that I cannot make others do things my way - I have attempted to give up on others, myself, my ideas, my beliefs, and my known way of doing things. However, because my ideas and beliefs about what's best have still existed within me as memories, experiences, and physical ways of doing things that 'work' for me over time, I have never really ever been able give up my ideas, beliefs and ways of doing things - nor have I ever been able to give up on myself and others.

I realize that this giving up never lasts which indicates to me that it's an energetic experience which is not real and then on the other-hand, this having to do things 'my way' is quite real because it is my pre-programming, I have accepted the imprinting of others' words and behaviors, and I have also allowed it to become a part of me because of my utilization of my pre-programming, my participation with the illusions I've created in my mind, and my acting out what I have seen in others when they have gotten things done 'their way'.

As I look at the point, I see that this point exists within all of us - our need for our beliefs to be right and our desire to have our ideas be perfect. So, perhaps I'm not only facing a personal or a interpersonal problem but also an existential predicament.

Because we are physically and mentally separate from each other, we have the tendency to make ourselves the center of existence - we alone live and breath with ourselves day-after-day-after-day.  We may share ourselves and our physical space with others but when it comes down to it, we always only have ourselves within and as us.  Pair that isolation with a mind that records our personal experiences, functions in a constant state of self-preservation and survival, and maintains it's existence by utilizing that energy generated when one gets one own way or not, and our ability to see, be aware of and consider others, beliefs, ideas, and ways of doing things is impaired.

Further, when another challenges, opposes, or is not in agreement with our beliefs, ideas, and ways of doing things, we can become quite nasty because these are points that we have defined ourselves by, have been living out, and see as who we are - and who we are is what we choose in our own way - and in that respect, is perfect.  And being Perfect As You Are is just another idea that's thickly layered on and around our existing ideas and beliefs to keep them and ourselves in place.

Another dimension I have seen is having to do with insecurity.  I recently listened to a discussion entitled Insecurity: Going Deeper: Introduction - Atlanteans – Part 248 on Eqafe which assisted me to see where and why I created this fear of being wrong or doing something wrong and how my insecurity has been triggered when I have been faced with something where there is a potential for me to mess it up or to get in trouble somehow.

And today, I listened to Everything Must Be Just So - Life Review which opened my eyes up to how I have been attempting to control others and how things go as to avoid insecurity and avoid going into something that is unpredictable, is outside of my comfort zone, is challenging, looks overwhelming or may change something in some way.

Which brings me to the fear of the unknown - the things I don't understand, the things I can not predict the outcome of, and the things that I simply have not known what to do with because I have not familiarized myself with these things and haven't known what to do with or about them.  This is where I have had the tendency to react and to handle these unpredictable things with emotions.

Being emotional hasn't improved my situation much - and even if I did somehow manage get out of not facing a point that I'm not comfortable with by having a tempter tantrum, convincing myself and others that I'm not capable of dealing with the thing, or going into doing these things 'my way', I have not challenged myself to be able to handle whatever life brings and so I have not allowed myself to accept and participate with life.

After investigating all of this, I see that the solution is to breath and not react - and perfect this.  I also see that it's an absolute must to participate with life by understanding, problem-solving, and directing the things that are new, unfamiliar, or seemingly beyond my ability to control.

More to come.

Day 196: The Force of Good

This blog is a continuation of my process of becoming equal-to and releasing myself from my accepted and allowed polarity definitions of the Word Force.  In this blog I will be focusing on my positive energetic experiences - as how I have come to see and live the Word Force as being something good, positive, and enlightening.  For the process walked thus far, refer to Day 189: Changing My Starting Point In Process - Part 1, Day 190: Changing My Starting Point In Process - Part 2, Day 191: Measurable Force, Day 194: Force - The Good, The Bad, the Downright Ugly and Day 195: Evil Forces - Fear Vs. Caution

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a positive relationship to the Word Force in response to the negative relationships that have have created to the Word Force - where, I have not liked how I experience myself within the negative definition of Force so I have separated myself from the negative and gravitated to the positive definitions of Force.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to gravitate and/or move myself to the positive meanings of Force - such as strength, courage, and fortitude - words that have assisted me to feel better and empowered.  All the while, the negative relationships that I have connected to the negative meanings and experiences with the Word Force - and denied as existing within and as me -have continued to accumulate, simmer, and fester.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when faced with negative experiences in regards to the Word Force and thus react with fear, to suppress that fear with the thought, "I do not not fear forces -- I am a force - a strong and powerful force." I have attempted over-and-over again to change my negative thoughts to positive thoughts which hasn't worked.  Instead, this practice only has automated my response to cover-up the negative thoughts with positive thoughts - never actually removing the negative thoughts.  And in this case, it has been the same with my thoughts in-relation-to the Word Force.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself as standing strong, proud, and invincible when I cast the positive light of force upon myself.  In my mind I have seen myself as a super-hero, a force of good, what's right, and what's just with my hands on my hips, my neck stretched out, my chin pointed to the sky, and my super-hero cape bellowing behind me in the wind. And within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into happiness and hopefulness when and as I have imagined myself as this powerful person with strength and fortitude.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a power-trip when I've escaped into this fantasy of myself as being a superior, just, and righteous force of good.  In this, I have participated with all sorts of thoughts, backchat, and imaginations of how much better than I am then others, how I am best, how I am right, how I am a helper, and how I am here to save, protect, and serve everyone.  I have told myself that even though others may not like my decisions, in the end, they will be grateful for me, they will adore me, they will honor me, and they will respect me for being this force of good in their lives and in the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to program myself as my physical body to respond to the positive definitions and meanings of force - strength, courage, and fortitude - by rising up physically in response to the rising within me and pushing myself outward where as I have felt and experienced myself as solid, focused, and determined.  I have actually physically uplifted myself.

I commit myself to no longer move myself toward the positive meanings, definitions, and/or experiences in-relation-to the Word Force as a response to any reactions that I am experiencing in regards to the negative meanings, definitions, and/or experiences in-relation-to the Word Force.  When and as I see that I am reacting and/or moving when and as a meaning, definition, and/or negative experience comes up in regards to the Word Force, I stop and breath. I bring myself back to the point of Force that I have been faced with and have been reacting to and I speak self-forgiveness and apply the necessary self-correction and self-commitment.

I commit myself to no longer automatically allow myself to gravitate to thinking, imagining myself, and/or being a force of good - righteous, just, and superior - by when and as I see that I am going into thinking, imagining, and submerging myself into my ego, I stop and breath myself back to here.  I go back and investigate the fear and judgments that I am attempting to escape/hide from - the wrongness, the unjust, and the inferiority - I self-forgive the points and realign myself to self-correction and self-commitment.

Day 195: Evil Forces - Fear Vs. Caution

In this blog I'm going into how I have been living the Word Force in response to my thoughts, imaginations, reactions and fears in relation to the Word and then taking responsibility and standing equal-to what I have blindly accepted as the meanings/definitions of the Word Force with self-forgiveness as to assist and support myself to no longer be influenced by the thoughts, imaginations, reactions, and fears that come up when or as I see, here, or speak the Word Force.

In a previous blog, I researched the dictionary and etymological definitions for the Word Force and found the good, the bad, and the ugly definitions and meanings that have been connected to Force and saw how I have allowed myself to be moved and changed by the Word Force depending on the situation, event, and/or context in which the word has been used and the energetic reaction - either positive, neutral, or negative - that I have connected to the specific situation, event, and/or context via actual, observed, shared and/or imagined experiences in the past.

So here I will begin self-forgiveness, self-correction, and self-commitment for how I am currently living the word Force in a NEGATIVE way.  I will be using my writings in the previous blog, Day 194: The Force - The Good, The Bad, The Downright Ugly as reference for this process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that Force is good, that Force is bad, and that Force is downright ugly, depending on the situation in which Force is used.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to be honest with myself that, in regards to Force, and all of the definitions and meanings that are attached to it, that I haven't experienced the word negatively unless it impacts me specifically in a negative way somehow - by going against my ideas, my beliefs, and my morality.

And within this,  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when and as I have a negative experience with the word Force, to separate myself from what I'm seeing and hearing, to judge, and then to justify my negative experiences as well as the negative experiences and situations with others and the external environment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a world where myself and others can forced to do things that are not best.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a world where myself and others are forced against our will.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a world where military, police, and other groups with weapons have authority to exert force upon myself and others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a world where individuals and groups are allowed to conquer other individuals and groups with violent force.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a world where myself and others are allowed to be hurt, assaulted, molested, raped, abused, and killed by force.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear Force within the context of being forced to do things that are not best, forced to do things that are against my will and within this, being stuck. And within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into my imagination where, in my  mind I play-out memories and or scenes of myself and others being harmed and/or killed by military, police, rapists, conflict, wars, and all sorts of weapons including those of 'mass destruction'.

I forgive myself that, as a child, I had accepted and allowed Force as being forced to do things that aren't best and/or being forced to do things against my will.  I realize that as a child I did not have any say in the matter and that I actually was physically forced to do things by persons of authority.  However, when I was old enough to be on my own, I did not question this authority and did not allow myself the opportunity to set myself free from it.  Further, I see where I have perpetuated this idea of Force by forcing myself, my will, and my authority onto others.

Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live the word Force as me exerting myself onto others to get a desired result.  And further, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for how I have been living Force and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from how I am living Force instead of changing.

I commit myself to no longer accept and allow a world where myself and others can be forced to do things that aren't not best.

I commit myself to no longer accept and allow a world where myself and others are forced against our will.

And within this, I commit myself to no longer accept and allow a world where military, police, and other psychotic individuals and groups have the authority to exert force upon myself and others.  So thus I commit myself to no longer accept and allow a world where myself and others are allowed to be hurt, assaulted, molested, raped, and killed by force.

I commit myself to no longer accept and allow myself to ignore, deny or separate myself from how Force is being lived out by myself, others, and this world in an abusive way.  And I commit myself to educate myself and then to show others how force is being lived out in an unacceptable way.

I commit myself to no longer accept and allow any psychopaths - those that deliberately exert abuse onto others for power and control - to have authority by committing myself to no longer allowing myself to separate myself from these beings, to understanding them, and to standing equal-to them.  Here, I commit myself to take responsibility for the creation of these individuals and groups by seeing where and how they exist within and as me - as above, so below, as within, so without - and as I see them as me and me as them, I care for them as I would care for myself where I use the tools of self-forgiveness, self-correction, self-commitment as well as using the structure of Problem, Solution, Reward.

When and as I see that I am going into fear or have gone into fear in regards to the real physical and real scary forces that exist within this world, I stop and I breath.  I realize that when I have allowed fear of force, that this fear has moved and influenced me - and as this fear, I react and do not make decisions that are best because I am not seeing clearly.  So seeing all of this, I realize that fear of force and being cautious of force are not the same - fear moves me and being cautious is a self-directed action of common sense.  That being understood, I commit myself to longer allowing myself to go into and/or be moved by fear of force and I commit myself to be cautious with force.

When and as I see that I am considering using force in an unacceptable way by attempting to coerce, manipulate, threaten and/or exert my self/my will onto others and the external world as a means to see my desired result, I stop and I breath.  I realize that I must take responsibility for myself before I can expect that others/the world, can take responsibility - and that as I have solutions that I can share solutions.  So, I commit myself to test out ways of directing myself, others, and my external environment - from the starting point of caring and what is best - and allow myself to change my way of doing things.  And within this, I commit myself to no longer using the illusion of authority, scare tactics using my physical presence and possessions, threatening, or any other harmful or abusive form of Force.

Day 194: Force - The Good, The Bad, The Downright Ugly

Again, I am looking at the Word Force and this time adding an expanded dictionary definition as well as an etymological definition.

1. strength or energy as an attribute of physical action or movement.
   "he was thrown backward by the force of the explosion"
   

   synonyms:

   strength, power, energy, might, effort, exertion;

   antonyms:

   weakness

   • PHYSICS
     an influence tending to change the motion of a body or produce motion or stress in a stationary body. The magnitude of such an influence is often calculated by multiplying the mass of the body by its acceleration.
     
   • a person or thing regarded as exerting power or influence.
     plural noun: forces
     "he might still be a force for peace and unity"
     

     synonyms:

     agency, power, influence, instrument, vehicle, means "a force for good"

   • used with a number as a measure of wind strength on the Beaufort scale.
     "a force-nine gale"
     
2. coercion or compulsion, especially with the use or threat of violence.
   "they ruled by law and not by force"
   

   synonyms:

   coercion, compulsion, constraint, duress, oppression, harassment,intimidation, threats;

3. mental or moral strength or power.
   "the force of popular opinion"
   
   • the state of being in effect or valid.
     "the law came into force in January"
     

     synonyms:

     effective, in operation, operative, operational, in action, valid "the law is now in force"

   • the powerful effect of something.
     "the force of her writing is undiminished"
     

     synonyms:

     cogency, potency, weight, effectiveness, soundness, validity,strength, power, significance, influence, authority;

     antonyms:

     weakness

4. an organized body of military personnel or police.
   "a soldier in a UN peacekeeping force"
   

   synonyms:

   body, body of people, group, outfit, party, team;

   • troops and weaponry.
     plural noun: forces
     "concealment from enemy forces"
     
   • a group of people brought together and organized for a particular activity.
     "a sales force"
     
   • informal
     a police department.
     noun: the force
     
5. BASEBALL
   a force-out.
   
   • a situation in which a force-out is possible.
     

verb
verb: force; 3rd person present: forces; past tense: forced; past participle: forced; gerund or present participle: forcing

1. make a way through or into by physical strength; break open by force.
   "they broke into Fred's house and forced every cupboard door with ax or crowbar"
   

   synonyms:

   break open, burst open, knock down, smash down, kick in "the door had to be forced"

   • drive or push into a specified position or state using physical strength or against resistance.
     "she forced her feet into flat leather sandals"
     

     synonyms:

     propel, push, thrust, shove, drive, press, pump "water was forced through a hole"

   • achieve or bring about (something) by coercion or effort.
     "Sabine forced a smile"
     
   • push or strain (something) to the utmost.
     "she knew if she forced it she would rip it"
     
   • artificially hasten the development or maturity of (a plant).
     

     synonyms:

     extract, elicit, exact, extort, wrest, wring, drag, screw, squeeze "they forced a confession out of the kids"

2. make (someone) do something against their will.
   "she was forced into early retirement"
   

   synonyms:

   compel, coerce, make, constrain, oblige, impel, drive, pressurize,pressure, press, push, press-gang, bully, dragoon, bludgeon;

   • rape (a woman).
     
   • BASEBALL
     put out (a runner), or cause (a runner) to be put out, at the base to which they are advancing when they are forced to run on a batted ball.
     "I was forced at second base as the first half of a double play"
     
   • (in cards) make a play or bid that compels another player to make (a particular response); make a play or bid that compels (another player) to make such a response.
     "East could force declarer to ruff another spade"
     

Origin
Middle English: from Old French force (noun), forcer (verb), based on Latin fortis ‘strong.’

Etymological Dictionary Definition 

force (n.) 

c.1300, "physical strength," from Old French force (12c.) "force, strength, courage, fortitude; violence, power, compulsion," from Vulgar Latin *fortia (source also of Spanish fuerza, Italian forza), noun use of neuter plural of Latin fortis "strong" (see fort). Meaning "body of armed men, army" first recorded late 14c. (also in Old French). Physics sense is from 1660s; force field attested by 1920.

force (v.) 

c.1300, from Old French forcier "conquer by violence," from force (see force (n.)). Its earliest sense in English was "to ravish" (a woman); sense of "to compel, oblige" to do something is from c.1400. Related: Forced; forcing. 

As I wrote out in a previous blog, I have been living the Word Force as though there has been a stronger power than me, outside of me, making me do things regardless of whether I want to do them or not.  With the process of writing and self-forgiveness in regards to Force, I have realized that there is no force outside of myself that is making me do anything.  I mean, even if someone was holding a gun to my head in an attempt to force me, in the end, it would still be my decision of whether I would do something or not.  And from a physics stand-point, someone or something can physically move me depending on the mass and strength of the force.

In reality though, there is no one individual or outside force that is physically motivating me to do anything and it's clear that the Word Force is a word that I have been living out in my mind and not in real physical time. 

I am also adding that I have been seeing the Word Force as mostly as a negative word and when it comes up, I experience fear and then go right into resistance and avoidance. When looking at the definitions it is clear why because I have attached the word Force to things that I fear like: Rape, Violence, Physical Pain, Negative Military and Police Activities, Breaking, Coercion, and overall manifesting something into existence that is not best where there is no choice in matter. Another point that I would like to investigate is how, when I have said or thought about the Word Force, that I have had this strong physical presence that quickly rises within me like an in-breath where I have a body experience of becoming focused, solid, and determined in a way that pushes outward in to my external environment.  And finally, I see that there aspects of the Word Force that I like or that give me a positive experience - specifically in-relation to Force as Strength where when I see Force in the light of Strength, I experience a happiness, a hopefulness, a sort of relief or a sense of momentary freedom from all the the negativity that I have attached to the Word Force.

So in the next post I will be going into writing self-forgiveness for what's coming up for thoughts, imaginations, beliefs, reactions, fears, and behaviors in relation to the Word Force. Followed by writing out my plan for self-correction and self-commitment within no longer allowing myself to be influenced or moved by this word as something outside of me or separate from me. Then, I will share my living definition of the word which is how I will be living out the word via my physical movement and self-directed action, equal and one with the word.   

Day 193: Why Do I Give Into My Resistance To Learning?

In this blog I will be opening up the point of why I intentionally avoid allowing myself to focus on the redefinition process - which actually works into some points that I'm walking outside of this blog in relation to my learning process.

For context, see: Day 191: Measurable Force
Day 190: Changing My Starting Point In Process - Part 2
and Day 189: Changing My Starting Point In Process - Part 1

To expand on the point I have been facing with the redefinition process, I will share that this has been the part of my process that I have struggled with the most.  In the beginning, when I was first learning about redefinition, I had not wanted to do it and I didn't see the relevance. After I had gotten through my first redefinition process I was so relieved that it was done and I did not want to go back to it. However, over time, I have seen more and more how this redefinition process is the way in which I am moving - that, as I let go of who/what I am that I in-turn must then define for myself who/what I will be. Also, I no longer wish for myself to be influenced or changed by words that I'm seeing or hearing and would for myself, like to decide on using and being words that are free from polarity, clear within the meaning, realistic, and livable.

In relation to learning, throughout my history I see that I have gone into resistance when I am learning new things and within this resistance, I have become impatient, frustrated, irritated, and angry because to me learning should not be as hard as I experience it as being.  Additionally, because I have been able to learn with ease in the past depending on how material is presented or who is presenting it, I have often blamed others for me not getting something.  And unfortunately here from this point of righteousness, I have acted out impulsively, aggressively and disrespectfully.  Looking back, I see that I have been participating in this pattern since I was in 5th grade.

And recently, a friend assisted me to see how I attempt to control my learning process where I am aware of the quickest way for me to learn so I refuse to learn in any other way and within this I have become demanding and expecting things to go my way - as if an entire curriculum should be changed so that I do not have to work as hard.  Which is what it comes down to: I have not wanted to apply myself to do the work because it requires that I slow myself down, sit still, focus, learn from others how to do certain things, and then be with myself as I do all of this.

So my questions to myself have been: what is it that is behind all of this being uncomfortable with myself and others when I am learning something new?  Why do I feel the need to control the situation?  Why can't I just simply let go and embrace this opportunity to redefine myself?  Why do I continually separate myself from this?

As I have investigated the point with EQAFE interviews , getting perspectives from friends and taking a look at how I am while redefining and working on other things that are new to me, I see that my uncomfortableness, my need to control, my separation from learning, my reactions, and my resistance to applying new things are from a starting point of fear.  Fear of making mistakes, getting it wrong, not being right and not being perfect.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist the process of redefining words and myself as words.  And within this, I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see how I go into the same resistance when and as I am learning and applying new things.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see the relevance of the redefinition process and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give into not wanting to see the relevance.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to be self-honest with myself about the importance of redefining words and myself as living words and I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that redefining myself and myself as words is the direction that I am moving within my process.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see how the redefining process supports me to no longer be influenced by words that I hear and see, to no longer get stuck in polarity, and is a tool that I can utilize to align my self integrity, honor, and respect and thus better hold myself accountable to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become impatient, frustrated, irritated, and angry when and as I am working with redefining words and I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see how I have become the same when and as I have been learning and/or applying most other things that are new to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for me not 'getting it' when and as I have been been learning and/or applying something new and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use this blame as an excuse, reason, or justification to not apply myself, to not try out different ways of learning, to give into resistance, and to walk away.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that learning something new should be easy for me because in the past there have been things that I have had no problem learning, understanding, and applying.  And I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto memories and also made-up ideas of myself being a 'fast learner' when in reality, the times that I have learned something 'fast' have been few and far between.

I commit myself to stop resisting the process of redefining words and myself as living words by when and as the I see myself becoming frustrated, impatient, irritated, and/or angry with myself and others,  I stop and breath.  I allow myself to see how I have allowed this pattern to influence my learning process throughout my history, I forgive my reactions that are coming up, I let go, and I embrace the opportunity to work with and redefine my words and myself as living words.

As an additional point of support within my commitment to stop resisting redefining words and learning in general, I commit myself to stop attempting to separate myself from physical discomfort where I will - when and as become physically uncomfortable while in the process of redefining, learning, and/or doing something in a new way, I stop, breath, and allow myself to remain within the discomfort - with myself as my physical body.  Instead of going into my mind for escape and comfort, I practice staying here and taking responsibility for the consequences that I have accepted and allowed - the very same consequences that are the cause of my physical discomfort - with speaking self-forgiveness.

I commit myself to stop using projected blame as an excuse, reason, and/or justification for me to give into my resistance to redefining words, learning, and/or doing things in new ways and commit myself to bring these points of blame in relation to redefining words, learning, and/or doing things in new ways back to myself so that I can change my mistakes and do for myself what I am expecting others to do.

I commit myself to let go of my self-definitions and self-beliefs about myself as I see that I have held onto these for the purpose to make myself feel better and that within this, I have not changed nor moved and have become stagnant.

I found this support really cool because it assisted me to see a couple of points.

First, that I was rushing through redefining Force into a living word because I wanted to get on to some other points that I have been walking outside of my blog.  And this is a pattern that I keep playing out - not only in my writings but also in my immediate physical environment where I can see several projects that I have started and have not finished - even though I have the all the materials and tools required to do so.  Within this, I have come to see that having several things going at once is not 'bad' and it's not necessary for me to go into self-judgment on it.  I have also found that I am quite cool with myself physically moving from project to project as long as I am making progress and seeing change.  The key, however, is making sure that my movement is balanced where I give my personal process, my home projects, my work, and other commitments equal attention.  So, if I find that I am intentionally avoiding doing something, I stop and take a look at why I am avoiding it.  Which brings me to the second point:

Prior to my friend pointing out that there were other expanded meanings of the word Force, I was already aware of the other meanings and definitions.  However, as I was researching definitions, I intentionally ignored and disregarded any definitions that contained words that I experienced an internal physical movement/uncomfortableness or reaction to when seeing or reading them.

For the next part of this blog, I will be directing the point of my rushing through things because of my relationship to time and my sense of urgency when it comes to my process and getting things done. And in the blog to follow, I will be opening up the point of why I intentionally avoid allowing myself to focus on the redefinition process - which actually works into some points that I'm walking outside of this blog in relation to my learning process.  I will also be working with my friend's suggested living definition of the word Force as being a 'strong physical action or movement'.


So with my rushing, I have found that I have had some beliefs.  One is that I have limited amount of time in which to get things done - which is true in some regards but not always the case.  Another belief is that I will have a better of experience of myself once I get things done - like, the sooner I get something done the better I will feel, the more I can relax and do what I want - you know, the 'light at the end of the tunnel' sort of mindset.

A biggie for me as well is how easy I have been distracted and how I have acted impulsive while in that distraction - not considering time and responsibilities in that moment nor the consequences of not considering either.  Also, while I have been in distraction, I have had the tendency to place all of my being into it where I have had the belief that if I do this - that if I give something my ALL - that I will have a certain desired outcome.  Which, obviously rarely happens so, disappointed, frustrated and/or bored, I have put that task aside for 'another day' and then move on, again, to whatever distraction or task suits my desire to feel better, entertained and/or most productive in that moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the belief that I have a limited amount of time to get things done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will have a better experience of myself once I get thing done and within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush through things that I am working on because in my mind, I see myself as being able to to relax and do whatever I want after - which I have connected a positive energetic 'feel good' feeling to.

So, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect a positive energetic 'feel good' feeling and experience to the idea of relaxing and imaginations of doing what I want.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live within a 'light at the end of the tunnel' mindset where I believe that if I can get through the tedious, the time consuming, the labor, and/or the boring stuff that something good, gratifying, and/or fulfilling will be there for me when I 'get through it'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become distracted while working on things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act on impulse when I become distracted and physically move myself to change what I am doing without considering time and responsibilities in that moment.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to consider the consequences of me going from one activity to another in any given moment - depending on what interests me most.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to channel all of my self into whatever I am doing to such an extent that I will not be aware of what's going on outside of me, time, and the other responsibilities that must be taken care of it within that day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I 'put my ALL' into something, that I will have a positive result - which in my mind is a desired result of perfection based on something that I have already seen in my external reality that I believe must be emulated.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have become disappointed, frustrated, and/or bored with something that I'm working on if/when/as I have seen that what I am working on does not align with the idea of perfection that I have taken from somewhere in my external world and stored within me as a memory of 'the way it should be'.

And I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk away from what I am working on because I have become disappointed and/or frustrated with the work - from which, I go into my ego and tell myself I'm bored, a waste of my time, or something that I can work on later which I have accepted and allowed as a reasonable excuse or justification to walk away from what I am working on in any given moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stop doing what I have allotted time to do because I either fear that it's not going to come out the way I would like it, because I am not being entertained, or because what I am doing requires a lot of physical application.  And within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stop what I am doing and go off to do whatever interests me, entertains me, and/or suits me best as my mind in any given moment.
 
So, bringing the point back to Force.  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be an Immeasurable Force - where the strength of my actions - what I put the strength of my mind focus, my physical time, and my inner beingness into completing - is not measurable and not countable because I am busy rushing through things and/or not seeing my work through to my utmost potential.

I commit myself to no longer allowing myself to believe that I have a limited amount of time to get things done and I commit myself to no longer allow myself to limit myself with the excuse of time by when and as I see me telling myself how my time is limited, I stop and breath.  Realistically, I see that yes, I only have a certain amount of time with my days to get things done and yes, I have many responsibilities and points to direct within a day - however, I remind myself that this is not an excuse to go into giving up and distracting myself myself within whatever looks entertaining or most productive at the moment.  And so, I commit myself to stay on task - or return to that task after something has come up - within the time I have allotted to that task and to not let myself be distracted because of a positive or negative experience that I may be having as I work on what's required to be done.

I commit myself to no longer allowing myself to be of the mind that there is a 'light at the end of the tunnel' by when and as I see that I am telling or showing myself that cool things that I get to do when I get my work done, I stop and breath.  Firstly, I realize that there is actually rarely a light at the end of the tunnel - the path always leads back to the same place and is in-fact an illusion.  Secondly, I question myself: why do I need something cool and fun to happen? Why do I need to be entertained? Why can't I simply be here with myself working on what I am working on?  Why do I not like what I am doing or the way that I'm doing it?  So, I commit myself to utilize the moments of working on things as a point of self-support to get to stop making the experiences into personal issues and to get to know myself.

I commit myself to unravel myself from my current relationships and experiences with Time by walking the point slowly and seeing myself through the fear, anger, irritation, and frustration with myself and then redefining my physical movement with Time.

I commit myself to STOP allowing myself to be distracted by when and as I see my attention wander away from what I have committed myself to doing to something that I'm seeing is more fun, more cool, or a better use of my time within the day, I stop and breath.  I remind myself of my commitment to stay on task and if/when/as I see what is coming up as 'what I could be doing instead' and requires my attention, I write down the point for myself to direct for when I am done doing or the allotted time for the task is done.  Obviously, within this, I allow myself to be aware and responsive to what's going on in my external environment and allow myself to be understanding and flexible in regards to the others around me and their physical and/or mental requirements throughout the day - I will continue to stand as a point of support.

I commit myself to stop attempting to recreate and emulate into my physical reality what I have allowed myself to see and store as a memory of 'perfection' from my mind's perspective by when and as I see myself telling or showing myself how something I'm doing 'should be' or is 'supposed to be' based on something I have seen or come to believe, I stop and breath.  I do not allow myself to accept this excuse nor do I allow the experience to change me from focusing on what is required to be done nor do I allow this to limit me from doing something and within this doing something, doing it with my utmost potential.  Within this, I commit myself to let go of any mind beliefs or ideas I have about what I am doing, say self-forgiveness as I work, and allow myself to express myself within and as what I am working on.

I commit myself to no longer accepting and allowing the thought, "I can do this later ..." to release me from what I am doing that is required to be done.  And when and as I see that there is a task that can in-fact be done later or is best to be done later, I direct accordingly from a point of self-honesty practicality where I make a plan of when/how I will do something and commit myself to seeing that plan through.

I commit myself to always working on ways of placing my time and focus equally into the things.

And I commit myself to restructuring my time and my focus if/when/as I see myself NOT distributing my time and focus to what's required to be done.

I commit myself to stop attempting to separate myself from what I am doing.

I commit myself to being a Measurable Force where the product of my strong physical movement and action - that which I see through to an utmost potential - can be seen, counted, and measured. - See more at: http://self-commitment-of-carrie.blogspot.com/2014/09/day-191-measurable-force.html#sthash.JqAvC7Cj.dpuf

Day 192: The Lego Movie - An Example of Leadership for Kids and Adults

My son and I like Legos - we like building stuff with Legos and we also very much enjoy playing the  Lego video games together.  A few weeks ago, we cuddled up on the couch and watched The Lego Movie and we had a great time as we both found that the movie was quite interactive.  While he was getting into acting out the scenes with the multitude of Lego characters that we had previously played with in our Lego games, I got into some cool perspectives that were shared in the story such as the consequences of accepting authority without question, the power of being free of preconceived ideas, how one does not have to be unique or special to make a difference, and how each of us can learn from each others individual strengths and weaknesses.  However, what made the Lego Movie a stand-out story for me was that it showed a great example of leadership.  Which, as a parent watching a kid's movie, was kind of like a 'halleluiah' moment because most movies for children begin with tragedy, continue on with relationships and conflict within the relationships and then end with some sort of happily ever after. 

This movie was fun and interesting.  The main character, Emmet, a normal Lego guy, teams up with a group of extraordinary builders and Lego game characters. My son and I got some laughs as we watched the brooding Batman character as he attempted to be all moody and dark and we had a 'WHOA! COOL!' moment when the Star Wars characters were integrated into a scene.  For sure, the movie creators didn't hold back on the character introduction and development - it was definitely an 'anything goes' kind of movie.

So being a normal kind of Lego guy, Emmet, like many people in the world, wakes up every morning, does his morning routine, goes to work, does what he's told, tries make friends, goes home for dinner and works on projects in his free time. Emmet's self-proclaimed strong point is that he is awesome at following plans.  In one moment, Emmet's life changes from pattern and routine to awareness and purpose where he is told that he is 'The Special', the one, and an elite Master Builder - a part of a prophecy in which he will lead the way in freeing the Legos from the bad guy, Lord Business.

With this purpose, he comes together with a group of creative Master Builder Legos that refuse to follow plans and instead insist on expressing themselves in whatever way they like in any given moment.  When they find out that Emmet has no particular creative ideas and that he's only followed plans, the Master Builders no longer value Emmet or believe that he is 'The Special' and continue on with their random building and not getting anywhere.  This is where Emmet, who sees everyone's potential, including his own, puts together a plan that utilizes each Lego's ability and individual creative talent and then he uses common sense and practicality to show them how it could work and within this group effort, realize their objective of saving their existence.  Though there were mistakes along the way and things didn't go exactly as planned, they pushed forward until eventually coming to an agreement with Lord Business and thus ending the conflict.

To me, this was a really cool example of leadership that aligns with how we're becoming leaders within the Desteni I Process where leadership is no longer a position of authoritative power over others and instead a creative process of seeing and utilizing our individual potential, learning from each other, challenging each other, looking at innovative ways of doing things, and seeing plans through within our collective agreement of principles and purpose.

Day 191: Measurable Force

In reference to an earlier post, Day 190: Changing My Starting Point In Process - Part 2, a friend suggested that I expand the definition of the word Force. Within the suggestion, she included an expanded dictionary definition, an etymological definition as well as a living definition that could be lived in a practical way without energetic charge.  I have included the support here:

Force = Physical action or movement

In relation to the word 'force' I'd suggest to expand the definition to specifically include what force is, since physical action or movement could also describe other words, whereas force also has its specific characteristics.

I looked it up and force is defined as: 

"In physics, a force is any influence which tends to change the motion of an object. In other words, a force can cause an object with mass to change its velocity, i.e., to accelerate" (wikipedia)

This is interesting in relation to the experienced of 'being forced' - because it is like when one feels forced, it is the same as feeling moved by someone/something else and/or that one's movement is changed by something/someone - fascinating. 

When looking at the etymological definition of the word the following definition steps forth: 

force (n.) Look up force at Dictionary.com
c.1300, "physical strength," from Old French force (12c.) "force, strength, courage, fortitude; violence, power, compulsion," from Vulgar Latin *fortia (source also of Spanish fuerza, Italian forza), noun use of neuter plural of Latin fortis "strong" (see fort). Meaning "body of armed men, army" first recorded late 14c. (also in Old French). Physics sense is from 1660s; force field attested by 1920. (source:http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?term=force)

So force comes from the word strong and it could then be redefined as 'strong physical action or movement'.

I found this support really cool because it assisted me to see a couple of points.

First, that I was rushing through redefining Force into a living word because I wanted to get on to some other points that I have been walking outside of my blog.  And this is a pattern that I keep playing out - not only in my writings but also in my immediate physical environment where I can see several projects that I have started and have not finished - even though I have the all the materials and tools required to do so.  Within this, I have come to see that having several things going at once is not 'bad' and it's not necessary for me to go into self-judgment on it.  I have also found that I am quite cool with myself physically moving from project to project as long as I am making progress and seeing change.  The key, however, is making sure that my movement is balanced where I give my personal process, my home projects, my work, and other commitments equal attention.  So, if I find that I am intentionally avoiding doing something, I stop and take a look at why I am avoiding it.  Which brings me to the second point:

Prior to my friend pointing out that there were other expanded meanings of the word Force, I was already aware of the other meanings and definitions.  However, as I was researching definitions, I intentionally ignored and disregarded any definitions that contained words that I experienced an internal physical movement/uncomfortableness or reaction to when seeing or reading them.

For the next part of this blog, I will be directing the point of my rushing through things because of my relationship to time and my sense of urgency when it comes to my process and getting things done. And in the blog to follow, I will be opening up the point of why I intentionally avoid allowing myself to focus on the redefinition process - which actually works into some points that I'm walking outside of this blog in relation to my learning process.  I will also be working with my friend's suggested living definition of the word Force as being a 'strong physical action or movement'.


So with my rushing, I have found that I have had some beliefs.  One is that I have limited amount of time in which to get things done - which is true in some regards but not always the case.  Another belief is that I will have a better of experience of myself once I get things done - like, the sooner I get something done the better I will feel, the more I can relax and do what I want - you know, the 'light at the end of the tunnel' sort of mindset.

A biggie for me as well is how easy I have been distracted and how I have acted impulsive while in that distraction - not considering time and responsibilities in that moment nor the consequences of not considering either.  Also, while I have been in distraction, I have had the tendency to place all of my being into it where I have had the belief that if I do this - that if I give something my ALL - that I will have a certain desired outcome.  Which, obviously rarely happens so, disappointed, frustrated and/or bored, I have put that task aside for 'another day' and then move on, again, to whatever distraction or task suits my desire to feel better, entertained and/or most productive in that moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the belief that I have a limited amount of time to get things done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will have a better experience of myself once I get thing done and within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush through things that I am working on because in my mind, I see myself as being able to to relax and do whatever I want after - which I have connected a positive energetic 'feel good' feeling to.

So, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect a positive energetic 'feel good' feeling and experience to the idea of relaxing and imaginations of doing what I want.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live within a 'light at the end of the tunnel' mindset where I believe that if I can get through the tedious, the time consuming, the labor, and/or the boring stuff that something good, gratifying, and/or fulfilling will be there for me when I 'get through it'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become distracted while working on things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act on impulse when I become distracted and physically move myself to change what I am doing without considering time and responsibilities in that moment.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to consider the consequences of me going from one activity to another in any given moment - depending on what interests me most.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to channel all of my self into whatever I am doing to such an extent that I will not be aware of what's going on outside of me, time, and the other responsibilities that must be taken care of it within that day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I 'put my ALL' into something, that I will have a positive result - which in my mind is a desired result of perfection based on something that I have already seen in my external reality that I believe must be emulated.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have become disappointed, frustrated, and/or bored with something that I'm working on if/when/as I have seen that what I am working on does not align with the idea of perfection that I have taken from somewhere in my external world and stored within me as a memory of 'the way it should be'.

And I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk away from what I am working on because I have become disappointed and/or frustrated with the work - from which, I go into my ego and tell myself I'm bored, a waste of my time, or something that I can work on later which I have accepted and allowed as a reasonable excuse or justification to walk away from what I am working on in any given moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stop doing what I have allotted time to do because I either fear that it's not going to come out the way I would like it, because I am not being entertained, or because what I am doing requires a lot of physical application.  And within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stop what I am doing and go off to do whatever interests me, entertains me, and/or suits me best as my mind in any given moment.
 
So, bringing the point back to Force.  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be an Immeasurable Force - where the strength of my actions - what I put the strength of my mind focus, my physical time, and my inner beingness into completing - is not measurable and not countable because I am busy rushing through things and/or not seeing my work through to my utmost potential.

I commit myself to no longer allowing myself to believe that I have a limited amount of time to get things done and I commit myself to no longer allow myself to limit myself with the excuse of time by when and as I see me telling myself how my time is limited, I stop and breath.  Realistically, I see that yes, I only have a certain amount of time with my days to get things done and yes, I have many responsibilities and points to direct within a day - however, I remind myself that this is not an excuse to go into giving up and distracting myself myself within whatever looks entertaining or most productive at the moment.  And so, I commit myself to stay on task - or return to that task after something has come up - within the time I have allotted to that task and to not let myself be distracted because of a positive or negative experience that I may be having as I work on what's required to be done.

I commit myself to no longer allowing myself to be of the mind that there is a 'light at the end of the tunnel' by when and as I see that I am telling or showing myself that cool things that I get to do when I get my work done, I stop and breath.  Firstly, I realize that there is actually rarely a light at the end of the tunnel - the path always leads back to the same place and is in-fact an illusion.  Secondly, I question myself: why do I need something cool and fun to happen? Why do I need to be entertained? Why can't I simply be here with myself working on what I am working on?  Why do I not like what I am doing or the way that I'm doing it?  So, I commit myself to utilize the moments of working on things as a point of self-support to get to stop making the experiences into personal issues and to get to know myself.

I commit myself to unravel myself from my current relationships and experiences with Time by walking the point slowly and seeing myself through the fear, anger, irritation, and frustration with myself and then redefining my physical movement with Time.

I commit myself to STOP allowing myself to be distracted by when and as I see my attention wander away from what I have committed myself to doing to something that I'm seeing is more fun, more cool, or a better use of my time within the day, I stop and breath.  I remind myself of my commitment to stay on task and if/when/as I see what is coming up as 'what I could be doing instead' and requires my attention, I write down the point for myself to direct for when I am done doing or the allotted time for the task is done.  Obviously, within this, I allow myself to be aware and responsive to what's going on in my external environment and allow myself to be understanding and flexible in regards to the others around me and their physical and/or mental requirements throughout the day - I will continue to stand as a point of support.

I commit myself to stop attempting to recreate and emulate into my physical reality what I have allowed myself to see and store as a memory of 'perfection' from my mind's perspective by when and as I see myself telling or showing myself how something I'm doing 'should be' or is 'supposed to be' based on something I have seen or come to believe, I stop and breath.  I do not allow myself to accept this excuse nor do I allow the experience to change me from focusing on what is required to be done nor do I allow this to limit me from doing something and within this doing something, doing it with my utmost potential.  Within this, I commit myself to let go of any mind beliefs or ideas I have about what I am doing, say self-forgiveness as I work, and allow myself to express myself within and as what I am working on.

I commit myself to no longer accepting and allowing the thought, "I can do this later ..." to release me from what I am doing that is required to be done.  And when and as I see that there is a task that can in-fact be done later or is best to be done later, I direct accordingly from a point of self-honesty practicality where I make a plan of when/how I will do something and commit myself to seeing that plan through.

I commit myself to always working on ways of placing my time and focus equally into the things.

And I commit myself to restructuring my time and my focus if/when/as I see myself NOT distributing my time and focus to what's required to be done.

I commit myself to stop attempting to separate myself from what I am doing.

I commit myself to being a Measurable Force where the product of my strong physical movement and action - that which I see through to an utmost potential - can be seen, counted, and measured.

Interesting.