Thursday, May 2, 2013

Day 133: The Helpless Victim - Imagination Dimension

In this blog I am writing Self-Forgiveness for the Imagination Dimension of The Helpless Victim Character that emerged from realizations while walking a traumatic event.  The initial writing out of the dimensions of this character can be read here: Day 129: The Helpless Victim.

Writing from Day 129:
Imagination Dimension In my imagination I see that I lose everything and everyone in my life, that I will be homeless, that I will be broken, that I will be susceptible to much worse abuses, that I will live the rest of my life in regret and shame, that I will become a junkie, a bag-lady, live on the streets, push around a cart, go crazy, lose my teeth, be ignored, be repelling, and eventually die alone under a bridge somewhere.

Imagination Dimension - Self-Forgiveness
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a movie-picture of myself as a homeless person that is broken, susceptible to abuses, living in regret and shame, a junkie, a bag-lady, living on the streets, pushing around a cart, going crazy, losing my teeth, being ignored, be repelled, and eventually dying alone under a bridge somewhere to motivate me to not stand up and make changes that are best.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my Consciousness as pictures within and as my imagination to manipulate myself within and as my mind to do nothing to improve my situation EVEN THOUGH the situation that I have placed myself in, accepted, and allowed is not what is best for myself and others. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my imagination to activate myself as The Helpless Victim character instead of not allowing myself to separate from myself as this character, moving myself, and actually DOING.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as a being that is aware of what is the best course of action and yet, instead of moving myself in this direction and following through, I gave myself up to my mind and used The Helpless Victim character as a front where I see that I cannot be held accountable and responsible.  I have not seen, realized, nor understood that this places me in conflict with myself where I imagine how I could make things better in my living and yet do nothing about it because I also imagine the worst possible case scenario as to scare myself away from actually making any real changes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a polarity between what I could do to change my situation and what could happen if I do change my situation not seeing, realizing and understanding that I am manipulating myself within this positive, 'I could ...' and negative, 'I can't ...' to keep myself from simply breathing, acting, and doing.

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