Day 13: Forecast: Shit-Storm Ahead

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine and see myself within my mind physically acting-out and demonstrating behavior that would compromise myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tell myself that such imaginings where I am compromising myself by not walking the commitments that I have made to myself, are 'okay' - I tell myself within myself as my secret mind that it is okay to compromise myself by acting out behaviors because this is what another outside of myself 'would do'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give myself permission and choice within myself as my mind to behave in a way that would compromise and thus potentially slow down my 7-14 year journey to life by myself creating a shit-storm of consequence that I would have to dig myself out of.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create obstacles for myself because I have allowed myself to give in to the resistance within myself as my mind to not change.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be present within my imaginings of myself within my physical world. When I am not present within my imaginings of myself within my physical world, I am not watching myself, I am not investigating myself, and I am not considering the consequences of the scenarios that I am giving myself permission to participate in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not admit and be honest with myself that myself as being aware is not equal to myself as present. I am aware of what I do within my mind and I do not stop it because I enjoy the physical rush, excitement, and adventure as a result of myself giving myself permission to physically participate in my energy mining mind-fucks. If I had not given myself the choice to not be present in breath and investigating myself, I may have had an opportunity to change and not be required to walk through the consequences of myself where I am/have NOT considering/considered myself and all others outside of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see that the end result of myself extracting 'exciting feelings' from myself to 'feel good, better, and positive' is myself becoming guilty. I did not want to direct myself through potential consequences because I desired to be distracted so that I could make things 'easier' on myself for a moment. Again, I have allowed myself to have a choice to create a thought from which I feel and emote through and as many layers of additional thoughts, memories, and pictures that I have stored within my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT take the opportunity to release myself from the infinite pattern that I have bound myself with and to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react as my Ego as I consider how to fix the situation that I have created because I want the quickest way out of the possible shit-storm ahead. My reaction to save myself from having to face myself as I walk through the potential consequences is to remove, discard, and give away to another what I have created so that I do not have to look, see, and live out what I have created.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize is that by looking at, seeing, and living out the consequences of what I have created, that I am giving myself an opportunity to learn and change. Myself as my Ego does not like the hard road as myself as my Ego live in fear and thus blame of others as unknown, unpredictable, and uncontrollable variables.

Continuing in the next blog.