Bernard Poolman died on Sunday, August
11, 2013. Like many others, I experienced shock and I asked, “How
could this happen?” I had been considering for several weeks what
would happen if he did die and I concluded that it simply would not
happen. I reasoned that he was in good physical condition, that he
took care of his body, and that the world needs him. In my mind, I
imagined that he would be with us here until we were certain that
each being had a life worth living and that until that time, he would
not rest. I imagined that some day, when we get this done, that he
would be free - free to rest and maybe even free from the pain that
he lived with. This was the initial point that emerged when I heard
of Bernard's death and it was shocking because this was not how
imagined it going! This is not the way it was supposed to be! As a
group, we were going to have our happy ending, damnit! No, no, no!
After this, I allowed myself to go into
my thoughts and I got caught up in my dramas for several hours. My
DIP buddy was here for support and the group was writing out their
processes of remaining stable which assisted me in stabilizing
myself. About mid-day today I made the decision to not participate
in the random thoughts that were coming up and the self-pity,
self-judgment, regret, blame, and emotional reactions stopped. None
of my reactions changed anything anyway - I'm still here, I'm still
breathing, Bernard is still dead, and our world still messed up. So,
now what?
I realize that Bernard was a point of
support. He has walked the process of self-forgiveness that we are
now walking so he could see where we're at and give practical
perspective on where we could direct ourselves more effectively.
It's clear that we've been shown all of the tools to give ourselves
this level of support and when and as we face a point that requires
another's perspective, we have each other and the Desteni Forum.
Bernard was really good at showing us
responsible decisions. He's shown us the same points time-and-time
again and in as many ways as possible. It is all here and documented
in the Creations Journey To Life blog and his v-logs. Now we must
walk the points presented and realize them for ourselves.
I realize that any other defined
relationships that I connected to Bernard are points that I must
bring back to and give to myself.
With these realizations, the answer to 'now what?' is: I stand. And here I state my
commitment to the Desteni group, being a part of bringing to reality
a world that is best for all, and continuing with my process of
self-awareness.
So, thanks for the support, direction,
and down-to-earth explanations Bernard. And thanks for the wake-up
call! It was really cool having you here with us.
