This blog is the self-application and self-commitment part of my writing and self-forgiveness process from my previous blog post Day 221: My God ... these lies.
I commit myself to stopping myself from reacting in shock when and as I am faced with lies in regards to the lies I tell myself/told myself and the lies that I am or have been told by when and as I am faced with and/and or hearing lies, I stop and breath until the energy dissipates. I realize that through the years that I have created an automatic physical response to information that doesn't align or match a pattern - that I have automatically been going into fear and within this, injecting myself with adrenaline which makes the experience shocking. So, by breathing, regulating my physical body, and not going into the fear thoughts that are coming up, I commit myself to gradually stop this automatic physical response and thus stop shocking myself.
I commit myself to being aware that the external lies that I am hearing/seeing are not personal and remind myself that what I am hearing/seeing is self-deception being externalized. And within this, I commit myself to when and as I hear/see something that doesn't align, doesn't fit a pattern, and/or is intentionally/unintentionally deceptive - and when I react to it - to breath and mirror it back to myself to support myself to see where I exist within the lie and where it exists within me.
I commit myself to handle the truth of myself and within this, I commit myself to be consistent and disciplined with writing and self-forgiving and thus stop myself from attempting to shut down self-awareness.
I commit myself to utilizing anger as a flag-point for when I am not or have not been self-honest with myself. So, in relation to lies, I commit myself to when and as I am hearing/seeing something that I perceive in my mind as wrong or something that 'people just aren't supposed to do', I will re-direct myself to investigate and deconstruct my belief system.
I commit myself to no longer expect that others purify themselves of lies. And within this, I commit myself to purify myself of lies through writing, self-forgiveness, and self-application. I take responsibility for my transgressions and stop going into stories that I have made up and stop creating new stories as a way of covering up or attempting to save face from what I have accepted and allowed of myself to do/be/become. By living this commitment, I will know that I can trust myself and be honest with myself and others.
I commit myself to stop judging myself for the decisions and actions made and to thus stop threatening myself with imaginations of what would happen if 'anyone finds out'. Instead of judging, threatening, and punishing, I will write it all out, self-forgive myself, self-correct. So, when this stuff comes up in a given moment, I stop, breath, and remind myself to stop torturing myself as this mind behavior hasn't ever kept me from making decisions that aren't best and has never changed me - in-fact, I realize that it actually triggers and perpetuates existing patterns.
I will utilize my commitments here to support myself to stop my reactions to external information and to stop reactions to the internal information that exists within me as my secret mind.
I commit myself to not go into the temptation of confessing or 'spilling my secrets' to an external source by when and as the urge comes up, I stop, breath, remind myself that what I want - to be able to confess in a safe, solid, and stable 'environment' - can only be done with myself with writing and self-forgiveness. I realize that the idea of external forgiveness is not realistic.