Day 202: Beliefs About Good and Evil and My Loss of Morality

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that the way the world functions is the opposite of how I have come to believe it functions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that positive thoughts and deeds - the good and the righteous - are rewarded in this world. And I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the negative thoughts and deeds - the bad and the evil - are punished. 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that evil attracts what I have placed a lot of positive value in - like, money, control, power, and safety.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place value in things that create the worst possible consequences and have placed less value on things that create the best possible outcomes.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to put 1 and 1 together when I have heard that 'money is evil' and that 'like attracts like'.  

On the same note, I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that in homeopathic terms with 'like cures like' and how money is attracted to evil - that the initial cure for evil is money - where all must be provided with money in order to begin the healing process.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand the depth of the meaning of these Words -> this world and the systems that exist here are a direct reflection of ourselves. 

I have come to realize that this world, how it is set up, and the beliefs about what life is and what it should be are who we are. This is why we have not questioned it, why we have not taken responsibility for it, and why we have not changed it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am not evil and that I am separate from evil and those that do evil in the world.

And I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that the key to me seeing that everything is the opposite of what I have believed it to has always been right here in the very Word Evil - which is Live spelled backwards.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in polarity between myself as my mind showing me the truth of myself as Evil and my beliefs supporting the idea that I have been Good.

I forgive myself that I have fragmented my mind in my pursuit to see only the good and righteousness in myself, others, and the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a Spiritual Personality where, within and as this personality, I attempt to live out my delusions of myself being good while seeing all others as bad or at fault. All the while, I have secretly known my actual nature and how I have been the one at fault - and I have feared this being seen or exposed. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as good when I do the good things that I have learned and/or have come to believe are good.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as evil when I do things that I have learned and/or have come to believe are evil.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live out my relationship with Good and Evil that I have created in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that there may be something for myself and this world beyond the confines of good and evil. 

And I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see the potential to create and move on this because I have been entertained with this Good and Evil play-out and have found comfort in how it has gone unchanged.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that my attempts to be Good, as per my accepted and allowed pre-definition of Good, has all been in separation. Where, I have only acted on self-interest within the belief that Being Good will make a positive impression on the things and people that I have seen as more powerful and/or the authority of myself - and that this Good Impression will result in positive rewards for me. Within this, I have imagined that I am appreciated, respected, and that I will receive Good Things In Return from my others and the external world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the negative polarity of 'fuck it', going head first into my Evil nature, and wanting do everything in my power to harm or create problems for others upon the realization that my whole life and my desire to do good by others has been a lie.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for me not getting anywhere with them - for my efforts that have gone unseen, unnoticed, unappreciated and unrewarded. As if they did this to me, they are the Evil one, and they are the enemy. 

And I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this blame to fuel my already suppressed anger to the point where I am completely consumed by rage. And because I suffered from a loss of self when I lost my morality, I considered for a moment to embrace being evil and doing the things that the most evil people in this world do and benefiting from those actions - because no one cares about me so why should I care about them? 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and go into guilt and remorse after the energy had disapated and I was able to see my starting point and the decisions I had made from that starting point of fear and anger.

I forgive myself that I had not allowed myself to see that what I showed myself about myself was absolutely necessary for me to understand myself and my responsibility for why this world is in the state that it is in - and within this, what is required to be changed.

Day 201: They and Them - Powerful and Wealthy Elite

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have been using the words 'they' and 'them' in reference to an elite individual and/or a group of elite individuals that make decisions for this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to address individuals as 'they' and 'them' rather than using their given names, positions and/or professions in the world system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to call the elite individuals who make the decisions 'they' and 'them' because I have not researched who exactly these elite people with power and money are.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to express 'they' and 'them' in such a way as to make it seem like these powerful elite individuals are the enemy of myself, my fellow human beings and the earth.

I forgive myself that I have labeled 'them' and 'they' that make the decisions as evil, demonic, satanic, criminals, and/or other words that I have defined as 'the worst of the worst kind of humans' - and within my doing this, I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to investigate who these individuals are, their histories, how they came to be, what is important to them, what they do care for, and what is it about themselves that is driving them to think, speak, and act in ways that are not best for all.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to give myself the opportunity to get to know the powerful elite that are making the decisions - and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to reject the opportunity to get to know myself better through getting to know those who I have accepted and allowed to make decisions on my behalf.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from those that make the decisions by naming the powerful elite 'they' and 'them' and 'those people'. I have seen them as being completely separate from me as if they are not human, do not have families or people they take care of, do not have their own minds to face, and do not have to live with the consequences of their decisions day in and day out.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed the individuals that I call 'them' and 'they' to be equal to myself and within this, I forgive myself that I have seen myself as either inferior or superior to these individuals that are currently making decisions for the world. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place blame on these individuals that I refer to as 'they' and 'them' for the horrible state of this world. How can I place blame when I have allowed it from the beginning? How can I place blame when I have refused to stand up and take responsibility for myself, my fellow human beings, and this planet that we share? How can I place blame when I am self-honest about my nature (programmed and pre-programmed) and can see that I probably would have made the same exact decisions - the decisions that I have not liked and have not been comfortable with - if I were in 'their' shoes and had not been walking this process of self-integrity, self-respect, and understanding what it means to make a decision that all can live with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become angry at 'them' - so angry in-fact that I won't use their real names and/or use my anger as an excuse to not do the research.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought, "they are evil and not worth my time," to exist within and as me.

And I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine what horrific acts these individuals could inflict upon me if I were to find out something that I shouldn't know or were to actually be in communication in some way with these elite, super wealthy, and powerful individuals.

Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe what I have been seeing in the media and to fear that what I have been seeing could happen to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed what I have seen in the media -   in regards to those in power that make the decisions - to feed my fear of death and within this, influence the decisions that I have made in any given moment.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see that those who are making decisions are just as fearful as I am because the starting point for desiring control is fear - the fear of the unknown.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that those who have money are either from a family that has done the work or they themselves have done the work required to place themselves and those they are responsible for in a position of financial security.

And I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to place myself in the shoes of these elite families and individuals who have had to do horrific acts of abuse and other crimes against humanity in order to ensure that their family, the future generations of their family and those that they are responsible for can have a life free of financial worries and all of the mental and emotional issues that come with not having money.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that the super powerful elite have been enslaved within/as/to the same system of money that I have been.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to demand that 'they', the wealthy and super powerful criminals in this world be held accountable when I have not yet held myself accountable for the decisions I have made that have had serious and brutal negative consequences for others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to automatically go into judgment of these individuals rather than looking at, dissecting, and stopping myself from going into my morality system, my beliefs, my emotional and feeling reactions, my thoughts, my imaginations, my projections and my reactions. 

I realize that if I had looked at what I was seeing clearly with practicality, I would have instead seen a problem and began working on common sense solutions that could benefit all of us. And if I had taken responsibility for myself from the beginning, I would not have gone into blame and could have had the potential to have a say. Further, if I had not allowed myself to react emotionally, I would have had the confidence in myself to make the connections and build relationships with the people who are a part of the decision making process so that I could have participated and contributed to a process of change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and then regret not waking up to my responsibility earlier and within this, using this as an excuse to self-sabotage myself and a reason to self-victimize myself which has as only kept me locked into this pattern of blame and anger that I have been working on releasing myself from.

I realize that I really didn't know better before walking my process with Desteni - in fact, there's a lot I hadn't put together until a few days ago. So within this realization, I commit myself to continue walking, investigating, making connections, and putting things together - and I allow myself to let go of how I have handled things in the past and allow myself to enjoy my self-discovery process.

I commit myself to investigate all things - which, at the moment, means to see what I've separated myself from, seeing how all exist within/as me, see how all these things and people have come into being.

I commit myself to stop separating myself from individuals or groups that are the wealthy and powerful elite that make decisions for this world.

Within this, I commit myself to stop blaming and being angry toward those that have been making decisions in the world by when and as I see that I am reacting, I stop and breath. I bring the points of blame and anger back to myself, allow myself to instead see my responsibility, see how I am the same and forgive myself.

I commit myself to stop creating enemies for myself to exert my anger onto. And in addition to taking responsibility for my anger with self-forgiveness and self-correction, I commit myself to push myself to go from problems to creative solutions to assist and support me with letting go of my self-anger and self-blame.

I commit myself to no longer going into inferiority or superiority when and as I see, am faced with, and/or am in the presence of those that have vast amounts of money and power by when and as I see that I am comparing myself to others, I stop and breath. I realize that this comparing leads to judgment, reactions, delusions and thoughts/communications/actions that are not best for anyone. So, instead of going into the mind-pattern, I allow myself to breath, be present, be clear of reactions, and able to respond.

I commit myself to stopping myself from going into imaginations and anticipation when in the presence of others to further assist and support me with my anxiety and fear of others by when and as I see that I am imagining or comparing what's going on or potential outcomes, I stop and breath.  In the moment of interracting with others that trigger certain imaginations or anticipations, I make a note of it for myself to look at later, I do not go into it, and I let it go for the moment. I realize that I cannot control how things will go while I am interracting with others.

An additional solution that I see for myself is to utilize the moments when my imaginations, anticipations, anger and blame are triggered during my self-education process. Here, I commit myself to go to writing, self-forgiveness and self-correction.