Friday, March 20, 2015

Day 206: Preparing Myself To Be Forgiving and Understanding

Here are self-correction and self-commitment statements from realizations that I've had during the past month or so after having some brief communication with someone who claimed to be famous.  During the process, I found that I had not equipped and/or prepared myself with a way of dealing with what was coming up for me on a personal level, so the the purpose of these last few blogs were to do that for myself in the event that a similar opportunity comes up again.

For context, see Day 204: How I Became Hard and Uncaring and Day 205: How I Became Hard and Uncaring - Self-Forgiveness

I commit myself to stopping myself from processing new information in my mind by when and as I am taking in or taking on new information, I stop, I breath, and write the points that are being presented.  Within this, I direct myself to side-note any fears, thoughts, backchats, reactions, and points that I am attempting to separate myself from.

When and as I see that I am becoming uncomfortable with experiences, information, and/or others beliefs, I stop and I breath.  Instead of going into my mind on these these things and cross-referencing in my mind whether something I am hearing or seeing is 'right' or 'wrong', I write down or take note of what's coming up and what I have connected that information as both a point of support for me sorting it out later and so that I can get what's coming up 'off my plate' for the moment and focus on what's going on - and not go into my thoughts, ideas, beliefs, and judgments.

I commit myself to not suppress what's coming up for thoughts and reactions - as I will make notes and in-fact be sorting them later.  I commit myself to stop attempting to disregard or take these moments of seeing and becoming equal-to myself for granted.

I commit myself to no longer allowing myself to 'get lost' in denial by stopping the blame and projection - and by taking responsibility.

I commit myself to stop attempting to be an idea that I have of myself in my mind and allow myself to sort out and come to terms with who I actually have become - and from here, look at whether or not my ideal for myself is possible and practical then apply myself accordingly to either let go of the idea or realize it for myself.

I commit myself to be here, hearing, and seeing when and as I am in communication with others by when and as I see that I am going into my mind as the thoughts come up, I stop and breath.  I remind myself that I physically cannot hear when I am in my thoughts and that my ability to see what's being said is limited.  I continue breathing and remaining here - when the communication is written, I take a moment to make notes of what's coming up -- when it's one-on-one or in a group setting, I make a 'mental note' then I bring my attention and focus back to the people with me.

I commit myself to stop demanding and/or having expectations that others take responsibility for what they're doing or what they have done by when and as I become angry at what another is doing or has been doing, I stop and breath.  I realize that I am wanting them to take responsibility for something that I have yet faced and/or taken responsibility myself for.  Further, I realize that they probably aren't aware of what they are doing as they do not have the tools and support to sort these things out like I do.  So, instead of going into anger and blame, I forgive and within this, understand.  I realize that it doesn't make everything 'okay', however, I can better assist and support myself and others from a point of understanding rather than a point of reacting.

I commit myself to stop utilizing anger as a way to separate myself from others and instead utilize anger to bring these parts of myself back to myself.

I commit myself to stop the looooooooooong play-out patterns of taking things personal - and within this, stop going through the motions of coming up with words to justify my self-beliefs and self-definitions.  I allow myself to NOT speak if I am not yet able to communicate my own living words.

I commit myself to writing out a timeline of my childhood history and to walk myself through the points that are still triggering some reactions, self-conflict, and confusion that I have been facing recently.

I commit myself to stop attempting to shake things up and/or agitate people by when and as the urge comes up to start speaking or writing information and knowledge from the starting point of shocking people, trying to screw with them or get them to see things my way, I stop and breath.  I see that I have been the one that is shaken up and agitated - and that I have been attempting to make others be the same as to abdicate my responsibility.  I realize that if I am reacting in any way, that whatever I say or do isn't going to change anything or anyone's perspective on things. Instead of throwing a temper tantrum and trying to stir things up, I will focus on stabilizing myself, becoming equal-to these things that have gotten me all wound up, changing how I have been, becoming what I will be, and expressing myself from this position of stability and change.

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