Day 173: Can it really wait until later?

In this blog I am continuing with self-correction and self-commitment statements from Day 172: Procrastination & Laziness.

When and as I see that I am not physically moving myself within opportunities to become self-disciplined, self-willed, and self-motivated to get things done, I stop and breathe. I realize that is in the moment where something can get done that I have the opportunity to will myself to do it and within this, I will show myself that self-discipline, self-will, and self-motivation are not simply ideas, imaginations in my mind and/or ways of being that are separate from me and instead real, actual physical living expressions of my potential.

I commit myself to move on and within opportunities where I can practice self-discipline, self-will, and self-motivation by when and as I see something in the moment that can be done to do it in that moment.

When and as I see that I am telling myself that I can do something later, I will do something at a better time, that I have plenty of time to get things done, and/or things that require to be done can wait, I stop and breathe. I realize that within these words I am waiting for some date in the future to get things done and as I wait, I become bored and will decide on activities to entertain myself with while I am waiting my time out. This makes no practical, realistic sense for me to put myself on hold and place myself in a holding-pattern while I wait for something that most likely won't manifest in the future when I could simply move myself to get it done here in this moment.

I commit myself to when and as moments come up that I can move myself to get things done - my assignments, my chores, and other responsibilities - to simply do them and no longer accept and allow myself to give myself over to my voice, as my mind, where I tell myself that these things can wait. I remind myself of the future-projection, waiting, boredom, and entertainment pattern/habit that I have allowed myself to be caught up in and how this has limited me - and from here, PUSH myself to stop and break-out of this pattern/habit and commit myself to physically moving myself into and as my utmost physical potential.

When and as I see myself looking at my chores, my responsibilities, my assignments, and/or my projects through my minds-eyes, as indicated by me seeing a huge accumulation, experiencing a too-muchness and/or telling myself that it is 'too late' for me to work on what must be done, I stop and breathe. I realize that these chores, responsibilities, assignments, and projects that I have allowed to accumulate are what they are - they are simply areas in my living that require a solution - where, the solution is my actual physical movement and applying myself.

I commit myself to stopping looking at my chores, responsibilities, assignments, projects and other tasks through my minds-eyes by when and as I see these tasks as HUGE/more/bigger/greater-than myself and my ability, reminding myself of my tendency to project small points requiring to be directed into BIG problems. Within this, I commit myself to stop the excuses and to stop making it easy for myself to move away, ignore, and/or attempt to hide from what is required to be done and instead will myself into physical action to work on and take care of chores, responsibilities, assignments, projects and other tasks.

When and as I see that I am looking for, attempting to access and/or pulling up excuses, reasons and/or inner-dialogue responses for me allowing myself to go into a mind and physical state of depression because what I perceive to be an overwhelming accumulation of things that are required to be done, I stop and breathe. I realize that my apparent depression is a cover-up for me just not wanting to do something and me simply being lazy. Instead of me being honest with myself about this laziness, seeing that it's not best for me or anyone else and making changes in how I make moment-to-moment and day-to-day situations, I actually -make- myself pity myself and 'feel bad' for myself.

I commit myself to no longer look for, attempt to access, and/or pull up reasons from within me as to why I am overwhelmed and thus apparently allowed to go into depression, self-pity, and 'feeling bad' for myself. By slowing myself down, breathing, and observing myself, I can see myself going into these kinds of inner-dialogues and see that it's an act - a cover-up, a drama, a temper tantrum - to hide the fact that I do not want to do something. So, from here, I make the decision to no longer accept and allow myself to act out the lies and I will myself to stop being lazy by applying myself. There are no more excuses here.

When and as I see that I am considering waiting around for something to happen that will change me and/or imagining a future-projection of myself as a person that has the self-discipline and self-will to get a task done later that could just as easily be done here and now, I stop and breathe. I realize I can't wait around to be some imaginary person who's miraculously developed self-discipline and where I have used these miraculous skills to get everything done in some imaginary living experience in the future. I realize that this isn't going to 'just happen' for myself and that I must actively practice and physically develop self-discipline and self-will for myself. There is no 'Later' - 'Later' is an illusion.

I commit myself to stop placing myself into projections of who/what I imagine myself to be in the future - and within this, I commit myself to stop waiting around for something to happen that will change me. I see that I would like to be a person that is self-disciplined and self-willed - this is what I want for myself as I see that self-discipline and self-will will assist and support me with walking out of self-limitation and walking into my potential. I commit myself to practice and thus physically develop self-discipline and self-will for myself DAILY where if I see a commitment, responsibility, task, project, and/or activity come up that can physically be done/worked-on in that moment, I will myself to do it and to no longer accept and allow myself to put it off for Later.

Day 153: The Writing Ho-Hums

Over the past couple of weeks, I have had a great amount of resistance to writing.  I have been experiencing 'blankness' where I would usually have something to write about at all times.  Many of the points that emerge throughout my day are either being directed or have easy, practical solutions.  For the other points, I tell myself that it may not be best to share and that it would be better for everyone if I walked these points in private.

In general, I have not been motivated to push myself.  Like the wind is out my sails.  I did not realize until recently how much I have relied on others to keep me motivated - and now I see just how much I have been relying on others to do this for me when that outside motivational support is no longer here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into my resistance to writing.  I accepted my 'blankness' and/or told myself that it would 'go away' and that I would be back to myself with topics to write about again.  I thought that I needed a break - that, maybe if I took a breather that I would soon have many things to write out and about.  So, the days passed and nothing changed - I did not have any 'pressing' points emerge that I felt a desire to write about.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to go deeper into my process of understanding myself because of fear.  Fear of what others will think, fear that I'm not directing 'new' points effectively, and fear that the things that I would like to write about will cause backchat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself as hard as I was pushing before because my relationships and daily living have become very stable where I am now able to support my family and others in a way that is best and I'm self-supporting myself with practical, common sense solutions.  I have been so accustomed to everything being a shit-storm during my existence and using this as my only point of self-motivation that when and as there is no longer uncontrollable chaos and turmoil in my immediate world, I see no reason to have to change anything else.  If it 'ain't broke, don't fix it', right?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into the fear of not being liked or causing problems/discomfort with others instead of not allowing this fear to influence me and to continue writing regardless.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that my desire to keep the darker stuff about myself private is in-fact me not wanting to expose this stuff to myself.  Why open up a can of worms when I've finally gotten some relief?